What to do if a husband beats his wife. What to do if your husband hits: advice from a psychologist and lawyer Litvinov if your husband hits

Aggression surrounds us everywhere. You can be rude in line, in a clinic, while driving a car, or behind a store counter. But the worst thing is when the main battlefield is the family. A place that is considered a stronghold of safety suddenly becomes a major threat to life and health. What to do, where to look for protection if your spouse, who took an oath to protect and cherish you, no longer fulfills it? Domestic violence is a serious reason to think about whether your union is strong and whether you need it.

By the way, according to statistics, men can also suffer from beatings in the family. 20% of powerful women prove that they are right by using physical force. But the majority are, of course, tyrant husbands.

Destroying the main stereotype about victims of domestic violence

Does it mean he loves? Every Russian woman has heard this phrase at least once and even used it to justify her husband’s behavior. But we will look at why a wife actually allows her husband to beat her, what is the psychological basis for this behavior of a victim of violence.

It is believed that if a woman was brought up in a similar family situation, then she subconsciously strives to recreate the same model in her own marriage. But no, this is not always the case. Much more often in childhood they suffered from a lack of love from their mother. Such women enter into alliances with men who have also experienced humiliation in the past, as a result of which the relationship between such spouses turns out to be emotionally strong. At the dating stage, spouses have confidence that they understand each other perfectly, like no one else. But in fact, it was the tyrant who found his ideal victim.

A strong psychological codependency arises between a beating husband and a beaten wife, which both are unable to refuse. During periods of calm, this is expressed in passion, affection, a special connection that isolates them from the outside world. However, the longer such a marriage lasts, the more difficult it is to get out of it. And the more the aggressor will show violence “out of love,” and the victim will endure and blindly believe in empty promises “not to repeat this again.”

The woman’s behavior can be attributed to the concept of “Stockholm syndrome”. She justifies the actions of her tyrant husband, meekly forgives him for beatings of any complexity, since she is dependent on him. Often such a man deliberately forbids his wife to work, which automatically deprives her of her livelihood if she leaves. However, even if the spouse finds strength in herself, the dominant spouse once again threatens and uses violence in order to leave the woman on whom he depends no less.

Psychotypes of men most prone to violence

It is not necessary that those representatives who fit the presented psychotypes of personality will show aggression. In addition, a tyrant husband may have a completely different set of qualities, but be an aggressor for other reasons. Nevertheless, let us consider the types most psychologically susceptible to power and dominance.

Epileptoid. These are individuals who tend to get irritated over trifles. They are pedantic, strive to put everything in order, are overly economical, and are vindictive. Such men are infuriated by a woman’s sensitivity; they find fault with any of her actions with or without reason. In a marriage with such a husband, only one who has either similar character traits or holds a high position with weight in society can get along with such a husband. She can force herself to be respected; an epileptoid man will accept such a woman as his equal. Everyone else is unlikely to be able to withstand the complex nature of the spouse, who is capable of resorting to threats and violence in order to preserve the marriage.
Paranoid type. The most embittered type of personality due to his suspicion, which gives rise to causeless jealousy. Living with such a man means constantly expecting beatings, reproaches, and claims. Moreover, at the beginning of acquaintance, the paranoid person is completely different: noble, courteous, charming. He's a sadist. First he hurts, and then he apologizes for a long time, even to the point of kneeling in front of his wife and crying. It gives him pleasure. If the partner is not ready to play such games, then it will be extremely difficult for her.

An audio recording of the seminar “How to Deal with Your Anger” may be useful. » from Denis Burkhaev.

Possible risk factors for aggression

A man may be violent if:

As a child, he was aggressive towards living things or had problems with discipline in general.
The man's family was filled with violence.
Parents often punished or made strict demands.
Has head injuries.
He experienced difficulties in studying at school and had poor academic performance.
Does not feel sympathy for surrounding people and phenomena.

The presence of all factors, however, does not always lead to violence. Many men are more persistent and know how to keep themselves under control. But the slightest stressful situation can “awaken” the aggressor in him. Unfortunately, not all of them are aware of their difficulties and admit them.

Causes of violence

A man beats his wife, demonstrating his power - so it seems at first glance. But the impression is deceiving. The real reason is his powerlessness, not his strength. Beatings become a habit of such a man due to impunity and lack of resistance. This behavior has become entrenched in the minds of the tyrant due to the fact that within him there is a struggle between the “unmanly” manifestation of feelings and the true model of a “real man.” The husband breaks down because he is unable to express his feelings due to the fact that he considers this unmanly. The tension accumulates, and he throws it out on the one at hand - his wife. At the same time, the aggressor wants to achieve care and consolation from his wife, but if she fails to calm him down with words, then the husband beats her. Thus, he seems to punish himself for weakness, but the woman suffers physically and mentally.

The dominator husband reacts sharply to any attempts by his wife to talk to another man or to show politeness. He suppresses her for fear of losing her, of being left alone. In addition, in situations where the wife refuses sex or devotes a lot of time to someone else - friends, relatives, the husband feels rejected and thinks that she is indifferent to him. This causes outbursts of aggression.

It also happens that a woman partly provokes her husband. If she often shows dissatisfaction, mocks some of her husband’s ideas, and does not allow her to meet with friends, then the man is even sure that he is doing the right thing, punishing her with his fists for hostility. This moment suggests that he not only interprets the situation incorrectly, but also considers himself right, that he has good reasons for violence.

What should a woman do to avoid becoming a victim of violence? Is it possible to save a family?

First of all, it would be a good idea to come to a joint meeting with a psychologist. Find out the reasons for the spouse’s aggressive behavior, help him solve his problems, and help the wife change her strategy, find other ways of protection and assistance. If a man has a desire to change, and the roots of the problem lie in childhood, then it is possible to save the family.

It is important for a woman to use violence against her from the very first attempt, to clearly define the boundaries of what is permitted. Be prepared to give him sanctions and carry them out if necessary. The husband must know that he will lose her if he is not restrained.

If attempts to reach an agreement lead nowhere, you cannot stay with a tyrant whose aggression is only growing. It doesn’t matter whether other relatives will be on the wife’s side, but it is important not to endure beatings, bullying, not to blame yourself, not to defend your husband, but to leave immediately. Don’t listen to anyone’s advice if your mind tells you that things won’t get better.

It doesn't matter if it's a slap or a push, an insult, a bruise. Violence always increases when there is no response. Fractures, dislocations, severe concussions - this is what awaits you. Or even death. Therefore, it is better to leave without serious health consequences.

The safety of a woman and the health of her children depend only on herself. Despite the fact that initially it lies on the shoulders of the man. But the tyrant does not cope with his functions, and the woman should recognize this fact in time in order to remain safe. It is not and cannot be any of her fault. Neither feelings nor financial situation should be at the forefront. If you want to save your life, run. If a man loves and is capable of adequate thinking, then he will begin to change for the sake of his family. But this rarely happens. But pulling the burden of suffering alone is not an option.

The worst thing is that society does not respond to the problems of domestic violence, or does not attach due importance to them. Therefore, a woman has to cope on her own, be strong and wise.

Husband beats his wife, should she endure it or leave her?

It is difficult to imagine the modern world without aggression. People encounter this kind of negative phenomenon almost everywhere. The rudeness of drivers, visitors standing in line at a clinic or store, etc. is not particularly surprising. Fortunately, such episodes, as a rule, are perceived as nothing more than ordinary situations and are quickly erased from our memory.

Family aggression is viewed completely differently. And although women have suffered from beatings from their husbands at all times, enduring, slowly dying and not complaining about violence, today, in our enlightened age, it is simply unthinkable to allow such a thing. Each family member, while at home, should feel completely safe, enjoying the warmth and comfort of the atmosphere that warms his home. But what if a husband beats his wife? Let's try to understand this issue.

Pathological causes of aggression

Unfortunately, violence in modern families is far from uncommon. Few people are surprised by the fact that a man beats a woman, be she a legal wife or just a lover. Moreover, the beatings themselves are carefully hidden by many ladies. This happens mainly due to fear of public opinion.

As a result, a painful situation arises in the family, and the problem is never solved. And it’s not only adults who suffer from this. Domestic violence also negatively affects children.

In order for a woman to understand what to do if her husband beats her, she should first of all get an answer to the question of what pushes a man who just recently promised to love and protect his chosen one to do this.

Psychologists clearly distinguish between cases when aggression constantly exists in the family or was only an isolated incident. If we consider the first option, then most likely the domestic tyrant has serious mental or behavioral disorders. But if the second situation occurs, then it is unlikely to be possible to express an unambiguous opinion.

Unfortunately, in modern society no one teaches girls how they should choose a husband. Because of this, marriage is sometimes formalized literally with the first person you meet. And only after a few months of living together, a woman begins to realize what kind of person her husband is.

However, everyone can guess about the likelihood of a problem of domestic violence even before the wedding, paying attention to the strange behavior of their betrothed. For example, it is not surprising that a man looks at other women. This is done by many representatives of the stronger half of humanity. But at the same time, not everyone will peek into other people's windows or start the day with a glass of alcohol.

Why does a husband beat his wife? The psychology of this phenomenon allows us to identify the following most common causes:

The man is intoxicated. In this case, the spouse’s usual restraint seems to dissolve under the influence of alcohol. At the same time, previously pent-up discontent and hidden grievances burst out.
Chronic alcoholism. Such a state certainly leads to personality degradation. And this, in turn, completely destroys a person’s value system.
Mental illnesses. In this case, even a psychiatrist is not always able to help.

If at least one of the cases described above occurs, then the woman should seriously think about whether she should stay in the family. Most likely, she needs to run away from her husband as soon as possible, who is simply impossible to help. Often many women take the path of self-sacrifice. And this is their big mistake. They make every effort to save their loved one, often losing their health, and sometimes even their lives.

If your husband hits you, where should you go? Today, specialized anti-crisis centers operate in many cities. They are created for victims of domestic violence. This is where a woman can turn for help.

Alcoholism

This reason for family tyranny is worth dwelling on in more detail. After all, alcohol often turns a loving husband into a cruel man, reveling in his power. Based on available statistical data, in most families in which the spouse suffers from alcoholism, conflicts, as a rule, end not just in fights, but also in causing quite serious physical injuries. It is worth keeping in mind that a person who literally does not part with a glass is even capable of murder if he shows aggression.

But is it worth immediately breaking off family relationships if a husband beats his wife while intoxicated? A similar opinion is heard on TV screens and often appears in print media. However, in this case, psychologists advise paying attention to subsequent events. There are men who, after they get sober, become aware of their actions. They understand all the consequences of such actions and show complete readiness to get rid of vices. In this situation, the woman’s departure will only aggravate the condition of her husband, who, quite possibly, will attempt suicide.

But it also happens that the husband still does not realize his mistake. In this case, the woman is advised to immediately break off the relationship. After all, she was the first to suffer from domestic violence, and in the future children may also become victims. This behavior of the father will leave a negative imprint on their psyche for the rest of their lives. In addition, psychologists warn that aggression will only increase in strength with each new episode. And this, sooner or later, can lead to the most tragic consequences.

Jealousy

Why does a husband beat his wife? Sometimes the reason for this is banal jealousy. In such cases, the beatings are not permanent. Sometimes a woman herself provokes a man to such a manifestation of aggression. This happens if she herself gives him a reason for jealousy.

A well-known proverb says: “He hits, it means he loves.” Is it so? If a husband beats his wife, the psychology of such a phenomenon does not at all indicate passionate love. Such manifestations of aggression only indicate the mental pain that the spouse himself is not able to cope with.

Somewhere in a human way, a domestic tyrant can be understood. To do this, the victim of violence only needs to remember what she felt at that moment when she was jealous of her husband for a random stranger or friend. Only after this will his behavior become clear to her. However, if the situation repeats itself again and again, and there were no real grounds for jealousy, then the woman must decide whether she should save the family, or whether it is better to leave her husband.

Psychologists recommend that anyone who wants to maintain a relationship completely reconsider their style of communication with their spouse. But if there are doubts about the need for this, then you should think carefully about whether it’s worth living with a person you don’t love?

A real man?

According to psychologists, women who have fought for a long time for their equality have achieved complete victory. In modern society, men have been deprived of the opportunity to occupy leading positions for which they, in fact, were born. And for some of them, physical aggression is almost the only way to prove their worth and power over their other half.

This is hardly a justification when considering the question: “Why does a husband beat his wife?” After all, a reasonable person will not assert himself by using force against a weak partner. He will most likely start looking for a job he likes and create an environment in the family in which no one would even think of defending his own superiority. If at the same time the lady does everything to help her chosen one, then this will be absolutely wonderful.

There is another reason why a husband beats his wife. Psychology considers it in connection with an attempt at humiliating or rude control on the part of the spouse. Sometimes ladies behave as if men are obliged to constantly follow their mood and fulfill all their whims. And sometimes a woman openly, and in a vulgar form, demonstrates her superiority. Can she then say: “My husband doesn’t love me”? No. After all, many men simply cannot stand such behavior.

Fortunately, in such a situation, not every representative of the stronger half of humanity decides to use assault. But a woman must understand that her constant dissatisfaction with her husband will certainly become the main cause of conflicts in the family. And it is likely that the fact that the husband raised his hand to his chosen one indicates his despair. A normal man is unlikely to be able to live with someone because of whom he is not able to fully control his emotions. In this case, the woman will need to reconsider her behavior.

Is it her own fault?

As we can see, to answer the question: “Why does a husband beat his wife?” psychologists clearly cannot. Is it possible that the lady herself is the cause of domestic violence? Yes. This happens, and quite often. This happens primarily due to the fact that the woman takes the position of a victim. She believes that she is good for nothing, which is why she can be treated quite rudely. What to do in such a situation? Psychologists recommend that a woman immediately begin working to gain self-confidence. Otherwise, aggression will arise from any of her chosen ones.

A man also hits a woman in cases where she behaves inappropriately. With his aggression, the husband tries to bring her to her senses, without finding any other way to do this.

Sometimes a husband beats his wife for deliberately causing her mental pain, slander, rudeness and insults. What should ladies do in this case? First of all, think about whether there is something in their behavior that exposes them to attack? After all, sometimes for family well-being it becomes enough to make the relationship more soulful and better. And in such a situation it is not always possible to unequivocally say: “My husband doesn’t love me.”

Relationships between parents

If a woman complains: “My husband is making fun of me,” she should also consider the psychological basis of her behavior. There is an opinion that girls always try to recreate in their family the model of relationships that existed in their parents’ home. However, this is not at all true. According to the results of the survey, the majority of victims of domestic violence did not have enough maternal love in childhood. The chosen ones of women who grew up in similar conditions most often become men who have faced similar life difficulties. Because of this similarity, a strong emotional connection is established between partners. The girl believes that the chosen one will certainly understand all her emotions, experiences and feelings. But the reality turns out to be not so rosy. Such a connection only means that the tyrant has selected an ideal victim for himself.

Experts believe that in such a relationship, such a strong psychological connection arises between husband and wife that it becomes impossible to break it. During periods of calm, violent passion and emotional attachment flare up between them. At this time, lovers stop paying attention to the entire world around them and seem to dissolve into each other. With a long marriage, such a connection becomes even stronger. It becomes more and more difficult for a woman to find a way out of this situation. But the longer the marriage lasts, the more pronounced the violence caused by “love” becomes. It is the emotional connection that exists between the spouses that makes the victim believe in all the repeated promises that beatings will be a thing of the past.

This pattern of behavior is considered one of the signs of Stockholm syndrome. The wife is afraid of her husband, but at the same time constantly finds excuses for his horrific behavior, going through humiliation and beatings.

Why do representatives of the weaker half of humanity forgive physical harm to their health? This fact is explained by the manifestation of emotional dependence. In such families, as a rule, the man forbids his wife to work. This leads to the fact that her social circle is significantly reduced, and she is deprived of the material foundation for leading an independent life in the event of a divorce. If the spouse tries to leave the family, then this threatens her with new beatings. After all, a man is also psychologically dependent on his chosen one.

Tendency to tyranny

What personal qualities does a man have who is capable of showing aggression? The desire to dominate is characteristic of:

Epileptoids. This personality type is characterized by a tendency to get irritated over all sorts of little things. Such people are accustomed to order, pedantic, stingy and vindictive. It's quite easy to piss them off. For this, any oversight on the part of the chosen one is enough. Epileptoids simply love to find fault with various manifestations of feelings, emotions, as well as the actions of a woman. As their spouse, they choose those ladies who have similar personality traits or occupy a high social status. Such men see their chosen one as an equal person. That is why ladies should earn the respect of their husband. Other women are unlikely to be able to live with a man who resolves disputes with his fists.
Paranoid personality. These are embittered and suspicious people, prone to groundless jealousy. A woman who marries such a man should be prepared for constant claims and reproaches. Psychologists note that at the initial stage of a relationship, their husband does not humiliate them at all. On the contrary, he creates an image of a noble and courteous person. However, later this person shows his sadistic tendencies, experiencing real pleasure from violence. Psychologists warn that such men initially cause pain, and then apologize for their actions for a very long time. Moreover, tearful pleas uttered on their knees bring them as much pleasure as the subsequent pouring out of accumulated aggression on their spouse. If a woman is not ready to accept such rules of the game, then the consequences of such a union will be quite difficult for her.

Based on the advice of a psychologist, what other signs can be named of a tyrant husband? A spouse's tendency toward aggression may be caused by the following factors:

existing traumatic brain injury;
a tough approach to the educational process;
scandals of parents, which often ended in beatings;
low performance while studying at school;
problems with discipline in childhood, as well as the manifestation of aggression towards living beings;
lack of empathy for other people.

What advice can psychologists give? The signs of a tyrant husband listed above, in their opinion, are not always a prerequisite for the occurrence of violence. If the spouse has a strong will, then he will carefully control his behavior, emotions and feelings. However, with prolonged influence of psycho-emotional stress and stress factors, the birth of a monster is quite possible. Hence the important advice: try to maintain a favorable atmosphere in the family if this person is dear to you. As practice shows, in any conflicts, most often both partners are to blame. A woman often, without realizing it, acts as a provocateur.

Experts also identify several types of men who contribute to the appearance of a victim state in a woman. Let's take a closer look at them.

Depreciating

Such men try by any means to neutralize the achievements of women. Sometimes this is not even done directly. This is expressed, for example, in ugly statements about your chosen one among friends, in ignoring and devaluing her actions. The husband humiliates his wife, while rising in his own eyes. Psychologists explain this behavior by saying that at heart such spouses remain insecure boys, afraid that the woman will leave them.

If such a man begins to criticize his lady love, saying that the dinner is too hot or the children are not brought up as they should, and she begins to apologize to him, then the situation will certainly escalate later. After all, the woman begins to play the role of the victim. How should she deal with this? Try not to react to his comments. Otherwise, the husband will mock his wife even more.

Destructive sadist

At the beginning of a family relationship, they are wonderful spouses. However, some time passes, and the wife begins to complain that her husband hits her in the face. Afterwards he begins to literally crawl on his knees and ask for forgiveness. And after a short period of time he again raises his hand against his wife, and his actions continue to escalate. Such a sadist does not seek to break off the relationship. He always acts according to the same scenario. First he beats, then he treats (gives flowers or expensive gifts), and then he mocks him with even greater force. Often women do not leave such men, believing that everything can still be fixed. But in this they are sorely mistaken.

collapsing

And such a man needs to be saved himself. The collapsing type includes drug addicts and alcoholics, workaholics and people addicted to games. They are not recognized in society and are hopeless in all respects.

There are quite a lot of options for solving problems that women choose. For example, they begin to degrade together with a man, grabbing a glass or a cigarette. And the chosen one begins to pull behind him. A woman can be strong by investing money, time and love in her husband. But most often, infantile men leave for another woman after a certain period. The woman remains at the broken trough. Her soul is devastated, and her health is undermined, or even completely lost.

Valeria Protasova

Reading time: 7 minutes

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Women in families often face violence. And, unfortunately, such cases are not decreasing from year to year. Moreover, even children who rush to protect their mother sometimes fall into the hands of someone. The aggressor is sometimes stopped neither by the condemnation of the people around him nor by the opportunity to get what he deserves from the Law. What are the reasons for the aggressive behavior of individual husbands, how to protect yourself from domestic violence?

Causes of domestic violence - why does a husband beat his wife?

The modern world is an aggressive phenomenon in itself. But violence is not inherent in human nature . Each act of violence is preceded by a certain situation, or its roots go back to childhood.

So why does a husband beat his wife?

A man copies the model of relationships that was considered quite natural in his childhood . That is, aggressive behavior is the norm for him.
A man is provoked . Coquetry, offensive words and actions often become provocations.
Self-affirmation or venting of anger.
Weak character and excessive submissiveness of the wife . The spouse will tolerate it once, forgive the second, and then assault will become a habit of the spouse.
. The green serpent turns many caring and hardworking men into animals who beat their wives all night long, and in the morning they cannot even remember about it. Or they remember. In this case, having bought a richer bouquet, it is enough to fall at your wife’s feet and, sobbing, beg for forgiveness.
and the fear of losing my wife.
The man himself was regularly beaten as a child.
A man lives/works/communicates in an environment where violence is the norm . Getting used to seeing violence, a person ceases to consider it an abnormal phenomenon.
Material problems , in which the wife humiliates the man for his inability to earn money, or she herself earns many times more than her husband, which also reproaches him. Mental balance, which, even without the spouse’s teasing/insults, is shaken by the awareness of worthlessness, can very quickly turn into aggression.
Sadistic tendencies in character.

You need to understand that sadists are not born - their appearance is influenced by life, environment, and people. Therefore, before tying the knot with a “brutal macho”, take a good look at him, his behavior, his surroundings . Such psychotypes of people are quite recognizable.

What to do if your husband beats: methods of self-defense against domestic violence - advice for women

The issue of domestic violence, as a rule, is not brought beyond the walls of the home. A woman is embarrassed or afraid to tell anyone, including relatives and friends, about her husband’s tyranny. And the truth usually emerges when bruises appear on the body. There are not so many reasons why the weaker sex tolerates this attitude towards themselves - weakness of character and inability to stand up for oneself, housing issues, financial dependence, children who “need a father, even one like that,” or even the absurd “beats means he loves.” And for some, even the husband’s aggression is variety of family life and a kind of “role-playing game” with heated reconciliations and nights of love after a quarrel.

If we omit the last option, the most important question for women caught in the trap of marital tyranny is: what to do if your husband hits you, and how to protect yourself?

Changes in your spouse’s behavior do not appear immediately . As a rule, with the onset of pregnancy and after childbirth. At first - irritation, unmotivated anger, angry attacks and even broken dishes. Then insults, humiliation, deliberate infliction of offense and pain, and then assault. Then the scenario of pushes, kicks and bruises becomes a habit, and every evening you wait for him from work with fear, huddled in a corner. There is only one way out - to see the tyrant in your husband in time and break up.
It is naive to think that “just a little more and it will pass” , “he’s just tired,” “yes, this happens in every family,” “yes, it’s my own fault - I lay in bed all day, and he worked,” etc. There is NO justification for cruelty and violence from one’s own husband and there cannot be. Do you feel something has changed? Take action right away. Started to insult and be rude? Find out what the reason is, do not delay the conversation for a more favorable time.
Don't give him the opportunity to think that you can be humiliated and offended . Having done this once or twice, the man will understand that you are not resisting, and will continue with even greater enthusiasm. Any offense must be met with an equal rebuff. Even if it’s your “beloved baby” weighing 100 kg, who is “just tired from work.”
The most difficult thing to solve the problem of violence is at its initial stage . When a wife tries to justify her husband’s aggression with his fatigue, tension, etc. The woman does not even admit the thought that aggression could soon turn into assault, and life will become like hell. Therefore, any excuses for the husband are used, just to avoid admitting to oneself the true state of affairs. Your task in this situation is to try to look ahead. Make sure that the outburst of aggression was really caused by problems at work, etc. And that “sorry, I lost my temper yesterday” will not happen again. If you feel that this case is just the beginning, if you see that your husband is breaking down and getting angry with or without reason, then it’s time to talk, and then decide for yourself whether such prospects for family life are necessary.
My husband hit me for the first time . First, calm down and find the reason for his action. Is this typical for his family? Was this an outburst of anger or a state of “passion”? Was he intoxicated? Did he realize what he had done and how he behaved after it? If such an act is not typical for him, if he himself is afraid of what he has done, and does not know how to atone for his sins before you, then you probably don’t need to immediately run to file for divorce - give him a chance. And make it clear that you will not give him a second chance. And at the same time, think about whether you provoked this aggression? If you came home in the morning, disheveled, with an alcoholic scent, and even to the question “where were you all night?” sent the husband to catch butterflies, then his aggression is quite understandable.
Experts advise solving problems of aggression with the help of psychologists. That is, first talk to your husband, and then together with him turn to the “plumber of human souls.” But, as life shows, this can work if only the man is aware of his problem and wants to deal with it.
If another assault occurs , don’t cry, don’t scream, don’t threaten - your actions must be decisive and drastic. The best option is to fight back, pack your things and leave. It doesn’t matter what size a man is: a heavy frying pan in the hands of an offended woman is an excellent educational weapon even for a “mountain of muscles” on which T-shirts burst. But this method is good only when you are sure that after your “surrender” you will not lie in the corridor, deeply knocked out. If in doubt, it is better to wait out the storm quietly, and only then pack your things and leave.
Remember your dignity, which only you can protect. No place to go? Rent a room in the simplest hotel. As a last resort, you can ask to go to your friends’ dacha, to a crisis center for women (many centers have shelters), etc. There is always a way out. And this way out is always better than suffering humiliation. Doesn't let you leave your apartment? Scream, knock on radiators, call the police, break dishes - attract the attention of others. The more noise, the faster the husband will get scared and retreat.
Respect yourself!There are no unsolvable situations . Has assault become a habit for him? This means that you yourself allow yourself to be treated this way. Are you afraid of him? What's the point if your life has already become like hell? Does he feed you? But if you want, you can find a job even without education. You just need to want it. There are no jobs in your city? Go to another one. Don't be afraid to change your life and stand up for your rights to happiness. After all, this is your life, and it depends only on you what it will be like. Even if you have to run away at night, with three children and from another country, make a choice - what is more important to you: to be well-fed, clothed, humiliated and beaten, or to be free and happy?
If you honestly and for a long time tried to change the home microclimate If you have become more tolerant, you are trying your best, and your husband is becoming more and more aggressive, then it’s time to call it a day. If you have the opportunity to leave immediately, leave. If not, prepare yourself a “springboard.” That is, find a job, housing and suddenly disappear from his life. Before you disappear, try to minimize all problems - do not respond to aggression, hide your bag with documents, phone, money in a safe place, in case you have to leave quickly. Find a “shelter” in advance. Destroy all books/papers/notepads with coordinates of people by which your husband can find you.
Warn your neighbors so that in case of noise and screams they immediately call the police. Protect yourself from all sides.

If the husband’s behavior crosses all conceivable boundaries of what is permitted, it's time to act based on the law and special services . In this case, rely solely on yourself, be patient, lock your fears in the mezzanine and forward to freedom!

First reaction: leave this scoundrel and never meet him again! But when the emotions subside a little, the woman, having suppressed her resentment, often remains with her husband. Why? Maybe she herself is to blame for something? Or is it something else? What to do if your husband hits you?

Recently, the problem has ceased to be completely “domestic”. Many women began to openly condemn their husbands, who spread their hands, protesting against the tired “hitting means loving.” However, despite the public outcry, every woman still faces a dilemma: to forgive or not? How to make the right decision?

Leaving cannot be tolerated

In some families, physical aggression becomes a common way of sorting out relationships. A man knows that he always has compelling (in the literal sense of the word) arguments in stock, and a woman knows that she must be extremely careful when expressing dissatisfaction or giving reasons to justify herself. However, silence does not always save a woman.

Firstly, impunity is intoxicating and allows a man to increasingly lose control of himself. Secondly, the husband does not need to look for other ways to resolve conflicts and disputes. Often the situation is aggravated by the complete helplessness of the wife: either she does not have her own income, housing, or she is afraid that a divorce will harm the children. To put the busy person in the indicated dilemma after the word “leave”, several steps must be taken.

Wash your dirty laundry in public: tell your husband’s behavior, his parents, and mutual friends. Peak-silence plays into a man’s hands: you are the only one opposing him, while your strengths are not equal. An open discussion of the problem will lead to the fact that the immediate environment will begin to put pressure on the husband.

Don’t expect a man to suddenly improve one day. Psychologists who study the problem of domestic violence often observe a cyclical nature. And also such a thing as a “honeymoon” after another assault: the husband apologizes and tries to make amends by giving gifts or doing household chores. In most cases, this wonderful period lasts no more than 3 weeks. Therefore, only the woman herself can put an end to violence. During your next “honeymoon,” warn your husband that you no longer intend to endure beatings. And if they happen again, you will file for divorce.

Of course, such an ultimatum can only be put forward if you are ready to carry out your threat. But if you understand that such a conversation can harm you, then it is better not to start it, but to immediately move on to the next point.

Slowly prepare escape routes

Find a remote job that your spouse can't find out about. Set aside the money you save by purchasing discounted items. Think about who could help you in the first time after leaving your husband.

If you have nowhere to go, find information about special shelters for victims of domestic violence. They exist in many large cities under charitable organizations and accept women with children for several months. During this time, you can find a job, place your child in kindergarten and establish a new life. Of course, all this is very difficult. But life is more valuable! After all, tomorrow the husband may not calculate the force of the blow...

Green serpent

If the husband shows aggression only when intoxicated, then you need to think about how to deal with the cause, and not with the effect. Moreover, not all men belonging to this type suffer from alcoholism. Drinking alcohol may be rare, but every time it can have dangerous consequences for loved ones. Therefore, it is extremely difficult to insist that the husband completely give up alcohol because of his inadequate reaction to it. However, it is necessary to jointly develop a new behavior algorithm after parties.

Mark the days of feasts and the dates of beatings on the calendar so that your husband can make sure that they coincide. Such visualization will allow you to recognize the existence of a problem and begin to solve it.

Ask one of your friends or discreetly take a video yourself of how your husband’s behavior changes while intoxicated. Show him the recording during the period of repentance - the man will probably learn a lot of unexpected things about himself and will think about it.

Ask your husband what measures seem most effective and appropriate to him. Strict restrictions on alcohol consumption (for example, warn loved ones that he should not be given more than a glass of wine), a reminder of your agreement to approach a “dangerous dose” of alcohol, or something else. It is important that the spouse himself proposes measures to keep him from aggression.

If we are talking about alcohol addiction, you should not expect that specialists will cure your husband if there is no desire on his part. At the same time, it is necessary to seek medical help so that your spouse’s period of sobriety will be extended at least for a short time, and you will get a break. Practice shows that those who have gotten rid of addiction have repeatedly received help from specialists and acquired the desire to “quit” during the treatment process.

In a state of passion

Even the most balanced person can be driven to white heat. Sometimes a man may not control his emotions and slap him in the face, grab him by the hand, or otherwise cross his boundaries. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him any honor, but they cannot be called beatings either. The husband’s aggression in such a situation turns out to be an unpleasant “surprise” not only for his wife, but also for himself. The man repents and worries, but does this mean that the first breakdown will be followed by others? Talk to your spouse about what was the trigger for his aggressive attack? No matter how difficult it may be to start such a conversation, it is necessary, as it allows you to get rid of the mutual feeling of the unpredictability of male behavior.

Do not fall for the arguments of feminists who claim that violence is never the fault of the woman herself. Most of these isolated cases occur due to scandals in which the wife uses painful arguments: “Now I understand why your ex won’t let you see your children!” or "Your father always thought you were a slob". If you say something similar in terms of emotional impact to a woman, she will cry. And the man will remain silent and may hit, because this reaction has been practiced in most representatives of the stronger sex since childhood.

If you know that you offended your husband, apologize for your behavior.

Mutual forgiveness will allow you to quickly restore the relationship, although the unpleasant aftertaste will most likely remain for life. Agree with your spouse that even in a quarrel you will not remind each other about this episode. And you should watch your words, because sometimes words hit harder than a fist.

Think about it

According to international statistics, women decide to leave their husbands, on average, only after the seventh attack.
Every year, 36 thousand Russian women suffer beatings from their husbands, a third of them receive serious injuries, sometimes incompatible with life.
60−70% of women suffering from bullying do not seek help. They don’t want to wash their dirty linen in public.
Domestic violence laws exist in 89 countries around the world. After their adoption, incidents of violence are reduced by 20-30%.

Comments 48

Yesterday I hit him in the eye with his fist, called me an alcoholic, I drink little, on the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I work like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home. That's all the arithmetic is. I plan to leave, even though I have three children.

> Yesterday I hit him in the eye with his fist, called me an alcoholic, I drink little, on the condition that we celebrated the New Year at a party (and he didn’t like them), but the main thing is that I work like a horse, earning many times more than him, but at home . That's all the arithmetic is. I plan to leave, even though I have three children. I believe that if a man hits once, then it will happen again. No matter how hard and painful it is, you need to leave such men without looking back...

> At the moment I am in the hospital with severe beatings at the hands of my beloved man. This happened for the first time, but who can guarantee that next time I won’t end up in the next world? You have to run away from these guys without looking back.

HORROR!!! Definitely run!!!

quoted1 > > ...slap, grab by the hand, or otherwise cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him credit, but you can’t call them beatings either." And what is THIS? Sorry, of course, but you can slap him so hard that you lose consciousness, but how do you understand “somehow else to cross the boundaries”?? Head on table is crossing the border? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I was all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself rushes at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. > > I completely agree with you! today will he slap you in the face in a state of passion, and tomorrow will stab you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my surroundings I concluded: if a man hits you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again, and The further it goes, the worse it gets. I don’t have any friends whose husband hit her once, and then it never happened again... He hit her, she endured it, which means you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows it.

> > > ...slap, grab your hand, or otherwise cross the line. Such manifestations, of course, do not do him credit, but you can’t call them beatings either." And what is THIS? Sorry, of course, but you can slap him so hard that you lose consciousness, but how do you understand “somehow else to cross the boundaries”?? Head on table is crossing the border? The former MCH grabbed my hands so much that I was all blue for a month. A man can hit in the only case when a woman herself rushes at him with a knife, and this threatens his life. > > > > I completely agree with you ! today he will slap you in the face in a state of passion, and tomorrow he will slap you with a knife? Fortunately, everything is fine with my husband, but from my surroundings I concluded: if a man hits you at least once, in a state of “passion” or something else, then it will happen again , and the further, the worse. I don’t have any friends whose husband hit me once, and then this never happened again... He hit her, she endured it, which means you can continue to treat her like that, since she allows it. > > And mine Two days ago he gave me such a slap in the face that my kidney still hurts. And I’m covered in bruises. I’m ashamed to tell anyone. I'm not ready for divorce. What to do?

What a horror, girls!!! Divorce is a complex and unpleasant procedure, you cannot prepare for it in advance, be it betrayal or beatings, you do not expect or plan for this. Ekaterina, you write that you are not ready for a divorce, but are you ready to receive regular slaps? He hit him once, he’ll hit him a second time, a third time, first a slap in the face, and then he’ll just start beating him like a boxer punching a punching bag. I, of course, don’t know your situation and family, but beating a woman is terrible, and it will happen again and again. Take care of yourself, save yourself before it’s too late...

Over the course of 2 years, events developed as follows: he could push, verbal abuse became more frequent. Then he hit me in the face, and after some time on the head. He could come right up close and angrily hiss aggressively foul language in his face. Now he dealt a severe blow to the head and face. Result: I had a concussion, a bruised wound on the back of my nose with displacement of the cartilage. There are lacerations on the nose. 7 stitches were applied. Heavily disfigured. So I tested it for myself - if you raised your hand, you are unlikely to calm down. Impunity inspires a man.

Elena Mar 3 2019

Came drunk at three o'clock in the morning. Hit me in the face, I couldn’t prevent it because... there was a small child in his arms. Now I’m sending you to the devil. I don’t want to have any family or maintain a relationship at all. And he wants to. I’ve forgiven you, but I’m afraid to go ahead and face a cannon shot. Well him

Anastasia 13 Mar 2019

He raised not only his arm, but also his leg! I barely left with my child to see my mother, all this happened at night. No child. gave it to me, although he is not my daughter’s natural father, I will forgive you over time. But I don’t want to be together, my husband cried, begged me to come back, promises that he will never raise his hand again, but I don’t want to check.

13 Mar 2019

Anastasia, you will do the right thing!!!

Marina 21 Mar 2019

My husband beat me after the maternity hospital on the 25th day, he beat me on the head without stopping, I stopped hearing the membrane rupture, my temperature rose, my child was 38, if I cried, I didn’t hear, I left with difficulty, I hid the child through the cops, took it, now I filed for child support, I don’t want to talk After the DNA test we don’t have a registry office, what should we do?

21 Mar 2019

You did the right thing by leaving! Some endure this all their lives until they become crippled... and as for alimony, this should be dealt with by special people, where you submitted the application. It seems to me that if the father refuses child support, then he should submit and pay for the DNA test himself.

Julia 31 Mar 2019

Now I am in the hospital with a traumatic brain injury. Yesterday there was a quarrel. As usual, because of little things. It grew into a major scandal, where I knocked down the doors that he closed in front of me. He hit me once, with the palm of his hand, on the jaw. 3 teeth broken and concussion. I fell and lost consciousness and memory. (this is all from his words) I didn’t remember the last weeks of my life. Now, in the hospital, I remember everything except the quarrel itself. Walking. Calling. Asks for forgiveness. I don't understand what to do at all. We have three children. I have nowhere to go.

31 Mar 2019

What a horror, Julia! If you return to him, it will endanger your life. You should first of all think about the children, they need a healthy mother. A friend of mine with a small child left her husband, who beat her, asked for a room in a dorm, and got a job there as a cleaner. I got up at 5 in the morning, washed the floors in the dorm, then took the child to the kindergarten, went to work as a salesperson, then picked up my son, washed the floors again in the evening. I was very tired, but the child had a healthy mother, no one made trouble at home, and the son grew up in a calm environment. After some time, she met a good man, got married, and is now happy, she also gave birth. And if she had stayed with her first tyrant husband, she might have died from constant beatings. And the little son would have been left an orphan with her husband...

My dad hit my head with his paws so many times that my head hurts on the same side where the blow was. It’s painful to touch bruised elbows, this is the first time I don’t want to live like this, but I’m not ready for a divorce either. Is it true that after the first beating there will definitely be 2 beatings, etc. that is, it will only get worse...

True... if a man thinks that he has the right to beat you, then this will be repeated constantly. I don’t know of a single example of someone hitting me once, and then realizing and never touching again...

Hello, yesterday my husband was out drinking with friends again. I was walking from a friend's place and decided to stop by. It ended with my husband allowing my friend to beat me... As he said: just an educational moment. I ran home, locked myself in and didn’t let my husband in...

Everything is difficult for me too. The husband is a hidden tyrant. The children openly tell him that they don’t respect him. Offends me. He rarely raised his hand, but the last time, if it weren’t for his daughter, he probably would have smeared it across the wall. I've been wanting to leave for several years. After the quarrels, there was a lull for a couple of weeks. But all this is temporary. We need to decide. It was not enough that at 45 I was threatened by some...

Elena, run away from this terrible man, neither he nor his friend have the right to lay a finger on you!!!

Everything is correct, Alevtina! No one at any age has the right to lay a hand on you. And you are scared to live with such a husband, but what is it like for your children? You will still find a worthy man and you will be happy. Children will only be glad to see their mother calm and happy, rather than live in hassle all their lives...

I lived with my husband for 20 years and rarely drank. There were no conflicts, and they lived amicably. But one day he came home drunk, word for word, and ended up beating me. I was hospitalized with a concussion. We separated by mutual consent, then divorced (he decided so). 5 years passed, our paths crossed. From the beginning I was afraid of him, but then I calmed down. For two years we communicated occasionally. And recently he invited me to meet. I accepted his proposal. Everything seems to be normal, but from time to time I have a feeling of fear, memories of that ill-fated day. I don’t know what to do. How to overcome fear or break up? He is a good man, but the past haunts me.

Yesterday my wife and I were relaxing in the park. Everything was just wonderful. A bottle of good wine, the sun... your beloved and dear eyes opposite. Talking about our love, family... about how dear and dear we are to each other. And then, overnight, everything changed... reproaches and hurtful words from my beloved. A strange and evil face is opposite... I hug her, calm her down... she breaks out, spits in her face, grabs her by the neck, scratches her face, neck... I couldn’t think of anything other than to slap her in the face! And away we go... - “kill me!” ... “you want to kill me.” Laughs, wild eyes. Well, to my shame, I spanked her. How they walked home is a different story... she tries to run away, grabs the trees, falls... I hold her!!! On the same day he apologized to her and asked for forgiveness! But he doesn’t forgive and doesn’t give a chance! And I just love her very much!

Yesterday I had a fight with my husband, in general we often fight about money, my parents, methods of raising my son... He had already raised his hand against me before, he could slap me in the face, throw me, or grab me by the throat. Yesterday Kat again began to pass his hands and grabbed a ceramic cup from the table and said that if he touched me, I would hit him, he grabbed me by the throat and crushed it. I hit him with a cup and severely cut his eyebrow. Now I feel guilty, and I don’t know what to do next ((An ambulance took him, I called it myself, and now I don’t know where he is. He answers her phone and he’s not in the hospital

We lived with the man we loved for three years. Previously, three times when I was drunk, he could punch me in the face, push me, or grab me by the neck. I forgave. After each time I repented. I thought that he was just such an emotional person. But recently I came home from a get-together drunk. We had a fight. He attacked me, choked me, hit me on the head with the door while I was lying on the floor. He yelled that he would kill me and actually killed me. Fortunately, they were not alone, three of his relatives pulled him away from me. I had to leave the house at night so that he wouldn’t kill me. As a result, two broken fingers, torn cartilage on the ear, a concussion, the whole body is bruised, and a huge hematoma on the head. She packed her things and left. After 4 days he showed up, sobbing, asking for forgiveness, saying that alcohol was to blame for everything and he would never drink again. My soul is torn from pain and melancholy, I loved him wildly. A week has passed, and all this time I simply do not live, but exist. I decided not to return and cut off all ties. I'll survive somehow. But I’m definitely not ready to die for such love during the next massacre.

And my husband punched me in the stomach when he grabbed me by the hand, and I pulled my hand away. He said it was a defensive reaction.

Today my husband hit me on the back with a mop with all his force. She left many times and came back again. Three children

My husband could easily hit me in the face with his palm or punch me in the legs. He always said that I was to blame and that I provoked him. Each time he hit harder and harder. After the recent slap in the face, I decided not to forgive. I don’t want to not wake up next time, knowing his powers... I’m afraid of him. Now they are bonded for life because of the child. It’s my own fault, I had no brains from the very beginning. Never tolerate assault.

Evgenia! your children need a healthy mother, don’t wait for your husband to hurt you!

I have been married to my husband for 10 years and have a son. He hit me 10 times during the entire time, in the face and kicked me, threw me down the stairs, once hit me in the shin with his fist and so hard that after 4 years the lump does not go away. The last time was half a year ago. Meanwhile, he allowed himself to insult me and kicked me out of the house. And all in front of the child. And once he was hit in the face and had a bruise. In the morning I told my son that bruises make a man look good. Moreover, he showed no aggression not necessarily under the influence of alcohol. A month ago I decided to get a divorce. Went to hometown. Naturally, he gives no rest with his persuasion and entreaties to return to him, he agrees to all my conditions, etc. I don’t know what to do next. Believe, give one last chance, or start a new life without looking back at the past?

Love happened to a person. Soul to soul. I didn't believe my luck. We lived together. We went on vacation. They couldn’t believe the happiness of being there. It all started with messages and insults. Screams. Then jealousy. Just because I was “out of sorts” I’m not God’s dandelion, I could answer, but more often I tried to remain silent. On his part, regular provocations and conclusions to conflict began. Gaslighting is a new word that has taken root very well in our world. Afterwards there was a slap in the face. Through time, love again, trips, together around the clock and magical moments. Everything was forgotten. After a while, everything started again with a “bad mood”, he began to hit me on the cheeks and head. The result is bruises under the eyes, a bruised nose. A day later he screamed. I forgot everything. Then, after a while, I hit him on the head and face. In three weeks. I have left. Of course, I love you very much. It seems that demonism happened. So he is a wonderful person and this has never happened to him. I agree that a woman can drive a man crazy. But beating a woman is not a reason in any case. There are no excuses. Especially if there are serious injuries, bruises and concussions. My nose is crooked now. Also a chipped tooth. Girls, take care of yourselves. No matter what we are, a man is usually stronger when paired with us and he must be responsible for his own strength.

I confirm, he hit once - then he will always hit one way or another. This is not a man, but a schmuck. Leave immediately! I know only one example, when a man struck lightly during strong verbal provocation and repented, did not raise his hand again, because the man really stumbled and fully atoned for his guilt. Don't indulge yourself with illusions. A normal man, if he does this, will disappear from a woman’s life, tail between his legs, knowing full well that he is no longer a man, but a shameful creature.

Together for three years. During a quarrel, my husband hit me on the head with the palm of his hand, and I fell from the blow. His hand is heavy. This was the first time. Then three days later he swung, but didn’t hit. I don’t know what to do now. In the arms of a small child. By the way, he hit him in front of the child. Now it’s disgusting to look at my husband, it’s disgusting to be around. I cry as I remember the spanking, it’s very offensive. I'm afraid to leave, and I'm afraid to stay. Suddenly it will strike again.

Everything is very individual, of course... and different in every family... I promised myself that I would not allow my husband to ever hit me, just as my father once hit my mother. Today he gave me a strong slap on the head, and pushed me a couple more times and ran away on my arm with demonic eyes. All this reaction was caused and provoked in part by me... because, as I said, what was not pleasant for him... (did not concern him personally) It’s just that the opinion I expressed was said at the wrong time and in the wrong place. And for the first time in 6.5 years, my husband actually raised his hand against me. What remains to be done?! So far the first reaction is that I pray for myself and for him... we are a happy family... we have a one-year-old child... I remember only one promise to myself that I will not allow my husband to beat me. I don’t know what to do right?! For my words, I apologized from the bottom of my heart to him in a letter... but here’s how to forgive him... how to believe... although he hasn’t asked for forgiveness yet... and God knows what’s in his head... but girls, life is such a thing, you don’t know what will happen tomorrow. But you need to love God and yourself. And the husband, the man who came, may leave, alas, we are not all related to our husbands by blood and we will never have the same feelings as for children. Conclusion: try to be independent

We’ve been together for 13 years, we have a child, she and I have a good job, for the first ten years there were conflicts, but I didn’t raise my hand, then I got a job that involved business trips, and I began to get a little jealous and notice changes in her. Then those around her also began to talk about their comments towards her (relatives). Then I began to take a closer look, so to speak, at my wife and her new way of life. I saw photographs of “colleagues” hugging each other and for the first time seriously, during a conversation, I hit her on the shoulder. I apologized, forgave, but then it got worse. The first time was three years ago. Now, the day before yesterday, he attacked her for her reluctance to go home at night after an office party. He didn’t hit me with his fist, but he gave me a slap in the face. I don’t know what to do, I love her, I don’t want to get a divorce. And I seem to believe her, but she has become insolent and it’s stupid to deny it. I feel sorry for my son. She doesn't want to change jobs. So what should we do with her? You all write here that your husbands are scum and scoundrels, but that your wives are sometimes to blame and what should you do with them??? She tells everyone that I’ve been beating her all my life - but that’s not true!!! If you have adequate advice, please write. The family is dying because of this

Aggression in family relationships is a common phenomenon not only in Russia, but also in Western countries. The statistics of domestic violence are very alarming: according to research, every hour in our country one woman dies from male aggression. The reasons for a man’s aggressive behavior can be complexes and alcohol. However, most victims of domestic violence continue to live with the domestic tyrant in the hope of his re-education.

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Causes of aggression

When a person takes out his anger and accumulated negativity on a weaker person, this indicates serious problems. The minimum is about the inability to properly express negative emotions, the maximum is about a mental disorder.

The main reasons why a man repeatedly raises his hand to a woman:

A childhood spent in an aggressive environment. Often a guy or man who acts as a “kitchen fighter” himself became a victim of aggression from his father or mother in childhood or saw such a relationship between his parents. Therefore, he perceives physical impact on a person as the only correct punishment. The reason for assault can be anything: a broken plate, a tasteless dinner, jealousy, a bad mood. This is how a man demonstrates his dominance and at the same time “teaches” his wife how to live correctly.
Alcohol, drugs. A person in an inadequate state can raise his hand against a woman. In such cases, when a man comes to his senses, he sincerely asks for forgiveness, repents, and assures that he loves immensely. After some time, the whole situation repeats itself again and again.
Complexes, lack of self-confidence. A man who cannot prove his dominance in a social environment and experiences humiliation from others (work, friends) sometimes becomes a real domestic tyrant. From the outside, this person gives the impression of being gentle and gentle. The mask of a respectable citizen is torn off in the family, and close people suffer from his rage and dissatisfaction in life.
Sadism. This is a mental deviation, and in such situations the sadist will not even need a formal reason for a “shake-up”. Such a man justifies himself by the fact that the woman herself forced him to raise his hand. A sadist will punish a woman with his fist, a belt, a telephone wire - and do this with enviable regularity.

Many outsiders believe that the cause of violence is the victim herself. She allegedly gives him a reason for aggression: she humiliates, insults, and behaves inappropriately with other men. Psychology claims that this is not so: the same jealousy or words of insult can lead a man to an emotional breakdown, but if, in a fit of uncontrollable rage, he hits a woman at least once, there is no need to justify such an act and leave it unpunished.

Women's reaction

Under no circumstances should you let the situation take its course and forgive even a single blow. It doesn’t matter whether a man hits a woman lightly in the face or hard on the bottom. If he did this as punishment or as a result of a breakdown, this is a reason to think about future relationships.

Women who were once “taught a lesson” often justify the despot, blaming themselves or an unfortunate combination of circumstances. They forgive the man and do not understand that they are giving the green light to his future aggression.

A situation in which a man hit a woman and was immediately forgiven can be repeated many times.

A woman who does not try to radically resolve the situation with assault, dooms herself to an unenviable fate. If the “kitchen fighter” is inflamed with alcohol, her life is in real danger. In such situations, it is always worth remembering that at any moment the family tyrant will switch to other pets - animals, children, elderly parents. By justifying the man who beats her, the lady dooms her loved ones, first of all her children, to suffering. Even if a careless husband does not lay a finger on them, a childhood spent in an atmosphere of aggression will leave a negative imprint on their future life.

Reasons why a woman forgives a man who beats her:

Beats means he loves. One of the most incorrect popular statements. No amount of love justifies physical abuse of a loved one.
Material dependence. The victim does not break up with an aggressive spouse or cohabitant and forgives him due to lack of money and his own home. She has nowhere to go.
"I will rehabilitate him." A dangerous misconception that threatens to lead to real tragedy. Women tie themselves together with a person who has previously “proven” himself on the aggressive side, in the hope that with them he will be different: good and kind. In 99 cases out of 100, the miraculous transformation of a “monster” into a human does not occur.
Pity for the beloved man. One of the most common female self-deceptions that threatens to turn into chronic masochism. The victim, having received in full, begins to feel sorry for his tormentor, blaming himself for provocations. The more often such situations arise, the more the affected woman needs psychological help.