Most men sooner or later begin to cheat on their spouses - this is a reliable fact. Of course, some cheat more often, and some less often, some do it competently, and some have already been caught cheating more than once, but in any case, for many modern husbands the question is how to hide the presence of a mistress from their wife , is very relevant. And thanks to this article, you will learn 7 effective tips on this matter, following which you can successfully hide adultery for a long time.
Why does a man need a mistress?
There may be many reasons why even an exemplary family man sooner or later takes a mistress, but the most common of them include the following:
- The need to diversify your intimate life. Over time, a constant relationship with one partner becomes boring; it lacks the same novelty and acuity of sensations that are provided when meeting with a woman who has not yet been studied.
- The need to attend social events and business meetings with a beautiful and young girl, a category in which the wife is often no longer included - the years and the birth, and then the upbringing of children, still do not pass without a trace for either one.
- The desire to spend leisure time pleasantly and easily - without discussing family problems, upcoming expenses and other everyday issues.
- The desire to feel young, which only a young partner can provide for a man.
- Self-affirmation - for a mistress, her chosen one always remains an unattainable deity and she makes every effort to be desirable and attractive to him in all aspects.
Of course, every man has his own reasons why he decides to have a relationship with his mistress, but the result is always the same - the spouse should not know about them, and therefore it is worth making every effort to keep the secret.
Why you shouldn't tell your wife about your mistress
If you are interested in preserving your marriage and want peace in the family, you should never, under any circumstances, tell your wife about the existence of an “outside” relationship. Even if the spouse promotes honesty in all aspects family life, promising to treat any news with understanding, you need to remember that most women do not like to share their chosen one with a rival. And this is not surprising, since the presence of a mistress is perceived by many wives as a potential threat to the marriage - they believe that the rival intends to take her husband away from the family, making every conceivable and inconceivable effort to do so.
And accordingly, when the wife finds out about her husband’s infidelity, especially if we are talking about a permanent relationship, she strives to do everything to get rid of her rival, causing scandals for both parties and, in general, introducing quarrels and squabbles into an established life. And to avoid this, you should always make every effort to maintain the secrecy of a love affair.
There are 7 simple rules for keeping your mistress secret from your wife:
- Control of feelings. A relationship with your mistress can last as long as you like, but only until you begin to fall in love with your chosen one, since women feel this very subtly, and your wife is no exception.
- Lack of relationships with stupid or too young (18-20 years old) girls who, due to inexperience, can behave unpredictably and, at the first quarrel or misunderstanding, inform their legal spouse about their presence in your life.
- Maintaining secrecy. As few people as possible should know about the presence of an “outside” relationship, even if they are close friends or good acquaintances. For the same reason, you should not visit places with a girl where you are well known.
- If you have to make excuses to your wife, sometimes it’s better to just remain silent than to voice the same excuse every time. Better yet, create a “gray zone”, for example, accustom your wife to the idea that twice a week you spend evenings with friends or work colleagues.
- Keep an eye on the little things. It is always worth remembering that hair on clothes, traces of lipstick or the smell of someone else's perfume are eloquent confirmation of your infidelity, which almost any wife will notice.
- Don't let your spouse spy on you. It’s better not to give her any reason to worry at all and, without waiting for calls, call your missus yourself and complain about traffic jams, the bosses keeping you at work, and so on.
- Don't let your guard down. You should always be on your guard and avoid small but annoying mistakes, such as texting your mistress good night from your mobile phone, which your spouse can read in outgoing messages.
Of course, you can read a lot about how not to get caught cheating on your wife, but it is better to initially choose the right approach to finding a mistress by choosing a kept woman for her role - a girl who initially knows about the peculiarities of such relationships and is not interested in taking you away from the family. This approach is more rational and initially gives a higher chance that the adultery will be kept secret.
Almost all men cheat on their wives. But not all of them leave the family. What if the husband said that he loves her and wants to leave the family? Is it worth trying to keep him and save his family? If you decide to forgive your husband and stay with him, you need to determine what kind of woman his mistress is.
Why did this happen and what to do?
Perhaps this question will be the first to arise in your head when your husband notifies you of his decision. The reasons that prompted him to enter into a relationship with another woman. But whatever prompted him to take such a step, he fell in love with her. Or he thinks he's in love. That's why he told you about its existence.
But mistresses are also different. Not everyone is ready to accept your husband. So if you decide to fight for your man, then your action plan should be built depending on what your husband’s mistress is like.
She doesn't need him
Many men are mistaken that any woman who has an intimate relationship with them will be happy to live with him and take care of him. The times of Turgenev's young ladies, who were more afraid than death of being rejected and disgraced, are in the past.
Many women these days think rationally. They don't let feelings and emotions take over. After all, having a family or living together with someone means daily work and work on yourself. It is also necessary to adapt to each other, negotiate and seek compromises.
But she doesn't want that. Living alone is much easier and more convenient. And it’s easy to realize your physiological needs for sex. To do this, it is not necessary to have a stamp in your passport. So she has no thoughts of taking your husband away from the family.
Meeting your husband is comfortable and safe. Because married men tend to have fewer casual sexual relationships. This means that he will not reward her with some unpleasant venereal disease.
Behind married man cared for by the legal spouse. She washes and irons his clothes, feeds him and treats him if he is sick. That is, she gets all the hardships of living together. And for the mistress - only a pleasant pastime, unburdensome communication.
How to identify her
She does not try to inform you about her existence, does not call again and does not demand that your husband spend the weekend with her. She doesn't go to public events with him or meet his friends. Even if she got pregnant, then, firstly, she probably did it deliberately, and secondly, she will give birth to a child for herself, because she wants to become a mother, and not your husband’s new wife. She most likely doesn’t even need alimony. There will be a long dash in the “Father” column on the baby’s birth certificate.
He spends money on it, you will notice that your budget has become more modest. Otherwise why would he need it? After all, her attitude towards him is exclusively consumerist.
How to deal with it
The most pleasant thing about such a mistress is that there is no need to take action. If the husband thinks that they have love and mutual understanding, then he is greatly mistaken.
Once you have decided to go to her, then don’t hold back. Just wait. As soon as he appears on her doorstep with a suitcase, she will instantly turn him back. Or not so fast, but they won’t be able to live long.
And he will return home to you. Because you have comfort and peace. You need it. At a distance, such moments can be felt much better than when living together.
She dreams of a family
This type of mistress is the most unpleasant. They can be characterized as follows: he just said “hello”, and she already mentally married him and gave birth to three children. When such a woman enters a room, she seems to scan everyone present with her eyes in search of the ideal candidate. She is constantly searching until she gets hooked on someone. And it doesn’t matter to her whether her chosen one is married, because she is looking for love in the sense in which she understands.
This one will strive to literally devour your husband. She calls annoyingly, tries to spend all her free time and weekends with him. At some point, her obsession will begin to irritate.
But if you and your husband have a breakdown in your relationship, then she will literally insert herself into it like a wedge. And he will try to do everything to win over your husband.
How to identify her
Such women can be recognized by the look of a “half-milked cow.” She smiles flirtatiously at all men, and arrogantly brushes aside other women. If, upon meeting you, you wanted to pick up a heavier frying pan and move it across your face so that an imprint remains, then you have identified it.
She is not dangerous to you if your husband sees that she has an uneven attitude towards all men in general. If you pay attention to her behavior, then from a catwoman with a fluffy tail she will turn in his eyes into a shabby gray mouse.
But if nature has awarded her with impressive secondary sexual characteristics, then she will still attract attention. But, most likely, then more sadness will appear in her eyes. After all, men have probably used her gullibility and desire to start a family more than once for their own selfish purposes.
How to deal with it
It is difficult to fight such a special one. She is always sweet, good, in a great mood. And the worst thing is that she praises your husband to the skies. And he is overwhelmed with happiness on his homemade Olympus.
So if he has not left yet, and you want to keep him, then you will need to start working on yourself. Become better, more attractive. You will have to put in a lot of effort to become better than her.
But is it worth it? Together you will spoil your husband. He will be flattered that for his sake 2 women are competing to stay with him. It is likely that your husband will relax in such a situation and stop working on your relationship.
For a mistress, subservient behavior in front of a man is normal. It is more important for her to get the coveted stamp in her passport, serve her husband and be an exemplary wife. Endure everything and endure everything. After all, being a woman, or rather, a wise woman, is not easy. But she is ready to do anything to be right.
With such a wife, a man will feel comfortable and comfortable. After all, she will do everything impossible so that he does not leave her.
She loved him
Above we described two opposite types of mistresses: the first does not need a husband in principle, the other is ready to pick up the first person she meets. But most often there is an intermediate option. Such a woman doesn’t seem to have big plans for your husband, but somehow everything just started spinning and spinning. And she even fell in love with him herself.
She herself may be married, but her marital relationships weigh on her. And in her relationship with your husband, she finds something that will compensate for her dissatisfaction. Or she may not be married. It’s just that marriage itself is not a goal for her.
The relationship with your husband is developing on its own. But at first you won't guess anything. Then you will feel that there is less money in the family, and you now see your husband less often. He himself strives to spend time with her.
How to identify her
It will not be possible to identify such a mistress at first glance. She is unremarkable in this regard. He communicates calmly with both women and men.
The only thing you can notice is random gestures and ambiguous phrases. Maybe she exchanges phrases with your husband, the meaning of which is clear only to the two of them. And your husband’s behavior changes when she’s around.
How to deal with it
Dealing with such a mistress is difficult, but possible. To do this, you need to understand what your husband lacked in family life. Or, on the contrary, what was too much? Remember that everything is good in moderation. If you are a caring wife, then do not try to strangle him with your care. If you love to cook, then do not fatten your husband as if for slaughter.
In this case, in a relationship with his mistress, he is looking for peace and freedom, the opportunity to breathe calmly, without fear of you. So all you need to do is loosen your grip a little.
Once you have learned about its existence, then try to calmly talk with your husband frankly and calmly. What did he find there? Maybe if he loves you, you will try to overcome this crisis together. Both of you will work on your relationship and on yourselves.
There's a spark between them
You have been married for several years. Love your husband with a calm, respectful love. You feel good and comfortable together. If there was passion in the relationship, it has already cooled down and has been replaced by affection and mutual respect.
Your husband had no plans to cheat on you. But he met someone else, passion took them over. He fell in love and lost his head.
Most likely, you have noticed before that you and your husband are different people. But we decided not to seek passions for ourselves. He good man, you value and respect him. What else is needed for a prosperous family life?
How to identify her
If you find yourself in a room where she and your husband will be, you will notice that the air is literally melting between them. As they approach each other, sparks are about to fly in all directions. They may not notice anyone around, the whole world has narrowed around them.
His usual movements, facial expressions, gestures, and intonation change. You look at him and don't recognize him. Or you find out, but sadly note that he was like that at the very beginning of your relationship, and now...
If you haven’t seen her, then you feel a change in your husband. His mood changes. He becomes sad if he does not see or communicate with her for a long time. He takes every opportunity to write or call her. And, naturally, he hides it from you. Now he has more restrictions on you. It is unlikely that he will voluntarily give you his phone number.
Someday you will find traces of her presence in your shared car; her hair and the smell of perfume may remain on her husband’s clothes.
Yours will change too intimate life. Your husband will avoid intimacy in every possible way, and at such moments it will seem that he is not with you mentally.
How to deal with it
It is useless to fight it, especially until passions subside. Then it will be clear what their relationship will turn into. Maybe they will see that they are not suitable for each other and go their separate ways. Then your husband will return to you with a feeling of guilt.
Or passion will turn into love. They are made for each other. You will have no choice but to retreat and, if possible, maintain a normal relationship with your husband. Start rebuilding your life without him. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, your relationship is ending right now.
Don't take failure in your family life personally. After all, you did the right thing. Passion is an unreliable advisor in relationships. You used common sense. And he might never have met her.
Then you would live peacefully and safely into old age together. But would you be happy or at some point would you suddenly realize with horror that you had lost so many years with a good, but step-by-step person? It's better this way.
According to statistics, the number of men who have “went to the left” at least once is increasing. Today there are 76% of these, while among women it is much more modest – 21%. Why does a man have an affair? How does a third appear in the lives of two people? What to do with your husband's mistress? What should a wife do to gain the upper hand over her rival and how to get rid of her husband’s mistress forever?
Women who allow themselves to have an affair with an unfree man can be divided into several types, and in each case, advice to wives (or regular girlfriends) will be individual.
Types of mistresses of married men
Holiday girl
She loves the beautiful life and parties. Always in search of a man who will pay her bill at the club, in return she is not averse to brightening up his future leisure time. Very often dates several men at once. “Married men” who are in the mood for easy adventures love such women. Because their goals are the same - just to have fun.
Psychologist's comment
If a man has such a mistress, he probably has a surplus of resources: time, money, physical capabilities. After all, the holiday girl is very “gluttonous.” But the question arises: a mistress is a “holiday”, and who is the wife then? Why doesn’t the husband find a holiday within the family, but looks outside it?
Some wives choose total control over their spouse. But this will not tie all husbands hand and foot (rather, it will force them to show miracles of conspiracy). The right tactic is to emotionally saturate the marriage. Develop interesting joint activities: travel, hobbies, self-development. Fill your life with impressions so that your husband has no time, no money, no energy left for another “holiday”.
"Blind" mistress
It’s not her fault that she ended up being one of the “corners of the triangle.” The man hid from her the fact that he was married. She can even learn this unpleasant news from her wife herself, who suddenly called with threats. And only then does it become clear why the beloved never showed where he lived in six months of a whirlwind romance.
Psychologist's comment
Having discovered the truth, the “blind” mistress herself may indignantly disappear from a man’s life, and forever. But you need to understand this: with her, he tried to replay the relationship that he had with you at the initial stage, looking for a repetition of the pleasant moments he experienced.
Remember what initially attracted your husband to you (for example, you knew how to enjoy every little thing, and over the years you began to look more and more at the price tag). Try to renew the lost “enticement”.
Gray mouse
She has very low self-esteem and doesn't believe she deserves it. nice guy, and when a married man proposes a relationship with her, he grabs the offer like a straw. Such mistresses are convenient: you can keep them nearby on a short leash for years, without really promising anything.
Psychologist's comment
A wife may look like quite a glamorous lady, but she probably defines her husband’s position in the family with the word “should.” But it means dependence, which contradicts the natural male role. A plain-looking woman who unconditionally puts a man on a pedestal (a male, a hero, a being of a higher order!) receives a flood of attention from him.
The gender role of a man (even if outwardly he does not correspond to it) must be supported in every possible way. If he feels like a macho next to you, then the “mice” will have nothing to profit from in your household.
Natural Lover
She knows that he is married, and that suits her completely. After all, it is she who skims the cream - gifts, flowers, romantic dates. The “natural” woman does not seek the responsibilities of a wife. In fact, she herself may well be married.
Psychologist's comment
This "Alice the Fox" has perfectly understood the nature of man and offers him the illusion of expanding his range as a male. But - without the possibility of obtaining offspring.
This is difficult: not only are you required to recognize primacy in your husband, but you also need to have offspring. It's about not so much about children, but about any joint projects. Children alone (as women often mistakenly believe) will not help protect the marriage here.
Huntress
She aims to take possession of someone else’s – usually attractive and wealthy – husband. The “huntress” is capable of bringing down an avalanche of details and photographic facts on her wife in order to “open her eyes.” At the same time she processes her husband. A popular tactical move is “accidental” pregnancy. Alas, when a scandal breaks out, the husband can really choose in favor of his mistress - “if only this hell would end quickly.” Most unfaithful husbands are very afraid that the affair will go to this stage.
Psychologist's comment
The most dangerous type. The Huntress is a result-oriented professional (which, by the way, can only be indirectly related to sexual relationships).
The best insurance, no matter how trite, is the kinship of souls. Make it a rule to be as open as possible between you, even to the most compromising information. It’s not for nothing that they say that love and truth are invincible. Strengthen unity with your husband, respectful and friendly relationship with him, willingness to treat “random vices” with understanding, accepting and loving him as he is in reality, and not in the fog of your fantasies.
Don't overestimate your opponent's personality
Don’t torment yourself with meaningless questions like: “What is there in her that I don’t have?!” The other woman just happened to be in the right place at the right time. The first thing you should think about is your relationship with your husband, the two of you. Some problems in the marriage led to the emergence of a love triangle. You may or may not have known about these problems, but the point is that the husband chose another lady as a way out. One has only to find another, more productive solution to the problem of marriage - and the need for a mistress will disappear.
It is very important for a man to feel strong, smart, brave, self-confident, loved, desired, special. Most likely, at the beginning of your relationship, you gave birth to this sense of self in him. Now answer honestly: are you focusing on weaknesses or strengths your man? Most wives can rattle off an endless list of things that their husbands do poorly or, in their opinion, are wrong. But are you ready to present the same list of things he does great? An imbalance between admiration/support and criticism often pushes a man into the arms of another woman because she makes him feel important.
Middle age crisis
The most tragic cases involving the departure of a husband from the family are often associated with... One day a man realizes that he will no longer achieve anything fundamentally, that all his dreams of success, wealth, power remain unfulfilled. It hurts to realize this. And here next to her is a young maiden who passionately believes in a bright future and infects it with energy. This is similar to a destructive passion, an eclipse, since hopes for a second youth are an illusion.
Can a wife somehow influence her husband in moments of such a crisis? Alas, no, she can only wait until he is “released.” Do not be fooled by his complaints, grumblings and accusations (and they are quite likely to be addressed to you). Live as if nothing bad is happening: play with your children, work, play sports, actively communicate with your friends. All my husband needs now is time and personal space. And if you give them to him, he will definitely come to his senses and return to you - the faster, the more positive life you will live on your own.
Forgiveness is repentance
Everyone is worthy. Or not? Obviously, someone who feels not just guilt, but sincerely repents, deserves forgiveness. How to determine this?
- He not only apologizes often, but also gives the reason: “I’m sorry for hurting you, betraying your trust,” etc.
- He cares more about your feelings than about his own or the negative consequences for himself that his offense entails.
- He doesn’t just apologize, but acts, and he has one goal - to reduce the pain caused. Be it long conversations when he is ready to answer all your questions, or an offer to see a family therapist. He is ready to do whatever you ask of him now.
- He takes full responsibility for his actions. There may be problems in the marriage, he may have felt hurt, unloved and unwanted, but it was his decision to have another woman. And now he realizes: the reason for the crisis is that you did something wrong, but that he made the wrong choice.
If the unfaithful spouse tries to end the conversation: “What happened is past, forget about it!” or shifts the blame onto you - alas, he is unlikely to fully feel remorse.
Men give advice to men. But it is useful for women to be aware of men's tricks. Forewarned is protected.
Scientific fact: husbands cheat on their wives. Some do this often, some rarely, some openly, some secretly, some systematically, some occasionally - the essence does not change. Even one episode is still treason.
In many cases, adultery is not a source of difficulties, for example, if your wife is completely dependent on you financially or psychologically, if you do not care about the fate of your marriage, if, finally, you have an “open” relationship in your family. Strictly speaking, in each of these cases, treason cannot be called complete. We will consider a more stringent situation.
Suppose you want to exercise your “right to left”, but at the same time you value your marriage and do not want it to break up. You treat your wife well and do not want to traumatize her or provoke her into retaliatory infidelity. She, in turn, “shepherds” you quite closely, does not intend to turn a blind eye to your adventures and is generally sincerely jealous of you. In such a context, it will be quite difficult for you to perform Don Juan feats while remaining undiscovered and unpunished. To make this difficult task easier for you, let me formulate a few rules.
Let's start with the first and foremost rule: control your feelings.
You can treat your lover(s) as tenderly as you like, but there is one thing you cannot allow yourself: to truly fall in love. The lover is defenseless, his feelings are written on his forehead, he is incapable of conspiracy, and conspiracy is useless: you can’t hide an awl in a bag. Also, your wife may forgive you for an affair, but it is unlikely that she will forgive anything more serious. All this smells of scandal and divorce. Do you need it?
It can be difficult to comply with this rule, but still there is always a moment when you can still stop and not get involved in a story that is fraught with disaster.
Rule two: don't mess with fools
This applies exclusively to your lovers. The fool will inevitably ruin everything: he will come to your birthday party, call your wife and swear at her, blab about your relationship to the whole world, in short, pull some kind of trick. Even if things don’t go to such extremes, the fool simply won’t be able to support your complex conspiracy game. The same applies to women with unstable psyches - well, to hell with them! In addition, you should not mess with girls who are too young (under 20 years old) - they can be absolutely unpredictable.
In the case of your wife, everything is exactly the opposite - the smarter, cooler and more observant she is, the more difficult it will be for you to mislead her and the more difficult your task.
Rule three: secrecy above all else
The fewer people who know about your affair, the better. Neither neighbors, nor colleagues, nor, God forbid, relatives should be in the know. If possible, avoid appearing with your lover in places where they know you: do not go to familiar clubs, restaurants, pubs, etc. You must reduce the likelihood of accidental information leakage as much as possible. Don't tell anyone except your most trusted friends about your relationship. Never brag, especially in a drunken shop - not only is it dangerous, it’s also simply ugly. And of course, your enemies and simply ill-wishers should not know anything: do not put weapons in their hands!
Rule three bis: women should be unaware
Under no circumstances should you let strangers find out about your affair. I'm not even talking about your wife's relatives or friends - you might as well report to her yourself. But even the wives and girlfriends of your friends should not be in the know, otherwise they will sooner or later tell everything to your wife - if not out of the notorious female solidarity, then at least simply to hurt her.
Rule four: it is easier to remain silent than to make excuses
Men don't know how to lie. If you have to tell your wife a deliberate lie too often, you will inevitably get confused and get caught. Therefore, try to avoid outright lies. Dose out information, in principle, spread less even about events that have nothing to do with your “adultery.” Create a “gray zone” for yourself, a certain time in your life about which you do not report to your wife. The trick is that you shouldn't completely remove her ability to control you from time to time. By getting into the gray area and making sure that, say, on Wednesday from seven to ten in the evening you were just drinking beer with a school friend, your missus will lower her guard much more than if she were completely unaware.
Rule five: create false reasons for jealousy
If you cheat on your wife, she will feel vaguely uneasy anyway. Direct it in a controlled direction, and at the same time “let the fool go.” For example, try to start hitting on some girl in a nightclub in front of your wife. Your wife will call you a brat and punch you in the face, but at the same time she will decide that you, in principle, are not capable of anything more sophisticated.
There is a more complicated way. Maintain a non-adulterous relationship with some woman. This could be an old friend, work colleague, etc. In this case, there must be a clear reason that excludes a sexual or romantic relationship: this woman must be very ugly, incredibly virtuous, your wife must know her well, etc. Naturally, your wife should be more or less informed about this relationship; it is better if she is dissatisfied with it, but you insist on its continuation. Jealousy will receive an illusory target, and behind this disguise you will be able to do more interesting things.
Rule six: pay attention to detail
A hair on the lapel of a jacket, the smell of someone else's perfume, a tie given by a mistress - how many adulterers have been caught doing this! Learn from women - they are much more prudent.
Rule Seven: Control your wife's movements and do not allow her to effectively control you.
If you are not tempted by the prospect of being caught in the arms of your mistress, always know where your wife is. Call her, report on your actions and plans, avoid outright lies, but leave yourself some room for maneuver. The wise invention of bourgeois thought - the cell phone - is very useful: your wife can call you at any time, which creates the illusion of control, but at the same time she does not know where exactly you are and is forced to take your word for it. In addition, your mistress can call on your mobile phone more calmly - and in this case she will not need to know your home phone number. Having a car also makes things easier - you can always, for example, get stuck in a traffic jam, calling your wife from time to time and complaining about your plight.
But email is a dubious thing. I myself once, with her “help,” got seriously burned: I went on a business trip, and my wife accidentally turned on “Outlook” (which she had never done before), and a letter of completely unambiguous content appeared before her bright eyes. There was still a hurricane. So, as Vanessa Paradis sang, “passwords, passwords, passwords.”
Rule eight: have a stash
You must have money that is not under your wife's control. Even if your family has a shared budget, be sure to create a nest egg, at least a small one. Al Capone went to jail for tax evasion, and you could be screwed if your spouse discovers a hole in the family finances. If you cannot immediately “find” the required amount, borrow from a reliable person and pay back in installments. This will allow you to avoid petty stinginess, which has never brought anyone any good.
Rule nine: avoid excesses
I am silent about such horrors as the pregnancy of my mistress or sexually transmitted diseases. But you should not allow quarrels with your mistress or conflict between lovers. In relation to each of them, the same rules must be observed as in relation to the wife. Be calm, kind, benevolent, do not promise the impossible and keep everything under control. Break off relationships in such a way as to exclude revenge - it will be a shame to be left without a mistress and without a wife.
Rule ten: never let your guard down
Adultery is not a vacation, but a complex and delicate work. You can’t relax - you lose sight of some little thing and everything is lost. Experience certainly helps, but you can’t afford to be overconfident. Everything should be like in war and like the first time.
