Why doesn't a man get married? A man doesn’t want to get married: excuses for getting married We live in a civil marriage, he’s in no hurry to get married

You have been living together for several years now, but your partner is in absolutely no hurry with hints of marriage? Unfortunately, many people go this route. And half of the couples break up in such situations.

Why doesn’t a man want to marry his partner, and can a woman somehow influence the situation? The tips I learned from my personal psychologist will help me cope with this problem.

What is marriage really?

Before you begin to deal with the problem, it is worth finding out what marriage is? In fact, this concept is thousands of years old, and its origin is in no way connected with love. And, in general, the concept of love arose not so long ago, approximately during the Middle Ages. But marriage has always had to do with money, and not with family, and especially with love.

Let's return to the wedding issue. Ideally, at the time of marriage, a man takes absolutely full responsibility for his future wife, including providing for her, caring for her, and the children. However, when a couple lives in a so-called civil marriage, this is regarded as the man’s unwillingness to bear this very responsibility.

As for civil marriage, this is essentially a myth. If you study the family code, then there is no civil marriage, and we are talking only about officially registered relationships.

Therefore, you should not create illusions, and it is better to call things by their proper names. If you live with a man who does not want or does not plan to marry you, and can come up with many different excuses or simply leave this topic in limbo, then you are not a common-law wife, but simply a mistress. Of course, there are always exceptions to the rules. But their number is at a minimum level.

Judge for yourself! It is convenient for a man to have a so-called common-law wife. You come home, everything is clean, put away, dinner is cooked, the table is set, your pants are washed, your shirt is ironed, the dishes are washed.

In this case, the man receives a full set, and even sexual services in addition. At the same time, it doesn’t take that much money to live such a chocolate life. But the man does not bear much responsibility for such a wife. What, she’s not his wife after all?

Why doesn't a man want to marry his partner?

But the question of why girls tolerate such an attitude is more complex and interesting. Many girls want to look independent and modern, completely ignoring the obvious. A young man, having entered into cohabitation at the age of about 25, will successfully end this civil marriage in 10 years.

He will grow significantly in terms of his career, become a confident, self-sufficient man with a spectacular car, which he bought with the money saved through cohabitation. And he will want to change his life.

At the same time, the mistress, who is also a common-law wife, remains a thing of the past, like old but comfortable slippers. A confident, handsome man with a car begins his search for a new lover. Whereas the former partner can only bite her elbows and wonder: why doesn’t a man want to marry her, because she’s so good?

The problem is that she is just a roommate. And at an age closer to 30 or later, men are usually no longer interested in ladies who are not of the first freshness.

A man does not want to get married because he is satisfied with everything at the moment, and he already has everything that a woman could offer him only after the wedding.

Civil marriage is an excellent and very cunning ploy invented by men in order to realize their rights while avoiding responsibilities. But the most offensive thing is that women themselves agree to this.

What to do if a man does not want to get married?

Perhaps there are only two ways out of this situation. Or you will talk, come to a common conclusion and send it to the registry office, or you will quarrel because your partner does not want to be deprived of his freedom, and so on. Usually such conversations and quarrels end in separation.

And, if everything is clear with this, as they say, there is no trial, then the issue of wedding becomes a new problem. After all, every girl wants her beloved man to propose marriage from the bottom of his heart, on his knees, and putting a diamond ring on her ring finger, and did not go down the aisle under duress.

Psychologists gave several tips that will help prevent such a problem in advance and help cope with it:

if your relationship is just beginning and you are just starting to live together, then immediately dot the “Is” so that the man understands that you cannot stay in standby mode for long;
talk to the man directly, because many people don’t understand hints at all, and there are very shy men, maybe the problem in your case also lies in the lack of treatment.

It is better to have a heart-to-heart talk on this topic, but only when both partners are in good condition. If during the conversation it turned out that the man had no intention of marrying you, then it is better to run away from such a man.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 16 minutes

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A woman, dating a man, at the very beginning of their relationship considers them as a direct path to official marriage. But it happens that a couple’s relationship lasts for months, years, and he is in no hurry to walk his beloved down the aisle. In this case, the woman’s disappointment and resentment know no bounds; she begins to suspect him of lacking feelings for her, and she develops a lot of complexes about her own inadequacy to him.

Reasons why men don't want to get married

How, in fact, can one understand the reasons for the reluctance of a beloved man to go to the altar, how can one understand his intentions and feelings? Such a subtle matter as feelings requires a subtle approach to it, so without wise advice - nowhere!

The most common reason that a man does not want to lead the woman he loves to the altar is his "immaturity" , as a potential head of the family. Women know that a man very often remains a child at heart, which means that he notices only what he wants to notice, and is often inclined to idealize both the relationship with his loved one and the events of his life. He sets goals for himself and tries to follow them, so he doesn’t want to change his plans at the moment, leaving marriage for the future.
Another common reason for a man’s reluctance to propose marriage to his beloved is fear of losing your freedom , independence of today's life. Friends' stories, or his own assumptions, tell him that after marriage, his wife will rule everything, and only she will tell him what and when to do, where and with whom to go. A man always knows that family is, first of all, a responsibility that will fall on his shoulders. Perhaps he feels unable to provide his wife with everything she needs yet. In most cases, men are afraid that after marriage their beloved woman will not allow them to engage in hobbies, sports, meet friends, or lead an interesting and carefree life.
The reason that a man keeps putting off the wedding may be fear of seeing your wife change in the worst side . Subconsciously, this may be a manifestation of one’s own sad relationship experience, or observation of other married couples. It is also quite possible that such fear in a man is a kind of excuse for himself, because he subconsciously already felt that this woman is not his dream, but does not dare to break off the relationship.
On sad experiences of parents, relatives, neighbors, friends , the man already knows that after the wedding, quarrels, disagreements, and scandals always begin between the newlyweds. Sometimes such examples are so revealing and memorable that male witnesses in their own relationships begin to fear the same outcome. And, as a result, they delay the moment of marriage as much as they can.
A man, as a rule, wants to decide everything on his own. If his beloved woman begins to demand something from him, set ultimatums, running “ahead of the locomotive,” then she begins to play him male pride , and he acts with precision and, on the contrary, contrary to the expectations of his chosen one. He can even become deliberately rude and stops taking into account the woman’s opinion, which causes even greater accusations of callousness and soullessness against him. This is a vicious circle, the relationship is gradually heating up, and there can be no talk of any marriage proposal.
A weak, insecure man can avoid the question of marriage only because does not feel confident and reliable for your beloved woman. He is constantly gnawed by doubts; he may doubt that she sincerely loves him, because he is sure that there is absolutely nothing to love him for. Even if a woman proves with all her behavior and passion that she only needs him, this man is tormented by the thoughts that the other men around him are much better than him, and over time he will not be able to keep his woman near him.
If influence of parents on a man is great, and they did not like their son’s chosen one, then the man may not want marriage, submitting to the will of the elders in the family. In such a situation, a man is “between two fires” - on the one hand, he is afraid of breaking the parents’ ban, upsetting them, on the other hand, he wants to be with the woman he loves, feels ashamed in front of her, that he remains untenable in matters of relationships. In such a situation, a woman urgently needs to make a decision in order to prevent negative development of the relationship.
Sometimes lovers who have been dating for a long time or even live under the same roof begin to get used to each other over time. The romance, the attractiveness of their relationship, the intensity of feelings goes away. A man sometimes more and more often comes to the idea that he the chosen one is not the woman of his dreams , but continues to live with her, meeting her simply out of habit, out of inertia.
A man who already has some material wealth may not propose to his beloved woman for a long time, because he is not sure of her sincere feelings for him. He can suspect her of mercantile interests to his wealth, and in this situation the task of the chosen one is to prove her love to him, to convince him of the absence of greed.
A shy man who lacks self-confidence may be afraid to propose to a woman. for fear of being rejected . In the depths of his soul, he can picture to himself how he proposes his hand and heart, but in reality he cannot find the right moment to propose.

What should a woman do?beloved manwho is in no hurry to propose?

First of all, a woman in such a situation you need to calm down, pull yourself together . A mistake will be constant ultimatums on her part, tears with hysterics, persuasion and deceptive “moves”. You shouldn’t ask him when he’s about to propose, or constantly pester him with conversations about weddings, or trips to wedding salons. If a woman wants a man to remain courageous and independent, she should leave this decision to him , let go of this situation, enjoy the relationship and stop blackmailing your chosen one with tears.

Darling a man should feel that he is good and comfortable with his woman. A woman knows one of the ways to this goal - this is the path through his stomach. It has already been proven that what brings people together most of all is not passion, but common mutual interests, hobbies, and entertainment. A woman needs to show concern for her chosen one, sincerely empathize and be interested in his affairs, and not pretend. Very soon the man will feel that he simply cannot live without his beloved and will propose.
The biggest mistake women make before marriage is becoming his property , wife from the very beginning of the relationship. Even living together, a woman should wisely keep her distance - for example, not wash his things, not turn into a housekeeper and cook. A man gets everything he needs from such a woman, and there is no reason for him to marry.
Very often civil marriages become the reason for the complete “collapse” of relationships , a man’s reluctance to take on all these worries and responsibilities. When a couple begins to solve everyday “mundane” issues together, a great test comes for feelings, and very often they do not pass it. If a woman really wants to marry this man, she does not need to agree to a civil marriage with him, because it is only for a woman than simple cohabitation.
At the beginning of a relationship with a man a woman should not close herself within four walls . She can even accept signs of attention from other men - without, of course, provoking attacks of jealousy in her chosen one. You can be late for meetings, or even reschedule a date several times to another time or another day. A man is a hunter, his excitement awakens when he sees that his “prey” is about to run away from him. A woman needs to always be different, always enigmatic and mysterious, so that a man would be interested in discovering her again - and this would turn into a necessary tradition for him.
In order to be much more interesting to the chosen one, closer to your beloved man, a woman can meet his parents, friends, colleagues . It is necessary to show feminine wisdom and ingenuity, find an approach to everyone and create only a favorable impression of her. You should never speak badly about someone close to your man - this can push him away from the woman he loves overnight.
Should dream more often about the future, paint pictures of happy prospects for your chosen one , saying: “If we are together, then...” Over time, the man will already think in terms of the pronoun “we,” smoothly moving on to thoughts about legitimizing the relationship.
Woman You shouldn’t focus yourself only on relationships, on feelings, and especially on marriage. . She must continue her studies, achieve success at work and career growth, and appear independent and strong. A man does not want his woman to turn into a housewife after marriage, so a woman should pay all her attention to herself, be self-sufficient and independent.
Feelings mean nothing without mutual understanding. A woman should become not only a man’s lover, but also his girlfriend , interlocutor. It is necessary to be interested in the affairs and work of your loved one, give him good advice, help, support. A man should feel that he has a very reliable rear.

In order for a woman to understand whether there is really a good reason why her chosen one is postponing the moment of marriage to an indefinite future, or whether he simply does not want to marry her, some time must pass. If she has done everything on the above points, but her chosen one demonstrates rare coldness towards her, and does not reciprocate her feelings in any way, keeping a distance, maybe he's just not her man . This is a difficult decision, but it is necessary to let go of the situation without clinging to it, and devote time to yourself, waiting for new relationships and new, already real, feelings.

Your friend has only been a month after meeting her boyfriend, and now they are already going to order a wedding dress. My sister is moving in with her boyfriend in a week, and yesterday she also heard the cherished words from him: “Sunny, when will we get married?” And only you feel like a loser, increasingly wondering why men don’t want to get married: the length of your relationship will soon be equal to three years, and your loved one himself does not start any conversations about the wedding and ignores your hints, joking: “More than I love you, love is impossible. The stamp won’t change anything.”

You are afraid to give your boyfriend an ultimatum, because you are so afraid of losing him, and at the same time you worry: “Why is this so, all your friends are already ringed, and only I am a girl of marriageable age. Why am I worse, well, why?” You don’t dare ask your friend about this, because she will understand that you envy her in your heart.

Trying to find the answer, you stand in front of the mirror for an hour, looking for flaws in your appearance: “Here is a wrinkle on your forehead, and here is a pimple on your nose. Well, who would marry such a pimply woman?” And you are also confident that if you were the owner of luxurious blond curls, like your friend, and bright blue eyes, like your sister, men would line up to get the key to your heart.

But do not rush to find flaws in your appearance, character or education. How many smart and beautiful women have the same problem as you - how to get married. For years they have been trying to solve it, but they do not get the desired result. So maybe the problem is not with you, but with modern men?

Of course, we cannot speak for all men at once. And if your neighbor does not get married only because he is not ready to take responsibility for the family even in his forties, but wants to live easily and carefree, then it is not a fact that this is precisely the reason that is stopping your boyfriend. So now you will find out ten reasons why guys don't want to get married.

1. Negative parental experiences

If a guy grew up in full family and every other day he observed quarrels between his parents, and even worse - scandals and fights, he might have gotten the impression that in family life there is nothing good. This is even more likely when he was raised by one mother, who constantly insisted that “all men are assholes” (of course, except for her beloved son) and that a happy family is something bordering on fantasy. It should be recognized that among people who have been married for a long time there are very few examples of harmonious families worthy of emulation. But there are hundreds of unsuccessful marriages. Perhaps your boyfriend doesn't want to be one hundred and first.

2. Your failed marriage

If you meet a man over thirty, then, as a rule, he has already had experience in family life. Some men quickly get married and get divorced just as easily, then again call their next beloved to the registry office. For others, their own divorce can become so ordeal that they will give themselves the word: “Never set foot in the registry office again.” No, this does not mean that they become monks. This type of man does not deny himself intimate pleasures, but when the conversation comes about the ill-fated stamp, they simply run away. Enough is enough, they have already made a mistake once, and they are not going to repeat it again.

3. The habit of being single

If a man has his own living space, his chances of success with the opposite sex immediately increase several times. This is especially true for megacities, where the housing problem forces out-of-town girls to quickly resolve the issue of the official status of their spouse. Well, or at least move in with him so as not to pay huge sums for rent. So, a very large percentage of these men do not need a girl living with them, even if she does not insist on a stamp. After all, he won’t be able to invite friends to drink beer and throw socks around without receiving lectures from his missus.

4. Desire for variety in relationships

In this matter, men are very different. True, in our time there are not so often stories of Romeo and Juliet, when he and she are each other’s first. The polygamous nature of men makes them look for girls again and again. It’s impossible to stop at just one: “What if I find something more beautiful? Maybe her borscht will be tastier?” So they flutter from skirt to skirt, not bothered by the problem of the biological clock that ticks in girls and forces them to hurry up in finding a betrothed. No, it’s different for men; they can be eligible bachelors both at forty and fifty, while women at that age can only babysit their great-nephews.

5. Reluctance to take responsibility

Modern men love to frown and express indignation when they hear the phrase: “Are you ready to provide for your family?” Yes, they know that women now work on an equal basis with them, and some businesswomen earn many times more than them. And yet, they are aware that when a child is born, any woman wants to feel care and support. Being responsible people modern men they doubt whether they can cope with the heavy burden called “family well-being.” And the prospect of not sleeping at night because of the screaming of the baby does not make them happy, even if this screaming toddler is their own son.

6. Feelings are not strong enough

If you hear that there is no love and today everyone is looking for a partner of convenience, do not believe it. Fortunately, even in our turbulent times there are things that are not bought or sold. True love is among them. Men still dream of meeting companions who will love them regardless of their salary, their own living space or bank account. A fairly common situation is when a man seems to be building a relationship, but at the same time, is thinking about finding another companion. Does he think you're not good enough for him? Then you don’t need such a “groom”!

7. The desire to create a foundation for marriage

Maybe your man has already lived with his parents in a dorm with one kitchen and twenty rooms. Now he considers it an undeniable truth that a lot needs to be achieved to get married. A decent job, an apartment, a car - all this will not come in one day, unless your companion is the son of a millionaire. So it turns out that there is a good excuse: “When I earn money for an apartment, we’ll submit an application.” Separate housing, of course, is great, but they also live in dormitories happy families. Maybe your boyfriend is just leading you by the nose, hiding behind the good intentions of being a breadwinner and breadwinner?

8. Fear of paying child support

There are also many men who are afraid that they may be used as a biological father, and then forced to pay part of their salary for many years to support the child. They are wary of bitches who only dream of tricking them. These men will put off getting married until the last moment, preferring to live with their partner in a civil marriage.

9. “All the pleasures without a stamp”

The powerful incentive that used to make men immediately run for a ring and propose has now been lost. I think you understand what I mean we're talking about. Nowadays, a girl's preservation of virginity before marriage will cause surprise rather than admiration. And even if a girl was brought up in strictness, she still gives in on delicate issues, because she is afraid of a break in the relationship. Accordingly, nothing changes for a man after registration. Hot breakfast - that's how it used to be. And intimacy, as they say, becomes insipid and boring in marriage. Why deprive yourself of pleasure?

10. Changing public standards

When a man is about to get married, he looks at his immediate circle: friends, colleagues, neighbors. If all his friends are already raising toddlers, then he also has an incentive to move faster and urgently look for a bride. If peers say that you can still go for a walk, and parents ask you not to rush (“After all, this is such a responsibility”), then there is no incentive for the stamp. So it turns out that forty-year-old grooms say solemnly: “I still have everything ahead of me. It’s you, women, who need to fight for us - there are very few of us left!”

Indeed, the situation is not very good - the guys are not eager to get married. Today it is not a man who is trying to win his chosen one, to show all his best qualities and make an offer. On the contrary, the role of the asking party is given to the girl, who is forced to ask: “Well, when will we get married?” Just before asking this question, you should think: “Does he really love me?” If the answer is negative or in doubt, you simply do not need this stamp.

The minor, the hero of Fonvizin’s work, declared to his parents:

“I don’t want to study, I want to get married.”

Of course, not from an abundance of love for family life, but from a reluctance to comprehend science. Modern men would most likely prefer to suffer and study for a long time than to rush to the registry office.

Psychologists state the problem of changing the form of the family; today many young couples live in a so-called “civil marriage”. And what’s interesting is that there is confusion in concepts, because a legal marriage, legally formalized, is what is called civilian because it's installed civil law. And what happens everywhere when young people live without a wedding is rather cohabitation, and although the expression sounds somewhat rude, this is exactly how this form of relationship is interpreted in jurisprudence.

The main reasons for “civil marriages”

Let's name the main reasons for so-called "civil marriages" or simply find out why men don't want to get married.

First of all, this lack social guarantees for young people from the state. Today, the concept of student weddings, which existed 15-20 years ago, has practically disappeared. After university, young people are concerned about finding a job, then build a career, and somehow solve the housing problem.
The notorious fear of taking responsibility for another person in our difficult and unstable times.
Absence material base: there is no well-paid job, no apartment, no car, and sometimes no money for this very wedding. When everything is done, you can start a family.
Fear lose freedom and change something in your already established life. As long as everyone is happy with everything - the couple is together, if problems arise - they separate without difficulty. But if there is a stamp in the passport, everything is not so simple and there may be aggravated consequences in the event of a divorce.
The girl’s very attitude towards the wedding and young man completely different. If for her a wedding is the embodiment fairytale childhood dream: White dress, veil, carriage and she is dazzlingly beautiful, then for him it is just a transition from one period of life to another, as they say, life “before” and “after”. The man argues: “Yes, what a wedding, what’s the difference and what can change stamp in the passport?»
Negative experiences of divorce, which happen to others soon after marriage. It seems like it was hot just yesterday loving people who got along well with each other, suddenly changed at once. Discord began, the behavior of both one side and the other changed. Yesterday's bride, feeling that she is now a wife and there is no need for her to please her chosen one, begins to show her character. Newlyweds, unprepared for family life, simply give in to the daily responsibilities of everyday life.
Very often this is lack of love. Sometimes, with protracted, unformed relationships, falling in love passes, and in its place real love not in a hurry. There is a loss of freshness and acuity of feelings, relationships become sluggish, gray without a golden core. Romantic relationships are being replaced by, simply put, “everyday life”: the first complaints and disappointments begin to arise. And this situation does not cause a desire for marriage; rather, on the contrary, the potential groom doubts whether it is worth committing his life to this woman at all.
It is not uncommon for the woman herself creates the preconditions for long-term civil marriages, she begins to live together with a man, without even trying set some conditions. A man already has everything he wants, why create additional problems for himself with marriage. Everything is easy and simple.
It happens that the wedding process itself is scary, its organizational moment, preparation, turmoil, responsibility, nervousness and experiences of this period. But besides this, there is also the joy of the holiday, the beauty of the moment, emotions and a feeling of unprecedented happiness to see it in the eyes of your bride.
And an equally common reason is that it simply doesn’t occur to the potential groom that it’s time to get married, that the girl has been waiting for the coveted marriage proposal for a long time. Therefore, a girl should not be afraid to hint or say directly: “Let’s get married!”

As you can see, there are enough reasons not to rush to the registry office. And it’s one thing if such a situation suits both parties, and another if a woman is waiting - she won’t wait for the cherished proposal, exhausting herself with thoughts, sometimes getting irritated by this, becoming intolerant, angry, and thereby worsening the relationship without even knowing it.

And although, often, a woman does not demonstrate her long-ripened desire to be a wife, believe me, everyone dreams of being proposed to, if, of course, there is love between them.

How and how to encourage a man to propose to a girl

What to do if the man you love doesn’t propose and doesn’t want to get married?

If a girl is already ready for family life and is confident in her feelings, there is no need to wonder why she does not receive an invitation to the registry office. You just need to ask your loved one about it.
If you can’t directly ask the question yourself, you can ask your close friends or relatives about this, let them casually ask your fiancé’s opinion about your future together. But these must be trusted people whom you trust. Otherwise, there can only be harm from such participation.
If there are reasons, you can try to solve them together or wait for a while. But you can wait your whole life... After all, there are quite frequent cases where people get used to this form of relationship, give birth to illegitimate children, and at the same time she considers herself married, and he considers himself a free person.
In no case should you strive to please your potential groom, go through all sorts of tricks, change your style of behavior, be obsequious and fulfill all his whims. As noted, this does not give results, because the real reason reluctance to marry is not unknown to you.

Almost always, any woman wants to be a legal wife, and dreams of the treasured ring on her finger. Therefore, a man does not need to be dishonest with her, if, of course, she deserves to be called a wife. And if she is unworthy of marriage, you should not continue the relationship, you need to find the courage and strength to end it.

In any case, it is important to be able to find out the reason for what is happening and figure it out yourself. Sometimes it is not so simple, the opinion of a specialist is important. Perhaps the books of Leslie Garner, Brian Luke Seaward will help you “Crises are life lessons. Life in harmony (set of 2 books)" .

P.S. Psychologists and civil registry office workers state a fact growth in the first months of 2015 in the number of marriages and weddings despite the ongoing economic crisis. The reason lies in the fact that it is easier to optimize everyday expenses and solve the most complex problems together.

After all, it’s always easier to live together!

And I want them to tell you: “Let’s get married” :)

Leave your questions, opinions, tell us about your “civil marriage” relationship. How did this article help you?

Probably, many of us are familiar with couples who have been living in a civil marriage for a long time and are in no hurry to formalize the relationship. And, of course, more often than not the opponent of officialdom is strong point, but why doesn’t a man marry you? And you, meanwhile, continue to choose for him stylish shirts, feed to the full and please in everything. How right is she doing, is there any point in being next to a man who has not deigned to take one step, thanks to which the woman will feel confidence in the future and stability of her situation. Let's try to find out together.

Why doesn't he get married?

We all understand that any delay in a relationship does not arise out of nowhere. Life under one warm roof, spending time together, common interests and activities - this is, so to speak, a marriage. But there is one difference - not official, but civil. Perhaps he is hiding something, and there are very good reasons why he is in no hurry to go to the registry office. So, let's look at the most common ones, according to psychologists.

Married husband

When you start a conversation about legitimizing your status, you hear in response: Let’s wait until the children grow up, She’s sick now, I can’t leave her alone, The company is registered in Her name, etc. and so on. Believe me, this is a very banal situation. Men are not at all enterprising and explain the delay in divorce with familiar phrases. And if you continue to expect that he will soon rush in on a trotter and open the treasured box with a ring, you will hear the very words that you have been dreaming about all the time you have lived together - wake up. He will continue to take advantage of your position, swallow amazing cutlets and praise your talents.

And imagine how convenient it is. After all, periodically returning to his “unloved” wife, he most likely feels the same. People are waiting for him everywhere, tables are set, gifts are given. And both ladies (sometimes there are more of them) are united in their desire to keep the “best” man in the world.

Polygamist

These are easy to spot. They often go on business trips, they can periodically go “hunting” and fishing with friends, and stay at work until the morning. The latter, by the way, happens very often. In such a situation, the man hides his place of employment and will not allow you to enter his office under any pretext. Upon returning from another business trip, he will definitely give a gift - underwear, sweets, flowers, Jewelry. After all, you need to beg for “forgiveness” and not give reason to doubt that you are the one and only.

Spare wife

Most men are ambitious by nature. They have a kind of backup list, and it will be replenished until he meets the one. And this can go on for a very long time. Types of this kind are always particularly selective. She doesn’t cook well, has a big nose, is unkempt, sloppy, too annoying, etc. A number of claims can be listed for hours. And as soon as he meets a girl with ideal indicators, he will immediately rush to her and forget about the one who has been nearby for many years.

For the same rake

There is an axiom - the person we choose to live with is our mirror. That is, our chosen ones are intended to make us aware of our character and make the right choice for life. But due to their inexperience or naivety, most do not want to understand this. And, time after time, they choose the same type, with which they simply do not “get along.” Perhaps everything will be fine at first, but after the candy-bouquet period, everyday life will begin. And against the backdrop of everyday life, relationships can end at any moment and for any reason. Therefore, before entering into a relationship, take a close look at your man, observe his behavior and draw conclusions.

Lover for life

This type is not capable of not only building a family, but also maintaining a relationship with one girl for at least some time. True, his flights do not mean that he does not have children. Moreover, such Don Juans may have several children, from different mothers. A loving man, as a rule, is nice to everyone; he does not like to sort things out. And whenever possible, he tries to help everyone, takes part in the life of his blood.

It’s just his way of loving everyone. He is, one might say, stuck in adolescence when hormones were in full swing, but wisdom and responsibility had not yet arrived, and were unlikely to occur.

No funds yet

A common reason for men who postpone marriage is lack of money. He wants to arrange everything grandly, because this is a once-in-a-lifetime event, and his beloved deserves an amazing celebration, etc. Also, the reason may be unsettled life, an imaginary desire to increase and improve living conditions.

This can last for a very long time, because you need to earn a lot, and this is not easy. Remember - the years go by, and, unfortunately, time does not play for the benefit of a woman.

Unhealed wound

It so happened that your chosen one suffered a tragic love story. Someone inflicted a wound on him, deceiving his sincere feelings. Perhaps it was a betrayal, and the beloved cheated on the man with another person. Or at the moment when his business began to fade away, she decided not to waste time on a loser, and left in search of a new rich gentleman. And when he meets you, he simply licks his wounds and tries to get back on his feet.

Look, no matter how it turns out that when he gets back on his feet, he will again feel the strength in himself and forget about his savior. Believe me, this also happens. If you still have a decent person in front of you, then it will take him a lot of time to believe in the sincerity of your feelings and take the first important step.

Lover for life

There is a special type of women - eternal lovers, whom no one will marry under any pretext. It is worth noting that these representatives more often continue the “karma” of their dynasty. In her family there will definitely be an aunt, grandmother or the same mother who had connections on the side, gave birth to lovers and could not get married. And this position does not confuse the girl at all; on the contrary, it fits perfectly into the norm and the habit of being “alone” is passed on from generation to generation.

By nature, a girl of this type is a little girly in life. She behaves childishly, quickly gets offended and constantly demands gifts. Apart from a young body and sex, she is unable to give her lover anything.

But he is not an idol, but a living person. He also wants to talk, conduct everyday life, and receive wise advice. And if this is not the case, then cohabitation with a “doll”, albeit a passionate one, becomes boring.

Fear of communicating with mother-in-law

He already has a domineering and especially commanding mother. Please note that perhaps your parent also likes to keep everything under control and is trying to put pressure on your chosen one with her authority. Every now and then she demands to be taken to the market, to the dacha, to meet her friend from the North, to move furniture, to fix the car, to make repairs, etc. Stop! Why on earth is she interfering with something other than her family? You should exist separately. Immediately move to another apartment, even a rented one. Don't ignore your sociable dad. If he keeps trying to get his beloved son-in-law into fishing, carpentry, and trying fresh moonshine infused using a special method, stop these attempts. Not everyone will like such importunity.

The opinions of friends interfere

Your loved one was recently enjoying himself in the company of his friends; his free time was occupied by the fan movement for his favorite team, hunting, fishing and other hobbies. You weren’t there yet, and he belonged entirely to his friends. And then a passion appeared, which pulled the guy out of the company and deprived him of that well-coordinated team of like-minded people that made up the backbone.

The reason could also be different - perhaps they are jealous of him, and most likely this is exactly the case. Clean, well-groomed, does not ruin his health with alcohol or low-alcohol drinks, and is already trying to quit smoking. He goes to work on time, and spends weekends with his family or alone with his loved one. He is always welcome at a beautifully set table, and the dishes are hearty, tasty and fresh. Which of his “abandoned” friends wouldn’t want the same thing? So they get mad, sorry for the bad manners.

But be careful, the entire idyll described above may end suddenly if the company gets its way and makes efforts to return the “prodigal” friend. In any case, make sure that none of the “saboteurs” can get too close to him.

Don't be intrusive

Each of us should have our own space. And if you are nearby for seven days and 24 hours a day, then not only a stranger, but also the woman you love may become tired. The latter, moreover, sets only its own rules and tries to remake it to its own template. short term. You can also safely call it a desire to quickly introduce him to your mom and dad, to introduce him into your social circle.

Wait, stop! What are you doing? A person has lived for himself for a long time, he has his own friends, family, and also has his own interests and hobbies. Why break everything that is already established “through” the knee. Believe me, an intelligent, or rather, a wise woman will never do this. If you continue in the same direction, not even a couple of months will pass before you find yourself with nothing.

Your loved one is an introvert

Be careful, there may be a person next to you who has mental problems. An introvert is another thing, no matter what, what if he is a sociopath who is irritated by your presence. If a man is outraged for any reason, explodes when he finds your toothbrush in his cup, doesn’t want to let you try his ice cream, refuses to turn his cheek for a kiss - run. A little more, he will begin to resent your turning in bed and irreparable things may happen.

Unbearable Pure

It’s hard to believe, but among men there are also such pure women whose neatness you simply want to run away from. Yes, this is a rarity, but we know that it is with our “Jewish” happiness that we will come across this type. Aesthetes and supporters of perfectionism cannot feel peace if socks are folded in the wrong color in the locker, and a thin strip with a dent appears on the shirt. And if he discovers that somewhere in the bathroom a jar of cream has been placed in the wrong row, expect at least a contemptuous look.

But most likely, the situation will be “crowned” with a strong word and your vain movements towards ideal order. Such a pedant will not even think about formalizing a relationship until he meets the same one, which is very difficult. So it will degrade in its cleanliness and drink your “blood” until you yourself escape from the ideally clean space.

The most banal dislike

No need to beat around the bush. Be brave and honest - he doesn't love you. Believe me, if that same feeling exists in a person, then he cannot imagine his life without your presence. It doesn’t matter to him whether you are a slob or a neat person, whether you are annoying or not. He agrees to put up with your father's craving for alcohol and will listen carefully to stupid jokes. He will never refuse his mother’s cabbage rolls and will take her to the dacha. He will never remember his friends, he will forget about his mother’s instructions. The main thing is that you be nearby and give him passion, the joy of communicating with you.

Now let’s look at the phenomenon of civil marriage from the outside. Is it possible to find positive aspects for you in it and is it worth holding on to such a relationship?

Civil marriage: pros and cons

Any couple living together goes through certain stages of the relationship and everything goes towards one thing - registering a marriage. And if at least one stage is missed, then living together may collapse. Disappointment will come, and constant doubts will “sharpen” the foundation of trust. In the end, one of the couple, and maybe both parties, will think that this is not the person who was expected all their lives. Therefore, it is important to live nearby for some time, learn habits, get used to character traits and actions. And if the “grinding in” process is completed without “losses,” you can be done with it. But in modern world Quite a few couples are already in no hurry to formalize their relationship. What do psychologists and think about this?

Experts do not see anything bad in this kind of family. Time passes and people change. Gone are the dogmas that you cannot have close contact and give birth to children from a person with whom you are not officially married. Now there is complete freedom in relationships and each of us chooses a convenient form for ourselves. But what should couples do in which one half is for an open marriage, and the other half is for officialdom. Of course, women often complain about this state of affairs.

Pros of an open relationship

Living together without registration allows people to get to know each other better and take a closer look at how stable their future lives will be. After all, ideal people do not exist. A happy future must be based on mutual understanding, compliance and respect for each other.
Thanks to civil cohabitation, a woman will be able to understand in advance whether she can rely on this man. After all, without a stamp in his passport, he has complete freedom of action. See how he will take advantage of this situation, whether he will exclaim on every occasion that you are “nobody” to him and he is an absolutely free person.
When living under the same roof, you can check how similar or different your attitudes toward financial spending are. With such a partner, will it be possible to make plans for the future and save up for something significant? Nobody says that everything should be built on money. They are simply an integral part of our lives. Do not forget that the bulk of family quarrels arise precisely because of financial deficit.
In a civil marriage, many try not to acquire any significant property. Because the more agile and cunning side can “take everything into its own hands.” Therefore, the issue is resolved simply - no property, no problems with separation. It sounds cynical, but it's honest.
No one can predict the future day. What if someone appears on the horizon who is truly ready to make you happy and live next to you all your life. But your beloved never decides to take an important step and is stalling for time. Moreover, with him there is no such stability and confidence in the future. The same thing could happen to him. Passion passed, I met the one and only. So the separation process will be quick. No courts, no proceedings. He took his suitcase and left.
No matter how strange it may sound, civil relationships can keep both halves in good shape for a long time. After all, it is no secret to them that at any moment someone can stop living together and go home. To get around this moment, everyone tries to maintain passion, periodically remembering romanticism, flowers, delicious food. Ladies do not miss the opportunity to appear in front of their loved ones in the best light - beautiful, well-groomed, slender. After all, it is so important that, looking at you, he feels pleasure and desires intimacy. Otherwise, at any moment a predator will appear, ready to take the man away, taking the most decisive steps.

Disadvantages of civil cohabitation

Let's look at the negative aspects of living together as an unregistered couple. Let’s say right away that there are also a lot of them and they can significantly spoil the mood.

Lack of legal support. Youth, passion, love - all this does not fit into the framework of a well-thought-out relationship. The main thing that drives lovers is the desire to completely give their life to their other half and not think about anything, only about her. And no one thinks about what will happen tomorrow. And life, as experienced people understand, is an unpredictable thing and can present surprises at any moment. And marriage without official registration is absolutely not protected by our legislation.
Acquired property. After all, quite a few of these couples manage to buy an apartment, a dacha, furniture, a car, and most of them work on the property together. And so far everything is fine, there are no conflicts, no questions arise about who owns it all. But there is a problem - when parting, the party who cannot prove their participation is left with nothing. Most often these are women. After all, it falls to her lot to give birth to children and care for them. Thus, she loses years of work, although she works no less, and maybe more, than her husband. Don't forget about housework too. Even if she is not employed anywhere and has no children, taking care of the house, greeting her husband with ready-made food, washing, cleaning and caring for him is also work. Her rights will be protected by the state only from the moment she signs the marriage certificate. Therefore, it is worth thinking about whether there is any point in making a lot of money if you are not sure about this person. In a legal marriage, whether the husband wants it or not, all acquired property will be divided into two.
Another aspect related to property. Anything can happen in life, and, unfortunately, we are all not protected from tragedies. It may happen that the spouse dies (God forbid), and everything that they acquired together may become the subject of claims from his relatives. Having nothing to do with your things, they will be ready to take everything. And they will prove in court that you did not work enough to be able to acquire anything.
Joint children. Serious difficulties can indeed arise here. It’s one thing to divide property, and another to expose your beloved children to injury. In a civil marriage, unfortunately, children are often an unwanted surprise. If in officialdom the father, like a little child, rejoices at the fact that he will soon have an heir or a beautiful daughter, then his partner will most likely be indignant. Often such news leads to a break in relationships. But even if the baby is desired, the civil relationship is not stable. Let's imagine that a man, who is not held back by anything, has met someone else and wants to go to her. In addition to the fact that the spouse suffers, the child also suffers psychological trauma. Children experience the separation of their parents very hard. It doesn't matter to them whether they are registered or not. And the stamp in the passport somehow keeps adults from acting rashly.

We presented the opinion of experts on why a man does not make an official proposal and strives to be in a civil relationship for as long as possible. If this state of affairs suits a woman, it’s okay. You can live like this. But in order to avoid unforeseen situations in the future, you need to approach the issue responsibly and “put a straw in it.” In any case, trust, but verify. Therefore, contact an experienced lawyer and take preventive measures.