How often do we call simply acquaintances and friends friends. We throw this word around without even thinking, but what does this concept include? What is a true friend? How are friends different from acquaintances?
Story about a friend
In 1st grade I made a close friend, Natasha. She and I were like sisters - we went to school together, did homework, and often stayed overnight at each other's houses. This time was filled with joy, laughter, pleasant things and worries. As friends, we trusted each other with our childhood secrets. So we were friends for more than 10 years.
We finished school and grew up. A friend was getting married and said that I would be a witness at her wedding. But a few days before the celebration, Natasha said: “Sorry, the witness will be another girl with whom we study at the institute. She is the right person, and I copy her English.” I didn’t expect such a turn, it became painful and offensive. I was pushed aside because of the benefits. Friendship was crossed out.
Epiphany
This situation was as unexpected as a lightning strike in broad daylight, and that’s when I saw the light. I remembered my childhood. I suddenly saw something that I had not seen before. After all, Natasha used me in exactly the same way throughout my school years - she copied lessons, borrowed money and did not give it back, and told my secrets to her classmates. I wondered, “Why did I let her take advantage of me all this time? Why did you allow me to be treated this way? Why did I forgive her everything?”
I wanted to figure this out so that I wouldn’t end up in such situations in the future. Perhaps I did not notice some things due to my childhood. Perhaps she did not understand what was good and what was bad, and did not see the person’s true motives. There was a belief that for the sake of a friend, everything can be endured, everything can be forgiven, and that’s right.
Some people build friendships on benefits. It pays to be friends with someone you can use. It would seem that one is using the other, what’s wrong with that? But the person will continue to live with this. First by cheating at school, then by appropriating other people's time, opportunities, ideas. The benefit may be in business, in some professional relationships, but not in friendship. And even then it is mutual benefit, and not use for one’s own selfish purposes.
I don’t know how my friend’s life turned out next, but it doesn’t matter, we separated. This is her destiny and her responsibility. But for myself, I concluded that I was wrong and I don’t want to make such mistakes again. But I didn’t understand how it should be and what should be done to make friends real. There was a lack of knowledge about who a friend is and what friendship is based on. And where do they come from? They don’t teach this in school.
Changed beliefs - changed environment
In search of answers to my questions, I came to the Personality Formation course of the System of Academician M. Yu. Mianiye. During the training, I began to better understand myself and understand people. Not only did I gain theoretical knowledge about people’s motives, but I also learned to distinguish them in practice and feel what kind of energy comes from a person. I learned to perceive people as they are, to see both their shortcomings and strengths.
But the ability to differentiate is not enough; you need to become a good friend yourself, to match in your personal qualities and manifestations the people you want to see in your environment. First, an understanding came of what friendship should be built on, then beliefs changed, and new reactions were formed instead of the usual ones.
I learned to show respect, tell a person about his merits, trust him and that he will succeed. I understood what it means to be sincerely interested and to wish the good of another, to help him feel worthy, significant, and happy.
And new people appeared next to me. Now in my life there are real, sincere friends with whom I can communicate on any topic and at the same time keep my heart open, because I know and feel that they love me and are interested in me. We have many common topics, activities and interests. We support each other and tell each other the truth that many do not want to hear about themselves. In front of these people, I am not afraid to open up and show my imperfections, to look stupid or funny. I know that they will always understand and support me, and help me cope with what I am not yet strong at.
Relationships have become one of my favorite areas of life. When meeting friends, joy is always born in my heart and there are many topics for sincere communication and mutual enrichment.
Friendship
Sometimes it seems to us that we have many friends. We do something together with someone, go hiking, relax, smile, laugh. But friendship is much more than just having a good time. It is built on sincerity, openness, mutual respect and trust in each other. It is based on reliability and honesty. This is a person’s need to come to the aid of a friend, to prove himself in business, to feel needed and useful.
Friendship lives in the heart, is reflected in the eyes and manifests itself in deeds. A true friend will always support and understand you. This is a person who knows all your shortcomings and knows how to “not step on sore spots.” At the same time, he is sincere with you and does not deceive when you yourself want to be deceived. A person you trust more than yourself. He is always happy to see you, regardless of your mood and condition. This is a like-minded person with whom you are “on the same wavelength.” Which is easy, calm and you don’t want to part with.
You can get acquainted with the principles of building relationships in the course classes
Despite the fact that the concept of “friendship” is very complex, it is found in the lives of each of us. Friendship does not have any clear boundaries, but it has a lot of subtle nuances and questions. It is difficult to understand that a person wants to be friends with you, but to be friends and understand another is even more difficult.
Can friendship be measured?
Not a single person on Earth can measure another person's friendship with 100% accuracy. This is simply unrealistic. Still, the presence of friendship can be determined by several points.
The desire to communicate is the very first criterion of a friend in modern society. If a person wants to communicate with us, then we very often mistakenly register him as “friends”. After all, it may be that this is just a “good friend.” A good and even the closest acquaintance stems from some circumstances (school, work, neighborhood) and does not imply great spiritual closeness. However, very often such an acquaintance develops into friendship.
It is also not always possible to call a true friend a person who constantly calls you and asks to meet and chat. In this case, you should be vigilant and take a closer look at the behavior of your “friend.” It may be that this person wants something from you and is seeking help from you. But when you need help, he will leave without even thanking you for your participation.
The use of human kindness and responsiveness is not so uncommon these days.
However, there is also a limit here - you should not calculate the exact amount of help given and received. You just have to understand what motives a person uses when communicating with you.
There is another incomprehensibility in “friendly relations”. After all, there are people who just want to chat, but they won’t be able to lend a shoulder in a critical situation.
But even in this case there are exceptions. For example, childhood friends who can communicate at most once a year, but still keep in touch. And why do you think? All because of the feeling and deep confidence that this person will again support you in difficult times, as before. Only then will friendship last, regardless of the circumstances.
What is true friendship based on?
Everyone should understand that friendship, like love, is a good attitude towards someone close to you. It is built on mutual understanding, mutual respect, acceptance of the advantages and disadvantages of another and the desire and ability to give help to a friend. Only when a person genuinely cares about you and wants to lend a friendly shoulder, then this is true friendship. After all, many people communicate with others only because of their ambitions and desire to get help.
It is also not very like affection when a person communicates with you because he has nothing better to do. So simple communication will never develop into friendship.
Using these criteria, you can determine whether a person is friends with you or not. Of course, it is very difficult to understand whether they are sincerely making friends with you or for the sake of their own interests. However, there is no point in checking people. Sometimes it's better to get hurt than to hurt another person's feelings because of suspicion. It is also advisable to pay attention to how you feel with your friend, because it is impossible to be closed and embarrassed with your friend.
The words of the famous children's song “a friend will not leave you in trouble” are a vivid example of how friendly relationships are perceived by a person. What is friendship and does it exist in the modern world, where people communicate through social networks, and so rarely meet in real life.
Does friendship exist?
The concept of friendship has been considered for many centuries by representatives of various philosophical movements, but the main researchers were writers, poets and psychologists. The phenomenon of friendship is not limited to any specific framework, but in the general understanding of most people, friendship is a close and trusting relationship between people, based on mutual attraction of interests, and an intuitive understanding of each other.
Psychology of friendship
The problem of friendship exists, sociologists are sure of this. In the fast-paced age of computer technology, people prefer to communicate via mobile means, while there is often no time for a personal meeting. People lose a lot: there are no friendly pats on the shoulder, no eye contact, and there is practically no warmth. Psychologists believe that the value of friendship lies in meetings, direct live contact, and the lack of full communication can become... The psychology of friendship lies in its positive aspects:
- feeling “I’m not alone!” against loneliness and isolation;
- Only in the presence of a significant other does a person reveal himself as a person and learn to be a friend.
Types of friendship
Why are people friends? The first mention of the importance of friendship is found in ancient treatises. Poets sing of the value of a shoulder that turns out to be nearby in difficult times and the desire to carry friendly feelings throughout life. In society, it is customary to divide friendships according to age and gender characteristics. Types of friendship:
- Children's- the child learns about the world and tries to build relationships with others, learning something new and interesting together. Children bond through common games.
- Youth– a high need to express oneself and one’s feelings. Friendship at this age carries a high emotional charge. The qualities of another are overestimated and exalted - in a good way, this helps to survive difficult moments in life: misunderstanding of parents, feelings of one’s own inferiority. Youthful friendship can develop into love.
- Adult– sometimes this is the friendship that was formed in childhood and strengthened over the years. Such friends know all the ins and outs of each other - such friendship is a very rare phenomenon, and therefore very valuable. There are several types of adult friendship: situational, friendly, business.
- Male friendship– there are legends about her, many songs have been sung and wonderful books have been written. What male friendship is is well shown in the Soviet film “The Three Musketeers”: mutual assistance, acceptance of a person completely with all his shortcomings, trust and help even in situations where a friend is in trouble through his own fault. Often among women, male friendship causes misunderstanding and envy.
- – men believe that it does not exist in nature. What women's friendship is can be seen in the movie Sex and the City.
For representatives of the fairer sex, the following are important in friendship:
- sympathy and empathy;
- loyalty;
- sincerity;
- a different opinion on the situation;
- trusting relationship;
- the opportunity to receive the necessary support at any time of the day or night.
What is true friendship?
What does it mean to be friends - not just to be friends and drink coffee together from time to time, but for real? People who have no friends often feel acute loneliness and melancholy. The truest friendship lies in a state of involvement and genuine interest in a loved one, when friends share both sadness and joy. Soul mates - one of the theories of reincarnation explains the phenomenon of friendship by joint incarnations in past lives. Souls strive to find each other and subsequently, when they meet, there is a strong feeling that they have known each other for a long time, even though they met for the first time.
What does friendship give to a person?
Friendship in a person’s life is one of the highest values, coming after family. A friend is a mirror in which you see your reflection. What values does friendship bring to relationships?
- mutual complementation of each other's positive qualities;
- feeling of support;
- a pleasant pastime;
- mutual assistance and assistance in difficult moments;
- teaches selflessness and devotion;
What is the most important thing in friendship?
A lot has been said about friendship, but how to determine which parameter is the most important in a relationship and who is a true friend? Each person has his own opinion regarding the hierarchy of friendship values: for some it is fidelity and the ability to trust all secrets, which is typical for women; for men it is joint adventures: fishing, hiking, hunting. The general criteria for friendship are the enduring, eternal virtues: decency, kindness, and sincere interest in each other.
How to learn to be friends?
For some people, the problem is that it is difficult to build relationships with people and, as a result, loneliness develops. Many people want to have close friends, but for a number of reasons they do not know how to maintain even formal contacts. How to be friends correctly and are there any specific rules of friendship? Social psychologists give a number of recommendations to help you establish a connection with the person you like and develop relationships that develop into friendship; for this you need:
- overcome shyness and get to know each other;
- take the initiative of dating into your own hands;
- be an open person;
- develop ;
- learn to listen to others;
- provide support in difficult situations;
- understand that developing relationships requires a lot of time, effort and work.
What ruins friendship?
The test of friendship occurs over time. People go through certain stages of life together with various tests, not everyone survives them. Reasons why even the strongest friendships can break down:
- The emerging love of friends for one person.
- One of the friends is rapidly becoming rich, the other finds it difficult to accept different social status.
- Betrayal and meanness. The reasons may be different - but it happens (the best friend takes his wife/husband away).
Books about friendship
The value of friendship is sung by poets and writers. How to be friends with people and be a true friend - these important lessons can be learned from books of classical and modern literature:
- "Three Musketeers". A. Dumas. - A book about love, devotion to honor and principles. This work is the most filmed in the whole world.
- "Hearts of Three" D. London. – A novel about self-sacrifice for a friend and that no wealth can replace love and friendship.
- "Three Comrades", Erich Maria Remarque. - A book about real, sincere feelings that the author so masterfully conveyed.
- "Jane Eyre. S. Bronte". - Selflessness and friendship between the main characters, which grew into love.
- "A Street Cat Named Bob". J. Bowen. - Friendship between humans and animals helps James overcome prolonged depression and drug addiction.
It is not easy to say definitely what friendship is, since it is an interpersonal relationship that is entirely dependent on people and the social environment. The nature of friendship determines what exactly people want from communication. But are we able to understand why we are friends and what unites us with another person, or are we almost never aware of our desires and true goals?
It is unlikely that anyone will be able to tell the truth about a relationship with a friend or loved one. And not because he wants to lie to someone. Often people deceive themselves and hide behind general words, not understanding their own subconscious motives. This flight can be explained, because understanding oneself is very difficult, and accepting the generally accepted “correct” opinion on faith is easier than ever.
Why do people converge?
“They got along. Wave and stone, poetry and prose, Ice and fire are not so different from each other,” says A. Pushkin about Vladimir Lensky and Eugene Onegin. Pushkin explains the friendship of the heroes of his novel simply - “there is nothing to do.” But these lines contain a deep meaning and an unsolved mystery of human relationships.
What makes people be friends, what attracts us to another person? The choice depends on the needs and personal qualities of people. In psychology, there are several types of friendships. Friendship can be built on mutual interests; in this case, a friend is, first of all, a comrade. A friend can be perceived as a reflection of oneself or a banal “vest”, ready at any time to receive streams of complaints, tears and problems. This form of relationship, which is classified as friendship, is also common - one person tries to become like another, copies him and dissolves in him.
True friendship should promote self-awareness and mutual understanding, it is in this case that we can talk about a true friend in the person of a loved one and healthy relationships.
Comrade, but not friend
These similar interpersonal relationships are sometimes confused. Companionship and “comradeship” in certain cases give rise to sympathy and friendship. Companionship can be the initial stage in the birth of friendship. If people are engaged in a common cause and are subordinated to common interests, be it work or study, they form a team. You may not feel sympathy for a friend, but friendship without mutual sympathy is impossible.
I make friends according to the rules
Interestingly, there are unspoken rules in friendship. It is not customary to talk about them, but this is what many mean by friendship. The rules may vary and depend on the place of residence, social class, cultural level and even the age of people.
Psychologists from England M. Henderson and M. Lrhappl conducted an interesting study. They surveyed residents of their country, Japan and Hong Kong about what they consider most important in friendship. It turned out that there are many rules for friendship, the most important of which are:
* Ability to keep secrets and respect the identity of another person;
* Friendship presupposes mutual reward; it is on this point that relationships are divided into more or less intimate;
* Friendships between women, unlike men, more often involve emotional support;
* Unlike the older generation, young people build friendships on mutual assistance and spending time together.
Interestingly, respondents tended to blame others for ending friendships and breaking unspoken rules, but not themselves. People cited the violation of one or another rule by a former friend as the reason for the breakup. Examples include the rule of non-invasion of personal space, mistrust or disrespect.
