The wife left with the child: what to do? Why a wife leaves the family: causes and consequences Features of female psychology

There are no situations in life that cannot be resolved with benefit for all participants in the events. Thinking people try to analyze and understand why everything happened. What conclusions must be drawn in order not to try to enter the same river twice? Fools continue to make mistakes, stepping on the rake again and again. Smart people learn from the mistakes of others. When his wife and child leave, any man wonders what to do next? Is it worth returning the one who runs away from the sinking family ship? Or is it better to leave everything as it is and not run after her? To understand this puzzle, you need to understand what family relationships are built on. What reasons prompted the woman to take such a serious step?

Was there love

Bouquets, sweets, vows of eternal love - everyone goes through this at least once in their life. For some, this period drags on for decades, but most people resign themselves to the drab routine of everyday life. Was there love? It is often confused with completely different feelings.

1. Jealousy. The desire to undividedly possess a person, the need for every minute control - is often confused with love.
2. A pity. Sometimes people feel sorry for those around them, falsely perceiving it as love. So you can feel sorry for a hamster that is tired of it, but it’s a pity to throw it away because it will die. In such cases, a far-fetched understanding of responsibility plays a fatal role.
3. Habit. Good, warm, satisfying - we go with the flow, protecting ourselves, trying not to get caught up in the whirlwinds of passions and emotions. A convenient model in its own way that suits many people. You can live your whole life this way, unless you meet along the way... true love.

All these factors play a key role when you unexpectedly encounter a situation in which a wife and child leave the family.

Is it worth returning

This main question, which you need to ask yourself first. If love reigns in your little world, you can forgive everything. In this case, it is worth returning the woman. If there is no love, you are bored to death of each other - think about it, maybe your wife’s departure is your chance to start everything from scratch. In what cases is it better not to save the family:

• if your life has turned into one continuous scandal;
• every little thing ends in bickering, tears, screams;
• the wife does not evoke any feelings other than irritation, anger, aggression;
• your spouse has not shown you signs of attention for a long time, being interested only in the financial component of family life;
• a woman constantly flirts with other men, making you jealous, and after scenes of jealousy she accuses you of scandal;
• you feel that you are unable to restrain yourself, and it will come to assault.

These are bad signals that indicate that there is no happiness in your home. But even in this case, remember 2 things:

• no matter how your relationship with her develops, you are a father. Children love dad, you should give them every support;
• seek help from a family psychologist; perhaps your wife decided to leave the family with the child because she feels the same as you. A specialist will help you figure out how to behave and what to do next.

Causes

Family life is based on the desires, ambitions and interaction of two people. In most cases, both are to blame for the breakup. There are the most common reasons why a woman is ready to take her children and leave her home.

1. The power of the husband. If a man tries to subjugate his wife’s life, controlling her every step, sooner or later everything will end in flight. How quickly the relationship breaks down depends on the character of the wife. Quiet, downtrodden girls, who, out of fear of loneliness or due to upbringing, succumb to addiction, are ready to put their interests, careers and all of themselves at the feet of a not always loving, but very domineering husband. In his face she wants to see protection, love, an established life. For this, a woman is ready to do anything. Often her dream turns into a duty, and her closed world into a prison.
2. Spouse's addictions. This is a pathological case. Where there is alcohol or drug addiction there cannot be a normal family. There are no women who like to look at a man who drinks and sinks every day and see his powerlessness. Unless, of course, she's doing the same thing. The morning “amber” doesn’t add any points to it either. Alcohol or drug abuse leads to:
   • to personality degradation;
   • lack of livelihood;
   • domestic violence.

These arguments can break even strong relationships. After futile attempts to restore the former harmony, the woman will leave her husband and take the children. He can only blame himself for this.

1. Domestic violence often stems from the first two factors. What makes a man beat his wife and children or harass them mentally?
   • diffidence;
   • lack of self-sufficiency;
   • the desire to establish itself at the expense of the weaker.

Can a woman live with such a man? Perhaps at first, yes. She will have hope that things will change soon. But this cannot continue for long. Sooner or later, the instinct of self-preservation and preservation of offspring will give its result. The family will be destroyed.

1. Constant betrayals. Many men consider themselves polygamous creatures. Their significant other probably doesn't like it. Arguments such as fear for the health of children and financial costs beyond the interests of the family will make a sensible woman think about what to do next. In some cases, the wife is ready to tolerate her husband’s infidelity if he is a caring father and provides well for her and the children. This happens to couples who have lived together for a long period. At first, the wife painfully endures her partner’s new romances, but, having made sure that he does not want to leave the family, she gets used to it and does not pay attention to them. The man continues to behave the same way. This happens until another person appears in her life.
2. New feelings. Women are less likely to break up family relations due to inflamed passions. This happens when a marriage was built on respect, affection, or if the husband managed to annoy him well. Great love can break old relationships built without fire. In the case when the new chosen one really loves a woman and finds an approach to her and her children, the chances of breaking up the marriage rapidly increase.
3. Sexual incompatibility. If a couple's sexual needs coincided in their youth, mature age, under the influence of hormonal changes, appetites can vary greatly. The woman makes her husband hear herself, and he waves him off in response. At this moment, a partner who turns up and is ready to satisfy the desire and get married can solve the problem not in favor of marriage.
4. Irresponsibility. There is a category of men who remain boys even at 50. They are accustomed to putting their interests and every minute desires above the interests of the family. If a woman is afraid to leave her baby with her husband, who sees no one but himself, a breakup is inevitable. The wife is looking for support in a man. She doesn't need another child. One day, she gets tired of it, and her wife and children leave home.

Reaction

The first thing a man feels is a blow to his pride. Rare representatives of the stronger half of humanity are ready to sit down and analyze the reasons for the breakup. Most abandoned husbands, instead of thinking about what to do next, are ready to succumb to emotions. Here are the feelings most often caused by the departure of a wife and child:

• resentment;
• anger;
• self-pity;
• desire for revenge;
• hatred;
• the desire to break away from reality with the help of alcohol.

Someone is looking for his wife to start a scandal. Some people develop hatred in their hearts, which blinds them and prevents them from adequately assessing the situation and taking the right steps. You need to pull yourself together and think about it real reasons what happened. In order to understand what to do, sit down and listen to yourself and your desires.

Solutions

Answer yourself a series of questions:

• Do I love my wife;
• Am I behaving correctly towards her and the children?
• how could I offend her?
• have there always been difficulties in relationships or have they appeared recently;
• Do I want my wife and children to return;
• am I ready to admit my guilt in this situation;
• have I done everything to fully provide for my loved ones;
• Am I ready to not make such mistakes in the future?

It is worth understanding how serious your spouse’s intentions are. Often a woman leaves the family in order to prove her readiness for drastic action if the family puzzle is not resolved in her favor. Whether this path is justified depends on the situation itself. Sometimes leaving is a drastic action that burns bridges. After a little analysis of your feelings for your spouse, you need to develop a strategy and strictly follow it.

What to do

There are several steps that need to be taken.

1. In case the problem lies in alcohol addiction or excessive attention to female representatives, decide what is more important to you: family, alcohol or other women. If your addictions are stronger than you, give your wife peace, she has the right to happiness. Family is more valuable - say goodbye to a bad habit, religiously keeping your promise to your spouse. Perhaps this is the last chance to save yourself and not slide into a deep abyss of degradation.
2. Invite your wife to the negotiating table. Children should not suffer in any way during your cold war. Tolerantly and politely discuss with her how and when you can see them and what you are willing to do for them. Listen to the essence of her complaints and reasons for leaving. Explain to your children that you and your mother are having difficulties in your relationship, but you still love them and remain a caring father. It is desirable that this be so not only in words, but also in deeds. If you want to return a spouse who left the family, this will be an important argument in your favor.
3. A scandal and the desire to arouse pity in a woman are extremes that will once again make her disappointed in you. They will finally convince you of the correctness of leaving such a man. Don't do such nonsense.
4. Show her signs of attention, but try to do it without excesses or pressure. Take care of your family as if nothing happened. Offer financial assistance and psychological support. Don't miss the opportunity to help with housework.
5. Don't manipulate children. If you threaten a woman with taking away her children, this will be a final and irrevocable collapse. She will automatically add you to the list of enemies. Any mother is ready to turn into an aggressive tigress if someone encroaches on her children. This is the worst thought that can come into your head.
6. Try to fulfill her wishes, if they are reasonable. It is better to use neutral territory to discuss your problems and find ways to solve them. After your wife leaves the family, invite her to a cafe or restaurant. Bring in a little romance. Perhaps this can stir up your own feelings. Try to move for some time to the candy-bouquet period. This strategy will help you overcome the merciless life.
7. If the problem is sex, start with yourself. Visit a specialist. There are always ways to solve this problem. There would be a desire.

Important! A woman must understand that no matter what, you remain a reliable, decent and strong partner, loving husband and a caring father. You are capable of steering the family ship through the storm. If you provoked the breakup, your spouse will be able to forgive and come back. Such husbands are not tossed around.

Summarizing

She still decided not to return? Remember the main thing:

• you gave each other wonderful moments;
• you have children together, which means that you are, in a sense, related by blood;
• no one knows how your life will turn out next;
• in complex life situations you leaned on each other.

Therefore, behave like a civilized, well-mannered person. Refuse the temptation to send your wife around the world by taking away your property. There is nothing more disgusting than a greedy man. Maintain friendship, respect, a good relationship with your ex-other half. And most importantly, if you still love her, do not give up hope for the revival of the family. The woman you love needs to be won over and over again, at any age and in any situation. Doing good to your loved ones is a pleasant mission.

It would seem that what bad can happen when two people love each other, trust each other and simply cannot imagine life apart? People meet, then get married, plan their future lives, dream of growing old together somewhere in a cozy house on the seashore. But, unfortunately, it often happens that a couple suddenly breaks up, seemingly for no apparent reason. Suddenly one evening the wife announces that she is leaving. She's just tired of everything and wants change, so she leaves for someone else. That's all the explanations.

“What about dreams of a happy future, collecting money for a car and a trip to Thailand? After all, it’s planned in a month!” There’s a swarm of thoughts and questions in my head, but, as a rule, all of them are unanswered. Most abandoned husbands believe that if their wife left, then they are losers, but believe me, this is far from the case. Losing a loved one suddenly is very difficult. The sun is still shining, the wind is blowing, motorists are going somewhere about their business, children are squealing happily in the yard, but their beloved is not there. Only yesterday she was here, and today her wife left for someone else and there is no peace in her heart.

Stop! On this lyrical note, it’s time to stop the blues, self-flagellation and countless rhetorical questions. Enough! You need to “pull yourself together” (after all, you have arms and legs, and what could be more beautiful?) and move on with your life! Even if your wife has left for someone else, you need to take it for granted and rearrange your life in such a way that there is no time left for stupid thoughts.

It is important to plan your schedule carefully. Are projects stuck at work? It's time to dive into them headlong. Stay overtime, take work home, the main thing is to plan the day minute by minute, so that when you get home, you just want to take a shower and

You also need to play sports if you haven’t had to before. Join a sports club and go regularly. Not only will you improve your figure and pump up your muscles, but you will also gain more self-confidence, and then girls will start looking with interest.

Nature is a great way to relieve stress. Moreover, the product can be used at any time of the year. In winter - skis, snowboard, skates, in summer - river, kayaks, fragrant barbecue. There are a huge number of options on how to diversify your leisure time and think about something else besides the fact that your wife left you and

Don’t forget about your friends, but not those who will offer to “drown your sorrows in a glass” because your wife has left, but will really help you get out of the quagmire. Meet them, go to premieres, football, combat sports.

It's also a good idea to get yourself a hobby. Maybe it will be photography or cooking, or maybe regular trips to the bathhouse with a lot of wellness treatments. You can combine all this - the main thing is to fully load yourself with work, activities, events and rare moments of rest.

Or maybe you always wanted the real thing, but your beloved was against it? Well, cards in hand, because if wife left, then now there are no prohibitions! You can have a dog, a cat, and a canary with fish! Try to look at the situation from a different angle - now you don’t owe anyone anything!

The main rule is to forbid yourself to think about how you are married, and now your wife has left you and the world has turned upside down. This topic is taboo!

Over time, the pain will subside, settle down, and become easier. There will be calm and understanding that there is a readiness and desire to build new love. But this moment is very far away and only work and diligence will help you get closer to it.

Remember, it is very easy to relax and allow sad thoughts to overcome you; it is much more difficult to “pull yourself together” and tell yourself: “I will not become limp! I - strong man! I can handle it and be happy!” Not everyone can do this, but you need to overcome a difficult period and learn to forgive people, then life will sparkle with new colors.

It’s not easy, and the solution doesn’t come overnight. Even if the surrounding relatives and friends get divorced. It is much more painful for a woman when her husband decides to take this step. On a subconscious level, she cannot come to terms with the fact that after five to ten years of marriage she turns out to be unnecessary to a loved one, the father of her children. And she feels bad after many years life together to be left alone. With children, problems (including material ones). She turns to her friends and family with her troubles. And everyone consults together, thinks and discusses the sore subject, whether husbands return after divorce. And it is concluded that there is no clear answer.

Features of female psychology

If the wife herself kicked the husband out the door, then on a subconscious level she expects that he will certainly come to the door with bouquets of flowers and a bunch of gifts. And at the same time, uncertainty remains about the return of the spouse. But it depends on how happy he was with her. And will he be able to find the same happiness with someone else? Perhaps the woman will be overcome by depression, and it is impossible to predict how long she will remain in this state. But time heals, and the wound heals.

Psychologists have noticed that at first the ex-wife begins to take care of herself much more often than during the years of marriage: she spends more time with friends, goes to visit relatives, and goes on vacation. Most "divorced" women create again new family. But you shouldn’t do this immediately after a divorce, trying to fill the void. You need to come to your senses, comprehend everything and only then, after a year or two, think about the next marriage. And a fairly common pattern arises: the second husband may turn out to be the first.

Until the woman comes to her senses, finally calms down, decides for herself what is better: to get along with her husband or live without him, she should not make a hasty decision, try to dot all the i’s. The ex-spouse’s decision to leave the family should not be considered final, because pretty soon he begins to realize that he acted rashly.

But it’s worth thinking about whether she needs this again: worries about late arrival, his drunken get-togethers with friends, calls when he leaves the room to answer, and much more.

But if the reason for the divorce was some insignificant reason, a trifle, then it is possible that the reunification of the spouses will not be long in coming.

Features of male psychology

Men's psychology is a little different than women's. It is the ex-wife who worries, becomes depressed, and is afraid of loneliness. Meanwhile, her ex-husband, intoxicated by freedom, is “having a blast.” It seems to him that the whole world has opened up before them: sleep with whomever you want, eat and drink whatever you want, go wherever you want, return home when you want and no reproaches, angry looks after drinking a glass and, by the way, no one holding your hand doesn't hold. In addition, there is no need to visit your spouse’s relatives on weekends.

Therefore, having decided to divorce, men do not suffer from doubts about the correctness of the decision, do not blame themselves and do not torment themselves with thoughts about the future. But after being “free” for a year or two, almost every second person dreams of returning to the usual family life with its orderly meals and waiting after a hard day.

There are several reasons why a man may return:

1. My mistress kicked me out of the house.
2. Health problems have arisen and care is required.
3. Problems at work and need moral support.
4. Father's feelings for children began to play.

If after a year a “divorced” woman begins to come to her senses, then the man feels completely different. He doesn't see the appeal in casual sex, and he's no longer attracted to a variety of women. He gets drunk more and more often and stops taking care of himself, feeling lonely. And the reason lies in disappointment: the same gray everyday life that was in the family began with his mistress, the solution of which requires great strength from him.

Growing conflict situation, common in the first years of marriage and the cause of half of the divorces. IN ex-family such conflicts have long been resolved, but with a mistress you have to remember the stages passed, everything is just beginning. Many men prefer not to waste time and energy and leave. Some go to a new mistress, some decide to return to their ex-wife, realizing that the new thing is not as wonderful as it seemed.

What we have, we don’t take care of

It turns out that people value family happiness only when they lose it. When it is nearby, it becomes commonplace and is not noticed. They notice that they are lost when he is not around. It is human nature to make mistakes, both men and women equally.

From the “family nest” the life of a bachelor seemed better, simpler, more successful: sexual relations bright, beautiful, sensitive women, complete freedom of choice and action. But now he wants the former stability, the confidence that he is welcome at home. And the divorce only helped him realize how happy he was in his marriage.

Life is a cruel thing, it presents its surprises and presents facts. Random women, sexual relationships take more energy, exhausting mentally and physically. And there is no one to care, help, restrain harmful inclinations. No one cares what is in his soul, what he wants, what he strives for and what hurts him.

The man gets tired of his free life and begins to establish relationships with ex-wife. He calls to find out about her affairs and the health of the children. Starts to visit people and remember the past family life and reproach yourself: “what an idiot he was.” More than half of “divorced” husbands consider their ex-half to be the best of women.

Important functions of family relationships are mutual respect, trust and care. But a lover, even the best, is not able to give this. Trying to try to build a new family life is a rather difficult step. Moreover, he has an ex-wife whose habits, favorite flowers, advantages and disadvantages. If he, like his ex-wife, worries and does not find joy in life without his ex-wife, then they have a chance to become a family again, and they get together.

If your ex-husband comes back, should you forgive or not?

If, after several months of renewing the relationship, a woman understands that she is better off alone, then she should not let her ex into her life. Otherwise, you will have to say goodbye to your new life. But if things get better with him, then she needs to wait for the right moment (when the ex-husband “ripes”), and then she will be ready to meet him. But first you need to understand the reason for his “brave” act and draw the right conclusions: is there a reason to forgive, and is it worth getting together after a divorce?

We can talk about restoring the family only when both spouses understand that they need to make compromises and realize the mistakes they have made. Returning your husband is a good decision, but it also has its negative consequences. Trust is undermined, especially if the husband initiated the departure, and one of the possible reasons- another woman.

Divorce has an equally dramatic impact on mental health children than their parents, one might even say that it is much stronger. The child's psyche is already traumatized, even if it is barely noticeable or does not appear at all, but it is there. Children should take an example from someone, therefore, such actions in the future in relation to their family are not excluded.

It has been noticed that every fourth divorced man got back together with his former wife, and every third man thinks about it. And you need to keep in mind that only those husbands who are ready to accept return. Whether to accept it or not is a woman’s personal decision. But we must remember that the trust and respect that existed before the divorce will no longer exist. But if you get together, forget the past and look to the future with optimism.

The wife took the child and left, the mother does everything to kill herself with alcohol after the father leaves for another family. There are no friends, because... I owe everyone. Bank loans. Lost my job. Lost everything.
Support the site:

Ki, age: 31/12/27/2014

Responses:

When everything collapses, this is a great point to start a new countdown. So the time has come to reconsider your life and start building it in a new way, without stepping on the old rake. Such situations are given to us so that, having reached a dead end, we understand that we cannot go further THIS way. Don’t touch your wife yet, let her be alone, come to her senses, think, calm down. Now start restoring yourself. In this case, it is best to go to church, confess, consult with a priest - God reveals to him what is happening to a person and how to help him. If you can’t, sit down and think about where you acted dishonestly, who you offended, what wrong you did and try to correct it. Read articles on this site about the meaning of life, think about what is important in life and what is secondary. When some insight occurs, start acting in a new way. Tell your friends not to worry that you will give everything away, ask them to help you find a job. If you can believe, ask the Mother of God to help with the work or St. Spyridon of Trimythous. If in Moscow - Matronushka. We all learn here, we each go through our own lessons. Today you get a D, and tomorrow you will correct it to an A if you understand everything correctly and try. With God blessing!

Kira, age: -- / 12/27/2014

You need to take a break. Allow yourself not to think about problems for a few days. Then look for work. The loan must be repaid and the child must be helped. I don’t know how you offended your wife, but if she loves you, she will come back, give her time, she’s probably very tired. Perhaps some friends will wait with money; no one is immune from this. you will pay little by little. We ourselves are in the same situation, we ourselves owe it, we owe it even more, but we no longer wait, we let it go. You can’t help your mother until she wants to. You are not responsible for her, just like you are not responsible for your father. They are adults and your parents, their problems are between them. All you have to do is understand and forgive them. Take a little break, shake yourself up and rebuild your life. And all the bad things will be left behind. Good luck to you!

Anya, age: 34 / 12/27/2014

Excellent advice was given to you in the second letter. Listen to them. Your death will only make all the troubles worse. The wife will feel guilty. Mother will drink herself even faster. Father will age fifteen years, and who knows, maybe his heart won’t take it anymore - drive him into a coffin. And it’s generally scary to think about a child. He will think all his life that murder is normal, he will follow in his father’s footsteps... You definitely won’t return the money to your friends. Well, you want something completely different?
Relax and look for a job!
a) There will be work - you will be able to help your child, and, most importantly, you will show the masculine type of behavior - how to behave in a critical situation, thereby building stress resistance in your beloved child.
b) There will be work - slowly give the money to your friends.
c) There will be work - you will regain the respect and trust of your wife (I’m not writing about love, love is a delicate matter).
d) If you have a job, you will have a feeling of stability, you will be able to pray for your unhappy parents. And this is the most effective help for them.
e) There will be work - you yourself will have to be cheerful and physically active, which will have a positive effect on your outlook on life.
Look for a job, dear friend. God help.

Elena, age: 57 / 12/28/2014

Hello Ki! I don’t know how things are going with you now, because... I came across your request only now, I really want to support you. You have faced many problems, but they are all solvable. 1) I don’t know why your wife left you, but if you love each other, then be sure to make peace, it’s better if you take this first step of reconciliation to meet and, of course, go to your child and love. When you are together, it will be easier to deal with difficulties. 2) To provide for your family and pay off all your loans, you need a job, so this is your main goal now. Try to find a job, even take on a few part-time jobs at first until you find one that pays well. Be sure to read the section on this site Job loss, debt, collapse. 3) If there are other relatives, he can ask them to be with your mother and surround her with care so that she is not alone, because... she feels this loneliness and reaches for alcohol, try to be with your mother more often, show her that you love her, if your mother is an alcohol-dependent person, you can contact a special center for the treatment of such people. 4) And the last thing you need to do is not give up. And to know that you are not alone, you can always write here. All the best to you!

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