Love... One word, and so much meaning. Each person has a variety of impressions and associations associated with it. This feeling is very gentle, pleasant, elusive and familiar to everyone. For some it is everyday life, for others it is their whole life. But what is the meaning of love? Why do men and women need it? And how to identify it in your heart?
4 types of love
Since ancient times, people experiencing a new and incomprehensible feeling have tried to find an explanation for it. Some looked for reasons, others sought to determine its type. The most common classification is the one proposed by Aristotle, the ancient Greek philosopher.
Agape
Philosophers and psychologists call this type of love the most noble. The word “agape” or “agapi” itself is Greek. It has no analogue in the Russian language, so translators replace agape either with “love” or leave it in its original form.
To the distinctive features Agape refers to:
- Self-sacrifice. For the sake of the object of his love, a person is ready to do anything, even to the detriment of himself.
- Close connection between mind and heart. When indicating the involvement of emotions and fleeting sensations, agape implies the involvement of the mind. However, she is not insensitive love, because in in this case agape would become cold justice.
- Giving Love. Agape is a feeling that encourages doing rather than receiving. By showing this feeling, you won’t even think about expecting something in return.
- Firmness of principles. Expressing feelings in agape is optional. Even if the object of love does not deserve it, agape encourages you to stick to your principles and continue to show love. In fact, agape itself is a principle in life.
The scope of manifestation of agape is quite wide. It has found its embodiment in relationships with other people, in philosophical concepts, in literature and even in religion. In all its manifestations, agape remains a sublime, wonderful feeling, which is not so easy to manifest. Sometimes you even have to learn to show agape love. Although for some, this type is the personification of negative qualities and principles. Some are guided by what will benefit them and begin to love something or someone.
Philia
Love-philia is clearly manifested in. This is a durable quality that is conscious choice person.
To the distinctive characteristics branch refers to:
- Not based on external. Philia focuses on the positive qualities of a person.
- Not limitless. Agape is a long-lasting and lasting love, since its basis is principles. Philia often arises between individuals who attract each other by their character and behavior. Therefore, if a person changes and ceases to satisfy us emotionally, there will be no trace of philia left.
- Occurs over time. It takes time for philia love to appear between people. You need to get to know each other, understand how similar your opinions are and where they differ.
- Guided by reason. Philia is due personal choice human, it is not spontaneous, it can be controlled.
- No double standards. Philia has no partiality or hypocrisy. She is not lenient towards friends, being strict towards other people.
When translating the word “philia” from Greek into Russian, one often encounters the following expressions: “How dear are you to me?”, or “I respect you!” This indicates the intelligent affection that exists between friends.
Storge
What a joy it is to belong. The bonds that unite its members are quite strong. The ancient Greeks called them storge. This love is inextricably linked with related feelings.
To the distinctive characteristics Storge refers to:
- It appears even when a person does not deserve it. Storge is a pretty strong feeling. Mothers feel it even towards those children who, from the outside, don’t seem to deserve it.
- Habit. Storge is one of those qualities that is developed over time within the family circle. As a result, a strong attachment appears between relatives.
- Tenderness. Storga is characterized by showing care, attention and tenderness towards a loved one, even to the detriment of herself.
- Complete openness. Storge does not change, even when we know everything about the other person, even his shortcomings.
Lack of storge results in women having abortions or abandoning their children, while others are reluctant to care for aging parents. IN Lately Storge is becoming less and less visible in people's hearts.
Eros
Sensual love is the main distinguishing feature of eros. All-consuming, overwhelming and uncontrollable. Eros is characteristic of young people who, due to their inexperience, immerse themselves in the object of their unbridled love. This is love between a man and a woman.
The distinctive characteristics of eros include:
- Feeling out of control. Eros love comes suddenly and does not leave even with the efforts of the mind.
- Not durable. Although eros occurs between a man and a woman, this type of love quickly leaves the couple.
- Can turn into another type of love. If partners experience sensual love towards each other, then the next stage is love-friendship. They get to know each other, they are satisfied with everything, and as a result they get married. However, it is better for the relationship to be the other way around, since sensual love is blind.
- Turns a blind eye to shortcomings.
- Fickle. Eros arises and then subsides. She is not characterized by stability.
These are the 4 main types of love that were identified in Greek philosophy.
Additional types of love
Ancient Greek philosophers identified 3 additional types of love.
Mania
This love is also called obsession. It is not characteristic of normal relationships; rather, it is a departure from the norm. This love is based on jealousy. The person who experiences it believes that only he has the right to possess the object of his love. Such love leads to sad consequences and even on the part of a person.
Pragma
This love is closely related to the efforts of the mind and thoughts. People who experience it think more not about their feelings, but about how beneficial or convenient it is for them to express them. Afterwards, the man or woman tries to figure out what they will get as a result of such a relationship. Such rational love is unnatural. People should still add feelings to their reason, otherwise love will be cold and not long-lasting, even though it is based on the efforts of our thoughts. – this is not the result of pragma. More like a love of convenience. Young people are not always united by material gain in such love. Pragma often appears if a man and woman are satisfied with other areas of life, they are satisfied with everything, and they are ready for a long-term relationship.
Ludus
Another form of “abnormal” love that people can experience. Ludus is based only on sexual desire. There is no talk of any reason or high human qualities here.
Changing the concept of love
Over time, a confusion of Greek words began, each of the philosophers identified different types of love, considering them more important. J. A. Lee identified eros, ludus and storge as three main types, and agape, mania and pragma are feelings that arise as a result of confusion.
V. S. Soloviev also carefully studied love and its types. He divided this feeling into three types:
- Love that gives. The main manifestation of this type of love is observed among parents, in particular among mothers towards their child. This type of love is sacrificial, the mother is ready to do anything for the sake of the baby. Protection, care, tenderness - all these are characteristics of this love. Parents do not need anything in return. The main quality in this type is pity.
- Love that gets. Children experience such upward love towards their parents. Their affection is reciprocal to the feelings of loved ones. This love is characterized by respect and reverence.
- Love that both gives and receives. The relationship between spouses is a clear manifestation of this type of love. They are united by feelings, qualities, and relationships. This love is quite complex, as it is based on both principles and deep emotional attachment.
Since ancient times, it has changed and been perceived by others differently, depending on the accepted norms and rules in society. Some people still cannot give a clear definition of this complex and deep feeling. For some it is chemistry, for others it is an uncontrollable disease. Depending on the object of your love, the strength of feelings and motives, the characteristics of this concept also change. Obviously, in its pure form it does not manifest itself in the heart of a person; rather, it is a spicy mixture of experienced feelings and qualities.
17 February 2014, 14:11Each of us has our own idea of love, but all the people of the world agree on one thing - this is the most beautiful feeling that a person can experience.
In fact, the feeling of love has several not so pleasant subtypes. If you are interested in finding out which one your relationship belongs to, then you should read our article.
1. Empty love
This type of relationship is very easy to get into, but extremely difficult to get out of. When experiencing “empty” love, each of you feels as if some important link is missing in the relationship.
Make no mistake, this important link is actually love! There is not a drop of love in an empty relationship that only occasionally brings happiness and emotion.
Parting with such a person can be very difficult - you may be connected by friendship, habit or respect. But it is still necessary to do this.
2. Impulsive love
Such relationships live only on adrenaline. If you do not experience vivid sensations, impressions, acquaintances or trips, then you are incredibly bored with this person.
Perhaps you both have already become addicted to the desire for new adventures and it will be difficult for you to get rid of this lifestyle.
If you manage to cope with the thirst for eternal “feeding” with bright emotions, then you will get to know each other better and your relationship will become full-fledged.
3. One-sided love
The most painful type is unrequited love, when your feelings and care are not valued. This state of affairs is both disappointing and devastating at the same time.
Don't let this type of love take over you. Remember that by devoting yourself to a person who does not need it, you may miss the chance of true love.
4. Manipulative love
No less dangerous than the previous type. Because of such love, people forget how to be themselves and become more like an obedient toy.
How to understand that you are being manipulated? Main sign- this is if you often change your opinion so that it is consistent with your partner. This should be your main wake-up call.
5. Unbalanced love
Unbalanced love means that you occupy a certain role in your relationship - and most often the role of the submissive.
If you feel like a child being told things by an adult, point this out to your partner immediately. If you don't do this, you risk either completely breaking down under the weight of your chosen one's opinion, or eventually exploding in discontent.
6. Platonic love
In simple words, this is the love we feel for people with whom we do not want to have a sexual relationship.
Our parents, other relatives and family members, friends and simply nice colleagues, classmates and sports teammates - they are all potential objects of platonic love.
7. Passionate love
Imagine a quiet field that is suddenly hit by a violent thunderstorm with lightning, rain, thunder and hail - this is exactly what happens passionate love, a favorite of romance novels and films.
As you might have already guessed, passionate love is closely intertwined with sex, fueled by it and is the peak of the reunion of a man and a woman.
8. True love
You can write entire books about it or just remain silent and enjoy it. We will only say that this is full-fledged and harmonious love, the purest and brightest feeling that can exist between a man and a woman who merge together in order to become a Family.
Eros - Ludus - Storge - Philia - Mania - Agape - Pragma
Eros. Enthusiastic, ardent love, based primarily on devotion and affection for the beloved, and then on sexual attraction. With such love, the lover sometimes begins to almost worship the beloved. There is a desire to completely possess it. This love is addiction. There is an idealization of the loved one. But there always follows a period when “your eyes open,” and, accordingly, disappointment in your loved one occurs. This type love is considered destructive for both partners. After disappointment, love passes and the search for a new partner begins.
Ludus. Love is a sport, love is a game and a competition. This love is based on sexual desire and is aimed exclusively at obtaining pleasure; it is consumer love. In such relationships, a person is more inclined to receive than to give something to his partner. Therefore, feelings are superficial, which means they cannot satisfy partners completely, they always lack something in the relationship, and then the search for other partners, other relationships begins. But at the same time, relationships with one’s own can be maintained. permanent partner. It is short-lived, lasts until the first manifestations of boredom appear, the partner ceases to be an interesting object.
Storge. Love is tenderness, love is friendship. With this type of love, partners are also friends. Their love is based on warm, friendly partnerships. This type of love often occurs after many years of friendship or after many years of marriage.
Philia. Platonic love, so called because at one time this particular type of love was extolled by Plato as real love. This love is based on spiritual attraction, with such love there is complete acceptance of the loved one, respect and understanding. This is love for parents, children, best friends, to the muse. Plato believed that this is the only kind of love that is true love. This is unconditional love. Selfless love. Love in pure form. This is love for love's sake.
In addition, the ancient Greeks identified three more types of love, which are a combination of the main types:
Mania or as the ancient Greeks called this type of love: “madness from the gods.” This type of love is a combination of eros and ludus. Love-mania was and is considered a punishment. This love is obsession. She makes the person in love suffer. And it also brings suffering to the object of the lover’s passion. The lover strives to be close to his beloved all the time, tries to control him, experiences insane passion and jealousy. Also, the lover experiences mental pain, confusion, constant tension, uncertainty, and anxiety. He is completely dependent on the object of his adoration. The beloved, after a certain period of such ardent love on the part of the lover, begins to avoid him and makes attempts to break off the relationship, disappear from his life, and protect himself from the one obsessed with love. This type of love is destructive and brings destruction to both the lover and the beloved. This type of love cannot exist for long, with the exception of sadomasochistic relationships.
Agape. This type of love is a combination of eros and storge. This is sacrificial, selfless love. A lover is ready to sacrifice himself in the name of love. In such love there is complete dedication to loved ones, complete acceptance and respect of loved ones. This love combines mercy, tenderness, reliability, devotion, passion. In such love, partners develop together, become better people, get rid of selfishness, and strive to give more than to take something in a relationship. But it should be noted that this type of love can also be found among friends, but in this case it will be absent sexual attraction, everything else is saved. This kind of love is also spoken of in Christianity - sacrificial love for one’s neighbor. Last for a lifetime. But it is very rare.
Pragma. This type of love is a combination of ludus and storge. This is rational, rational love or love according to “calculation”. Such love arises not from the heart, but from the mind, that is, it is born not from feelings, but from a consciously made decision to love a specific person. And this decision is based on reason. For example, “he loves me”, “he takes care of me”, “he is reliable”, etc. This type of love is selfish. But it can last a lifetime, and a couple with this type of love may well be happy. Also, pragma can over time develop into another type of love. (With)
There are 8 known types of love: Storge, Philia, Mania, Eros, Analita, Agape, Pragma, Victoria.
STORGE- corresponds to the Ethics of Relations (RE) aspect. This is love-tenderness, including deep understanding and compassion. This feeling is characterized by the ability to compromise, goodwill and the ability to smooth out contradictions. This form of relationship is characterized by: solidarity with the partner in everything, indulgence towards shortcomings, the desire for harmonious, stable, pleasant and relaxed relationships. This perfect shape love for family life, but on condition that the partner will be sensitive. The excessive vulnerability of this feeling does not make it resilient under any circumstances. The attraction of the soul is of great importance and prevails over physical attraction. Storge originated in antiquity, was developed during the Renaissance and has not lost its relevance in our time.
AGAPE- corresponds to the Intuition of Time (TI) aspect. This is sacrificial and idealistic love. It is based on tolerance. This is a fairly stable feeling with elements of fatalism. Its owner is able to forgive a lot and take self-denial for granted. Refined and poetic, such love can exist for a long time away from the object of feelings, even without hopes of reciprocity. There is a desire in her to protect her illusions from the reality that destroys them, therefore in such relationships there is a tendency to self-deception. Despite its complex and contradictory nature, it encourages humility more than other forms of love. Sometimes a person who has this form of love has to make radical decisions, for example, on his own initiative to part with his loved one. But the image of a loved one, even after separation, can remain faithful for a long time. Spiritual attraction always prevails over physical attraction. This type of love-humility became widespread with the emergence of Christianity, but it is still relevant in our time.
MANIA- corresponds to the Ethics of Emotions (EE) aspect. This is a prolonged emotional ecstasy, an obsession with love, an overestimation of its significance, which leads to strong emotional turmoil, reckless actions, and even drama. This feeling is strong, possessive, demanding, craving complete reciprocity, but also capable of many compromises. This love is very enduring, even in cases where it is unrequited. She is often capable of heroism and sacrifice, and even reckless devotion. She is full of contradictions, as she is very dependent on changeable moods. There are frequent quarrels, sharp contrasts in behavior, even fleeting betrayals. It causes unpredictable behavior and disregard for generally accepted norms of behavior. Love-Mania has existed since ancient times, but it became most widespread in the 20th century in Western Europe after the sexual revolution, whose adherents called for the emancipation of feelings and the denial of cold bourgeois rationality. It has not lost its relevance in our pragmatic times, although it has become less dramatic.
FILIA- corresponds to the Intuition of Possibilities (CI) aspect. This is a spiritual feeling, which is based on the kinship of souls, thoughts and interests - a kind of intellectual community. This feeling gives rise to friendship with deep respect and mutual understanding. It is very selective, unites like-minded people and stimulates the mutual development of abilities. This is the love of equal partners; it does not tolerate coercion and, especially, dictate in anything. People who are characterized by this type of love can remain faithful only to the chosen one who does not disappoint them. And without regret they part with partners who did not live up to expectations, who are alien in spirit and way of thinking. Such people are much more tolerant of sexual disharmony. This form of love developed during the Renaissance, but was praised by Plato and has since been called platonic. Nowadays, it is becoming increasingly relevant for societies fed up with sexual permissiveness.
ANALYTA- this is a form of love, which is characterized by the desire for calm and rational relationships. This love is individually selective, with high demands from its bearer for the object of feelings and with a tendency to be disappointed in him if he does not live up to any expectations. This exactingness is devoid of idealism, but often exceeds the real capabilities of people. This feeling is intellectual, with a tendency to reflect and analyze the behavior of a partner without plunging into his spiritual world. Has an abstract generalizing character with tendencies to draw conclusions detached from the object of feelings; There are few emotions and sensations here. Not compliant. Striving for reasonable and harmonious combination intellectual demands and physical desires, the owner of Analita requires many concessions from his partner. It manifested itself most clearly in the 19th century and is well reflected in the philosophy of Freud, Nietzsche, Schopenhauer and others. For many who have not met their ideal partner, this form of love turns into its complete denial. In our time of progressive gender equality (biarchy), it is gradually losing its relevance and manifests itself less clearly, although it is still relevant. Since it did not have a specific name in the literature, the author proposed his own.
EROS -corresponds to the aspect of Sensory Sensations (SS). This is a passionate, powerful and sensual attraction to the object of love. The appearance and demeanor of a loved one are of great value. They evoke aesthetic feelings and admiration for external perfection, often exaggerated - faces, figures, gaits. People in whom this type of love dominates strive for harmony of soul and body, and therefore are able to turn a blind eye to minor shortcomings. Burning with love, they are capable of great dedication, constantly improving their manners and ways of expressing feelings, as well as the shape of their body, the beauty of their clothes, and the aesthetics of their surroundings. They willingly adapt and adapt their partner to themselves. They attach great importance to physical pleasures. Not having found the desired harmony, they are forever disappointed in the object of their feelings and part with him quite easily. This form of expression of feelings became widespread back in Ancient Greece, is most characteristic of developed societies and is still widely promoted by the media and various types art.
PRAGMA- corresponds to the Business Logic (BL) aspect. This is a sober, pragmatic and reasonable love for spiritual or material calculations. Despite some selfishness, she is committed to a fair balance between “giving” and “receiving”. It involves treating the object of one’s feelings with respect and a desire to understand it. She is natural and rational in expressing her needs. It is characterized by a desire for mutual satisfaction of desires and interests, although personal interests are sometimes placed above the interests of the partner. Habit strengthens it; over time, the object of feelings turns into a necessary property, carefully cared for. Described by Spinoza. It was most popular in the 18th century, although it existed in all historical eras. It has not lost its popularity in our time. It is associated with unions that are commonly called marriages of convenience.
VICTORIA- corresponds to the aspect Volitional Sensory (CS). This is the view erotic behavior, farthest from intellectual and spiritual demands than the rest. It lacks depth and selectivity. It is based on the pleasant feeling of conquering the object of one’s attraction. It's a kind of fighting game. If the defeated person does not resist, interest in him quickly disappears.
Each sociotype (TIM of personality) corresponds to a pair of types of love - a combination
Philia and Analita ILE (Innovator, Don Quixote)
Eros and Mania SEI (Mediator, Dumas)
Analita and Philia LII (Analyst, Robespierre)
Mania and Eros ESE (Communicator, Hugo)
Mania and Agape EIE (Mentor, Hamlet)
Analita and Victoria LSI (Inspector, Maxim)
Agape and Mania IEI (Lyric, Yesenin)
Victoria and Analita SLE (Leader, Zhukov)
Victoria and Storge SEE (Politician, Napoleon)
Agape and Pragma OR (Critic, Balzac)
Pragma and Agape LIE (Experimenter, Jack)
Storge and Victoria ESI (Keeper, Dreiser)
Pragma and Eros LSE (Manager, Stirlitz)
Storge and Filia EII (Humanist, Dostoevsky)
Philia and Storge IEE (Inspirer, Huxley)
Eros and Pragma SLI (Master, Gaben)
If you are able to correlate your understanding of YOUR FEELING of love with each of the 8 types of love described above and choose the two that best suit your character (manifestations of your feelings and emotions), then the combination you receive of the 2 types will correspond to only one of 4 square. So you:
1. determine 2 main signs of your TIM
2. You immediately find yourself in “your” quadra.
For example. You have a combination of 2 types: Mania (PE) and Agape (BI). This means
1. the main features of your TIM are ethics - SE and intuition - BI.
2. This combination is present only in Beta quadra,
3. In the Beta quadra there are 2 such sociotypes - these are EIE (Hamlet) and IEI (Yesenin). They are both ethical intuitives.
If you chose Pragma (CHL) and Eros (BS), you will receive 2 sociotypes from the Delta quadra: LSE (Stirlitz) and SLI (Gaben).
It’s much easier to decide between two ethical intuitives or two sensory logicians from the same quadra, isn’t it?
The combination of Philia and Storge leads to the Delta quadra: these are EII and IEE.
The combination of Victoria and Analita - in Gamma: SEE and ESI. And so on.
Compare the received TIM options with the one you got before.
Similar or not? You have the opportunity to correct a mistake if you previously fell into a quadra that was not in yours - adjust the previously received TIM, focusing on your quadra and its values.
Take the TEST.
Check to see if it's YOURS SUPERVALUES are indicated opposite the TIM you found in the TEST.
If you have any doubts or have any questions, you can contact the author of the site by phone 8-905-265-34-45 Irina Nikolaevna
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If you know the sociotype (TIM) of your partner, you can determine how compatible your relationship is
The most compatible combinations of relationship types:
1. Storge and Pragma.
2. Mania and Analita.
3. Agape and Victoria.
4. Philia and Eros.
For example, people with the Storge and Pragma forms of love have a very strong union, since these feelings value a calm, harmonious life that strengthens relationships.
Mania can motivate its owner to do a lot, who wants to meet the especially high requirements of the personality with Analita. He, in turn, balances with his sober rationality the impulsiveness in the feelings of the owner of Mania.
Only a sacrificial feeling - Agape, capable of submitting to someone else's will - can get along with the imperious, possessive Victoria.
As for Eros love, only the rich possibilities and imagination of the intellectual Philia can retain the interest of an ardent and demanding partner for a long time. This is a magnificent union of mind, soul and body.
Incompatible types of relationships include:
1. Storge and Analita.
The tender, vulnerable Storge cannot stand the detached and unspiritual, strict and demanding Analita. But for Analita, Storge is too primitive, boring and even sweet. It is difficult for them to find mutual understanding and consonance in feelings.
2. Mania and Pragma.
The cult of emotions is incompatible with practical calculation. Mania seems restless and obsessive to Pragma, while Mania's Pragma seems cynical and boring.
3. Agape and Eros.
Melancholy Agape does not delight Eros. And Eros hurts Agape with its high demands. In addition, the owner of Eros does not need pity and humility, but only an equal partner who evokes sensual delight.
4. Filia and Victoria.
This is the eternal conflict between the spiritual and the physical, between the desire for equality and submission, between practical interest and its ignorance. They are not attracted to each other.
Combinations of relationship types with average compatibility
(which, with some adjustment, can get along):
1. Storge and Victoria.
Tactful Storge makes compromises in order to maintain harmony and strength of relationships. She is patient and softens Victoria over time. Her ability to be flexible sometimes brings her closer to the Agape that Victoria needs.
2. Mania and Eros.
The cult of love unites them and makes their emotions bright at first. Over time, fatigue sets in from an excess of feelings, but Mania holds Eros firmly. Their relationship usually turns out to be stormy, but interesting for both. True, the exact outcome here is not always predictable.
3. Agape and Pragma.
Idealistic sacrifice and sober calculation, despite some frictions, converge on a mutual desire for constancy.
4. Philia and Analita.
This is a highly intellectual union in which both strive for excellence. True, Philia lacks sensuality, and Analyta lacks emotionality in relationships, but they find common interests that bring them closer. They can break up only because of ideological differences or intimate dissatisfaction.
Partners with an average degree of compatibility cannot always adapt to each other, but if this happens, they get along.
There is also such a combination of types of love with an average degree of compatibility, when partners mutually extinguish each other’s feelings. In such cases, rapprochement either does not occur, or people quite soon lose mutual interest and break up.
True, in some cases such couples adapt to each other under pressure external factors: children, property problems, etc. But they irritate each other greatly, and this is difficult to bear in the absence of love.
Redemption pairs:
1. Storge and Mania.
Tenderness and passion with a mutual focus on the cult of love initially make partners very attractive to each other. But it soon becomes clear that they understand love differently and this disappoints both.
2. Agape and Philia.
Sacrifice and equality in love are mutually exclusive. Problems with expressing emotions and sexual initiative can extinguish both. Their interests are spiritual, but different. They get bored with each other, although superficial friendships can last a long time.
3. Analytics and Pragma.
Because of their sober approach to love, they may at first be interested in each other, agree on mutual respect, but they are rather cold with each other. The emotional side of love is not expressed. And besides, Pragma does not strive to become what Analita wants her to be. As a result, mutual disappointment ensues.
4. Eros and Victoria.
The beginning can be rough. But Eros, striving for harmony in feelings, does not accept the suppression of personality, becomes disappointed in Victoria, and she, in turn, does not try to keep him. They are both very independent and break up easily.
The problem of human relations is complex and multifaceted. Of course, approaches based on understanding relationships at the emotional and sexual levels do not completely solve the entire problem of relationships, but they lift the curtain on understanding this side of the relationship. For a more complete understanding of the problem of purely personal relationships, we propose to take another step into the realm of the sacred.
Ages of love in our lives
Forms of relationships corresponding to different age periods
Since everything is in everything and the greater is repeated in the less (<эффект матрешки>), and the forms of relationships also undergo a certain evolution throughout entire historical eras, as you have already seen by reading this article. Therefore, in a person’s life it is also possible to distinguish periods characteristic of one or another form of manifestation of feelings and relationships. They do not replace the forms of relationships typical of each character accent, but they have a certain influence on them. Let's see how this happens at different age periods:
1. Childhood. The physical level of development predominates. Introverted sensations intensify, reflecting possessive feelings towards parents and loved ones. The selfishness of young children is perceived naturally. Their overbearing<Я так хочу>- a law for others. It is difficult for a child to bear the indifference of those close to his needs, the loss of parents, physical punishment, suppression of his will. This indicates an intensification of the shade of demanding and possessive love - Victoria.
2. Adolescence. The onset of physical maturity. Extroverted sensations caused by pleasures received from the surrounding world and other people come to the fore. The first caresses, erotic pleasures, delight in beauty in any of its manifestations. Many problems are associated with puberty and the possibilities of its satisfaction, as well as with the first sexual experience. All this strengthens the form of love common to everyone at this age - Eros, associated with the sphere of sensations.
3. Youth. The joy of human communication, idealism and enthusiasm, the freshness of the worldview, a lot of emotions. Love and love again. In that age period there are many emotional problems associated with the collapse of illusions, unrequited love, and wounded pride. The ethical level of personality development predominates, the associated sphere of emotions and the type of emotional behavior - Mania.
4. Youth. Acquiring strong friendships and business connections, creating a family, having children. The role of family happiness, tender and devoted love is increasing. Those who suffer the most at this age are those who<не складывается>personal life. Forms of relationships prevail over forms of emotions. The dominant form of relationship is Storge.
5. Beginning of maturity. The role of professionalism and the ability to provide the material side of life is increasing. Acute dissatisfaction at this age is experienced by those who could not achieve this at this stage of life. Business activity is updated and along with it the type of emotional behavior - Pragma.
6. Maturity. After forty years, people want a stable and orderly life. Ethical and business problems are replaced by problems of status in society and in the family. This period is painful for those who<не состоялся>or has not received recognition and reliable status. A reassessment of values is brewing for them - that is, a mid-life crisis. The type of relationship associated with this analytical period of life - Analyst - leaves an imprint on the behavior of people during this period of life.
7. The beginning of old age. Sophistication life experience opens an intuitive period in a person’s life, when the hidden essence of what is happening is established by light hints. The baggage of knowledge and experienced feelings facilitates the search for alternative possibilities in solving problems. This is the period between when<молодость знает>And<старость может>. Many family and health problems that have been growing over the years are solved. It is most difficult for those who at this age are not able to resolve them. And also for those who do not have spiritually close friends and a life partner. The dominant form of relationships at this age is based on spiritual closeness and common interests - Philia.
8. Old age. The most sentimental and wise period of life, when submission to fate prevails, and<не волнует кто кого - он или я>. Understanding the beauty and harmony of the world around us brings joy. A feeling of sublime detachment and forgiveness appears. The past is idealized and the mysterious future worries. Religion brings comfort. Vanity and touchiness are the enemies of spiritual harmony. The spiritual and, in a certain sense, philosophical form of relationship - Agape - is strengthened.
An ideally harmonious life could be considered in which, at each age stage, the corresponding emotional problems associated with age-related forms of relationships would be successfully resolved. Since this is hardly possible, try to eliminate first of all those problems that are associated with the forms of emotions that are actualized at this stage of your life. Then you will feel emotional comfort more often.
Literature:
1. A. Ovcharov, V. Meged “Characters and Relationships”, Armada Press, Moscow, 2002
2. V. Meged “Forms of love - ancient and new”, journal “Socionics, mentology and personality psychology”, MIS, 4, 1996
There are many paths in life, but the longest of them is the path to the heart of another person. And if you resist this path and go off it, you will only waste time trying to find it again later.
Such a person wants to love and be loved in order to feel like a complete and harmonious person.
This can cause him to become an obsessive and jealous lover, feeling as if he is desperate for his partner.
Mania manifests itself especially clearly when the object of love does not reciprocate or his reciprocal feelings are unequal.
6. Pragma or lasting love
Pragma is love that has been tested by time, but continues to mature and develop.
It went beyond physical attraction, transcended spontaneity, and over time developed into a unique harmony.
You can find Pragma among married couples who have been together for many years, or among friends whose friendship has stood the test for decades.
Unfortunately, Pragma does not appear like magic. We spend so much time and energy trying, but so little time learning how to maintain relationships.
Unlike other types of love, Pragma is the result of effort on both sides.
This is love between people who have learned to compromise, to be patient, to push the relationship towards constant development.
7. Philaty or self-love
The Greeks understood that in order to love others, a person must first.
This type of self-love is not unhealthy vanity and arrogance that is focused on one's ego and narcissism.
Philaty is self-love in a healthy form. As Aristotle said: “All friendly feelings towards others are the development of a person’s attitude towards himself.”
The only way to truly be happy is to find unconditional love for yourself.
8. Agape or unconditional love
The highest and most perfect type of love is Agape, in other words, selfless and unconditional love.
Agape is not the sentimental outpouring that is often perceived as love in our society.
Agape also has nothing to do with the physical attraction-based type of love often found in modern culture.
Agape is what some call spiritual love. It is unconditional love, greater than ourselves, boundless compassion, endless empathy.
Buddhists have a corresponding concept - “metta”, i.e. universal loving kindness. It is the purest form of love, free from desires and expectations, existing regardless of the strengths and weaknesses of others.
Types of love. Three-Part Theory of Love
According to this theory, developed by American psychologist Robert Sternberg, there are three components of love:
- Passion– love and physical attraction.
- Proximity – deep feeling affection and unity.
- Liabilities– willingness to maintain and develop relationships.
These three components combine with each other, thereby giving rise to seven different types love.
| № | Types of love | Passion | Proximity | Liabilities |
| – | Lack of love | |||
| 1 | Sympathy/Friendship | + | ||
| 2 | Love | + | ||
| 3 | Empty love | + | ||
| 4 | romantic love | + | + | |
| 5 | Friendly love | + | + | |
| 6 | Fatal love | + | + | |
| 7 | + | + | + |
1. Like/Friendship
Think of a person to whom you can share any positive or negative event that happened in your life, including your most intimate secrets.
Of course you love him. But this love is sympathy or friendship, and does not pretend to be a relationship.
2. Falling in love (infatuation)
Infatuated love may seem strong and overwhelming, but devoid of intimacy and commitment, it does not last.
Very often, falling in love takes priority in your life, because it is caused by the strongest craving - sexual attraction.
But you should carefully evaluate how suitable you are for each other, and whether you want to be with this person for a long time.
3. Empty love
This is the love that some of us share with our family and relatives.
In this case, it is difficult for you to imagine a future without another person, but there is no physical attraction, as well as the exchange of information regarding the details of your personal life.
Unfortunately, many marriages are also sometimes based on empty love.
4. Romantic love
Romantic love makes you feel butterflies in your stomach when you think about the object of your love, but without commitment, this type of love cannot last forever.
The combination of passion and intimacy creates an illusion, but without conscious and active work on a long-term relationship, the feeling that arises will not be able to turn into something more.
5. Friendly love
At some point, a marriage or long-term relationship may develop into companionate love.
This isn't such a bad thing since intimacy and commitment are the strongest of the three components. However, it is important to rekindle the fire and bring the passion back to its rightful place.
Older people who no longer have strong physical attraction are often in search of companionate love.
6. Fatal love
Suddenly, a new absolutely wonderful person appears on your life path.
The chemistry of love that has arisen between you absorbs you completely, and you simply cannot keep your hands off each other.
Everything is going great, and you are absolutely convinced that this is the person you have always dreamed of.
This conclusion comes to mind based on a few superficial pieces of information you have: where the object of your passion has traveled, what kind of music he likes, what movies and books he prefers, etc.
And you decide with the utmost seriousness that you want to spend the rest of your life with this person.
But the truth is that without intimacy and sharing personal stories, you can't judge a person objectively because you don't really know them.
Perfect love is born from the union of all three components of love. This is the kind of love most of us strive for.
The ideal situation is when everything is great in bed, there is intimacy and mutual understanding, and you cannot imagine a future without this person.
Conclusion
We all want perfect love, which would give us strength and fill us with energy.
And we can indeed find it, but, according to many psychologists, the main problem is not in achieving love, but in maintaining it.
