“One night I was woken up by a phone call,” says 35-year-old Olesya. - My ex-husband called. He said that he had been thinking about me for several weeks and asked me to come. My heart began to beat terribly. I didn’t even expect such a reaction from myself: we lived together for five years, separated, but I had no longing for our relationship.
I decided to go. We walked for a long time, talked - about us, about our daughter. They didn’t move in together right away - they met for a while in an apartment that Pavel rented, but then they decided to live together again. Three years have passed already. I couldn’t even imagine that our family life could be so exciting, although we can’t say that it’s easy for us.”
Those who start a new life with their former lovers are sure that this time everything will work out. Does this mean the breakup was a mistake?
There are no mistakes in relationships
Everyone has crises and problems; they are characteristic of human relationships. But today married couples, unable or unwilling to resolve the crisis, come to a breakup especially quickly.
“People feel unhappy but do nothing to change the situation. It’s easier for many to conclude: I chose the wrong person,” comments family psychotherapist Alexander Chernikov. - Very young people often get divorced after a serious quarrel. And they are driven by the desire to take revenge on their partner for the offense.”
After a divorce, spouses often quickly create new families, and many years later they meet as mature people and realize that their action was meaningless. Such plots underlie the scripts of many films - both dramas and comedies.
Alexey and Yulia got married in their first year and divorced in their fourth year. After the breakup, the relationship was not maintained. After graduating from university, both went into the book business and met by chance at a fair. They had not seen each other for about six years - and it was as if something had pushed them towards each other. Two years after the chance meeting, the second wedding took place.
A couple who gets back together should not consider their divorce a mistake.
“I don’t think there can be mistakes in the relationship process; it’s not a mathematical problem,” says family therapist Anna Varga. - Relationships are in some sense always wrong and always right.
Perhaps at the time of the divorce, these people had no choice: they believed that the accumulated problems could only be solved in this way, and they did what seemed right to them. Then these people can connect again - and do the right thing again.”
Love or nostalgia?
It is important not to confuse nostalgia for the past with a real opportunity to renew the relationship. “Sex with an ex-husband or wife does not mean that people have the intention of connecting their lives again,” says psychoanalyst Stanislav Raevsky. - This includes both the desire to maintain power over another person and the need to increase self-esteem: “He cannot forget me” or “I am the best man in her life.” But you shouldn’t cherish the hope that a marriage proposal will follow in the morning.”
Living alone is difficult: loved ones criticize you for the breakup, the future is unknown and therefore scary. But this is not a reason to resume relations. They can lead to a new breakup, which will be much more difficult to survive.
Why are we getting back together?
Growing up, a person becomes more tolerant: he is ready to accept his partner’s shortcomings and does not strive to get everything from marriage at once.
“When we are young, we often get married to gain recognition, respect, to feel that someone needs you,” says Anna Varga. - But then children are born, and the feeling of need is realized, we make a career - and self-respect appears. And when we meet our former partner again, there is a desire not to take, but to give, to care, to create comfort together.”
“It was I who initiated the divorce after fifteen years of marriage and the birth of three children,” says 50-year-old Elena. - We lived apart for ten years, and quite successfully - both professionally and personally, although I never got married, and he didn’t get married.
We met at our eldest son’s wedding, talked about something insignificant, but I realized more and more clearly that I was still interested in him. Having thought everything over, I sent him a letter, writing that we should get to know each other again. He answered immediately. We met, talked and decided to live together again.
Now we have a completely different family. We used to act like selfish children. Today we are rediscovering each other, including sexually. It’s like forgiveness: as if all the partners we had brought us together and we looked at each other in a new way.”
Over time, love can develop into friendship, a deep, stable feeling to which a person returns
After a divorce, it often seems that the ex-spouse has the most unpleasant qualities. But when new partners appear, comparison with the former spouse often turns out to be in his favor, especially if a lot of time has passed since the divorce.
“When starting relationships with others, people sometimes realize that new partners are even worse than the ones they had,” says Anna Varga. - And during the time of separation, the former spouses forgive each other, they have no anger, only warm memories remain. When they meet again, they usually say to each other: “I didn’t appreciate you. I’ve never had anything like this with you.”
It happens that life in a new couple does not work out because the relationship with the previous partner is not perceived as complete: the divorce occurred in a fit of feelings, and the spouses did not discuss its reasons. According to Alexander Chernikov, “a feeling of incompleteness can return a person to his previous partner, and such options are often successful.”
They also return to their ex-spouse when the need for intense feelings is replaced by the need for support, understanding and real, full communication. Psychoanalyst Stanislav Raevsky confirms: “Over time, love can develop into friendship, a deep, stable feeling to which a person returns.”
I had someone...
What is better: to remain silent or to talk about what happened during the period of separation, in particular about your meetings with others?
“It is absolutely not necessary to tell about everything,” says French psychoanalyst and sexologist Gilles Formet. - This is an intimate part of every person’s life.
But sometimes you can hint about your adventures. First of all, if we are talking about couples in which the partners literally merged together, smothering each other with feelings. The appearance of a third party will help you avoid such a mistake and build your life on a different basis.
If one of the partners considered himself ideal in the past, then a frank conversation will help the newly reunited people finally take equal positions in the couple.”
Express something new in words
Those couples who managed to become happy a second time have something in common - a different scheme of personal communication, which they build to replace the one that once led them to divorce. To start over, you need to understand why nothing worked the first time.
“Before you start living together, you need to find out what the phrases “We fell out of love with each other” and “We fell in love with each other again” mean to you,” advises Stanislav Raevsky. - Did you break up because your friendship became impoverished, your sexual interest disappeared, there was no mutual understanding? And what exactly attracted you the second time? Answering questions will help build new relationships.”
“When Igor and I realized that it was boring for us to live separately, we finally started to really talk to each other,” says 33-year-old Katya. - Previously, my husband reproached me for the fact that for him I was not only a wife, but also a sister, mother and even a child! Now he understands that each of us, playing different roles in turn, reveals our fantasies - and the relationship becomes more interesting.”
When we talk openly and in detail about our feelings, we understand each other better and discover the unexpected in a partner whom we seemed to see right through. “By truly communicating, we can understand that our partner still remains a mystery to us,” continues Stanislav Raevsky, “Therefore, there will be both joyful and sad days in the relationship.”
Deal with the past, move into the future
Parting rarely happens calmly and amicably.
“When we started living together again, everyone decided that we had gone crazy,” says 38-year-old Fedor. - We had a terrible relationship: we publicly shouted at each other, fought. Before we got together, we asked each other for forgiveness. Both had to admit that each behaved incorrectly.”
It is necessary to ensure that new relationships are not destroyed by old problems. Forgiveness helps you focus not on past suffering, but on the positive aspects of life together and build a happy future on this basis. “If people have not learned to find compromises since the breakup, the same negative situation may develop in their family as before,” warns Anna Varga.
It won't be like before
The hope that you will be able to recreate the same couple you were before the divorce is a big misconception. Crises change relationships, and breakups even more so. And this must be recognized so as not to try to revive something that will never exist again. “In the process of divorce, each partner has already seen the shortcomings of the other and their own,” says French psychoanalyst Yves Prigent. “Such a test allows us to understand that a love relationship is not a generous relationship between mother and child, but a connection between two internal loneliness.”
But it’s not worth building a family as a union of two renewed people: we return to our partners with all their habits, problems and shortcomings. There is no need to expect that the ex-husband or wife has changed radically during the separation. “The idea that people change over time is destructive,” explains Anna Varga. - People who decide to unite again remain the same - older, older, but the same.
Therefore, it is better to perceive the person as before, but the relationship as new.”
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting
It takes courage to start a common life again. It is necessary to reconsider the past, not be afraid to hear the truth about yourself, accept the characteristics of your partner and agree that they can give happiness, not suffering.
Only after this work has been done can you allow yourself to dream that you will be able to enter the same river twice. And this time the water in the river will be a little warmer.
Some people like it hot
There are people who simply cannot imagine life without violent quarrels and sweet reconciliations. Sometimes it goes to the extreme: one of the spouses is kicked out of the house or he himself leaves, slamming the door. This may be followed by a divorce, and quite possibly followed by a wedding of the same characters.
“For such people, the most important thing in marriage is passion,” comments Alexander Chernikov. - A measured and calm life seems wrong to them; they want to live in some kind of heroic myth. In such a couple there can be departures, returns, and divorces and marriages.”
They say that everything needs a condition: for hatred, respect, fear, but not for love. However, I believe that any feeling requires a condition, and love is no exception. So let's figure out why you can love a person?
What is love?
Love is not a feeling, but a choice.
If you ask Google this question, it will answer that love is a feeling of selfless heartfelt affection. On this I absolutely agree with him: love is difficult to compare with any other feeling. Moreover, everyone will have a completely individual love. But is this just affection?
Personally, I think not. Many people say: “Love must be blind and deaf...”. Why? If you are not a 14-year-old teenager, then you need at least two more conditions for love. Responsibility and respect.
How can you love a person without respecting him? How can you love without feeling responsible for the feelings of another person? Will this be love?
In fact, if we consider the issue of love in more detail, we can see in it a thousand different lines on which this very love depends:
Hierarchy of values.
Agree, if you say that you love a person, but instead of coming to him for an important match (let’s say he’s a football player) you can’t miss the episode of “The Bachelor,” will that be love?! That is, love implies that a person is in the top positions in the hierarchy of your values.
Just don’t say that your love doesn’t depend on whether it’s easy to communicate with a person. People rarely step over themselves in this. Yes, this is impossible: if you feel a huge gap between yourself and your partner, what kind of love can we talk about?
Worldview.
Answer right now and honestly: could you love a person whose views on life are radically different from yours? As for me, this sacrifice is completely useless here. If I want to create a strong love union, then I am looking for a person close to me in spirit. No other way.
Space.
It just so happens: if people love each other, they want to reduce the space between them and become closer. Is it possible to say that if there is no opportunity to reduce this space, either physically or spiritually, people will not love each other? Yes. If people live on opposite sides of the planet and don’t see each other for years, their feelings will begin to fade. No matter how categorical it may sound, I don’t believe in love at a distance.
Personal qualities.
You can't go anywhere without this. If by nature you are an angry, closed and complex person, it will be difficult for you to accept another, to love him (and, especially, his shortcomings). If you are harmonious, live in harmony with yourself, you will be able to love.
And to finally complete my cynical image, I will say this: love is not a feeling, but a position. It's a choice. When my beloved, after a hundred years of marriage, ceases to be handsome, cheerful, fit, smelling good, it is difficult for me to love him, no matter what. But I choose to love him along with all these “bonuses”.
Of course, there is a share of emotions and feelings in this, and quite a lot. But I am convinced that you won’t get far on feelings alone.
Can everyone love?
Not everyone can truly love.
Let's start from the fact that love is a heartfelt affection. Can everyone become deeply attached to another person? I think no. Is this normal? I think no. However, it is true: if you do not have a number of factors, you will not truly love. What are these factors?
| Factor | Meaning |
|---|---|
| Self love | “Wow, how selfish!” - you thought. But let's look at the world realistically: if a person does not love himself, then how can he love another? No way. In such a relationship there can be anything: respect, affection, material or mental dependence, but not love. People who love themselves are capable of empathy, self-confidence, and the courage to express their feelings in front of their partner. |
| Moral health | Can you imagine how deep this question is?! Moral health implies the absence of any neuroses associated with the divorce of parents (and hence the thought “All men are assholes”), the presence of a correct family model in childhood. It is also worth highlighting the issue of sexuality, but not external, but internal. Anyone who has problems with self-identification as a woman also has problems in love relationships. |
Important: I would like to return to the question of what love is and give the most comprehensive description possible. Love is a bright, bright, but emotionally draining feeling. That is why it happens 1-3 times in a lifetime. That is, it turns out that we do not fall in love 100 times in our lives not because it is not given, but because it is an “emotionally draining feeling.” Let's take care of ourselves, so to speak. This means that love is a conscious choice.
How do we choose a partner?
Well, we have already destroyed the idea of love as a gift from above... It's time to do the same with another theory. “Matches are made in heaven” – I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything more baseless in my life. Even if there is someone in heaven (and I stubbornly continue to believe that there is), do you really think that they have nothing better to do?!Do you think your spouse was sent from heaven? No. In fact, the choice of a particular person is nothing more than the result of a previous life.
Here's what psychologists say:
- In each of us, from childhood, a certain archaic ideal “ripens”, which guides us in finding our partner.
- We are looking for a person who would be similar to who we ourselves would like to be.
- Your partner attracts you to him because he is similar to one of your parents or, conversely, is fundamentally different.
No matter how sure you are that marriages are made in heaven, there is a clear fact: we look for a partner based on our own criteria, which unconsciously live inside us. By the way, Sigmund Freud said that we meet those who already live in our subconscious. I agree with this idea one hundred percent.
What do we look for in a partner:
Emotional connection.
For the first time we encounter an emotional connection in our relationship with our mother. That is why in adulthood most of us are so eager to repeat this experience. It is in childhood that the need to be in emotional contact with someone and not to feel loneliness arises.
Reflection of yourself.
This is already a proven fact: we need a partner who will motivate us morally. He should be like me, but only better. Then, looking at him, I will think “How cool I am!”
There is another story when we unconsciously look for a person who magically combines absolutely every single defect that we have. And his teeth are crooked, and he’s afraid to speak in public, and...his nose is small. In this case, my personal shortcomings no longer seem so catastrophic to me.
"The Search for Oedipus"
Have you heard of the Oedipus complex? It was introduced by the well-known Freud. The concept defines unconscious sexual attraction to a parent of the opposite sex. The Oedipus complex is characteristic of us in childhood, but even when we grow up, we reap its benefits. How? Very simple!
In adulthood, we look for a man who will either be very similar to his father, or, on the contrary, completely different from him. By the way, the case when a woman is looking for a partner who is completely different from her father suggests that in childhood this girl was subject to sexual violence (not in all cases, but in the majority).
Healing old wounds.
Many people who have experienced some kind of violence, felt humiliated, trampled, are looking for a partner who would help heal old wounds. Thus, the person seems to live through an unpleasant situation (which may have occurred in childhood) and emerge victorious from it.
TOP 5 factors why you can love a person
I think you already understand that I’m unlikely to answer “No way, they love you just like that and blablabla.” This is true. But that doesn't mean I don't believe in love. How can you believe or not believe in something that you yourself control? Just don’t talk about “spark”, “frenzied heartbeat” and similar things that speak about the inability of this feeling to be controlled by a person. “Not being in control” is just the effect of falling in love. And falling in love, in turn, is a game of hormones. That's all romance. No, after all, feeling all this is much more pleasant than describing it...So, why can you love a person?
I would rephrase the question: “Why can you feel affection for a person?” Probably for all the good we receive from him:
Support.
We all know firsthand how important it is to feel the support of a loved one. This motivates, gives confidence in one’s abilities, and makes one go towards the goal.
This is especially true for married couples when there is, as they say, too much to do. My husband picked up the child from kindergarten, washed the dishes, washed the clothes, and we are already feeling this practical help.
Affection, care and tenderness are what most people cannot live without. I must say that all these people are morally healthy. Those who do not need care/affection at all are not mentally healthy. They most likely are not capable of expressing such feelings themselves.
Reliability.
Show me at least one family that lives in absolute instability (in every sense: financial, spiritual, etc.) and calls itself happy. Well, okay, maybe there will be one. But, you see, reliability is one of the most important conditions in a love relationship.
Development.
Ideally, a partner should instill in us confidence and a desire to move forward. Or, on the contrary, there is eternal competition in relationships. This is not normal, but can contribute to personal development.
Love also has its fair share of emotions. However, they reach their peak in the first few years of marriage, after which they rapidly decline. But what remains?
What happens after falling in love ends?
According to psychologists, after falling in love fades away, the couple faces three possible paths of development:
The relationship ends.
When the play of hormones stops, and we get so used to our partner that we stop noticing him, separation occurs. This is true for those couples who, over the years of living together, have not managed to create something that would keep their union afloat. No matter how strong passion, love, or attraction may be at the beginning of a relationship, you need to understand that this is just a reproduction instinct programmed by nature.
Codependent relationships.
This model of relationships is very relevant in our time. Love passes, but the fruits of this love remain: children, jointly acquired property, a dog, in the end. And then the couple decides to be together, without feeling anything at all.
Partnerships.
This relationship model differs from the previous one in that in such a couple the spouses feel respect for each other, a sense of duty, and gratitude. It is fundamentally important that in partnerships people do not encroach on each other’s freedom: they respect the personal boundaries of the partner and do not make claims in the style of “You’re not listening to me,” “You’re not giving it to me.”
Advantages and disadvantages of falling in love
Falling in love is one of the brightest emotions. Let's not devalue falling in love and the romantic period of relationships. Let's weigh all the pros and cons.
| Advantages | Flaws |
|---|---|
| Euphoria. In a state of love, we seem to put on rose-colored glasses, and this world seems beautiful to us. | Addiction. Often the state of love borders on addiction. This is a painful condition that makes a person lose himself. |
| Self confidence. In the initial stages of a relationship, every pleasant little thing from a lover makes our self-esteem skyrocket. | Jealousy. As soon as we realize what happiness has fallen on our heads, we immediately begin to suspect everyone of wanting to take this happiness away. It's painful. |
| Stability. We begin to feel like a self-sufficient person who has created ideal relationships and is ready to develop them. | Anxiety. Along with stability comes a feeling of anxiety. And there are just a lot of reasons for him: “Why doesn’t he introduce you to his parents?”, “Why doesn’t he ask you to marry?”, “Why doesn’t he say words of love?” |
How to understand that you love a person: step-by-step instructions
How can you understand that you are experiencing love for a person, and not a fleeting infatuation?
| Steps | Description |
|---|---|
 | Do you know what is the most valuable resource in the world? Time. Therefore, if you are sincerely ready to spend it with a specific person, this says a lot. |
| Our thoughts can reveal a lot about relationships. At a minimum, if you often think about a person, it means that you experience a sincere feeling of affection for him. | |
 Step #3. Answer the question “Am I ready to sacrifice my interests?” | I absolutely agree that the main sign of love is the desire to give freely. It is impossible to love and, at the same time, not be ready to compromise. |
A true story about why you can love a person
You've probably already guessed that my views on love are somewhat cynical. Although I would call them realistic. My husband and I have been married for five years. It is not surprising that during this time you can get so used to each other that there will be no talk of any romance. I agree, the romance has really diminished. But it was replaced by much more important and lasting feelings: respect, trust, support, care. For me this is that same love.
In this video you will find the answer to one of the main questions: “How to understand that you love a person?”:
I hope you are not confused by my thoughts on this rather serious topic. Let each of you understand why you can love a person, and do it with all awareness!
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"Waiting List". Waiting list" means that a woman has put a man on a waiting list. In India there is something like this on the railway system, there is a nuance when you come to buy a ticket and say: "Are there any tickets? They tell you: “No, but we can put you on the Waiting List.” That is, an hour before the train it will be clear whether there is one or not
And in a relationship it happens like this: when a woman puts a man on the waiting list, she says, convinces him that: “in fact, it’s okay that you don’t love me now, I love you very much. I love you very much. And be patient, be patient a little, you will love me too. It was like that with me, I didn’t love you much at first either. I didn’t love you very much the first year, but now - two years later - I love you very much." And he says: “And I somehow... Maybe it’s better for us to break up? She says: “Nothing, nothing.” I love you so much. I am with my love... There is a song like this: “I am with My Love.” A bunch of heroic songs, where a woman, she did everything with her love.
You can do a lot with love, but you can’t make a man fall in love, two years after they started living together. Only if he did not have this attachment at the beginning, it is unlikely to develop. There is little chance, practically none, that she will be with her in two years. Not only stronger, but also weaker. Therefore, a man can believe for himself, seeing the sincerity of a woman, also out of compassion, seeing how much she loves, he may be afraid to part with her. There is such a syndrome: the better a girl who, unfortunately, behaves in such an incorrect way, the more difficult it is for a man, if he is decent, to refuse her in this relationship. And the more complicated their relationship will become. Because he will feel more and more that this is not the one, and she will feel that she is becoming more and more attached to him, latently realizing that she is also not the same. And hypnotize yourself even more: “everything is fine, he will love me, and everything will be as we wanted. Everything will work out for us.” So this is one of those very painful scenarios.
And finally, unclear expectations. This is when a woman accepts a man and says that she loves him, but she does not tell him about her desires. And she is constantly annoyed that he does not fulfill these desires, that he does not live up to her expectations. That is, she does not let him go, and at the same time she understands that he cannot make me happy as I imagined. And for this he quietly begins to hate him. A good relationship? If this has already become a marriage, then this can also be one of the tragedies. This is one of the tragedy scenarios. So look again... these terms, they are symbolic, but I think they will remind you that if you look again in your notes, you will understand what we are talking about.
And the general thing that can be said about this is that if such a situation exists, then the woman must find strength, and the man must become a gentleman - raise his level of decency - urgently try to end this relationship. It is always more difficult for a woman, it is more difficult for a girl to end a relationship in which she sees some kind of hope. Why? Because her affection is growing more and more. And in her wait for things to work out, she only gets more confused. Therefore, a true gentleman, he breaks off relationships that he feels will not work out. He interrupts them tactfully but decisively.
And what is the most magical phrase here? The most magical phrase is so powerful: “I Love You, I Love You Too.” A woman says: “I Love You” - from this series, where the “waiting list” is: “I love you very much” or, remember, “I love you madly”? How will the man answer? Because feelings, when we come into contact at the level of feelings, we are afraid of hurting each other, this is true, this is absolutely normal. And that’s why we endure, sometimes we stay in those relationships that we don’t need to stay in, it’s dangerous to stay. We're making at least two more people unhappy. Thus, if a girl stays in a relationship in which she is unhappy, she herself is unhappy. Second: over time it will make this person unhappy. The third, third person is a girl who could be happy with him, but you still keep him close to you. And the fourth person is that young man or man who would make you happy. Are there too many victims? In order to maintain such relationships? Are there too many victims? And this is the rule at any stage of the relationship. Because, one way or another, we have these motives to maintain relationships this way. In principle, maintain unpromising relationships. Ruslan Narushevich.
It is believed that women are very amorous in nature. But only those who don’t really know men think this way.
If you have ever seen a man truly in love. We saw how a confident, formidable and huge, like a rock, guy turns into a shy young man at the sight of his beloved. You'll understand what I'm talking about.
No man's character, restraint, or self-control can resist true love. Moreover, the most inveterate and unapproachable bachelors are most changed when Cupid strikes them with his arrow. Men fall in love completely and irrevocably every time, as if they were jumping into a cold river.
Moreover, it is very simple to explain such male “defenselessness” before love. Let's figure out its reasons together.
Men are used to suppressing emotions...
...but when men fall in love and the feelings burst out, they can no longer be stopped.
This is the reason for the sometimes reckless actions of men in love. They are ready for all sorts of feats for the sake of the lady of their heart.
This is because men have been suppressing their emotions for years and ignoring their feelings. They try to appear confident and calculating (otherwise they simply will not be able to become successful in male society).
But when a woman touches the secret strings of their soul. When they can with her 
be yourself and give free rein to your feelings. After this, “putting the genie back into the bottle” and suppressing emotions again is very difficult.
Men become attached to a woman who has truly captured their heart. They are ready to do anything for her. Moreover, it is very difficult for them to let such a woman go. After all, without her there simply won’t be a bright world of feelings and emotions. Only with her next to her the world becomes different and something beyond their control happens to them.
Therefore, according to statistics, it is women who, more often than men, initiate the dissolution of marriages and long-term relationships. Men are not ready to let go of the women they love so easily.
Men don't doubt their feelings
This is one of the reasons why men fall in love so quickly.
Women are taught almost from childhood to understand feelings and get to the bottom of them. They are taught not to give in to the first impulses of emotions and to cope with emotions. Women understand when feelings take over and make allowances for it.
With men the situation is different.
They rarely question or try to explain the strong feelings that arise within them. They were simply never taught this. If a strong feeling appears, then that’s how it should be (roughly this line of reasoning).
This applies to any feelings – including love.
A man does not doubt the woman herself, who evokes a real feeling of love in him. He simply accepts everything “as is,” proves his love through actions and hopes for reciprocity.
This rarely happens to them
Unlike women, for men such sensations are a deficiency.
Women maintain strong emotional connections with each other. They can experience surges of tenderness, affection and kindness in the circle of friends, relatives, and children. They may experience strong excitement and passion for their favorite activity.
Men, on the other hand, are reserved and cold among their friends and at work.
They don’t hug and console each other, they don’t jump for joy together, they don’t pour out their souls to their friends. They don't tell their friends 
about your deepest inner desires and fears. They almost never ask for advice in matters of the soul, and God forbid they talk about feelings or experiences.
When a woman brings into a relationship the warmth, affection, understanding, joy, emotions, passion that she is accustomed to in her life. This is something new for a man.
Moreover, this is a deficit that they cannot obtain anywhere except in a relationship. Having experienced all these sensations, it becomes very difficult to refuse them.
So why do men disappear and break hearts?
There are many reasons why men fall in love much faster than women. But provided that it is really love.
Not tricks that they see perfectly well (after all, they have already fallen for them in the past). Not trying to tug at the heartstrings or force him to prove that he is worth something (all this has nothing to do with love). Not a persistent campaign of “conquest or subjugation.” And it’s definitely not a desire to just seduce “for show.” All this will, at best, provide a short novel.
A man cannot resist true love. And I’m ready to do anything for the sake of the one who awakened this feeling.
The only problem is that even women who are sincerely in love too often try to “conquer” or “seduce” men. Unfortunately, forgetting that they know how to LOVE
Men do not talk about their feelings when communicating with you, because they themselves are not always fully aware of them.
And for some of them, saying “I love you” is a very big problem.
But don't worry!
You can find out what the man you're dating thinks about you without asking him. 
In addition to words of love, each person shows some signs of his feelings.
If you are more observant, you will understand and learn the whole “truth” about a man’s true feelings.
You want confirmation of love right away on the first date, but the man is only looking at you.
And even if he likes you very much, he needs time to understand his feelings for you.
But if his further behavior contains these six signs, he is clearly in love with you!
Sign 1: He makes you feel special.
A man can like a woman or not, there is no third option.
A man cannot play like a woman - not call specifically to test her feelings and look at her reaction (except in pickup situations, but there you can still figure out a man’s insincerity).
A man either communicates with a woman or does not communicate.
If he doesn’t call a woman, it means he doesn’t want to communicate with her, and nothing can make him want to do this.
A man will not put much effort into pleasing any woman and pleasing her.
If he makes some effort to make sure your time with him is fun and interesting, it's because he cares about you and he loves you.
If he does something for you that makes you feel special, it's a sign that he really loves you.
If he thinks in advance what you will do during your date, if he gives you not just gifts, but takes into account your interests and knows exactly what will make you happy - this is a very good sign for your relationship.
Sign 2: He hangs out with you on weekends.
Saturday and Sunday are special times for free men. They always make plans for these days to have a good time.
After a working week, I want to really relax and unwind.
So, if a man is not very interested in a certain girl, he would rather spend this time with his buddies.
But when a man asks you what you will do on Saturday and Sunday evenings, he is clearly interested in you, he is interested in communicating with you.
If he is going to spend this time with you, then he knows that this time is guaranteed to go well.
If you want to spend the whole weekend with him, he is really in love with you.
Sign 3. He begins to make life plans with you (he includes you in his life).
When a guy calls you or texts you, it means he really enjoys spending time with you.
If he invites you somewhere to spend time together, he really wants to see you.
If a man only wants sex, he will invite you to a hotel or rent an apartment.
But if a man invites you to a movie, to a concert, or just for a walk, he really wants to be with you and see you.
If a man asks you about your plans for the next day, week, holidays, summer - this is a sign that he is interested in you, that he is in love with you.
And he wants to make sure that you include him in your plans and spend time with him before you have anything else planned.
Sign 4. He wants to touch you and hug you.
If the man you are dating likes to touch you, for example, on your hands when talking, on your hair and face when kissing, this is a sign that he is in love with you.
Men are always ready to hug the women they love.
All men have sex, but they are affectionate and gentle only with the women they love.
A man who meets for sex will never stroke a woman’s hair or kiss her, he will not whisper tender words to her.
A man who meets a woman just for sex will try to leave after it; heart-to-heart conversations are not always included in the meeting program.
But if you spent the night with a man and in the morning he hugs you, if in the morning he is as gentle and affectionate as he was at night, this is a very good sign for your relationship.
This is a sign that this man is in love with you!
Sign 5. A man is jealous of you.
If a man is in love with you, then he will want to be the best for you.
And any comparison with other men that is not in his favor will make him angry.
He may also be angry with your male friends or any men you greet on the street.
Sign 6. He introduces you to his friends and parents.
A man is never afraid to show a woman to his family and friends if he is happy with her.
And if he introduces you to his friends, that's a good sign.
If he introduces you to his family, that's great!
This means that he really appreciates you and is in love with you, and he wants everyone to know it.
It is difficult for a man to bring just any girl to his home.
So, if he introduces you to his family and circle of friends, and does everything to make them like you and you, he is in love with you.
If these signs are not present for a long time, then perhaps you need to talk to your man about his intentions.
These signs will not immediately appear in his behavior. This takes time.
And if you don’t rush a man, don’t reproach him for not being in too much of a hurry to trust you, but if you simply love him and enjoy communicating with him, then everything will end very well!
P.S. These, unfortunately, are not signs that a man will marry a woman, although everything is possible in our world......
Psychologist-sexologist Eleonora Razvina
When answering the question of how to love someone who loves you, first of all you must understand that love is happiness, which should bring joy, not pain and suffering.
Girls should show maximum attention to their chosen one. Try to listen to a man, try to understand his thoughts, all his problems and do not ignore his opinion. You should get to know him as much as possible, maybe you just don’t know him well? After all, a person is not always able to open up right away.
Avoid criticism! You should not attach great importance to some wrong actions and words. Even if he really does something wrong, don’t get angry, try to talk to him calmly. Especially it concerns 
hot-tempered girls. Remember, you want to fall in love with this person, not push him further away from your heart. Also, forget about any quarrels, because any conflict will cause you wild irritation, and in the end you will hate your companion. In case of conflict, do not express everything at once, but try to calm your anger. It is best to ask forgiveness for your temper.
Is it possible to love a person in a short period of time?
What can be confused with love at first sight? Many people confuse this feeling with simple sympathy. You liked a person, you make an acquaintance with him, begin to communicate with him, date him and gradually begin to fall in love with this person. That's why many people call it love at first sight.
When we meet a new, interesting person who is unlike anyone else, we try to spend as much time with him as possible in order to get to know and understand him. We begin to fall in love with a person we met just a few days ago. We experience new emotions, new feelings, it’s as if we are starting life anew.
Can you be sure that this is not a hobby, not a fleeting feeling, that this is not just an interest in meeting a new acquaintance? Is this really love or is it just a momentary crush? There can be no guarantees. It is necessary to understand and understand yourself, to determine who you consider this person to be. Do not rush to offer friendship to a person if you really see his affection for you. Understand how you feel about a person, and then you are ready to make decisions whether this person will become a friend or a loved one for you. It is never too late to transform a relationship with an interesting and unusual person into friendship. But making a friend fall in love with you is much more difficult.
Why are many people afraid to say the word love? I mean a relationship that has just begun to develop, you have been dating a person for only a few days and are already ready to tell him that you love him. And he is in no hurry to admit the same to you. What to do? Sound the alarm? No, remember that you are striving for a serious relationship, you are not looking for light flirting or just a person to be nearby. Don’t rush, love spontaneously manifests itself very rarely, most people look closely for a very long time, try to adjust, get used to it, and only then will they be able to tell you with final confidence about their love.
If you are sure that you have already fallen in love with someone too quickly, do not rush into confession, this may frighten your loved one. A person may think that you are not constant and very amorous, that your love will quickly pass. Don't rush, but if you are confident in your feelings, then everything is in your hands.
Undoubtedly, you can fall in love with a person in a short period of time, but I would like to be sure that love will be eternal...
Let’s assume that feelings for your ex-lover no longer poison your life and do not prevent you from starting a new relationship. How to love a person for whom the object of unrequited love feels only sympathy? You should start working on this by making a list of its advantages. It is possible that the applicant has many positive qualities that make him worthy of attention. You can note his intelligence, devotion, kindness, sense of humor and so on. The longer the list of advantages, the better.
It’s great if a person likes the appearance of someone who declares their love for him. In this case, you should definitely place the photo of your chosen one in a prominent place so that you can admire him as often as possible.
Greetings, dear girls! I quite often hear about the same female problem: he loves me, but I don’t. It's no secret that it often happens in relationships when one loves and the other allows himself to be loved. But to achieve harmony, mutual sympathy is needed. So today I want to talk about how to love a guy who loves you.
Love by order
Scientists have been trying for many years to answer questions such as: why do we fall in love; how we look for a suitable partner; what makes us ; how the process of falling in love occurs at the chemical level, and so on.
If you want to understand how women fall in love depending on their age, then I have a wonderful article for you: “How girls fall in love.” In it, I look at the various factors that affect women at different ages.
Is it possible to force yourself to love a person? Love is a very deep feeling that does not just appear by magic. You need to go towards this, work hard, work on relationships, achieve mutual understanding, and so on.
Falling in love is a completely different matter. Therefore, today I will not talk about passion and butterflies in the stomach, but about a deep and strong feeling that is undeniably always accompanied by and.
Let's take a closer look at ways that will help you fall in love with your boyfriend.
Don't compare with others
If you want to arouse feelings in yourself for this particular person, then under no circumstances should you compare him with other men. One of my clients constantly compares current young people and ex-boyfriends. Do you think she manages to live in the present and enjoy herself? No.
You need to discern a person's individuality.
- Understand what exactly he is good at,
- what he does better than others,
- how it differs and why you can love it.
- What qualities of him might attract you?
- Which ones are repulsive?
Ask yourself: why am I constantly comparing him to someone else? What does this comparison tell you? Regular thoughts on the topic that he is not worthy, not so good, and so on. When you stop comparing, you will simply see the person himself. And it will become much easier for you to warm up to him.
Find common
It doesn’t matter at all whether you are younger or he is older or vice versa. Surely you have something in common. Maybe you both love Silver Age literature? Or do you both take your breath away from extreme sports?
In order to find common interests, you need to communicate more. Learn from your partner. Talk not only to yourself, but also carefully monitor him. Do you know what he sincerely loves and what he is passionate about? Do you know the person well? Can you easily answer ten questions about him?
When you find a common interest, you will find it much more enjoyable to communicate. You will share joint successes, tell new things and share your impressions.
Be together more often
Banal advice, but working. When you spend a lot of time together, you get used to each other. And this helps you get to know the person even better.
Go to exhibitions, cinema, theater or just walk around the city. Find five places that you would like to visit and this month be sure to fulfill your old dreams.
You can find a hobby that you can do together. Clay modeling, dancing, learning a new language. Absolutely any activity will do. You can even just cook at home together.
Emphasis on “+”
Try not to pay attention to the disadvantages and shortcomings. After all, you are not Miss Perfect either. When you focus on the bad aspects of a person, the overall impression becomes negative. If you change the pole, you will be surprised how much your opinion can change.
You just have to start thinking more positively and paying attention to the advantages. Don't be afraid to give thanks. Find things for which you can thank the person. Surely he cares, pays attention, gives gifts or surprises.
If you think about it, we really rarely thank our loved ones, considering their behavior to be something ordinary. When you begin to focus on such little things, your inner feeling will change.
Make it a habit
You know this phrase: tell a person that he is a fool 25 times and by the 26th time he will say that he is a fool. This setup works for any statement. Therefore, if you think that you have already loved him, that he is your dearest, closest and dearest person, then over time it will become so.
Become not just a lover, but a girl in love. Instill habits in yourself and ladies. Demand attention, text and call him often, go on dates, kiss and hug more often, go to the last row of movies.
State of vulnerability
The teachings noticed that girls most often fall in love with young men when they are in a vulnerable position. What does it mean? When she has problems, an illness, she is more likely to fall in love with a guy whom she may not have even noticed before.
So, my friend was going through a serious crisis due to losing her job. She was extremely depressed and suddenly changed beyond recognition. When I asked what happened, the answer really shocked me: she fell in love with her neighbor, whom she had known for more than ten years, but had never paid attention to him.
What is the need
But before you try to fall in love with a person, think about why you need it. If the guy is really good, loves you immensely and you want to build a family with him, then, of course, it’s worth a try.
But if you want to fall in love with a young man, for example, in order to take revenge on your ex, or out of habit, or at the request of your parents, then think carefully. In the article “” I talk about the pros and cons of this situation.
Listen carefully to yours, believe me, it never fails. You just have to learn to correctly recognize its signals and signs.
What attracts you to this young man? What repels? How often do you spend time together? How does he show his love for you?
Listen to your heart and be happy!
