Latest requests for help. Why do wives leave their beloved husbands? How to help your loved one forget his wife

Hello, my wife left me and I started to feel depressed, because we lived in a good, strong family, I’ve been living for two months now, and although I’m not living, I exist, and I have constant thoughts of death. I’m 36 years old, and it seems everything has collapsed, my friends are all somewhere disappeared immediately and it turned out that no one needed me. Only my daughter says how much she loves me, and this only inspires positivity for a minute, but you’re always alone and talking in silence, I can’t do this anymore, if not death then a mental hospital is guaranteed , and in this case, death is better.
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kinglion183, age: 36 / 04/06/2016

Responses:

Hello! Breaking up is always difficult and painful, but you have to hold on! Moreover, you have a daughter, your ray of light! Please don't think negative thoughts! Now, when the wound is so fresh, it seems that there is a dead end and there is no way out, but this is not so! Slowly come to your senses, work, take care of the child, you can go on vacation together, go skating, ride a bike, and you will please the baby and unwind yourself! You are young, there are many chances to fall in love again and start a family. All the best to you!

Irina, age: 28 / 04/06/2016

Don't you dare even think about death. You have a daughter who truly loves you, no woman will love you as devotedly as a daughter, don’t cripple her psyche with your departure, read articles about what happens to children’s souls from devoted fathers. Get at least three jobs, just so you don’t have time for stupid thoughts. Communicate with your daughter even via SMS, just don’t lose touch with the only being who truly loves you. Earn money for her, she still has to study and become an adult. Now think not about yourself, but about her. You can be of great use to your daughter in this difficult life.

TV, age: 45 / 04/06/2016

Hello!
What's stopping you from finding a new woman?
If the wife did this, then the door behind her should be closed forever. My wife also left me, hold on, we’ll break through!

Mikhail, age: 34 / 04/06/2016

Dear! I sympathize with you very much. It is certainly difficult to cope with the collapse of a family or the passing of a loved one. A state of abandonment and uselessness haunts you. This is extreme stress. It’s not surprising that you want to forget yourself and not live. This condition affects many people in a similar situation. These are really very, very bitter feelings. But know one thing: time heals. These feelings will gradually subside, and you will be able to devote more time to various things. New acquaintances. Now you just need to live, live with what you have. Alone means alone. With a natural experience of loss. Your wife most likely had a reason why she left, it was her choice, try to forgive her. Your daughter loves you and needs your love, support her, and she will support you with her love. Believe that life will change. And this period will be a new stage in life. Perhaps the beginning of something we couldn’t even dream of. Little by little you will climb out, get used to it, and build your life differently. But by all means build. I wish you a productive and long life. And the most precious thing about her is love, experience and knowledge, the ability to survive difficulties, which you will later pass on to your daughter.

Julia, age: 31 / 04/06/2016

Hello. I really want to support you. I understand you perfectly, because my husband left me in August last year after 16 years life together. Left me with two small children. I loved it very much. I tried to do everything for him, but the more I did, the less it was appreciated. Two months is too short a time for things to get easier. A huge piece was torn out of you, from your life without anesthesia, and it takes time for the wound to heal. The larger the wound, the longer it takes. Don't think about the future, otherwise you will really go crazy. For three months I generally had a panic about how I would be alone, how I would honor the children.... but I tried to live for today. You need to move in small steps. There is a day, there are things that need to be done and that’s it. Just Believe me, it will become easier, for sure. It's been 8 months for me. I won’t say that everything has eased up, but it has definitely become calmer. Yes, from time to time both resentment and pain roll in, but now this is much less common. And life returned to normal, no one died or went crazy. Understand, it’s normal that you’re in pain now, there’s no other way, but the pain will gradually subside, and then it will go away completely, for sure. I am mentally close to you and hug you, hold on.....

Tatyana, age: 37 / 04/06/2016

Good afternoon
I'm in my second marriage. And very happy. So, as they say, “If your wife leaves you, then you don’t know who’s lucky.” You have a daughter, you are still at a wonderful age for a man, your whole life is still ahead of you.
So, under no circumstances should you despair!
This means that somewhere near you is the only one you are still destined to meet.
Everything will be fine!

Mikhail, age: 45 / 04/07/2016

Hello. I have the same situation. Survived simple recipe. Dissolved in the child and work, and after 2 years he met a woman whom he fell in love with. Time heals, don't be afraid to look forward. Close your eyes and imagine how you will live in, say, a year. How would you like to live? Go for it. All bad things will go away. Oh yes. Several sessions with a psychologist helped me, although my woman dragged me there after a year of struggle)

Ruslan, age: 27 / 04/10/2016

Hello. I understand you! I am also almost 36 years old, and my wife, with whom I lived for 13 years, also recently left me. And exactly 13 years ago - we moved in together on the same day 13 years ago. I also have a daughter who loves me. I (and my wife) also now feel as if a large piece has been taken out of my body. The feeling of such a posthumous existence is creepy and lonely. The most frightening thing about breaking up was telling my daughter that my mother and I would live separately, although everything went fine. We said that husband and wife can separate, maybe for a while, maybe forever, but parents never separate - we both will always be her parents. And my wife and I remained the closest of friends. Don’t lose heart, focus on your daughter, on building a new relationship with your wife, and on yourself, of course. Personally, I’m going to remember what it’s like to run after skirts;) And about the relationship with your ex-wife - remember that it’s not easy for her now either. You are abandoned and lonely, and she left and feels terrible guilt. Well, that means for one reason or another she could no longer be happy with you, and everyone has the right to happiness, both she and you and your daughter, remember this

Nikolay, age: 35 / 09/13/2016

Often relationships are burdensome and bring more suffering than joy. In order not to torment yourself and your partner, you should think about divorce. However, not everyone has the courage to break off relationships and start new life.

In this article we will look at how to leave your wife.

How can you leave your wife?

Telling your wife about divorce is not easy; it requires courage. After all, you have lived with this person for a certain period of time; simply leaving would not be fair to him. Here you need to show tact so that your spouse does not feel offended and disadvantaged.

Intimate talk

No matter how difficult your relationship with your wife may be, you should just sit down and talk to her about divorce. Tell her that you don't want to torture her and the child, if you have one, anymore. Tell her that she also has the right to be happy, just like you. Perhaps she will meet a more worthy man. Be sure to emphasize your spouse’s strengths and say that you will definitely help her and she can count on you.

Taking advantage of the situation

If quarrels constantly occur between you, then in the midst of the next showdown, you can say about your intention to get a divorce. This will make the spouse think about her behavior, and she will improve. If she gladly accepts your offer, then soon you will become a free person, as you have long wanted. Moreover, your spouse will not have any complaints against you and will not blame you for abandoning her.

Live separately

When the relationship has reached a dead end and you want to break it off, but you don’t want to offend your spouse, invite her to live separately for a while. During this period, you will be able to appreciate all the advantages and disadvantages of single life. Chances are that you will realize that you still love your wife and give your marriage another chance. If you understand that there cannot be a second chance, then in a month or two ask for a divorce. In this case, your wife will already get used to the idea of ​​your separation and will accept it less painfully.

Husbands do not leave their wives for their mistresses - such statistics seem favorable for those who are considered official spouses. However, there are times when the mistress defeats the wife. A man wants to leave for his mistress, but cannot leave his wife. What should he do in a situation where his husband has fallen in love with her, the men's website will tell you.

Why does cheating happen? This question has been asked many times by both women and men themselves. However, it is impossible to explain what happens at the level of feelings. If a person acts on emotions, then his actions are sometimes impossible to explain; one can only refer to his emotions. Why can a man fall in love with his mistress? Perhaps this question will be of more interest to wives.

A mistress starts when a man no longer receives something important in his official relationship. Some men are looking for passion and fresh feelings, others strive for a variety of sex, and others simply want relaxation and a relationship without obligations. Sometimes a man already forgets so much about his masculinity in marriage that he wants to prove to himself that he is capable of something.

Relationships with your wife can develop very smoothly, calmly and even too monotonously. Over time, even this may not suit a man who suddenly wants romance, a storm of feelings and passion. At first, a man may enjoy the calm life of his marriage, and then want something that has long been a thing of the past. If a man wants to “shake off the old days,” then he can take a mistress.

Happens often. And many wives here are happy with only one thing: husbands rarely leave for their mistresses, because they understand that life with them will be no better than with official partners. However, sometimes husbands still fall in love with their mistresses, so much so that wives begin to worry and be unsure of the safety of their marriages.

Lawless Heart

Love is insidious and evil because it makes a person fall in love with the wrong people at the wrong time. The man just wanted to have fun or relax, but in the end he “fell in love” with his secret partner, with whom he cannot build joint relationship. They say here: “You can’t order your heart.” However, this does not solve the situation.

What should a man do if he finds himself in a love triangle created by his own hands? You should realize what happened and start thinking with your head, which is on your neck. If a man says that he loves his mistress, but cannot leave his wife, it means that he is emotional. It is they who prevent him from making a decision that he will be comfortable with.

When resolving a similar situation, when the wife is no longer loved and it is difficult to leave her mistress, you should understand that the conflict cannot be resolved calmly. A man will face grievances, tears and snot. You just need to be prepared for this, no matter what decision you make.

The need to resolve this issue makes a man suffer for only one reason - the situation unfolded in a way he did not expect. Often a man takes a mistress by repeating to himself the phrase of many alcoholics: “I can quit at any time if I want.” But in fact, it may turn out that a man becomes so attached to his mistress that he cannot imagine life without her, while not being able to break off his official relationship.

So, it is difficult for a man to take decisive steps only because he did not expect to be faced with a situation where he would have to choose between his wife and his mistress. But since this happened, something needs to be done. You won't be able to freeze.

Psychologists advise giving yourself time to calm down and achieve a state of “cool head”, when you can reasonably answer the following questions:

1. If you separate from your wife, what will you lose?
2. If you break up with your lover, what will you lose?
3. If you stay with your wife, what will you gain?
4. If you stay with your mistress, what will you gain?

A man needs to imagine a future where he breaks up with one of the women and remains with the other. Sooner or later, this future will have to be faced, since the mistress will not wait forever, and the wife will sooner or later find out about the adventures of her husband, which will force him to make a final decision.

A man has only two foreseeable futures:

1. When he leaves his wife and remains with his beloved mistress.
2. When he breaks up with his mistress and remains with his usual and familiar wife in all plans.

Here a man should imagine first the first and then the second future in as much detail as possible in order to understand which of the futures he wants to find himself in. Undoubtedly, when breaking up with one of the women, you will have to go through insults, criticism, tears and other troubles. However, then the enjoyment of either family life or a relationship with a mistress will follow. What kind of future does a man want to be in?

When deciding which woman to break up with in order to go to another, a man should remember the following points:

• The wife, undoubtedly, has become uninteresting, boring, understandable, and faded. The man reached out to his mistress because she was not as gray as his wife. However, it should be understood that the wife is precisely uninteresting, because the man knows her well. He went through thick and thin with her, saw her sick, ugly, aggressive, upset, out of mood and in other states. His wife also saw him differently. At the same time, they maintained their marriage and did not give up on each other. Something still connects the spouses. These could be children, respect, gratitude, etc. A wife may indeed seem uninteresting compared to her mistress. However, the man knows what to expect from her, how to live with her, how to resolve conflicts and at the same time maintain balance within himself.
• The lover is undoubtedly bright, beautiful, charming, wonderful, etc. She is like a sip fresh air in your musty life with your wife. But how long have you known your mistress? Has she seen you when you are angry, irritated, unable to do anything, or lying bedridden? She showed herself in those states when she doesn’t have makeup, something hurts, she’s angry with you, when you need to eat and cook every day and at the same time think why you still haven’t returned from work? Did she give birth to your children, while maintaining her lovely forms? It seems that the mistress is ideal woman. But in fact, you simply don’t know her, because you didn’t live with her, didn’t encounter difficulties when you need to make decisions together, didn’t try to get out of poverty and other adversities.

A man should understand that he has perfectly studied his wife inside and out, which is why she seems plain and uninteresting to him, and he, by and large, does not know his mistress in life, so she seems mysterious, interesting, sexy.

These factors should be taken into account, since it may turn out that the wife was better than the mistress, and love arose for the latter simply because the man did not know her well. A man once loved his wife, didn’t he? However, his love passed over time, while he more and more often saw a woman in her natural form, and not in that fabulous image that she can demonstrate in the evenings for 2-3 hours.

A man should see both women as ordinary people who have their own strengths and weaknesses. If a man doesn’t see any flaws in his mistress, it means he definitely doesn’t know her well. As soon as he starts living with her, he will become acquainted with that side of her nature that he simply could not know while they were tumbling in bed for 2-3 hours.

The choice will be difficult, as a man is faced with the need to choose between:

• An unknown lover and an absolutely known wife.
• Love, which may be misguided, and the respect (or stability) that the husband already receives from his wife.
• An unknown future, which is possible with a mistress, and a known future, which seems as monotonous, boring and ordinary as the present with his wife.

How to deal with feelings?

Once a man was faced with the problem of choosing between his beloved mistress and necessary wife, he should not let the situation take its course. No matter how much you want it, sooner or later you will have to face a solution to the situation. Either it will decide itself, regardless of your desires, or you decide it yourself, where you take into account all your interests and possible risks. In order to solve the problem, deal with your feelings.

What scares you about the situation? If you have signed a marriage contract, you may not be satisfied with the points that are written in it. You are afraid of the condemnation of relatives, both yours and ex-wife. You are afraid to face the reaction of your wife, who will be unhappy with you. You don't want to ruin your marriage because of children who might suffer.

Each point should be worked out. If you are just susceptible to fear, then you should prepare for possible developments. There is definitely no need to save the family for the sake of the children, since the children will suffer in the same way as if the parents divorced loudly. You can meet with your children often and show that you still love and care for them, despite the fact that the family is destroyed.

Do you really love your mistress? Remember the reasons why you decided to start an affair on the side in the first place. If the reasons were attempts to assert oneself or escape from boring family life, then perhaps your feelings for your mistress are just an illusion. You can return to your family and eliminate the factors that prompted you to cheat on your wife.

However, if you really understand that you love your mistress, but feel complete indifference towards your wife, then it’s time to get a divorce. It will not be possible to return love if it has completely subsided, and the husband looks at his wife as a stranger to him.

How can you ultimately leave your wife to be with your beloved mistress?

First, decide on your true feelings, and then be patient to face those unpleasant moments that will be associated with divorcing your wife and leaving for your beloved mistress. There will be troubles, but you can survive them, especially if your mistress also loves you.

When two people separate loving friend man's friend, it is always painful and unpleasant. Especially if it falls apart married couple. And no matter who is to blame, both people suffer. It is easier for a woman to express her emotions: she can openly show her experiences and tears. In this regard, it is more difficult for a man, because crying and suffering in front of everyone is not like a man. Although a man suffers no less than a woman, and sometimes divorce is harder for him, for example, if his wife left him and he did not initiate the breakup.

If your wife left you - a comment from a psychologist

All psychologists unanimously say: a wife will never just leave, there is a serious reason for this. Also, a woman will never leave her husband spontaneously; most often, this is a deliberate decision that has been ripening in her head for months. Leaving your husband is a significant change in life, but for women, the keepers of the hearth, it is very important to have a family, their own corner, and an organized life. It’s very difficult to give up everything at once.

All women in such difficult moments for the family think first of all about children. Therefore, a wife can endure a lot: infidelity, spree, physical violence, before leaving forever. It seems to her that the main thing for children is a full-fledged family.

Also, many women simply have nowhere to go, especially those who got married in their youth without receiving an education. Having devoted herself to home and family, a woman is faced with the fact that in the event of a divorce she has nowhere to go, nowhere to live and nowhere to work.

If a wife leaves her husband, it means family relationships not everything went smoothly, and, most likely, the husband knew about it. Of course, his fault is that he did not attach importance to the problems; most likely, he reasoned that his wife would not go anywhere. Or maybe he just didn’t take them seriously.

How to behave if your wife leaves you

But here's a fait accompli: your wife left you. All women do this in different ways: some leave with a scandal, loudly slamming the door, before breaking all the dishes in the house, some leave secretly, leaving a note (some even leave notes), and some find strength in themselves leave peacefully. But no matter how your wife leaves, you need to maintain composure. Under no circumstances is it necessary:

• make scandals;
• use physical violence;
• threaten;
• humiliate yourself and beg to return;
• solve problems with alcohol.

It is necessary to wait for some time, give yourself and your wife the opportunity to come to their senses, cool down, think carefully and make a firm decision: what to do next. If you think that your family still has a chance, then you need to use it. After all, the fact that your wife left you does not mean that your feelings have cooled down. Maybe this is her way of making you think and realize your mistakes. If there is no hope for restoring the family, then the best way out is to save a good relationship with each other, because if you have common children, you will have to communicate and meet all your life.

Well, when at least a month has passed, you can begin to take decisive action to get your wife back. First of all, you need to ask yourself, why did your wife leave? As has already been said, a woman will not just leave the family where she was happy. This means that you need to look for the reason, although it is probably known. Women leave their men for the following reasons:

• Lack of mutual understanding. The inability to come to an agreement, the lack of common interests lead to quarrels, and ultimately to divorce.
• Husband's alcoholism - This is a problem that has destroyed more than one family.
• Physical violence. This problem, as a consequence, follows from the previous one - addiction to alcohol. Having sobered up, the man repents and asks for forgiveness, but then everything repeats itself again, and grievances accumulate in the woman’s soul, which lead to her leaving the family. But violence can also be used by a non-drinking man who is simply rude by nature.
• Financial difficulties, the husband’s reluctance to resolve them sooner or later causes divorce.
• Excessive jealousy and control by the husband are a manifestation of disrespect and mistrust for the wife.
• Problems in intimate life. Years later the passion fades, sex life becomes monotonous, in connection with this, the spouses move away from each other and even start relationships on the side.
• Cheating husband. Some women can tolerate their spouse's affairs on the side all their lives, and some are unable to forgive them.
• Wife's love. It’s trite, but there are times when a wife takes a lover with whom she falls in love and simply leaves for him. In this case, getting your wife back is much more difficult.

Often all these reasons stem from one another. Thus, alcoholism leads to violence, misunderstanding, problems with sex, and betrayal.

Of course, everyone has their own individual relationship and the reason is also individual. Based on this reason, we need to look for a way out of this situation.

You need to understand that if your wife left you for one reason or another, she will return only if you change. In this case, relationships will have to be built differently. If you are ready to make changes in yourself, listen to your wife’s wishes, then go for it! At such a moment, you need to remember that the main thing is to preserve the family, so pride is not your friend here. If it’s difficult to rebuild and change, then it won’t hurt to contact a psychologist who will help. The wife will not return to the man she left, so the need to change is obvious.

If you understand that your wife will not return, then in any case you need to think soberly. There is no place for jealousy and anger - these emotions can lead to desperate actions and not even a crime.

You need to remain a man in any case, you cannot show weakness, this will disappoint your wife. And weakness manifests itself in threats, blackmail, scandals, persecution and humiliation.

You need to respect your wife's decision, even if she left you for another man. Maybe it is your calmness and friendly behavior that will help her understand that she needs to return.

Perhaps the departure of the wife is a manifestation of a crisis in family relationships, and all is not lost, so you just need to work on your mistakes in order to avoid them in the future. You need to fight for your happiness - if you sit with your hands folded, you won’t be able to save your family.

Hello, Komsomolskaya Pravda!

I really loved your “Keyhole” column. In it, people reveal their souls, because not always, and not everything can be told even to their closest relatives and friends. I also wanted to talk about my pain, which has been tormenting me for several years.

IM married. I am 45 years old, and my wife is 40. We got married twenty years ago. We lived in love and joy, and everything in our lives was wonderful until trouble happened. Alyonushka was pregnant, and when she gave birth, a terrible thing happened. The birth was very difficult, everything went wrong somehow... In general, my wife was paralyzed. More precisely, the lower part of the body was paralyzed. But she could speak, move her shoulders and arms, and raise her back. But still it was such a terrible blow for me that it seemed like the end of the world had happened. All the doctors unanimously told me that Alena was doomed. Having come to my senses a little after what happened, I remembered that I have a daughter. My wife gave birth to a healthy baby, paying for her life with herself. I write the word “remembered” because my mother took care of the child after my wife gave birth. I was too absorbed in caring for the patient and my own grief. But then I began to take part in raising my daughter: I walked with her, babysat her. Years have passed. The daughter grew up and went to university. My wife and I couldn’t get enough of her: a real beauty. And everything seemed to be flowing smoothly and as usual, when suddenly I met another woman. Please don't judge me harshly and don't call me a scoundrel. All these years I haven't looked at anyone. There were worries: wife, daughter and work. I had already forgotten what a woman is. But suddenly she appeared...

Svetlana came to work in our organization as a cleaner. The woman is quiet, modest, beautiful. There is something about her that reminds me very much of my wife in her youth, before her misfortune. One day we got talking and I found out that she was a widow. The son is already an adult and married. And so her voice and gaze sank into my soul that I lost peace and sleep. At first I did everything to drown out my feelings, but my patience did not last long. What I was so afraid of happened. Sveta and I became lovers. More and more often I began to stay late after work, which, of course, my wife could not help but notice. The other day, when I once again returned later than usual, she asked me: “Seryozhenka, tell me the truth, have you found another woman?” With a trembling voice, I answered her: “What are you talking about, Alyonushka! I have no one but you!” It took me great effort to reassure my wife and dispel her suspicions. I can’t tell her the truth, because it will kill Alena! And then, she is a dear, close person to me, and I will always be by her side. But I feel disgusting. And it really hurts me that I have to lie. Sergey, Rostov-on-Don.

COMMENT BY A PSYCHOLOGIST

“Stop mentally torturing yourself!”

Elena NOVOPERSKAYA, Rostov-on-Don: - Every person has the right and must build his destiny according to his desire and within the framework of his upbringing, sense of morality and conscience. Sergey, you are a very responsible person, because your pain is much stronger than the pain of others, those who cheat on a loved one without thinking about the consequences. That is why I feel great responsibility for the words that I will write for you. You must understand how strong the feeling you feel for Svetlana is love or passion? How much do you value your family?

Are you ready to radically change your life? Should you accept your family's pain when you announce your decision to leave? Or can you continue to deceive your spouse by secretly meeting with Svetlana, thereby bringing her pain? Whatever the answers, there is no point in delaying the decision. You must understand that you have obligations to your spouse, but no one forces you to continue living with her under the same roof. On the other hand, the flared up feelings for Svetlana can also quickly extinguish. What advice do you have? Take a vacation and go on a trip somewhere. Only one. There, far away, in peace, make a decision, otherwise you will completely ruin yourself with moral torture. Recorded by Irina LENEVSKAYA [email protected]

FIRST RESPONSE

“In a foreign country they will wipe their feet on you!”

A few issues ago we published the story of our reader Alina from Rostov-on-Don (“I love a Muslim, but I don’t want to accept his customs,” “KP” dated October 22). In it she wrote that the Arab guy Ali was asking her to marry him. But at the same time she sets a condition: Alina must become a real Muslim. The girl is in love with Ali, but she is frightened by life in a distant country and foreign customs. There were a lot of responses to this material. Here are the opinions expressed by our readers.

Angel:- Girl, why do you need this? When you are young, everything seems so tempting. I don’t think you were born to marry a Muslim, change your faith, wear a burqa and generally follow their customs and traditions. His family is unlikely to treat you well. At first they are all soft and fluffy, and then they will wipe their feet on you. Moreover, their women do not have the right to vote, and you will not live in Russia, but in a country that is foreign to you. His country, not yours. If you get there, you'll cry. Think carefully, Alina. Ask yourself, are you willing to live your whole life like this? My advice to you, don’t ruin your life. You will also meet a good Russian guy who will not force you to change your faith and follow Muslim customs.

Inna, Mira and Marina:- Alina, we read your story and immediately came to a common opinion: you should not connect your life with this guy! Alina, you are only 18 years old! Basically, when you fall in love at that age, you always think that this is your only love and it will be for life. But, unfortunately, this does not happen often. Deciding to change your lifestyle for the sake of a loved one is, of course, a feat that evokes, on the one hand, a feeling of admiration and respect. Have you ever thought about whether your boyfriend will decide to change himself for the sake of love for you? We think it's unlikely. But he can have several wives. Do you know that the psychology of Russian women does not allow them to put up with polygamy, in order to hide their beauty under scarves and long robes? Why break yourself at such a young age? Although, of course, it’s up to you to decide. We wish you good luck and make exactly the decision that will make you happy!