What is the difference between a successful man, who is both in sorrow and in joy, who is both support and support, from a loser? What are the signs of a loser? What is the difference between a man with whom a woman is happy, with whom her eyes light up, and a man with whom a woman is forced to become strong?
What trend have I noticed? Something unpleasant is happening in life, some difficulty has arisen, a problem. Sometimes this difficulty and problem is small, and sometimes it is a big, so to speak difficult difficulty. Illnesses of loved ones or your own, separations, financial difficulties, and serious difficulties, problems with housing. In general, it is clear what problems a person has.
So the one who is successful, at first he is in shock, it’s hard for him, it’s difficult to understand and accept that this is happening to him. But this period lasts relatively short. And what's next? Then this man, who is successful, pulls himself together, so to speak, and begins to think - what to do? How to proceed? What to change, improve, what specialists to find, where to get additional part-time work to improve your financial circumstances? And after thinking like this, he takes it and starts doing it. And he does, he does, he does. Puffing, so to speak. He tries, he fights, he gets out of where he is. And again he thinks and analyzes. Why did he find himself in such an “ambush”, what needs to be changed in himself, what strategies are not working? What behavior of his caused all this trouble? And he does it again. Does, does, does.
He has no time to whine, he has no time to complain, he has no time to feel sorry for himself. He needs to feed his family, raise his children, take care of his wife, so that her eyes shine with happiness, and so that in those same eyes he sees the pride with which she looks at him. So that he can see how much she admires him, how she respects him and how much she values him. And it doesn’t matter that he may or may not have some super wealth, the main thing for his woman is that he is a support, he is a support, that he fights, moves, tries to fix and change something. And what supports her and their children. What prevents them all from being disappointed in him.
Why does he do this? Yes, because he has no time to do otherwise. He has no time to whine and feel sorry for himself, he feels sorry for his wife and children. He should be an example and support for them. With such a man, life is not scary. This is what you will follow in the snow and storm, and you will go to the North, and you will believe in him, and provide his rear, and make coffee, and bake pies. And you will give birth to children easily and with pleasure. After all, with such a man nothing is scary, even when everything is completely bad, he will not finish off his woman with whining and self-pity. He will hug her, hold her tighter and begin to tell her what he HAS ALREADY DONE, what he does every day, and what he will do next.
This is understandable, he is such a successful man. And you want to believe in someone like that, you want to inspire someone like that, you can go anywhere for someone like that, as long as you’re next to him. If only the children grew up with such a father, no matter where.
What about a loser? What is the one with which a woman becomes strong? With whom does she have melancholy and disappointment in her eyes?
What does he do when problems, troubles, illnesses, financial difficulties occur? What is he? Where is he? Yes, he's okay. He is not here. Or he ran away and disappeared from difficulties, and sometimes this is far from the worst option. Often after such people run away, a woman gets up herself, and then much more better than a man meets.
And the second option is he is sitting by women's skirt and whines. Whining, whining, whining. Or he lies down on the sofa, saying he’s depressed. Everything is bad for him. Nobody appreciates him, no one needs him, nothing works out for him. So he's depressed. But to do something, solve problems, work, work and work again, help a woman, raise children, but he has no time. He is busy with great things - self-pity and whining.
Instead of doing something, taking some steps, analyzing his successful and unsuccessful behavioral strategies, working, puffing, trying, instead of all this he talks. He talks and talks, talks about how bad everything is, how difficult life has become, how everything is not happening at all the way he wanted and what he was striving for. He “sits down” on the woman’s ears, and after some time she feels exhausted, empty, de-energized. And it’s good if she realized in time who she got. If in time she threw off the feeling of pity that is so inherent in us women, and told him: “All this is certainly interesting, but I have neither the time nor the desire to listen to your whining. Either do something to fix the situation, or goodbye.” In this regard, I like the chapter about women’s pity for men and how to get rid of such a whiner in the books of R. Kirranov.
Here is what he writes about this, I quote an excerpt from the book:
« In summary, pity works with women and how it works.
You can tell me that this is not the case in your case. That men who try to pressure you into pity cause you contempt, that you don’t like them, that...
This is what 98 percent of women say. And in fact, when men very rudely press for pity, this is what happens. The man begins to disgust the woman.
But understand that the maternal instinct is an extremely powerful instinct and it has very powerful manifestations in life. If the manipulation of pity rarely worked, then I would not write about this exception to the rule.
Unfortunately, this manipulation works quite well if it is at least a little extended in time.
For example, at the first meeting a man does not complain.
At the second meeting, the man briefly tells the story of unhappy love.
The third story is about how he saved cats from trees and the cat bit his finger in gratitude for this.
Then something else.
And if he doesn’t go too far, then very often the manipulation works to a greater or lesser extent. In addition, manipulations rarely occur alone. Along with this manipulation, there may be some other or even several other manipulations. (Not about pity) And maybe one manipulation wouldn’t work, but several would work. I wrote in great detail about terry manipulators and their strategies in my book - I recommend reading it, it will be useful in life.
So, pity, as a means of manipulation, is used by men quite often, and very often this manipulation works on women if it is not carried out too rudely. This manipulation corresponds to the deepest instincts of a woman and therefore it is impossible to completely free yourself from it, you can only learn to control yourself. And we need to get rid of such a loser of a man as quickly as possible.
Maybe you will tell yourself or me that “well, let the pity prevail.” After all, the main thing is that the person is good.
This is the deepest misconception. If a man presses for pity, if he periodically whines and seems to depend on a woman, then this does not mean at all that such a man, because of his dependence on a woman, will be reliable and will be near such a woman in any difficult life circumstances that inevitably happen in life. life.
No, a man prone to excessive manipulation with pity is not reliable and he will leave as soon as it seems to him that there is a more convenient, successful or profitable option.
Gratitude for the fact that you helped him for many years will not deter him; nothing will deter him. He'll just go away and you won't even understand why."
To get rid of such losers, you need to learn to value yourself and your life. After all, a woman often tolerates such a resemblance to a man, and even pulls him on herself. She provides for herself, the children and him in addition, listens to his whining, does not drive him to work, and does not kick him out of the house. She turns into a zombie woman who is forced to become a man, and who no longer has the strength and time for the joy of communicating with children, for the joy of herself, of her life.
Do you need this? If you recognize yourself in such a woman, think about it, because you yourself tolerate and allow yourself to live with such a whiner. Why do you need this? Are you so established at the expense of him? Do you feel stronger and more successful? Do you feel needed, that without you he will be lost? Do you feel like you are a “hero” in a skirt, or rather even in trousers?
Think about why you yourself need to endure such a similarity of a man and why you are not ready to live with a successful man worthy of your love and respect.
Often this is a consequence of generic programs. But this is a topic for another article. This is already a topic for a separate book. You can read the article on how to work through generic scenarios
Sincerely, Anastasia Gai.
Every woman dreams of a hero husband: strong, brave, breadwinner, support and breadwinner for the whole family. However, sometimes life circumstances decide everything differently and not every man can meet these criteria. The husband earns little, he is unambitious and does not strive for high goals. What to do: break up with a loser or help him cope with difficulties?
His opinion
Vlad, 34 years old, businessman:
A normal man will never become a loser. But, in my opinion, it’s not worth living with an abnormal person. Everyone says that these are difficult times, it is difficult to break through. But a man is a man to overcome obstacles, fight and win. Losers should be prohibited from getting married and having children. Such people only breed poverty and make their loved ones unhappy. I started from scratch. He lived in a small provincial town a thousand kilometers from Moscow. But I always knew that I would be successful in the future. Therefore, I studied, crammed, graduated from school with only A’s and B’s, and entered a good university in the capital. Then he started making money. He didn’t disdain anything. During the day he worked in his specialty, at night he unloaded wagons. He took on any part-time job. As a result, I collected the required amount of money to start my own business. No, I’m not a millionaire, but I and my family have enough to live, and a good life at that. My wife is happy, and so are our two sons. And even if my luck suddenly changes, I will do everything so that my children do not experience need. A man who is unable to do this is not worthy of a woman's love.
Evgeniy, 40 years old, dentist:
It all depends on what criteria are used to evaluate the very concept of “loser.” The fact is that for modern women these criteria are very high. For them, a loser is the one who does not have a huge bank account, the latest Mercedes model and a dacha on the Cote d'Azur. If you are of this breed, then, of course, it is better to leave your husband with an average salary. Yes, may you have enough for food, clothing, accommodation, may your children be fed and happy. But you strive for more. You want a luxurious life of diamonds and furs. You don't need a loser husband. Another thing is, do wealthy men need you? There are now more hunters of other people's wealth than there are rich people themselves. By the way, many rich people, contrary to popular belief, are not looking for young mistresses at all, but live with faithful wives. With those who were around when everything was just beginning and there wasn’t much money at all. So, when deciding whether or not to leave your loser husband, think about whether you will then bite your elbows, sitting at nothing.
Andrey, 28 years old, photographer:
I have a friend - a great smart guy, but lazy. His laziness always prevented him from realizing himself. He could have earned a lot more if not for this laziness. Naturally, his wife was unhappy with him. Not a day passed without an injection addressed to him. In the end, she left him, saying goodbye: “I don’t want to live with a loser!” A year later, my friend fell in love with another girl. Fortunately, the feeling turned out to be mutual. They got married and had a child. It was as if the friend had been replaced. With the birth of his daughter, his laziness seemed to vanish. He worked tirelessly, received a promotion, and eventually began earning serious money. He and his wife bought a new apartment in a prestigious area, they have two cars, and they vacation abroad several times a year. Apparently, responsibility for the child and real love became a powerful incentive, which helped my friend cast aside his laziness and achieve a lot. So, dear ladies, think, maybe your loser husband is simply saving up strength for future achievements...
Her opinion
Anastasia, 30 years old, designer:
Weird question. A normal, successful man cannot suddenly become a loser. Either he has always been a loser, or he is currently in difficult circumstances. In the first case, I would like to ask: where were your eyes when you got married? Of course, many wealthy people started from scratch. But in someone who becomes a leader, one can always see potential, aspiration, desire, and most importantly, the ability to achieve a lot. It is foolish to hope that a lethargic, insecure person after marriage will become a breadwinner, a daredevil and a careerist. You married a loser - that means live with him! Another question is if your always successful husband suddenly began to lose ground. The husband is the breadwinner, the wife is the helper. Your duty as a wife is to support him and help him in a difficult situation. Parting with a person at a difficult moment for him is unprincipled and disgusting. It turns out that when everything was fine with him, he earned a lot of money, satisfied your desires and whims, you were together, but as soon as material wealth became scarce, you decided to run away. This is not love - this is pure commercialism. First of all, a man earns money for his dear and beloved people: children and wife. He tried all his life for you. Therefore, leaving him at the moment when it is especially difficult for him means signing a complete lack of feelings on your part. In addition, today he is a loser, but tomorrow, with your help, he can regain his former success.
Yulia, 33 years old, pharmacist:
No wonder popular wisdom says: the husband is the head, the wife is the neck. Women, you need to be smarter and more cunning. A wise woman can make a leader out of any loser. The main thing is to approach this issue correctly. Don’t nag, don’t yell, don’t reproach: why are you lounging on the sofa?! No money left! Everything is bad! But Mashka’s husband is already buying a second car. This will only push the man away, make him withdraw, and lower his self-esteem. A woman must act competently: affection and flattery are our main trump cards. Make your own decisions and make sure your husband is confident that it was he who came up with the brilliant idea. Then everything will work out.
Maria, 39 years old, housewife:
It is clear that every person in life can experience a crisis: dismissal or demotion, as a result of which self-doubt and depression appear. You give up and lose interest in life. In this case, any wife should try to understand her husband and support him. But, unfortunately, some men get used to the role of losers. It’s simpler this way: a minimum of responsibility and ambition. I am a loser, why should I strive for anything, set high standards, earn money? Nothing will work anyway. You need to leave such a man. Especially if you have children. A woman with children who has left her loser husband does not think at all about her own mercantile interests, but about the well-being of her children. She needs to raise them, feed them, put them on their feet. Imagine how hard it is to do this if, in addition to the kids, you also have an ever-whining, complaining husband hanging around your neck, who is constantly depressed. A man who cannot provide for his family is not a man, but a doormat.
Opinion of the stars
Alexander Nosik, actor:
Whether to separate or not is an individual decision for each woman. It's difficult for me to answer this question. One thing I can say for sure. If a bad streak began in my life, if I began to earn less than my wife, I would try to correct the situation. I would understand that I could not cope, and would work tirelessly to, if not eliminate this inequality, then at least exist with dignity next to her, bringing as much as possible. In my profession I am not immune from anything: today I have everything, but tomorrow I will have nothing. I even once had a period when I worked as a bartender. I needed money, so I had to turn around: in the evening - to the theater, at night - to the restaurant.
Anna Semenovich, singer:
I couldn't live with a loser man. Still, a man must earn more than a woman, be the breadwinner and support for the family. It is no secret that female animals choose the strongest males for themselves. People are the same animals, only more civilized and intelligent. Likewise, any normal woman should choose the strongest man as the father for her future children. I wouldn't be able to communicate with a weak person.
INTERESTING
Psychologists are sure that luck can come to anyone. The main thing is more optimism and attention to the world around us. Losers often pass by the “gold mine” because they strictly limit themselves in advance. For example, they look for exactly “that” job advertisement in the newspaper and do not see other promising offers. And the lucky ones, in general, are guided by four principles: . They listen to their intuition or inner voice. Usually he doesn't fail. . They are curious about everything new, easy-going and not afraid to change their routine. . Every day they remember good and successful deeds several times. . Before important meetings, and in general, they draw a positive scenario of events. They convince themselves that they will be lucky, they will win and conquer the whole world. And they are really lucky.
In this article we will look at 5 types of loser men whom girls avoid. Get ready to learn the terrible truth.
We sincerely hope that you do not belong to any of the types of men described below. And if so, then quickly draw conclusions and change quickly.
Stop with the evening beer, sofa and football on TV. Otherwise, you risk being lonely.
Too predictable man
He acts according to a standard template, not allowing himself or his partner any tricks, surprises or rash actions. Every day at 19.05 he meets her in a tea shop, then they watch a movie together at his house, and at 23.00 they have scheduled sex. On holidays, he gives a bouquet of flowers, and they go to their mother together. Of course, we are exaggerating. However, you should not be too predictable with a woman, especially on first dates. Men, free from prejudices, who try to add variety to relationships and are capable of feats - this is what impressionable young ladies cry about at night.
Greedy man
He is well versed in finance and economics, saves money, does not splurge on luxury and saves, saves, saves. He knows the prices of every product well, bargains everywhere, and discusses with relish the spendthrifts and dupes he was able to fool. Alas, next to such a woman, a woman will not feel happy, because he will also save on her. “Why do you need this dress when you already have one for going out?”, “Spend money on flowers? What squalor!“, “We can’t afford a vacation at sea, sit in the country.” Not all women are money hunters, but all prefer generous and generous men.
Passive man
He doesn’t want anything from life, isn’t interested in anything, prefers to sit at home, watch TV and drink beer. Or maybe he is just very unsociable, society oppresses him, he is not attracted to women, he is tired of work, and he is confused in himself. In any case, the man chooses a passive sofa position and refuses responsibility, shifting all worries onto her fragile shoulders. “You need it, so do it.” “Do you want to fly to Paris? So fly away." “Is the child having problems? You can handle it better." As a result, she takes on the male role: protection, confidence, finances, initiative, caring for children, plans for the future - the woman takes everything into her own hands. And then we ask ourselves: why does she need such a man?
Infantile man
He demands from her constant attention to herself and her needs, literally begs for approval and emotional participation, needs round-the-clock support, encouragement and admiration. Of course, infantile men are very soft and sympathetic by nature, they are sentimental and devoted, and get along well with children. However, they also have a significant drawback - they do not know how to make important decisions, cannot truly protect themselves and defend their rights. Who does a woman dream of getting? A strong-willed and sexually attractive man. And who does she end up with? A dependent and insecure boy. This is why many ladies are so afraid of male sentimentality.
Arrogant egoist
If he sincerely believes that he is the smartest, most beautiful and talented representative of his species, then, most likely, he will very soon be left alone. It is unpleasant for anyone to be next to a person who constantly compares you to empty space, proving his superiority and exclusivity in an attempt to assert himself. If a man is fixated only on his desires, likes to talk only about himself, his beloved, and teach others wisdom, you shouldn’t be surprised why women leave him. Why would she want to be with someone who makes her feel flawed and unworthy?
Often men They accuse women of judging them by the size of their wallet and their ability to financially provide for their family. It is, of course, easiest to blame the weaker sex for commercialism, but not all men succeed in becoming a real support for their wife and providing material wealth for the family. Most husbands earn little, they are indecisive and do not strive for high goals. Such men are usually called losers.
At work loser husband- a typical representative of the gray majority of people with an average salary, that is, one that is only enough to feed and live a family. To his wife’s suggestion to look for another job, he replies: “I have enough money, you don’t have enough and look for a job.” The wives of such husbands do not want to meet their friends, do not dream of vacationing at the seaside, and buy clothes for all family members at sales. And the most unpleasant thing is that every day after a hard day at work they are forced to listen to their husband’s complaints about how unfair life is and that only those who, unlike him, are not honest, live well today.
Failed husband likes to blame others for all his failures; he can tell every day how his boss pesters him at work and how evil colleagues tease him. Over time, the wife, without realizing it, turns into a vest to wipe away her husband’s tears and stops asking him to look for another job. After all, he is so helpless and weak-willed, who will take him to another job.
About Us for years resigns herself to such a life and grows old, having never received from life what she hoped for in her youth, having chosen this man as her husband. In such families, the husband and wife feel lonely, the wife does not want to communicate with her husband, because she sees that he does not like listening to stories about how former friends went on vacation to an expensive resort or bought a new apartment. Children raised in such families are forced to start all over again, without any help from their parents. But not all wives put up with the passive behavior of a loser husband. Many people spend their entire lives trying to re-educate him, causing scandals and reproaching him for being a “mattress” and a “mumbler.”
Do you think your husband is a loser? It is quite possible that today you are ready to part with your loser husband and want to find a new “prince” who could realize your unfulfilled dreams? But where can you find them, if even before your marriage all the normal men were already taken. No one marries a man who drinks beer and gambles all day long. If your husband today, in your opinion, is among the losers, this does not mean that he was like that before your marriage.
All women's conclusions about their husband's failure- this is a consequence of her upbringing. If a woman grew up in a family where the father earned a lot and provided a high standard of living for all family members, then she automatically considers lucky only the man who can arrange the same life for her. Basically, her criteria for assessing men are greatly inflated and anyone who does not have a huge bank account, an expensive foreign car and a dacha in a prestigious place is a loser for this woman.
To a woman with such ambitious demands, it is better not to marry a man with an average income, and if you haven’t found someone else, then you need to come to terms with the life that your husband provides. If you want to live a luxurious life, shine with furs and diamonds, then learn to earn money yourself or leave your loser husband. The only question is: will you find a wealthy man later? After all, there are so many hunters for other people’s wealth today that there are too many of them for one rich man. You can no longer turn back time, but you shouldn’t live your life in desperate grayness next to a failed man.
To start try understand and accept your husband for who he is. To improve family relationships It is very important to see your partner not as he should be, but to appreciate him for what he already is. You can only truly appreciate your loved one. Only love makes us blind and makes it possible not to see that a person falls short of something. After all, it is not so important how much a man earns, but his attitude towards you and his character are of great importance. If he is responsive, caring, calm and patient, then it is quite possible that career growth and high earnings are not part of his life plans. He wants to spend more time with his family and participate in raising his children, rather than disappearing all day at work, not knowing what the children are doing in his absence. But no spiritual qualities of a man should be a reason for the woman next to him to become a draft horse, pulling the whole family alone, or a pitiful creature, counting every penny.
What what kind of man is this?, if the children do not eat vegetables and fruits, do not have mobile phones, the mother works all day to feed the family, and the loser husband sits with a can of beer at the TV and sighs how difficult it has become to live in the current conditions. Love, of course, is evil, you can fall in love out of naivety and such. But such an attitude towards family members, even covered in beautiful words and imaginary care quickly kill feelings.
Usually before woman's marriage they see that the man is not entirely confident in his abilities and there are not enough stars in the sky, he has no special abilities, no energy, no pride, no ambitions. They marry such men mainly with the hope: “I will re-educate him and make him a successful person!” But over the years, it becomes clear that the husband does not want to strain himself, and if his wife asks him to do something, he grumbles and gets offended. In such families, wives either resign themselves to poverty or break up with their loser husband. Unfortunately, a woman cannot rehabilitate a man who is too lazy to do anything to change the life of his family for the better.
