Dec 14 2006, 04:06 PM
It so happened that my husband now works in Moscow and lives there, and he comes to St. Petersburg once a month for a few days. We cannot live with him, because... We don’t have our own apartment in Moscow, and therefore we don’t have a registration, and with such a small child it’s simply not possible to live in Moscow without a registration.
I know that it’s impossible to change the situation now, but all the same, when my husband leaves every night I hug his pillow and cry, cry...
I know that somehow I need to maintain peace of mind, because we are on breastfeeding and my anxiety can be transmitted to the baby, but I can’t help it.
Maybe someone can tell me how to distract myself...
Pasha's mom
Dec 14 2006, 04:19 PM
It will only go away with time. My husband and I also had a period when we lived in different cities, I cried and lost 8 kg in a month. But how great it was when he came. Time passed, I calmed down, now this is no longer the case. I worry a little if he leaves and that’s it.
Alexandra
Dec 14 2006, 04:30 PM
We already live like this more than a year. At most, we were together for 1.5 months, and it happens that we see each other for 1.5 days in 2 months. Of course it’s hard at first, but then you get used to it. You are busy with your child, your routine and time flies.
And then, for example, the forum saves me, I get distracted by communication.
And I always reassure myself with a generally stupid thought - the wives of sailors sometimes do not see their husbands for years.
Bulb
Dec 14 2006, 05:30 PM
Why don't you have registration? If renting an apartment is expensive, that's one thing. What does this registration give you? You are not assigned...
I lived like this in Moscow for a year, without a child, and now we are registered 500 km from here. It’s true that I already have my own apartment, but I won’t be able to get to the housing office to get a registration - I won’t be able to walk up the steps with my kids, and my husband works. Well, a gag with her, with registration. She looks kind of purple to me:-|
Dec 14 2006, 06:05 PM
Previously, I lived in Moscow without a registration, I first had to go here every month to the LCD to get a birth certificate, then I got tired of the “goodwill” of my doctor in the LCD and began to be seen in Moscow at the Center for Obstetrics and Gynecology, and there was no need to travel , but when I felt bad at 21 weeks, I called an ambulance and they told me that then hysterics began, and I had to call a paid ambulance. My baby is still just a baby, what if something happens and at the moment we don’t have money for a paid ambulance (anything can happen), and doctor’s observation also costs a lot now, but here almost everything is free.
We rent an apartment, now my husband lives there alone.
How do you visit doctors?!
Dec 14 2006, 06:09 PM
Yes, but many are still starving, wandering, etc. And yesterday I went to the site of abandoned children, I slept very poorly at night, so all this deeply touched me...
It’s even worse for many, but that doesn’t make it any easier for me...
Dec 14 2006, 06:12 PM
But I already have nowhere to lose weight, and at 43 kg, I can completely dissolve...
And today we have a storm warning, the wind is terrible, so I walked and held on to the stroller so that it wouldn’t get carried away
Bulb
Dec 14 2006, 06:34 PM
What did they tell you? I was picked up by a regular ambulance, pregnant, without any problems, 2 times... and they gave me a birth certificate, although it was already issued at the maternity hospital.
and she was in the hospital here for safekeeping...do you have an insurance policy?
Alexandra
Dec 14 2006, 07:20 PM
Actually, Light Bulb is right, if you and your child have a compulsory medical insurance policy, any ambulance is obliged to come and treat you, just like in clinics for children, in any case, you only need a policy, you don’t need a registration. On the contrary, I was observed in St. Petersburg without registration, received a certificate and gave birth, and then patronage came to us, etc. and so on.
Now you want to be pitied. I sympathize with you. Is it true. Because I know HOW hard it is.
BUT! It's time to grow up. It's time to make responsible decisions, it's time to learn to be strong. You need to learn to accept the situation as it is and not to bite yourself, but to do something. Occupational therapy, you know, has never harmed anyone.
Bulb
Dec 15 2006, 12:16 AM
But I can’t separate from my husband. We were forced to live separately for a year (six months after the wedding) - I didn’t want to live (I didn’t have a child yet). My husband lived in Moscow, I am 500 km away. And we moved together to Moscow and decided that we would be together - despite and despite.
Today my mother-in-law left as a guest - I’ve been crying for three hours... And you say husband - I don’t know how to leave at all.
Alexandra
Dec 15 2006, 12:37 AM
Light bulb, but you made the decision, no matter what, you moved. You just need to understand that there is no such thing as without difficulties.
I’m now also counting the days until I move in with my husband. To the village, with a stove, no running water for now, and the rest of the full range of amenities. Spit! The main thing is nearby. Of course it’s bad without him, who can argue, but you can’t be sour, especially when you have a baby in your arms. Children feel everything.
In the maternity hospital, the day before discharge, I sat with my son in my arms and cried, and my husband was leaving and I knew that we would not see each other for the next 3 months. Everything just broke down inside me. And then there was my first terrible night with the baby, when I couldn’t understand what was happening, and he screamed like crazy. Then the midwife sternly told me “get a grip, otherwise you’ll lose your milk.” How it cut right away.
Life just teaches us how to be strong. We must accept this.
Dec 15 2006, 12:47 AM
Regarding registration. We lived in a rented apartment. When I gave birth to a child, they asked me where we actually lived, and without asking for registration, we were assigned to the nearest clinic. They served us there like everyone else.
As for pregnancy, I went under a paid policy, but when it came to the hospital for preservation (this was not included in the policy), they first admitted me, and then asked for documents, but very politely. And at the same time, I had neither registration, nor residence permit, nor Russian citizenship... I was treated humanely everywhere...
Another thing is that renting an apartment in Moscow is very expensive... maybe it will be cheaper to travel back and forth...
Dec 15 2006, 01:46 AM
Thank you all for not just reading, but communicating with me, I need it now!!
And in the ambulance they said that before you had to think when a pregnant woman was traveling to Moscow that anything could happen, and now you shouldn’t call an ambulance, tear people away, that’s exactly what they said!!
I said that I have a St. Petersburg policy, they advised me to go somewhere with him, although then they switched to an obstetric ambulance (maybe they were afraid that I would complain), in which they told me to calm down and not worry, from high temperature they say, if you don’t die, you better go to bed!! Maybe there was such a change. And now the rheumatologist told me that my baby, most likely because of that disease, has an extra chord in her heart, not a defect, of course, but she still has some limitations in life!!
Thank you, Alexandra, for your support!! Occupational therapy really doesn't hurt, when the baby was only a month old I started working...really very distracting!!
milira, but apparently I was just unlucky, they only treated me well at the Obstetrics Center, but I was also observed there for a fee...
But in fact, I just understand that we don’t know when we will be able to live together, so I’m worried, if I knew for sure, then I would probably be able to wait a couple of years...
Pasha's mom
Dec 15 2006, 01:16 PM
Regisha, so you determine this period. For example, when the baby turns one year old, you will live together and try with all your might to make this possible by this time, or even better, early. In order to live with my husband, I had to go to college, it didn’t even matter where, just to get into it. And so it happened.
Dec 15 2006, 03:19 PM
Thank you, I’ll come up with a more or less realistic deadline and wait!! What worries me is that I’m not sitting idly by and being depressed, that everything is bad, but it will be even worse, no, I’m working to be with my husband, but I’m just in a state of depression, sadness getting stronger every day.. .
Pasha's mom
Dec 17 2006, 08:06 PM
No problem, just be patient a little. Everything will pass and it will not be so acute. But then, with any quarrel or resentment towards your husband, you will remember the time when you lived separately, how you missed each other, and by God, after such memories, everything else fades into the background and you begin to understand that love is the main thing, and that’s all the rest is bullshit. Hang in there, it will get better soon
Dec 17 2006, 09:22 PM
Regisha, be patient a little. My friend from work lived like this for more than a year. Moreover, the distance between her and her husband was quite large, almost 2000 km (Chelyabinsk region - Moscow). That is, when I went on maternity leave, I left for my hometown. and the husband remained in Moscow. And they lived like this until the baby was one year old. My husband came for a few days every two months, and she came to Moscow with her one-year-old son.
And everything will be fine with you, you just have to get through this time. Good luck!
Polishka28
Dec 18 2006, 01:07 PM
Girls, I may be misunderstanding something... but how is this possible? See your husband once a month, or even less? What happens is that he came, made a baby, and left again? And you sit here yourself, don’t sleep at night, miss him? Excuse me, of course...but what is the problem with jobs in St. Petersburg? I won't believe it in my life. I generally live in a small town in Rostov region, Rostov is 60 km from us, but it would never have occurred to my husband to go there to work and leave me with a small child... and visit once a month himself. Even here you can find a normal, paid job...I'm not even talking about St. Petersburg. This seems absurd to me. But that's my opinion. And for men who work this way it’s very convenient......for now Small child no worries, the wife will do everything, and when she finally returns, the child is already an adult.
Regisha, have you tried talking to your husband about changing jobs? To say how difficult it is for you alone, without him. I perfectly understand your condition, because for the first month I had terrible depression, I wanted to throw myself out of the window, and if it weren’t for my husband...then...I clung to him so much, like some kind of saving straw. And I can’t imagine what would have happened to me if he had not been there at such a moment.
Good luck and patience.....if the situation cannot be changed.
My husband lost his highly paid job (a unique program programmer). The same can be found only in Moscow. What kind of life will it be - always on flights, weeks away from home? And then, we are quite young, we are 28 years old, and it will be physiologically difficult for us not to see each other for weeks. And the second thing that worries me very much: my husband says that in almost all the cities he goes to, prostitutes are very under attack. Most people simply call the room by phone and ask to order their services, and he says that it’s good if you can turn off the phone, but what if you can’t turn off the phone? I trust him, there is no reason not to trust him, but all the same - eternal hotels, foreign cities and how to organize your life in such a case, how to live?
Alla, Kyiv, 28 years old / 07/03/07
Our experts' opinions
Alyona
So far you haven’t organized it in any way, as far as I understand. At the moment, all you are doing is figuring out how your husband can still earn a lot of money and you can stay in Kyiv. But this is only one option out of many. You can find a job that is not “the same”, even if it is less money at first, but in your hometown. The two of you can go to Moscow and try your luck there together as a family, especially since you’re not talking about children, which means they most likely don’t exist yet. You can live with a husband who is always on business trips, believe me. But the third option, indeed, does not benefit the relationship, even if both the husband and wife do not cheat on each other and do not seek temporary solace in the arms of others while they are away from each other. Family is still more than just living together and regular sex. By the way, in our family there was a period of several years when my husband worked in one city and we lived in another. And it ended in divorce. Thank God it’s “not forever.” After weighing all the pros and cons, I left my job (believe me, it was very prestigious for the city in which we lived, and very interesting and creative), and followed my husband. And then there were rented rooms, rented apartments, proving to employers that I could do something. But everything worked out thanks to the support of my husband. We were 28 years old then. So if my husband was now faced with moving to another city again, and even for a well-paid job, for me the question would not be “how will we manage - he is there, and I am here.” I would pack my things again and go after him. Work, career - it's all great. But there are much more important things in life. If, of course, your relationship is worth suffering temporary inconveniences for. At 28 years old, you can have time to make a career in Moscow, if you are worth something. So your only problem so far is that you’re not even thinking about the option of moving with your husband. And he, obviously, does not think about the option of looking for another job, but next to you. So figure out why this happens.
Sergey
Well, to be honest, in my opinion, in this situation, life will not exist very soon. No. I'm telling you this from experience. As a person who spent almost 5 years on business trips, I responsibly declare that a young family most likely will not withstand such a test. So, I think there are two options. Either you go to Moscow with your husband and get a job in the capital together for the period of work, or your husband looks for a job at his place of registration, that is, at home. Otherwise, everything may turn out to be meaningless. That is, if work is needed for the family to live well, then this is not the option. No matter how much the husband earns in Moscow, constant trips and long separations will kill the relationship very quickly. And in that case, why do such work? It seems to me that a talented and simply smart programmer will be able to secure a job anywhere. Therefore, I think that you need, first of all, to look for work in Ukraine. Or, if you really want to, and it seems to me that this is mainly a matter of my husband’s desire to work in Moscow, then sit down and seriously think about how and where you will settle down at the place of his new job.
Even a psychologist cannot say unequivocally whether it is necessary to save the family if the husband works in another city. The decision is made in everyone special case have to do it on your own. We need to start with the motivation for leaving. What motivates the half who left? Necessity or love of adventure?
Nowadays, long-distance marriage has become widespread. The reasons for such a union are different: the spouses cannot move in together because they have to care for aging parents, they do not want to lose a profitable job, conditions in one city are better than in another, for example, in the presence of a gymnasium for children. There are also families that do not consciously move towards living together.
Can such a family be called a family in the full sense of the word? Yes, this is definitely a family. Let us recognize as families those in which husbands work as sea captains, and wives as conductors or flight attendants.
Moreover, such families have a lot of positive things in their relationships.
Spouses do not have time to tire of each other, do not blame each other for incorrectly solving everyday problems, realizing that they can only rely on themselves. Every meeting is a holiday.
Moreover, you can communicate every day. Download the Skype program and admire your dear face.
But... a year or two of this life, and feelings cool down. I want banal human warmth and living feelings. When you are sick, a picture will not make tea or pick up your child from kindergarten.
Sometimes you want unplanned sex. And feelings gradually fade away, even if they are supported by constant conversations and love vows - people simply begin to lose the habit of each other.
What to do in such a situation?
If possible, meet more often, even at the expense of your financial condition. Let the separations be as short as possible. During conversations on Skype or the phone, not only swear your love, but also tell your significant other what happened on the way to work, home, and talk about everyday little things, so as not to completely lose the habit of each other.
There are people who are lonely in life. For them, long-distance marriage is the way out. It is enough for them to realize that somewhere there is someone who thinks about you and whom you care about. Even very close people are not ready to let such people in. If the spouse is from a similar category, there is no need to get together.
Don't torment yourself with needless jealousy. It’s impossible to do anything, just like checking, why waste precious communication time on suspicions? Do not reproach each other when meeting, try to fill them with spiritual and physical intimacy as much as possible. If you have children, then be sure to have conversations with them on the topic: “Mom loves, she just needs it. . ", "Dad loves you very much, but...”
It happens that, tired of such relationships, spouses find support in relationships on the side. But this is not the rule. They also cheat in those marriages where the husband and wife not only live together, but also work side by side. This behavior does not depend on the frequency of meetings.
However, you can’t be apart for very long. When a husband works in another city for a long time, and then the family reunites, the spouses may find that such a life does not suit them at all.
They have become complete strangers, they have their own habits that are very difficult to break. Having a significant other in the house all the time is annoying.
So, should we move away again, or rent an apartment in a neighboring building and live as two families?
If there is love, then rapprochement is possible. There is no need to force events; you need to approach each other in small steps.
Is your wife out of the habit of constantly cooking food in large quantities? Should I help her with cooking or invite her to a restaurant?
Has your husband lost the habit of telling you that he is late at work? You need to be more tolerant of such actions and not make a scene. You can schedule some activities for the evening in advance and involve the children in them.
If there is love, then the habit will return. If she doesn’t exist, you’ll have to decide with your head whether it’s worth maintaining such a relationship, or whether it’s better to break up and not torment each other.
A long-distance marriage is different from a guest marriage. A form of "guest marriage" when the spouse is within the reach of the person. If you really need it, you can call. In a long-distance marriage, you can only rely on yourself, and you get mentally tired of it.
If your husband works in another city, maybe it’s worth going after him or transferring him closer to you, even if you lose financially? It’s not for nothing that one of the ancient sages said that love requires presence. This may sound a little cynical, but it is very true.
Before you move in with a man, read this!
It often happens that in search of happiness, a woman decides to move to her beloved man in another city or even in another country. This serious decision is not made immediately, especially if we're talking about about adults who have achieved something and have something. But, unfortunately, as a rule, women, when making a decision, think only about their feelings or his feelings. We can - we can’t, we love - we don’t love, we save - we won’t save... Thinking only about preserving the relationship, a woman almost never thinks about the standard of living, about its quality, which she will have in a new place. If a man is not a beggar and he has good job, decision-making is simplified - we can handle it, a woman in love thinks, a year and a half after meeting, as she packs her bags.
At the same time, I’m talking about those women who have something to leave. This is a stable job, family, adults, but also children, elderly parents, brothers and sisters, friends, personal connections and connections of friends, gynecologist-cosmetologist-dentist, sport Club not far from the house, the ski slope is ten minutes away in winter, in summer - “weekends” in nature, on your favorite sea - best place on the ground, a bathhouse with a group of people once every couple of weeks, trips to the theater and cinema, gatherings in a bar with best friends“a la Sex in big city”, a seething life, “built” over the years.
So, what comes in a new place, when the chemistry of feelings ends and ordinary life begins? What did I do wrong? What should not have been allowed under any circumstances... More on that below.
1. Civil marriage
No moving to a man in another city without formal marriage! Do you leave everything you had and go to a new place with him just to live? A year or two, and then, if it doesn’t work out, come back and start all over again? Can you afford it? Then - please. Or are you still going to the man of your dreams to live happily ever after and die on the same day? More likely this than the first. Then check this issue before you start packing.
“Darling, shall we formalize the relationship?” “No, what are you... I just want to live with you and see how useful you will be to me... And the fact that you left everything for me is normal, I’m incredibly cool, just being with me is an incredible honor for you and is worth your whole life and the life of your family. Besides, I will definitely give you food...”
It all depends on the source data. If you live in a city landfill outside the city somewhere in the Khakassian steppes, your home is a TV box, and you eat right there in the landfill, taking food from the crows, then maybe “moving to ANOTHER city” will be useful for you. You will have a roof over your head, a refrigerator, a comfortable toilet, a bathroom... In this case, you probably shouldn’t count on an official marriage with that kind man who gave you shelter. What if your situation is different?
Your decision to move is a bomb. This is an absolute renunciation of everything you had before this decision. Do you give everything for someone to try to live with you? And he doesn't want to take any responsibility for it? Neither before God, nor before the law.
If he didn’t meet you at the airport in polished shoes, in a suit and with a rose in his mouth and didn’t take you straight to the registry office, immediately turn around and fly back.
A! He meets you in shorts, a T-shirt and, scratching his belly, says: “Come on faster, I didn’t park the car, let’s run...”. Immediately turn around and fly back.
Official marriage, whatever one may say, is registration in a new place, the right to property that you will buy and build together, this is the protection of your future, which both of you, of course, now see together, and much more. Does he think differently? Immediately turn around and fly back.
2. Medical care
Question for my husband. Where is the dental clinic where you usually get your teeth treated? Answer - Well, I pulled my teeth there and there. Question – Don’t you have your own doctor??? Answer - No. Somehow I get by.. Instead of the next question, you are in shock.
The same goes for any medical care. For an adult woman, the lack of regular, reliable medical prevention, no matter what it concerns, is a question of a decline in quality of life. Moreover, it threatens what is most precious – health.
One of my friends, who has all of the above at home, quickly fell into a love relationship with a man who had been living in Europe for a long time. A whirlwind romance began and after quite a long time love relationship, she was almost ready to move in with him. Romance and love were in full swing, they were happy remotely, periodically meeting in different cities and countries, planning to spend the rest of their lives together. Then she had not yet visited him, she only knew that it was a small cozy town in the south of Bavaria, about life in which she was already beginning to dream a little. Once, while talking to her lover on the phone, she heard some sound in the background. "What is this? What’s that noise?” she asked. “This is a helicopter, air ambulance,” he replied. “The neighbor is feeling bad and a helicopter landed on the roof to transport the patient.” “Why a helicopter? Don’t you have any doctors there?” my friend was surprised. “Well, yes, it’s just that the center is far away, you may not be able to get there by car...” For a person who has lived in a city convenient for life since childhood, such a story can serve Starting point for any doubts that arise. This is what happened in these relationships. It’s good that the love chemistry had already passed by that time and people talked soberly about creating a union. Helicopter noise from the telephone changed Mendelssohn's march to the funeral bell of this future marriage. They still communicate, he still cherishes hopes that she will still decide to move, but there are things more important than romance. This is called a standard of living that can be lost unnoticed in the pursuit of female happiness.
3. Professional employment
My mother told me since childhood: “Under no circumstances become dependent on a man. The girl should have her own money. Any man on whom a woman is completely dependent will sooner or later turn into a pig.” Gold words! Life constantly confirms this rule with real examples, with rare exceptions. Definitely: a woman should work. Always. Not necessarily to the machine, not necessarily to the office. Let it be something handicraft, a hobby, work on the Internet, and so on. There must be work, development in this work, and, as a result, financial reward. In any case, there must be a receipt of funds into the account, regardless of what the husband gives or does not give. It's embarrassing to ask for money. Vile, disgusting, not modern, not adult.
When considering the issue of moving to a man in another city or another country, the issue of employment and professional suitability in a new place should be considered as one of the highest priorities. You can't go at random. I’ll find something, come up with something... Thank God, today, with the Internet, you can find anything and everything.
Moreover, not only work is important, but also how you will get to it, how much time you will spend on the road and what you will drive. For a person who is accustomed to leaving his home and driving his own car to his place of work in 5 minutes, it may be completely unacceptable that for the same Muscovites and residents of the Moscow region - naturally from childhood - to leave the house, walk to the minibus - train (15 minutes), then take a train-bus for 30 minutes, and then take the metro for 20...
Or by car in traffic jams – 2 hours.
4. Rest
If a person works during the week, then he looks forward to the weekend with pleasure. Weekends can be spent in different ways. You can sleep until lunch, and then, lying in bed, watch TV until the evening, indulging in buns. You can get up early in the morning, sit on a boat without makeup (:-)) and sail into the ocean, meeting the sunrise. You can grab the backpack you packed in the evening and head off to some mountain, if there is one nearby. Or you can just go to your relatives in the village, barbecue, drink wine and talk about something pleasant... To each his own. But one thing is certain - the weekend should be different from the work week. And secondly, there must be weekends. This is the opinion of a woman who had a weekend before moving.
How does your chosen one, to whom you are planning to move, spend his free time and his weekends? Believe it or not, this is also a very important point. And it also needs to be discussed. When you are used to skiing on a Saturday in winter, and he wants to lie in bed with you, this can be tolerated at first. And in a year? And in two? Dear, let's go somewhere for the weekend... Answer: Why? Let's better lie down at home in front of the TV...
The culture of spending weekends for a person (in this case - a person - She who moves in with a man) is also part of life. Important. A sports weekend, a cultural weekend, a weekend in nature, a weekend on fishing, a weekend on a long trip... Imagine, your loved one may not know anything about the weekend at all. Your parents taught you this since childhood - Hurray!! On Friday evening we get together, in the morning we take a couple of friends, and on Saturday morning we go on a yacht for two days at sea with the whole family! Or so - you are already an adult, and on Saturdays you go to the theater. Or so - on Saturdays my friends and I usually go to a Chinese restaurant. Or - on Friday evening we sing karaoke... But you never know what you can accumulate over the years, when a woman has a certain way of life, which she may not appreciate. And he will appreciate it only when he loses it.
Ask your loved one. How will we spend the weekend? What do you usually do on Friday evening? And if you find that he has no idea what a weekend is, and for you it is an essential part of life when you “reset” after the work week, think about that too. Perhaps for him the weekend is the phrase: “Honey, I’m home! Where are my buns? . And for you? Are you ready to change your entire lifestyle?
5. Ambience dash nostalgia
You are leaving for the man you love. He normal person, as grown up as you are. He also has friends. You start to feel bored in your own way before you even pack your suitcase. Miss loved ones, family, friends, familiar circle. Scary. Share this with your chosen one. He says, “Don’t worry, there are planes, there are telephones, in the end, you will communicate the same way, with the same people.” Plus you'll make new friends. No. You will not. And you won't start it.
Why? Because new friends don't know anything about you, they have too much to tell about you. And your loved ones will be in a different time zone, and when you have some experiences, they, for example, will be sleeping. Or you will be asleep when something happens to them. And when you want to talk, they will be in the middle of their working day, and they will frankly have no time to talk. And it will be inconvenient for you to tear them off. And when their busy working day ends, it will begin for you. What happens when you don't talk to your friends? You are losing touch. Because connection is not just friendship tender feelings- this is knowledge about how a person lives, what happens in his Everyday life, where he went, whether his parents are sick, and so on.
When you come to a new place and meet a new circle, the circle of your chosen one, their jealousy is inevitable. This jealousy will remain forever. You can have a great relationship, but you will remain a stranger to them. And in order not to lose yours, you need to constantly make serious efforts to overcome time zones. Be aware of their affairs and keep them informed of yours.
I'm not even talking about family, children, for example, even adults. Simple communication - a daughter runs to her mother for tea, and a mother comes to her daughter - will be impossible. For this simple action, as it used to be, you need to sit in waiting rooms, fly for many hours on a plane, which is the worst thing - then fly away, say goodbye at the airport, swallowing tears, quickly running away to the security checkpoint. Parting for close people, for really close people, when there is a real, not just family and blood connection - this is something for which, believe me, you can even give up women's happiness. A conclusion proven by years of nostalgia.
It’s just that not everyone appreciates it when they have it, but if you have a family, a family with whom you are truly close, leaving for another city for permanent residence is a small death that repeats itself all the time.
Are you women ready to survive this? Today, in the fever of love, yes. And in a couple of years... And in five years? Believe me, this is something you can tell your loved one for. "Yes I love you. But I can’t part with my family for you. You better come to my city. Or - let's give up this idea. " Why not? We're talking about love! Don’t forget, he a priori loves you just as much as you love him. Why should you sacrifice? For a woman, parting with her family is the most terrible sacrifice she can make for a man. Men swallow this without thinking or understanding that by calling for separation from the family, he kills everything in it, including love. Because everything that can happen to her children and loved ones in her absence will then fall on him as a heavy burden. In her eyes, he will be to blame, one hundred percent. But understanding this does not come immediately.
And now about the same thing, but in a slightly different aspect. You are not just a woman from another city. Every city has its own intellectual habitats. There are workers, there are collective farmers, there are scientists, there are artists. You are a woman from some intellectual sphere of a certain level. You grew up in this, some kind of environment is familiar to you. Certain language and rules. And you find yourself in another world, where the majority do not speak your language, even if that language is Russian.
It’s good if you found a job in a new place, and there are approximately the same people of your level, they just have a different registration... Everything is the same, you’re just in a new place. Absolute comfort. Ha ha! Yes, this is impossible! Even if you, a journalist from Novosibirsk, find yourself among St. Petersburg journalists, you will still have problems in communication. The mentality is different.
It’s a nightmare when an intellectual ends up among collective farmers or vice versa. Are you sure that your chosen one, who today is so gentle and so good in bed, will be able to protect your fragile ego, pampered by the usual circle, from another social group of the human community? Be sure of the opposite; sooner or later he will take the side of “his own”.
A woman moving to a new place, to a new husband, just needs intellectual foresight of her adaptation to the new environment. Avoiding embellishment. Tough and without illusions. It is clear that she, in a state of passion and anticipation of change, is not able to foresee anything. But it is important that someone close, who reads these lines, tells her: “Darling, you will feel bad there, they will never understand you.” Even if she doesn’t immediately realize what it’s about, maybe, having realized it as early as possible, she will be able to correct her mistake...
If you see that some crazy lover wants to ruin her life for the sake of a man, move in with him and start everything in a new place from scratch, read this text to her, ask her not to commit irreversible actions, and if she does this, help her make things right when she starts to realize it's true.
No love is worth it if a woman begins to suffer “on all of the above points.” Because if a man allowed all this, this is not love. It’s simple – using another person for your own purposes. The man didn’t lose anything.
P.S. The biggest mockery own life For an adult woman, it can be moving to another country, to a foreigner, a person of a different culture and a different language. The young ones can’t stand it, those who actually have nothing to lose. And for a woman over 40, marrying a foreigner and leaving her passions and her decent lifestyle (if she has one) for a foreign husband is not even Russian roulette. It's just a pistol to the head and a point-blank shot. There are exceptions, I agree, again for those who escaped from not better life. Sometimes an inhospitable foreign land is more comfortable than the nightmare that surrounded her at home, if we talk about the initial data. But that's not what we're talking about. We are about love, which pushes completely self-sufficient women, satisfied with their lives, into the abyss of change just for the opportunity to be close to the Man of their Dreams. Those who think that everything will work out would be Love. Stupid women...
Not every couple can withstand the test of separation, especially if they have to separate not for a few months, but for a year or more. How to behave correctly in such a situation, explains psychologist Elena Tsedova.
1. Communicate
If you watch your favorite movie every day, after a week you will get tired of it. The same thing happens in communication. Conversations in the style: “I miss you, I love you so much” will quickly get boring for anyone. There must be variety. You can always talk about what united you in the past, tell what you are doing now and what you are going to do later, and finally, raise some global issues, such as politics.
Unifying themes help very well in such a situation. For example, you can invite your partner to watch a movie and then discuss it. Then you get the feeling that you were watching the picture together. Also, use your free time to develop yourself! Find a hobby, then you can tell your other half something new about yourself almost every day.
2. Make plans together
Be sure to make joint, and most importantly, realistic plans. Discuss what will happen when you start living together: where you will buy an apartment, what kind of renovation you will do, what kind of wedding you will have, what you will name your children, etc. This is important because such discussions keep a person engaged, because he knows what to expect in the future. Everything should be clear and understandable.
3. Dream
This point overlaps with the previous one, but is still different from it. Along with discussions of everyday “delights,” there should also be dreams: “I recently saw a program about the Maldives. It would be great to go there with you, just you and me.” You can dream about anything together. For example, about how you will be rich and famous. Such dreams may have little relation to reality, but this is not important - the main thing is to maintain a sense of celebration in each other.
4. Argue
Let me draw an analogy with the film again. You come to the cinema, watch the film, but nothing happens for an hour. Naturally, you will be absolutely uninterested in watching what is happening on the screen.
When everything in a relationship continues on the same note, it becomes boring. No matter how strange it may sound, love at a distance helps to maintain quarrels and heated arguments, something that gives some kind of emotional shock. If such things do not arise between you naturally, you can cause them artificially. For example, argue about some topic, or if you call each other at the same time every day, don’t answer once. But don’t get carried away, everything should be dosed.
5. Be mindful of your intimacy
You can tell how great your partner’s parrot sings, how everyone is doing at work, etc. But if your relationship is just a discussion of everyday issues, then at some point you will become simply good friends who know everything about each other. Intimate life- a very important component, so the dialogues should also be of a sexual nature. And then whoever has enough imagination and courage for what. Support of this nature is necessary, especially for men. He must understand that he is valued not only as a friend, but also as a sexual partner.
6. Forget about jealousy
Jealousy can kill any relationship, especially if it's a long-distance relationship. When you are separated by kilometers, this feeling should not exist at all! These are the rules. Only trust. Don't obsess over your partner. This is especially true for women who like to invent things that actually don’t exist. Drive away the feeling of jealousy, even if you experience it, do not tell your other half about it. Claims this kind there shouldn't be.
7. Don't lie
There is no need to create the illusion that there are no other women or men around you and that you are leading the lifestyle of a true righteous man. If a person goes to a party with friends and tells his other half that he will sleep, there is a high probability that sooner or later his night out will become known. The consequences here are always the same - loss of trust. There is no need to lie and create the appearance that there are no people of the opposite sex around you.
8. Be clear about the timing of separation.
The two must clearly understand when their separation will end. How long did they separate: for a year, two, three. In addition, you need to know the date of the next meeting. Specifics are especially important for men, because women have been able to build castles in the air and wait for princes since childhood. The stronger sex lives in reality, and it is important for them to experience physical intimacy. If a man/woman does not want to meet, explaining that you only have to wait six months, most likely, when you actually meet, you will be told that the relationship is over.
9. Don't create an image of an ideal partner
This point no longer refers to long-distance love, but to the period when the couple finally begins to live together. If we don't see a person for a long time real life, then we begin to attribute non-existent qualities to him. In a short period of time, you can turn an ordinary partner into an ideal. When you meet this “deity” in reality, you will realize that you were very mistaken. Try to perceive your partner as much as possible as he is, without putting a crown on him. By the way, such fantasies are equally characteristic of both men and women. But there is one peculiarity - ladies are more willing to put up with the inconsistency of real and imaginary images in the future than representatives of the stronger sex.
