Everything in life can be changed except death. If a loved one dies, the whole world around you seems to fade, and an all-consuming pain settles in your soul, which cannot be drowned out.
Widow... This hopeless, sad word sounds like a sentence... And every loving woman is afraid to hear it.
How to live after the death of your husband? Collect your heart and life piece by piece, come to terms with the fact that your loved one cannot be returned...
To someone who has never known loss, death seems only like an evil old woman with a scythe, something abstract and distant.
But a person who has experienced grief will never rush out with the words: “We’ll all be there!” or “Time heals!”
He, like no one else, knows that mental wounds heal, become covered with an icy crust, but do not heal completely.
Psychologists say that recovery from such mental trauma takes years. The first weeks are the hardest. My husband’s shirt hangs forlornly on a chair, and his favorite perfume is on the shelf in the hallway...
The woman subconsciously expects him to walk through the door and say: “Honey, this is just a bad dream! How could I leave you?
Five Stages of Grief
It is impossible to be prepared for loss. Grief strikes unexpectedly like a tsunami or a destructive hurricane, and the woman remains helpless before its strength and power.
And how can you even believe that the person who just yesterday kissed you good night and laughed at your jokes is gone forever?
Sigmund Freud said that it is difficult for a woman to survive the death of her husband because subconsciously she blames herself and wants to share his fate.
That is why, after the shocking news, the wife loses interest in the world around her and sees no point in living further. There are five stages of grief.
1. Denial. First thought: “I can’t believe it, this is a mistake, this couldn’t happen.”
It is especially difficult to accept and survive the death of a young husband.
To prevent a person from going crazy, the psyche turns on a defense mechanism - denial. Therefore, the wives of the deceased often do not admit the obvious.
2. Anger. “Why did this happen to our family? Where's the justice?".
The death of a loved one is a huge blow. Emotions bubble up in your soul like a cauldron, and it’s easiest to throw out pain in a fit of anger.
Rage can be directed both at others and at oneself: “It’s the doctors’ fault, they started the operation late,” “Why did you let me leave home that day, because my heart sensed trouble”...
3. Rejection. It is impossible to believe that all that remains of her husband is a grave with his name or a handful of ashes.
It seems that this is a protracted nightmare, someone's cruel joke. It is important to have support nearby: it could be children, a sister, a mother, a friend...
A woman is pulled into a whirlpool of depression, and it is extremely difficult to get out of it.
4. Depression. Life has faded and lost all meaning. The widow goes through her husband’s things, looks at photos of them together for the thousandth time, or simply sits by the window, losing track of time: “What if a familiar silhouette appears?”
In especially severe cases, women injure themselves or even try to take their own lives - only a specialist can help them heal.
5. Acceptance. Some people immediately learn to drown out the heartache and move on with their lives, while others will take years to understand the loss... Everyone experiences grief in their own way.
Woman's feelings
Yes, we have repeatedly heard that death is not the end, but just another stage of existence.
But what is the use of this philosophy if there is a gaping hole in the soul and the bed is cold and empty?
The consolation that there is life after death will not help here! After all, a stubborn heart wants him to be near, here and now, but eternity will wait! When a woman is left alone, she is overwhelmed by a hurricane of emotions.
Anger at people. Why is everyone around happy, but fate took away the most precious thing from her?
For friends, neighbors, colleagues, life has not changed: they laugh, go for walks, raise children... But her world will never be the same.
Search for the culprits. It's hard to be around an emotionally unstable person.
The wife of the deceased will blame everyone (including herself) for the tragedy, so conflicts are inevitable.
Only those who have lost loved ones will understand the depth of her grief, so do not be offended by words thrown in the heat of the moment. For a woman, this is the only way to prevent pain from burning herself from the inside.
Anger at myself. The wives of those who died in the accident curse themselves for letting their spouse drive or board the ill-fated plane.
If the husband died from an illness, they blame themselves for going to the doctor late and not noticing the alarming symptoms.
We are ordinary people: not seers, not psychics, not wizards... It hurts, it’s offensive, but we have to come to terms with the fact that nothing can be changed.
Apathy. Complete immersion in pain. The woman who used to be the life of the party locks herself in her house and tries not to show herself on the street again.
Memories, photographs, tears, dramatic books and films... Now she lives in the past, because the future has lost its meaning.
How to cope with the death of your husband?
New landmarks. There is no magic pill, mantra, or spell that will help you cope with pain. We need to learn to live on. Without him…
Neither tears nor curses will help bring back the departed. But the body is driven into a state of constant stress, for which you will have to pay with your health.
Psychologists give advice: learn to enjoy simple things again. This is especially important if you have children. After all, they need a healthy and loving mother!
Human memory has an important feature: forgetting. But not a person, but unpleasant emotions. It is memory, not time, that is the best doctor. So let her heal your wounds!
Let bright colors into the world, which after the death of her husband became black and white. Play with your children, make new friends, attend clubs, courses, sports clubs, travel!
You will not insult the memory of your husband by doing this. Ask yourself one question: would he really want me to be like this? Sad, lonely, with a heart scorched like a desert.
Creation. By creating something with her own hands, a woman is distracted from painful thoughts.
Perhaps you have the talent of an artist or sculptor, but you don’t know about it?
Drawing, photography courses, embroidery, knitting, modeling... You can go dancing or take up singing.
If it is difficult to be in society for a long time, start with online courses. But don’t become a hermit and a slave to your sad thoughts.
Classes with a psychologist, in groups. It is easier and easier to communicate with people who have also experienced tragedy.
Many women also begin to engage in charity work: helping sick and lonely children, elderly people...
This is not an easy path, but very effective. It can completely change your worldview.
Faith. Communication with a clergyman, prayers, faith that the soul is in a better world will help you come to terms with the loss.
A trip to holy places is also a good way to become stronger in spirit and drive away bad thoughts.
Letter to a loved one. What hurts most is the thought that your husband will never know what place he occupied in your life.
That you love, miss, regret careless words and actions. The “Letter to the Dead” method has proven itself very well.
There is no need to write a thousand-page novel or utter pretentious words! Write down how you feel now.
Tell me how painful, scared, lonely you are... How you want him to be there. Write about your love, about the years you lived together, about your best memories.
Re-read the letter, feel your emotions in every line, let this be your symbolic farewell.
After this, the paper must be burned and the ashes buried or scattered to the wind.
Let's sum it up
Each person experiences grief differently, but everyone goes through the five stages of grief:
- negation;
- anger;
- non-acceptance;
- depression;
- Adoption.
It is important during this difficult period not to remain alone for a long time, find new activities and try to restore peace of mind.
And the image of your loved one will be a bright memory, and not a source of eternal pain.
My husband died, what should I do, how to realize that he won’t be around? His smile, face, gentle hands are still before my eyes. What should I do?
My husband died, what to do, how to live:
I don’t want to understand that everything will pass over time, it doesn’t, I feel bad.
All friends, neighbors and acquaintances say standard words, avert their eyes, and try to leave as quickly as possible.
If it weren't for work, I would go crazy. But this is during the day, what should I do with my thoughts in the evenings or at night? Where can I escape from them?
I got used to trusting him with everything, telling him everything, consulting him. Now what? How to live?
Death is always a surprise and shock, pain, simply unbearable pain of loss. The closer you were, the worse the loss.
My husband died, what to do, how to cope with this fact:
The first time after the death of a loved one, a woman experiences shock and falls into numbness. Nature itself tries to protect the psyche of the body with such reactions.
The woman has a hard time:
- She is weak and exhausted.
- She needs to get dressed, eat.
- She does not believe in the loss of her loved one, she expects him to return.
Only funeral questions sometimes bring her to the reality of what is happening. A woman acts mechanically; she may not remember these episodes after a while. Who was at the funeral, what they said and did, remains forgotten footage for her.
The first shock gives way to a period of emotional outburst. Finally realizing the fact of the irretrievable loss of a loved one leads a woman into a state of constant irritation, even anger.
Scenes of former quarrels regularly emerge, and the feeling of guilt for this begins to gnaw.
Nightmares haunt her, the woman is afraid to be alone, and the fear of the dark sets in.
Various diseases associated with weakened immunity may worsen: asthma, disruption of the heart and blood vessels. Myocardial infarctions are not uncommon at this time.
After the funeral, everyone goes home - everyone has their own worries. Only a woman who recently buried her husband still needs support. She will need it for a very long time.
It is at this time that a woman comes to all her trials. Try to forget your loved one? Scenes from life will remain before your eyes for many years.
My husband died, what to do, how to help yourself overcome grief:
How long does grief last? When can a woman expect relief? Medicine speaks about a period of 1.5 – 2 years. Perhaps more, it all depends on your affection for each other.
Slowly life takes its toll with its worries and troubles. The woman begins a period of emotional farewell to the deceased. Memories of your loved one no longer bring unbearable pain. The emotional wound is not so bleeding, the woman speaks warmly and relatively calmly about the loss.
Let everything you feel out. If you want to cry, cry. Scream – scream as much as you want. Don't hold back. This really brings relief. Tears of sadness have a calming effect, oddly enough.
If you want to be alone, be alone. But becoming a recluse is dangerous for your psyche. You need a boyfriend or girlfriend at this time.
Perhaps they will say things you don’t need and disturb you. Don’t be offended, in such cases of irreparable grief no one knows what to do or how to behave. Talk to them openly, throw out all the pain from your soul.
If you want to go to church, go. The whole atmosphere of a memorial service helps to ease the state of mind.
You can’t stay at home, go to work, to people, no matter how hard it may seem. destroys people. When the working day ends, you can listen to your departed husband’s favorite music and watch his favorite films. You will feel better. Ask friends for help if you can't bear to be alone.
My husband died, we return to life:
If you really want to talk about the deceased, do not hesitate to talk. With whom? Friends, team at work, neighbors. Tell us what kind of person he was, don’t keep it to yourself.
If you have strong feelings and mental health problems, you will need the help of a psychologist or psychotherapist. Always seek help, there is nothing abnormal here. You will feel better.
A person who is intimately familiar with this can understand a woman whose husband has died and advise what to do. I am very sorry for you and - “May he rest in peace.”
Watch this video to help you on how to cope with the death of a loved one:
Julia
Real love is when you can let go for the sake of his happiness. My husband died. I am 26 years old, he was 27. But I don’t cry, I hold on so that his soul can feel at ease. This verse was born. Maybe it will help someone, I don’t know. I believe that my love and prayers are helping him there. I know that later I will always be with him. But everything is God’s will.
Your lips, your hands, your shoulders...
I won’t forget - I can’t and I don’t want to
I'll be looking forward to meeting you,
I will follow you like the wind.
I'm letting you go, don't be afraid,
I can do it, I will endure everything,
Believe in me and calm down,
I pray to Jesus for you.
Without you, of course, it is very difficult.
I can't find a better friend than you.
I hope my feelings, however,
They don't interfere with your path.
I believe in God and His decision,
I bow before such a fate,
I know, we will meet you, without a doubt,
My dearest man!
They say that when you lose, only then do you begin to appreciate. It's all wrong with me. I always knew that Kolya is the best friend in the whole world. We started dating, I just graduated from school, we dated for a long time - 7 years, and then got married. By the time we became married (I was 24 and he was 25), we already knew each other from A to Z. We had been through a lot together. We already had mutual friends. I knew his family well, he knew mine well. My relatives perceived him as one of their own, as family. I knew what he would think in some situation, not just what he would say. I can talk about him for a long time, but probably for everyone who has lost a loved one, this person is the best. But I will still say that he was tall, handsome, with a sense of humor, open, did not like people who did not say something, loved and wanted children, always came to the aid of everyone, and was a great romantic. I will never forget how, out of the blue, he could give me a huge bouquet of tulips or daisies. I know that Kolya loved me very much. I think there are people who think he cheated on me or something. Because he was very handsome and never minced words. He had a charm that many people liked. But I know that there can be no talk of any betrayal. It is a pity that God takes away such sincere, real people, who are very rare in the modern world. Kolya lived for me; since childhood he lacked affection and care. His mother died when he was 13. To him, I was his family and meant a lot, just like he did to me. Our two years of marriage were the happiest for both of us.
When he died 3 months ago (suddenly, from a heart attack at 27 years old!!!) the first thing I thought about was how he was doing now. I think he was also shocked that he died. He didn't expect this. We had big plans. We wanted children, etc. No one can believe that he had a weak heart, he was always strong.
Caring for him saves me from despair. I believe that there is a soul, and that he did not die, but moved to another state, which I will learn about someday. But if his soul is nearby, at least in the first days after death, then he would be very sad if it was very difficult for me. Knowing how much he loved me, I’m sure he’s worried now how I feel without him. Therefore, in order not to torment his soul, I try not to cry and constantly pray for him. I have always believed that most often a person cries out of self-pity, although he does not always realize it. When loved ones die, we often cry because we won’t see them again, won’t talk to them, won’t walk on this planet together. But in fact, they feel good there, especially if the person was good, and if we pray for him. And you shouldn’t hold back with your sorrows someone close to you, for whom you wish well. After all, he is also worried about you.
When I come to Kolya’s grave, I talk to him. Although maybe he doesn’t hear me, I don’t know. But I tell him not to worry about me, that I will be fine, that I love him and pray for him.
Many people, seeing my behavior and calm attitude towards what happened, think that I am simply in a state of shock and that I am not behaving adequately. Nothing like this. I'm fine. I just think not about myself, but about him. That's all.
They often tell me: “Nothing, you will still be happy.” This is of course very annoying because I understand how people imagine happiness and what they mean. But the point is different: how I imagine my happiness. Maybe I'm not unhappy at all. I am grateful to God that Kolya was in my life, that I learned what true sincere love is, when you want to take care of another person and take all his worries upon yourself. After all, there are people who live to be 100 years old and never know what love is. It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved.
I know that everything is God's will. After all, God initially knew that Kolya was destined to die at 27 years old. And for some reason He gave Kolya to me. I am grateful to God for this. Also, I think that it was not without reason that God gave me to Kolya. Maybe there is no one else for me to pray for him. All people on earth are sinners, and Kolya too. So I pray that God will forgive him and help him there. I hope I can help my loved one, and when I die (maybe in 100 years, maybe tomorrow, I don’t know) I would like to be there next to him.
It’s difficult to advise others when you yourself are just experiencing this (after all, only three months have passed) and you live with the feeling that you are in a movie, that this is just a role, that the movie will end and everything will fall into place. I think the most important thing is that you can’t complain or blame someone, this will only make things worse for the person you lost. Think more about him than about yourself, think about how you can help his or her soul. The Church teaches that alms greatly help the dead. But you need to give this alms with a pure, sincere heart.
I'm sure God takes people to Him for a reason. There is a higher plan for this that we humans cannot understand. There is a story in the Bible that when Jesus passed by a crippled man, Jesus told his disciples that if the man had walked, he would have done much evil. I used this example to prove that we do not know much of what God knows. Maybe if my husband were alive, he would have to endure some kind of misfortune. And only by death God saved him from this.
My mother says that if it were possible, she would change places with Kolya. And I think that I would not change with him, because I know how hard it would be for him to lose me.
Of course, it is very difficult to console a person who does not believe in God. What saves me is the belief that life goes on there, only on a completely different level, which does not fit into our understanding. Being strong is very difficult. I am sure that I am very weak, and in fact God is helping me. And all the thoughts that I wrote here were also given to me by God. I couldn't do this without Him.
I think it is not uncommon for a person to be forced to come to God only by the death of a loved one. Don't let it come to this. Go to God because He wants to save you. And loves you, despite your shortcomings.
How to continue to live? I hear this question often. He annoys me. Why make me think about it? I don’t know what will happen tomorrow, how can I plan something 20 years in advance. Because Kolya and I forgot about the meaning of life, we lost many wonderful moments. For example, you could go to the forest to pick mushrooms, or just go into nature and enjoy the tranquility. No, we devoted most of our time to work, in the hope of achieving great success and earning more money and prestige, so that we could finally start living a normal life, have children, etc. It turns out that this is impossible, because tomorrow you can suddenly die. You need to live now and not think about the future.
I now find joy in communicating with my friends, who are all very good, I support my parents, I have nephews with whom I love to play, I have unfinished business for Kolya, I have a job that I love. Now I try to find something unusual, important in every moment of my life, I seize every moment. Even now I’m writing a letter for the forum - also a certain moment in my life, which may not have passed in vain, and my thoughts will help someone.
I wish everyone who has lost a loved one peace of mind and confidence that you can still help him. Don't forget that there are people who also love you and care about you. Continue to live, learn to live in this world without the one you lost. Don't think that he or she has disappeared into nowhere. They are somewhere and maybe they see us. Let's not hurt them with our suffering.
, Comments to the post My husband died: how to live on? disabled
Grief is a natural process and takes time. Over time, you will sort things out and be able to live without him, but the emotions associated with his death must be lived to the end, without interfering with them, even if they interfere with everyday activities.
Widow's grief is considered the most difficult and usually lasts at least two years, especially if the death of the husband was unexpected and if the marriage lasted a long time.
It is important to understand that grief can be normal and pathological. The second develops if obstacles are placed in the way of emotions associated with grief, for example, if a person is in a hurry to stop crying, “pull himself together,” start a new relationship, etc.
It is often premature to stop grieving after a husband dies, friends and relatives advise. Few people know about the nature of grief, even those who have experienced it themselves, so people often think that six months of worrying about the death of their husband is too long.
Don't listen to such advice. Widow's grief normally lasts a long time, but if you suppress these experiences in yourself, then they can last for many years, that is, in certain circumstances - when mentioning someone's death, when watching a sad film, when breaking up with another man - you can experience very strong emotions, too strong, because they will be the remnants of unexperienced grief.
Most often, understanding the stages of grief will calm you down a little, with this knowledge you will understand that everything is fine with you, you are not going crazy, you are not “feeling sorry for yourself”, but are going through a normal, natural process.
Now think about how to live further only in a purely practical way, using the help of friends and relatives if they offer it, and solving pressing problems if you have the strength to do so. It’s worth thinking about what will happen next in your life in a year or two, when the experience of grief is close to completion.
How to move on if your husband dies
1. Temporarily assign as many tasks as possible to friends and relatives (but not to children, as they themselves are experiencing severe grief).
2. If planning a funeral is a distraction, get involved. If you feel like you just want to lie facing the wall, ask a relative for help organizing the funeral and wake.
3. Do not send children away from home, as it is important for them to share what happened with other family members. Talk to them as soon as possible about the fact that dad died, telling them the truth. The longer the truth is hidden from children, the more anxiety they experience and the more behavioral problems you will have to face in the future. Take your children to a funeral after talking to them about what they will see.
4. If possible, take a vacation from work, put off serious issues, if they can be put off, get help with childcare.
5. If you have no desire to communicate, follow it, but if you want to talk about your husband and how he died, meet with friends and talk to them: putting your experiences into words makes them easier to experience.
6. Be prepared for the fact that you will experience not only grief and despair, but also other feelings, for example, guilt and anger at your husband for leaving you, or for some of his previous mistakes. It is difficult to talk about such things with friends, since in our society it is customary to speak only well of the deceased, but fully experiencing the feelings of anger and guilt is very important in order to cope well with grief, so if you feel that you cannot talk to anyone about such things, consult a psychologist.
7. In the first days after the death of a loved one, there is a desire to collect all his things so that nothing reminds him that he died. It's best to start packing when you're sure you're ready. Keeping things untouched a year or two after death is a sign of pathological grief and an unresolved relationship with the deceased.
8. Looking for the deceased with your eyes in a crowd of people or thinking that you just saw him is normal, just like seeing the ghost of the deceased. Thinking that your husband is actually away, or driving away any thoughts about what happened is a sign of pathological grief.
9. Read books about grief or articles about the stages of grief to help you feel more confident.
10. If you experienced the death of your parents as a child, or if you lost another loved one shortly before the death of your husband, you most likely need help from a specialist, since children rarely manage to fully cope with the death of their mother or father without special help and the subsequent loss of a loved one in adulthood it can be unbearable for such people. Experiencing multiple losses is much more difficult, since the experience of the previous loss, as a rule, has not yet ended.
My husband died 16 days ago. I can't accept this fact. There is a child left. I don’t understand why the Lord sends such tests? I had everything: a home, a loving husband, warmth and comfort. It was like being behind a stone wall with him. And now... After the funeral, his mother kicked my son and me out of the house, because everything was registered in her name and she was simply afraid that I would lay claim to some kind of inheritance. And I don’t need anything. Just like that, I lost everything at once. Now my little son and I live with my parents. I got a job, but I can’t control myself and get distracted, I think about him all the time and cry. And at night, panic generally begins... And you scream, and roar, and want to run somewhere. Parents say: Don’t kill yourself like that! How not to kill yourself? I love him and miss him very much. I do not know what to do. How to live further? I've lost everything... Nobody needs me. Nobody supports me the way he did. I always feel like this is a dream. Although it looks more like a coma. On my coma. Everything froze. Do not want to live. I don’t even want it for my son’s sake. It hurts too much without my husband. I think about death all the time.
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Ksyu, age: 27/06/26/2018
Responses:
Ksyushenka, how I want to hug you. And share your grief with you. Now the main thing is to live it. Allow yourself to cry. Recall. Gradually the pain will subside. Very little time has passed. It's great that you have parents and a son. They take care of you. Dear, sweet Ksyusha, I don’t think that God is punishing you. Pray for your husband, the pain will subside. His soul is alive. Can you imagine, does he want you, his love, to suffer? No. Strength to you, support, yes, it is very painful when you lose a part of yourself, a loved one. Let the pain subside. Well done for finding a job, but if there is no rush, if there is no particular need for money, start volunteering, start helping at least animals. Distract yourself from other people's worries. It's very healing! Allow yourself to experience the loss and do something for his soul, pray, help others. Take care of yourself!
Affectionate, age: -- / 06/27/2018
Hello Ksyu! I really sympathize with your loss, this is a great grief ((But you are not alone, you have parents who support you, you have a son who is part of your loved one!
Grief has several stages, and your emotions are at play. Cry, scream, show these emotions, there is no need to restrain yourself. Time will help you, it will dull the pain a little.
But don’t say that no one needs you! Parents and son need you, first of all. There is no need to give up on everything, just accept this pain and live through it. It’s very difficult for you now, but it won’t always be like this. Do you go to church? Maybe this can ease the pain a little. Perhaps you should see a good psychologist? This can also help if you want to talk it out, if you want to talk to someone who will understand you and can help you?
Asya, age: 36 / 06/27/2018
Dear Ksyu, I can’t help but write to you. Once upon a time I also buried a man I loved. I was 25 then, but unlike you, we did not have children. I remember myself at that time and my pain - physical pain from the loss of a loved one. This pain lived with me all the time, only letting go in my dreams. My chest hurt, as if there was a hole there. I never thought about death, because I knew that, firstly, it was a sin and I knew that after me there would be a mother who would have to live with this. With the knowledge that her only daughter committed suicide. And they will look at her askance on the street, and she will never forgive herself for not saving me from such irreparable stupidity.
But this is not about me - this is about you. Now you are in deep GRIEF. Acknowledge it and give yourself time to live and experience it. No one knows how much time you personally will need for this. It could be months, or it could be years. Only one thing can be said for sure - every day the wound will heal and one day it will stop hurting. It’s hard for you to believe it now, it seems to you that this will happen forever, but it’s not so. One day the pain will stop! To help yourself overcome Grief you need to: just live every day, do the simplest things every day: get up, wash your face, have breakfast, kiss your child, etc. The simplest, everyday tasks: did the laundry, washed the floor, cooked food, etc. You have a child - and this is your salvation now. You don't even understand which one. He really needs you, and you need him. Your child is now also suffering, even if he does not understand what happened to his mother - he feels your condition and feels very bad. Don't push him away, you have to help him (feel safe), and he will help you - he will show you what you live for.
Don’t think about death, the desire to commit suicide is very destructive for both your body and your soul. I believe that you are a believer. God knows best what we need to save our soul and never sends trials that we cannot endure, EVER. I myself heard these words many times, but their meaning did not reach me right away. It seems to us that Fate is unfair to us, but it is not so. She only tests us to see if we can survive. If we can, we will become stronger. You definitely can. You are only 27 years old, this is very young and you have your whole life ahead of you. One day she will bring you gifts that YOU cannot even wish for yourself now.
But still, the main thing now is for you to just live. Live every day, live it, do not isolate yourself from grief, feel it, “kill yourself,” but at the same time believe that you have enough strength to survive.
Inna, age: 42 / 06/27/2018
From your words it is clear that your husband meant a lot in your life, the stronger the pain. Go to the site to tell us about it if you want.
Explain to your loved ones that now it is important for you not to pretend that nothing happened, but to talk it out. Maybe there are friends who will support.
Your mother-in-law dealt you a second, additional blow, clearly not realizing its consequences. Both you and the child now, in addition to the loss of your husband and father, will have to get used to home again, a different way of life, a different environment. Although not among strangers, still every thing, the clock on the wall, the plate, the bed - everything is different. I don’t think that as a mother she suffers less than you, but... wisdom is expected from elders. Maybe you or your parents will be wiser, talk to her about the fact that you do not pretend to anything in order to restore at least communication for the sake of the child, her grandson? If it helps now.
My condolences.
Nadezhda, age: 36 / 06/27/2018
Dear Ksyusha!
Your loss is an incredible pain... this can only be understood by someone who also lost her beloved husband. And I cannot express in words the enormous grief that I feel in your letter. It's incredibly painful to be alone without your loved one.
Your “coma” and lack of desire to live is a stage that all widows experience. And it's incredibly heavy. People sometimes don’t know how to react to death, and instead of supporting them, on the contrary, they pull away - they stop looking into the eyes, calling, talking, or coming to visit. Or they say some ridiculous words that make it even more painful.
One possible way to cope with this is to see a psychotherapist. Cry on his shoulder, sob, and scream. The loss of a loved one is a severe trauma, and it is difficult to experience it alone. An experienced specialist will help alleviate your suffering. Although this will not be easy. The only thing that saves us is the time we have to wait. Counting down day by day.
But going through this is really better with someone than alone. Please think about this.
Maria Rebellious, age: 33 / 06/27/2018
Need to live. And for the sake of your son, you are still young. Do you think that if you interrupt your life here and meet your husband there, will he approve of your action? And if you bravely endure everything and put your son on his feet, imagine how grateful your husband will be to you when he meets you.
Sergey, age: 53 / 06/27/2018
Hello. Ksyu, please accept my condolences. Of course, losing loved ones is unbearably painful, but your son is not to blame for anything, he needs his mother! Time heals, honey. Gradually the wound will heal. Perhaps the mother-in-law acted in a state of shock, time will pass and she will come to her senses and begin to communicate with you and her grandson. If you don’t want to fight for the inheritance, then there’s no need, but if you remember anything, your son is the direct heir and has rights. Go to a psychologist, take vitamins, antidepressants. Be strong. We are with you.
Irina, age: 30 / 06/27/2018
Dear dear Ksenia, I sympathize with you with all my heart. Be sure to go to the website http://www.memoriam.ru/ and also register on the forum of the same site, also this is http://www.memoriam.ru/oni-perezhili-poteryu. I want to support you in this difficult moment, since your loved one has passed away, and this is truly painful and bitter! And you can live through grief only through tears, sobs and time heals everything... ; and no matter how hard it is now - to recognize as valid the fact of what happened! Honey, you will have to come to terms with the bereavement - this is his fate. And yours is to live on, and the best thing you can do in memory of him is to become the happiest! Since this is the purpose of a living person, and then his soul will be at peace. Over time, you will have other feelings that are important to recognize and live through, just don’t blame yourself for anything! You have a child, you must hold on for him and be strong. Continue to live, learn to live in this world without the one you lost. Don’t think that he disappeared into nowhere. The memory of him will always live in your heart. Hold on dear, I ask you to hold on!!
Mulan, age: 26 / 06/27/2018
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