stammered. When I asked my husband if he was afraid to wander around the world, because people are different and could do harm, it turned out that hitchhikers negotiate on the Internet who can accept him at the moment in a given country. He felt my hostility and left ahead of schedule. Subsequently, when cleaning the apartment, I discovered intimate gel lubricant (anal), when asked what it was, my husband told them to wipe the audio discs well. And recently, in a conversation with a friend, I learned that her then fiance admitted that my husband persuaded him to have sex, and he did it in a sophisticated way - not directly, only through actions, and this friend was young. But now to the most important thing, I learned from his sister that there were rumors that her brother was gay and there was even a showdown about this, a colleague came to help. Putting all the puzzles together, I understand that I live with a non-standard man and everything would be fine, and I would have left without thinking for a second if this information had surfaced earlier, there is an argument, even though they weren’t caught in the act, but his sister is seriously ill, she lives with us, she has a serious illness and cannot be left alone, and how to leave now is simply a betrayal. And against the backdrop of the current situation, to leave silently - in her eyes I will be a traitor, and if I tell everything about my brother, she won’t believe it; she will still say that I am merging with the situation. I don’t want my parents and my children to find out. (I apologize for the confusing story and some mistakes, I wrote on emotions).
I had a terrible situation happen. A week ago I found out that my husband is gay. I'm just shocked!
Married for 5 years, son is 4 years old. There was an ideal family, they lived in perfect harmony. My husband was a very loving husband and father. Then my husband disappeared for 4 days, went to work and never returned. I almost went crazy, I called him, wrote SMS. He didn’t call, didn’t answer my messages or calls.
What it cost me to survive those 4 days, only God knows. Then he showed up himself, saying that he was drunk. I was shocked! This has never happened before!
I began to press him, to bring him to clean water. She asked point blank, “You cheated on me,” he replied, “I think so.” I was shocked! I was shaking all over.
Then he said he met "a boy." Just go nuts! And loves him! I immediately told him to collect his belongings and get out! I was trampled under the dirt, traded for a fagot. I want to die!
There is no one to talk to, you can’t tell this to your friends! The worst thing is that I love him madly!
My husband told me that he couldn’t leave my son and me! What loves us! I'm in a lot of pain and bad. What should I do? The roof is moving! He said they didn't have sex. Bye. I feel sick even writing this. I asked him to choose, us or this faggot. HUSBAND THINKS.....
It’s fucking easy to put a family and an unfamiliar fagot on the same line. It’s sickening... Yesterday I talked to him, so calmly. He himself cannot understand how this could happen.
Since they didn’t have sex, I first drove him away, then offered to leave the fagot. But he thinks. Simply fucked up. I’m not going to live a double life, that’s what I told my husband. It just hurts to lose him. What to do?
It feels like this is a bad dream. Help me, I'm going crazy! If he sleeps with him, I definitely won’t forgive him! Then there will no longer be a question of possible reconciliation.
My husband is 28, my fag is 21. Holy shit! While my husband was sleeping, I took his cell phone and read the SMS. I almost threw up! I told my husband that if he chooses a fagot, he should forget about me and my son forever! I'm scared for the child, it's a disgrace! Dad's a fagot!
As my husband told me that he could have said nothing, I wouldn’t have known. But I know that sooner or later everything secret becomes clear. I respect him for telling the truth, but I can’t understand why he did this....
We didn’t have sex the entire pregnancy, it was impossible. My husband didn’t burden me, he was always there. For the first half of the year, my son didn’t have sex either. There was a difficult pregnancy and childbirth. There were stitches, it’s scary to remember. Then everything was restored. I’m writing now and remembering, looking for everything positive that we had. He was a good husband. But he shitted on my soul, acted vilely and ruined all this goodness in one fell swoop.
Yesterday I told him to explain his behavior to his parents, mine and the child.
You know, I scrolled back through our whole life and realized that he really was indifferent to girls. And I was jealous like a fool. I should have been jealous of the men. But somehow he didn’t give a reason. He said that he loves us very much, appreciates us and will never leave us. But it doesn't make me feel any better. He argued about why I wouldn’t allow this guy to be my friend. Friend is a fagot. Some kind of circus.
The only thing I appreciate him for in this situation is that he told the truth. My husband says that he values me and my family very much, and that I will always come first for him. But why can’t he decide then? At the same time, he constantly begged and begs me to give birth to a second child. And he insisted on the first one. And at the wedding too. So I asked him yesterday, why did he insist on the wedding, get married and ruin my life if you are a fagot? He answered that he loved me and loves me. And he simply idolizes the child.
As a husband he is very good and reliable. He always helped me in everything, all the worries about the child for the first two months of his life fell entirely on him. And I think that we had a very good family! Love remains, I don’t know how long it will last.
It all depends on how long this will continue. It’s very hard for me, but I don’t want to endure this nonsense. There are ways, my husband forgets the fagot, stops pissing me off and we continue to live together. I'll try to forget about everything. Or my husband goes to see a fagot and forgets about us forever. There is no third!
Told me yesterday that I have homophobia. Of course it is! My husband also gave three options:
1. He stays with us and, at my request, breaks all ties with the gay man. He doesn’t know what this will lead to in our relationship in the future.
2. He goes to the fagot, I break everything off with him, and he also doesn’t know what kind of relationship he and the fagot will have.
3. He leaves somewhere, lives on his own and understands what he needs.
I simply cannot overcome myself and pretend that nothing is happening. I want a normal relationship! So that a lot of time and attention is given to me, so that all the love is mine. I'm not going to share it. If the husband thinks that he is better off with a homosexual, then good riddance! I can’t make a choice for him; he started this mess himself.
Probably everyone has noticed more than once that sometimes not everything goes smoothly on the long path of life. And it would be good if there were only “small broken tubercles”: but no, sometimes such surprises happen. What is most important and not clear is that this kind of surprise comes from who do you think? That's right: from our faithful. And, it would seem, you already know him inside out: his preference for “family panties” (others are simply harmful to me), his constant desire to look overly neat or exactly the opposite, and his persistent reluctance to spend an evening or two with you in nature. But this is all, as they say, c'est la vie. But sometimes this happens...
That's what we'll talk about today.
“Everything was fine, doctor, like everyone else, standard, and suddenly something that’s embarrassing to say,” a woman “wise with life experience” cries at an appointment with a psychologist.
“And, most importantly, I never interfered with his communication with his friends: fishing, buffets, get-togethers, but it would be better if he took a mistress,” she smiles skeptically and bitterly, “but I’m ashamed to look people in the eyes, it’s a small town.” very small, Lord!
Sounds familiar, doesn't it? The most surprising, if not strange, but certainly thought-provoking thing is that according to official statistics of Ukraine, out of the entire sexually mature population, only 2-4% of people can be called “homosexuals by vocation,” that is, those for whom this is a real mental disorder. pathology, sometimes their trouble, their pain.
After all, everything, as we know, is formed, first of all, “in the head,” that is, in the cortical substance of the brain. But Lady Statistics came to me:
In 1991, the World Health Organization removed homosexuality from its list of mental and behavioral diseases. In Ukraine there is no criminal or official medical prosecution for consensual sexual relations between persons of the same sex over the age of 16. Just as there are no statistics about the proportion of homosexuals in Ukrainian society.
Even more:
Gay organizations in Ukraine declared December 12 as the Day of Remembrance for homosexual victims of the totalitarian Soviet regime, since it was on this day in 19991 that the Verkhovna Rada adopted a law decriminalizing voluntary homosexual relations.
Ukraine was the first republic of the former USSR to abolish criminal penalties for homosexuality.
At the beginning of the summer of 2006, the head of the Ukrainian gay forum Svyatoslav Sheremet reported that there are from 420 thousand to 1.2 million gays and lesbians in Ukraine.
The Regional Information and Human Rights Center kindly informs us about this
for gays and lesbians "Our World"
It’s funny, really, the phenomenon as such exists and no one denies it, and at the same time, like s, no one is particularly interested in it. “My business is the side”: is our Slavic mentality like that, or what?
But what should the “hero of the occasion” herself do, an ordinary woman, into whose house “this thing crawled like an unexpected snake.”
Blame it all on a man’s whim: like, all men, no, not bastards, children, mine hasn’t really played enough yet, shall we give him another “soft toy”? so, what? Only after all, we lived with him, and now our silver anniversary is approaching. And children are like “society” in general. However, the latter, often expressed in old gossiping women, believe me, doesn’t care. This is just their next feed, nothing more.
And so that, without “philosophizing” on the main question: why, let’s give the floor to the specialists.
According to Nikolai Nikolaevich Naritsyn, a practicing psychotherapist with more than twenty-five years of experience, a member of the All-Russian Professional Psychotherapeutic League (OPPL) and the Russian Psychoanalytic Society (RPO):
Homosexuality is not just a mode of life or a craving for one sex or another. Homosexuals are people with a disturbed component of sexual behavior. But the main problem is that such people who really deserve to be called true “mistakes of nature” are really a minority. They are found on earth only slightly more often than Siamese twins. And other gays and lesbians who fill homosexual clubs and fight for their equality - almost all of them, so to speak, are “acquired” homosexuals, that is, their inclination towards the same sex has a psychological basis and has nothing to do with true homosexuality.
True homosexuals initially have a problem with their own gender identification. They tell him that he is a boy, but he strives to play with girls. Because boys, by their behavior, are alien and incomprehensible to him. Or a girl is eager to communicate with boys, because in her gender role behavior she is also a boy. And he despises dolls, sand cakes and playing mother and daughter. And it also happens: when playing together (for example, in the same daughter-mother game), boys with disordered sexual behavior take on female roles (grandmothers, aunts, daughters and even mothers), and girls become sons, grandfathers, and even fathers . But at this age, most often, such a distribution of roles does not necessarily indicate a discrepancy between the innate gender and the physical one: sometimes children take on “not their” roles because they want to subjugate those around them or, conversely, do not strive for responsibility. After all, even at a later age, true homosexuality can easily be confused with acquired homosexuality, especially if the latter has deep psychological roots.
I know that many will be offended by the statement that true homosexuality is a genetic deformity. Because now it has become almost a sign of elitism. People of homosexual orientation (real, not fictitious!) practically do not have a happy personal and intimate life, and they sublimate in creativity, sometimes in business, and most often in art. And now everything has been turned upside down. Therefore, even absolutely “natural” singers, composers, and artists began to “mask as gay” in order to prove that they have talent. Previously, I heard the following point of view: “I wouldn’t shake hands with Tchaikovsky, because he’s a homosexual, even though he’s Tchaikovsky.” And now, one might say, they think like this: “You will never become Tchaikovsky, because you are not a homosexual.” And according to such distorted logic, it turns out that it is simply beneficial for creative people to pretend to be homosexuals!
So after all: what is the reason for the emergence of homosexuality, both true and false.
In the first place, usually, comes such a cute “childish, or rather teenage” curiosity. Especially when my mother constantly instilled: “This is bad,” and the male genital organs were often called “this little thing,” “pussy,” “don’t touch,” “don’t touch,” etc.
And when, after many years of marriage, our Don Juan “seriously became sad” and thought: why not?
Well, true homosexuals, no matter how much they want to exist normally in society, most often will not be able to do this. This very nature will not help. For such people, homosexuality is more of a problem than a joy.
What should a woman do in both cases? The maximum that you can do is “pull away, pull away, pull away” - you need to emphasize the need for your husband to see a specialist. The second and third are simply not given. If you try to put pressure on, to shame your beloved, you simply will not achieve anything, except that from “the thread that still connects him with the outside world” you will turn into your worst enemy.
And I can only advise a woman the following: do not leave a man alone with his misfortune, even if it seems like just another whim to you.
And also, as most psychoanalysts advise: try not to perceive a stranger as a rival, no matter how difficult it may be for you to do so.
Try to use these tips, which, however, are far from being a panacea, and perhaps it will become much easier for you.
And also patience, patience and more patience. You now more than need it.
According to scientific research, about 30% of men have homosexual tendencies. Situations where any feelings flare up between a gay man and a heterosexual woman are actually unlikely. More often than not, girls fall in love with homosexuals unilaterally; they worry little about reciprocity; they are driven by their own selfishness and reluctance to notice hints that their chosen one is unconventional. One of the most common reasons why a homosexual decides to marry is calculation. For example, in Hong Kong, a gay man and a lesbian tied the knot just to receive subsidies for rent. The witnesses were their real lovers, who soon also got married for the same purpose. But not everyone has such a mercantile interest. It happens that a man does not want to admit his nature for a long time, trying to deceive it with a successful marriage, and then with immediate fatherhood. As a rule, such attempts accidentally “backfire,” and only two people need help. Husband with a surprise A gay husband often does not immediately inform his wife about his sexual preferences. There are also those who manage to keep this little secret until the end of their days, without darkening the already difficult life of their spouse. And all this time the woman justifies her meager sex life with all sorts of platitudes, such as tired, tired, not in the mood, etc. Take just the case in the family of the Australian couple Hans and Alina Luk. This news spread across almost the entire World Wide Web. After the birth of 12 children, the woman suddenly found out that her faithful husband was gay. All these years he had sex with her only so that she would give birth to children. The catch was that, immersed in caring for another child, the woman did not have enough time to keep track of her hubby, who at that time was having fun with his boyfriend on the side. When nature takes over, many men, finding themselves in a trap, still open their cards, hoping for female condescension. A loving woman is ready to forgive everything. Sometimes she even initiates the search for a suitable sexual partner for her husband. Having unexpectedly learned about a fatal disease, the man finally decided to make up for lost time and told his wife that all he had to dream about all these many years was sex with someone like him. No, not with a terminally ill person, but with a man, also 20–30 years old, so that he could satisfy him properly. And what do you think the wife did? She placed an ad on a dating site, where she fully reflected the current situation, and in the postscript she noted that if such a young man was found, she would be happy to give up the apartment they shared with her husband for romantic meetings, and she would temporarily move in with her relatives. This is the real power of self-sacrifice. But in life there are simpler situations. Money talks... a lot! Tatyana and Alexey have been married for 7 years, they have breakfast together, go to work together and spend their leisure time, whether weekdays or weekends, together. She learned about her husband’s attraction to boys in the fifth year of marriage. At first she was upset, but after a heart-to-heart conversation, the man still managed to convince his wife that his orientation would not overshadow their relationship. And so it happened. “Alexey has never cheated on me with women, he is always a good conversationalist and a caring husband,” says Tatyana. “He loves me and wants me to give birth to a daughter. We rarely quarrel, we raise our voices at each other, but it’s about the husband raising a hand on me is out of the question." “Home is a sacred place for him, never in his life has he brought a sexual partner to the family apartment. On this occasion, he either rents a hotel room or stays with his unconventional friend for the night - I try not to object, but I force my husband to undergo medical examinations every month.” examinations to protect yourself and him from unwanted surprises.” The story of one married couple living in Kyiv can be added to a number of such cases. Wife Olga had suspected about her husband’s unconventional orientation for a long time, but was somehow afraid to ask, until she caught her husband in bed with the stripper Fabrik. At first there was a shock, but having made allowance for the dominant role of the husband as the breadwinner, she did not object too much, saying that if you think that you need it, then do it your way. “It was very difficult to break yourself mentally, but how do you get used to the fact that there will always be someone third?” The husband turned out to be surprisingly lenient: “I’m not going to get a divorce, I need a woman like you to raise my son - he shouldn’t know about anything. You don’t have to worry about anything related to financial issues, you’ll have everything.” whatever you want, just be patient and be my friend, and also come to terms with the fact that I won’t always be able to satisfy your sexual needs, so if you want, you can have a lover, I won’t mind.” It turns out that the husband simply bought his wife’s understanding, and she has not yet suffered much from this. A couple of months later, Olga brought a young lover into the house, and now the four of them organize all birthdays, holidays and parties: Olya, her friend, Fabrik and Rostislav. You to me - I to you Alexander is a well-known politician; he first met his wife in a nightclub. Nastya was then an aspiring model, and the prospects of going beyond the Ukrainian catwalk seduced the 20-year-old young lady. In return, she promised to be a devoted wife and a good cover. In all her interviews, the girl focused on what a loving husband and good father Sasha is, while this “exemplary family man” spent all his free time in the company of young men. “My status does not allow me to show my real orientation; all my business partners would stop communicating with me,” says Alexander. “Marriages of convenience have long been a known thing, and there is nothing shameful in it. It’s good for you and for others.” Nastya is not burdened with marital debt. She regularly brings fans to her half of the living space, as does her husband. And as soon as work colleagues or relatives arrive, the couple immediately begins to pretend to be lovers. And you know, so far no one has doubted. Honey, I'm leaving for... someone else Be that as it may, marriage with a gay man is a great trauma not only for the woman, but also for their children together. Sooner or later, they will still understand why dad so rarely spends time with his family, and why there is depilatory cream on the shelf instead of shaving gel. A mother should be a mother, and a father should be a father, and spending your leisure time on lovers due to constant sexual dissatisfaction means limiting the attention of those who really need it. In practice, there have been cases when a seemingly normal man, having tried marriage with a woman, “suddenly”, after 20 years, realizes that this is not for him, and simply leaves without any reasonable explanation. At 52, Georgy has been living with a man for 13 years, which he is very happy about. Previously, he could not even imagine that such a revaluation of values would occur. Women always liked him and he liked them too, he got married early, had a daughter, and a little later a son. Together with his wife Svetlana, they lived in perfect harmony for 20 years, and only at 42 years old did Georgiy meet the man of his dreams. You should also be careful if your man is bisexual. Sexologists claim that the vast majority of male bisexuals are actually homosexuals. Northwestern Illinois University conducted tests on 100 men. A third of them were gay, a third were heterosexual, and a third were bisexual. They were shown pornographic films and the reaction of their genitals was measured. The researchers concluded that bisexuals were equally aroused by men and women, based on both genital measurements and their own ratings. The results were published in the scientific journal Biological Psychology. A similar study conducted by Indiana University and the Kinsey Institute came to the same result. In it, 59 people were studied using erotic films, among whom were 13 bisexuals. The results were published in the journal Archives of Sexual Behavior. These findings contradict a controversial 2005 study that found bisexual men were primarily aroused by exposure to male sex. This study then confirmed the popular belief that bisexuality is only an intermediate state in the openness of a homosexual. Psychologists advise men and women who have discovered traces of “unconventional” infidelity in their marital bed:- DO NOT make hasty decisions under the influence of emotions - DO NOT insult your spouse and never make fun of other people’s sexual preferences - DO NOT blame yourself for the current situation - DO NOT drag minor children into “showdowns”, trying to win them over to your side. Be that as it may, if it suddenly turns out that your man turns out to be a latent gay, you should understand that this is a given, and it is impossible to “cure” him.
