How to avoid scandals in the family is a pressing question. Is it worth tolerating the constant showdown? Why are you and your spouse arguing? We will answer these and other questions right now.
What to do if scandals arise in the family
First you need to learn to stop all attempts to make trouble. Surely you feel when the situation is heating up to the limit - that’s when you need to try to prevent a quarrel. Sometimes it is enough to simply remain silent in response to a sarcastic remark, rather than immediately start shouting. Wait until your spouse calms down, and only then start talking to him. Ask him what irritates him so much - in a normal environment it is always easier to achieve mutual understanding.
Try not to quarrel in the presence of children, even small ones. A child, if he does not understand everything, then certainly feels everything. So, if you feel that a scandal is brewing in the family, then try to do everything to prevent the child from witnessing this. Yes, sometimes it’s not easy to contain your emotions, but it’s better to send your baby to a neighbor or grandma and figure out the existing problems yourself.
The following method is quite interesting, which allows you to reduce the number of scandals in the family. Come up with some kind of punishment for the one who initiates the scandal. For example, let the guilty person wash the dishes or buy groceries at the supermarket for the whole family. Believe me, this will help you learn to restrain your emotions and control your behavior.
If you often argue with or without reason, you can contact a family psychologist - this is what many couples do. And you don’t need to think that this is abnormal - in fact, psychologists really help husbands and wives achieve mutual understanding on many issues. If your spouse does not want to go with you, go on your own - you will still learn a lot of useful things.
If family scandals have exhausted you, you can agree to live separately for a while. In 5-7 days you will think about the current situation and be able to be more tolerant towards each other.
What should you do if you feel like you are about to scream and start a scandal? Situations can be different: you may be tired at work, money problems will accumulate, or you will feel unwell. In any case, try not to bring all this into the family. Go outside and just take a quick walk. Breathe some air, cry, calm down and return home. Remember that your family is the most precious thing in the world, and therefore, do not destroy it, but take care and appreciate it!
If quarrels and scandals in the family have become part of your everyday life, then it’s time to act and do everything to normalize your relationship with your spouse. Is it possible? We are confident that, thanks to our advice, you will be able to succeed in solving this problem.
Think about what affects your spouse’s mood? Maybe it's you or the circumstances that cause unnecessary stress. Very often we see only the flaws of other people, but we do not notice our own shortcomings at all. Therefore, try to analyze your behavior too - whether you are the initiator of scandals.
It is quite possible that the reason is not in you, but in life circumstances. The spouse may have problems at work, but he can only take out his anger within the walls of his home. Of course, you have absolutely nothing to do with it - your husband shouldn’t transfer his work troubles onto you. But try to understand your spouse and help him. Just talk about what is bothering the man. Perhaps you can give him some good advice or at least just reassure him.
Many men are simply choleric by nature. They quickly become irritated and raise their voice. As a result, a quarrel arises. What to do in case of scandals in the family? If yelling for any reason is quite normal for a man, then you will not be able to force him to change. Especially when it comes to temperament, which is formed already in the first years of life. However, you can persuade him to act and even quarrel according to certain rules that you should discuss in a calm atmosphere.
If you notice that scandals began to arise in your home relatively recently, then this is a reason to contact a psychologist with your husband. There is nothing wrong with this - a specialist will be able to help you hear each other and understand the relationship. By the way, today many people turn to doctors with such problems, since stress has begun to accompany us almost everywhere.
How to get rid of scandals if they happen when your husband drinks? Everything is simple here - you first need to get rid of alcohol addiction. Coding, contacting a psychologist, and a frank conversation with your spouse will help here.
Remember that scandals in the family are not as harmless as they seem. During a quarrel, passions can become so intense that the situation becomes dangerous for your life. Know that you do not deserve such an attitude, and therefore, if there is no way to re-educate your husband, simply break off the relationship. It will be better for him and, especially, for you!
How to improve family life and avoid scandals
Every couple has scandals in their family, and there is no need to panic about it. It is in your power to make your relationship with your husband as warm as it was in the first months of your acquaintance, even if scandals have recently plagued you. Read on to find out how to do this.
First, answer one simple question: why do scandals happen in your family? Yes, there can be many reasons, and now we will try to figure out what to do for a woman who is faced with this or that problem.
If your husband abuses alcohol or drugs and your scandals are caused by this, then the question of how to improve family life is not worth it at all - first you need to cure the person. You are unlikely to succeed in this on your own, but with the help of specialists you will achieve success. Contact the doctors as soon as possible and send your husband for treatment. You should not believe that a person will cope with the problem on his own. When your spouse gets rid of addiction, your relationship will definitely improve.
If you have lost interest in each other, then you need to look for a way that would help you rediscover yourself. You can think about how to diversify your intimate life, how to change your daily routine, how to spend your weekends, what you want to change in your destiny. After all, scandals in the family indicate that both of you are not satisfied with the current state of affairs.
Try to find activities to do together. Sign up for dancing, foreign language courses, start running in the morning, start renovations and choose wallpaper for your rooms together. In general, you can come up with a lot of interesting things!
If you or your spouse need time to make a decision regarding your future relationship, simply agree to live separately for about 5-7 days. During this time, you will have time to think about everything and even miss each other.
Friends and relatives will help you improve your family life and put an end to scandals in the family. Let them talk to your husband and tell them how smart and beautiful you are. After this, the spouse will think about his behavior.
Spend more time with your children if you have them. Go to the park, zoo, cafe, walk in the fresh air, play football, badminton, read books out loud. It is very important to feel like one friendly family. We hope you succeed!
We wish you a happy family life without scandals in the family!
© Oksana Chvanova
© Photo: depositphotos.com
Hello, dear readers! You get tired of scandals very quickly. They are exhausting, depress the nervous system and have a bad effect on the health of all parties to the conflict.
But if there are constant scandals in the family, what should you do? What to do if you begin to get the feeling that you and your family have simply forgotten how to talk without quarreling. This is exactly what we will discuss in our article today.
Explicit and hidden needs
When frequent scandals begin in a family, the complaint itself is not always the reason. More often than not, it's just the opposite. People hide the true causes of the conflict and quarrel over things that are not really that important.
For example, the wife’s housekeeping skills: “You don’t meet me from work for dinner,” “You completely forgot about cleaning,” “I went to work again with my pants not ironed.” Even if you “correct” the next day, you won’t see your spouse’s satisfied face; he will still find something to complain about.
This indicates precisely that the claim expressed to you is not significant. A man is concerned about completely different problems, which, for some reason, he does not want to tell you about. One can only guess what the answer to the question is: “Why does he behave this way.”
Such conversations can put him in an awkward position. He will look weak in your eyes. Who would want to consciously take a position that is not advantageous?
You will have to be patient to find out the real reason, since even a frank conversation most likely will not work. If you start asking what really worries a man at a moment when he is not ready for a conversation, this will only cause a new wave of indignation: “Do you think I’m just being picky?”
He is unlikely to admit it, but he will gladly accuse you of all mortal sins again: “You also think that my claims are not justified. Great!".
I must warn you that in fact, your spouse may not suspect that the reason really lies in something else and sacredly believe that he sincerely wishes you well and is trying to do better. He moves away from his real experiences, delving into correcting your mistakes. It's also much easier.
Power of Habit
I once had the opportunity to communicate with a couple for whom scandals and quarrels had become a habit. The woman could not sleep peacefully until she expressed all her dissatisfaction with her husband. Every day she came up with new problems, without even noticing this tendency. She didn’t like one thing or another and couldn’t stop, justifying herself by saying that if something worries her, then it’s actually a significant problem that her husband should know about.
This is where the greatest danger of frequent scandals lies. This strategy of behavior quickly becomes an established tradition that both adhere to. One turns into a teacher, and the other becomes an eternal careless student.
If you notice such behavior in your family, then you need to try to cope with the situation as soon as possible. At this stage, it ceases to be important who is right or wrong, who will win in a particular quarrel, the need to end the hostility comes to the fore before one of you gets tired and declares a firm desire to get a divorce.
I can recommend you a book Nancy Dreyfuss "Talk to Me Like Someone You Love". It will help you learn to remain calm when dealing with an aggressor and return him to constructive dialogue. In it you will find 127 stop phrases that will stop any quarrel.
How to Avoid Conflict
First of all, you need. You can't fix another person. It is impossible to win a fight and stop it completely at the same time. One will still be dissatisfied with something. Most likely, he will remain unconvinced, even if you were actually right. Now everything happens on emotions.
Any phrase can only inflame the other person, and you will get involved in a new confrontation. It is unlikely that you will be able to simply avoid a quarrel by doing other things, for example, reading in another room or preparing dinner for tomorrow. If a relative wants, even at this moment, he can find an opportunity to cause a scandal, so just learn to remain silent. At least for a while.
Mentally repeat to yourself that your spouse does not care about what he is talking about now. You are simply wasting time figuring out things that are not important to both of you. He needs to throw out the negativity, and if you help him do this again, the scandals in the family will not stop.
Conversations in a raised voice lead to nothing, they do not help. The most important conversations for two people always take place in a calm atmosphere, almost in a half whisper. Remember this.
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If your home is restless and uncomfortable, there are frequent quarrels and illnesses... If various everyday problems are pouring in one after another... If sometimes you think about where to spend time, just so as not to return to the apartment... So, it’s time to call on home magic to help you your home has once again become a cozy family nest.
If you feel bad at home, do an energy cleansing. Take ordinary salt, it absorbs negative energy. Pour salt into different containers (saltshakers, cups, saucers...), place them in all corners, on shelves, on tables, etc. Let the salt sit for several days, then flush it down the toilet.
In addition, light a church candle and walk throughout the apartment, especially blessing the corners where negative energy accumulates.
Take 3-5 small onions, peel them and hang them in different places in the apartment. Pierce each onion with a needle and red thread and tie the thread around the onion. After 7 days and 7 nights, remove the onions and place each on a separate sheet of paper. Salt them heavily and burn them. Evil forces will leave your home.
You can also put onions cut in half in the corners overnight, and in the morning collect them on a scoop (do not touch them with your hands!) and bury them in the ground.
Very often, negative energy accumulates in old things that must be gotten rid of. These are, in particular, things left over from deceased people; things that brought you failure; gifts given to you by people you find unpleasant; photos of people you broke up with; broken dishes; torn clothes and shoes. Throw them away without sparing them, they destroy the harmony of your home.
This list can be continued - you yourself know what things in the apartment are unpleasant to you and why, so get rid of them.
Try growing Usambara violet and/or Saintpaulia at home. These plants are influenced by the planet Venus and create a vibration of spirituality and peace. Their flowers have protective properties.
Aloe protects the home from uninvited guests and accidents, as well as from negative energy.
Cacti help protect your home from burglars and burglars. But don't keep them in the bedroom - they help cool sexual desires.
But cyclamens are good in the bedroom - they help harmonize the relationship between spouses and also protect you during sleep.
According to Feng Shui, to preserve your health and money, you should not allow dripping taps in your home. To prevent positive energy from leaving the apartment, you need to immediately replace burnt out light bulbs (at least, do not turn on those lamps where, say, out of five light bulbs, three or four are on).
A mirror placed in the hallway opposite the front door will prevent the beneficial energy of Qi from entering the house, and a cluttered corridor will slow down the rhythm of life.
Constantly open doors to the bathroom and toilet contribute to loneliness.
If you want to protect your home and your belongings from any negativity, do this. On the days of the waxing moon, buy a natural broom from a store or market. Then soak it in holy water for a day and dry it on the balcony or in the yard.
On the full moon, tie a red ribbon around the handle of a broom, saying: “Lord, bless this thing so that it can protect me and ward off evil.” Then place the broom in a secluded corner or hang it somewhere.
This broom will keep a positive charge for six months, then you can use it to sweep the floor.
To restore your emotional balance and that of your family members, change your slippers more often and throw away the old ones without regret. Moreover, if you make a wish when putting on new slippers, it will come true faster than you might expect.
And one more thing: do not give people who come to you your slippers - keep special guest slippers for this. When you put on your slippers, they draw on the positive energy of your home.
Photographs are the cause of many troubles. Sometimes, after taking pictures, a person begins to have troubles. There are some rules that it is advisable to follow.
1. Take pictures of newborns as little as possible and do not show the pictures to strangers, since the energy of babies is poorly protected and they are exposed to any influence.
2. Do not store photographs of your enemy (ill-wisher) in your house, even if this person has already died.
3. You need to be careful with photographs of relatives with whom you are on bad terms. Don't keep them in sight.
4. You cannot take pictures against the backdrop of graves: with such a photograph you risk letting someone else’s aura into your home. Also, do not photograph the deceased, even if it is your closest person.
5. If you cut someone out of photos of you together, do it very carefully so as not to accidentally capture a part of yourself. If you want to get rid of someone's pictures, place them face down in them, wrap them in a rag, and put them in a dark corner of the closet. Let them lie there for six months, then they can be burned.
Do not buy furniture and other interior items in thrift stores, do not borrow from friends, etc. There is so much accumulated in other people's things! You get tired of cleaning them. It's better not to take risks.
The same goes for clothes, but it’s easier here. If you have someone's worn item, wash it with 2 tablespoons of table salt, then light incense sticks and pass them over the clothing several times so that it is saturated with fragrant smoke.
***
To get rid of financial failures, you need to write on a piece of brown or green leather: “Leather-leather, money-money to me, losses-debts away from me out of the gate, let it be so from now on and forever. These words are the key and lock.”
Wrap any bill in this leather and place it where no one can see, in/on some piece of green or brown furniture.
This amulet will start working and after a while it will reveal to you the reasons for financial bad luck, and you will understand how to proceed.
It is very good to have a bouquet of wormwood in the house, collected in the summer. Wormwood is a talisman against envy and the evil eye. Also, against envy and the evil eye, you can carry out the following ritual: 2-3 times a month you need to surround the rooms in the house with hot bread (preferably baked with your own hands) with salt - this gives the house the energy of happiness. In addition, bake more often: pies, pies, muffins, etc. – this strengthens relationships between relatives.
House signs
* On the eve of moving to a new house, you need to take the rooster or cat there for the night. Protecting the house from the entry of evil spirits, one or another animal in the morning will show by its appearance how the owners live here: if the cat or rooster is cheerful, it will heal well, if not, it will heal badly.
* When moving to a new house, they do not sweep or wash it, or remove shavings in order to live richly.
* They don’t say hello or goodbye at the door, so as not to quarrel.
* Breaking a mirror means trouble. To avoid this, you need to paint the fragments black or immerse them in running water.
* You cannot hold a mirror above the marital bed - it will not lead to good. If you hang a mirror at the head of the bed, you will make many mistakes in life.
* Of all household items, borrowing only a spoon from neighbors does not require a symbolic payment (unlike a knife, needle, etc.), since, when brought into someone else’s house, it symbolically becomes the property of that house.
* You should not give pins to anyone, so as not to become friends or quarrel; but if you really need to give a pin, then you need to lightly prick the person to whom you are giving it, or take a coin for it - then there will be no quarrel.
* You cannot take someone else’s handkerchief - other people’s tears will go with it. If they give you a new handkerchief, give a symbolic ransom, at least a small coin.
* A book you are reading cannot be left open - otherwise the demon will continue to read it.
* Keys should never be thrown, especially on the table, but should be placed carefully and silently to avoid a quarrel.
* The husband, not the wife, should lock the front door at night, otherwise the spouses will quarrel at night.
* Unnecessary aimless hitting of a spoon on the table, plate and other utensils usually occurs before the start of a family quarrel, which will occur before the spoon and all other utensils are put back in place.
* Drying yourself with one towel for two people means separation.
* If after dinner the guests leave before the hostess removes the tablecloth from the table, the brides in this house will not get married.
* If two people say the same word at the same time, it means that soon there will be guests or, at least, a stranger will make themselves known.
* Leaving a knife stuck in bread means a quarrel; pricking bread with a fork means illness.
* To wash or sweep the floor immediately after the departure of a loved one or guest means to wash it, sweep it out of the house.
Secret Power 12.2012
Many people believe that scandals arise by themselves, spontaneously, and nothing can be done to stop them. To learn to avoid conflicts with your loved one, you need to work a lot together on this problem. Ten rules for preventing scandals between two loving people will help you understand the complex mental processes that are the cause of inharmonious relationships in the family.
1. Reasons
There are a huge number of reasons for scandals between two spouses. The most common of them are scandals due to jealousy, scandals over money, scandals due to drunkenness, because of work, because of sex, because of intentionally caused insults, and others. Depending on the reasons why you are used to sorting things out every time and talking to each other in a raised voice, you need to figure out how to stop the conflict and agree on how not to start it again. It is quite easy to formulate the reasons for the scandal on your own. Anyone can understand that you are fighting out of jealousy if the scandal started because of a lipstick stain on his shirt. It is more difficult to determine the deeper causes of scandals that are hidden in the psyche of your partner and speak about mental reactions and inclinations.All causes of scandals should be divided into primary (deeper psychological causes) and secondary, that is, those that are directly related to the topic of the scandal. It is safe to say that all the primary causes of conflicts are selfish, since a non-selfish person thinks more rationally and finds ways to resolve all issues, taking into account the opinions and interests of the partner, and therefore predicts any situation and does not lead it to open conflict. Hidden selfish reasons include the habit of making scandals as a way to achieve one’s goals. Also, the most common hidden reason for many scandals may be the desire to dominate a partner, when the second partner during communication tries to take a dominant position, and if this cannot be done peacefully, then he switches to communicating on emotions. The hidden cause of scandals can also be revenge, as an attempt to start a quarrel over some offense.
Usually, if a partner makes scandals out of habit, he does not achieve anything after the end of the scandal, but simply periodically creates scandals on various occasions with the conviction that if a scandal is not created over any problem, then the problems will increase. The wife, who is scandalous out of habit, has been scolding her drunken husband every time for many years simply because of the incident. She believes that if she does not scold him, he will drink even more. That is, the scandal in this case, according to its initiator, is a deterrent to big problems. A girl or guy who argues out of habit because of jealousy will never miss a single occasion when there is an opportunity to express their dissatisfaction with their partner’s behavior in society. This happens because these types of conflicts are not created intentionally, that is, they arise on their own as a result of strong emotional resentment, the reaction to which is difficult to contain, just as it is difficult for a child to restrain his tears when he is deprived of his favorite toy.
Scandals are deliberately created to achieve certain goals. For example, if a spouse asks to buy her a fur coat, and the husband refuses to do this, the woman throws a tantrum, the ending of which should be the husband’s agreement to fulfill her demand. Usually, the one who starts this type of quarrel successfully achieved all his goals with the help of screams and hysterics, and this way of resolving issues became a habit and became the main tool for achieving results. This type of habit of conflict differs from the previous type of habit of arguing without results, but for the sake of indignation itself, in that in this case there is a goal and an expected outcome of the conflict. Often such conflicts occur with the use of blackmail, threats and even assault.
Scandals created by partners in order to show “who’s boss” are usually not as specific as the previous ones and concern issues of the partners’ general behavior and lifestyle. During such quarrels, both spouses begin to go through all the cases when their other half behaved incorrectly, point out each other's long-standing mistakes, shortcomings and information from the past that is compromising them. An example of this type of scandal could be the wife’s dissatisfaction with the fact that the husband is resolving with his mother the issues that he should resolve with his wife. The wife will quite logically claim the primacy of her voice in family affairs, that is, she will fight for dominance. Such scandals more often than others lead to proposals to separate, get divorced, and start looking for new partners.
2. What to do?
If you really decide to put an end to scandals, you need to be patient and prepare for quite a long and painstaking work, since you will have to change your habits developed over the years and the habits of your partner, which are enshrined in the mind as ways of self-realization. All thoughts that you can simply suppress the desire to argue about various problems must be discarded, and forget that this problem can be solved easily. It is best to solve it together, but the main thing is not to create another scandal by trying to solve the problem with scandals.Different causes of scandals require different approaches to eradicate them, so it is necessary first of all to correctly identify the hidden causes of quarrels between you. Secondly, during the next showdown, you need to try not to get carried away by emotions and claims, but to reflect on how your quarrel usually develops. Try to notice and analyze who most often initiates the conflict, how the quarrel begins, to what degree of tension it reaches and how it ends. Try to feel the state of your consciousness during the scandal. Try to understand whether you can end it at any moment, and for example, suddenly start kissing, or whether your brain enters such a state that it cannot stop until it spills out all the emotions, and the partner at such moments is unpleasant or even disgusting to him.
The brain acts independently, and during a scandal it is difficult to keep it from aggravating relations, since it quickly finds the necessary arguments to parry the partner’s remarks, activates strong-willed qualities, and at the moment of resentment, forgets and considers everything that happened between you before to be unimportant. In emotional outbursts, he may not skimp on insults even towards very dear and close people, commit meanness and rash acts, and so on. When a person comes to his senses after such violent scandals, he sometimes finds it hard to believe that this happened to him. Of course, it is best to learn to control your consciousness and, by intuition, stop it at the moments when it starts up for another indignation and conflict. In this case, you need to learn to control your consciousness and try to manipulate your beliefs.
For example, if your husband refuses to look for a new job and decides to work at an enterprise where he is paid a salary that does not suit you. In such cases, the wife, convinced that there is not enough money and she needs to force her husband to go to another job, starts another scandal on this topic. The driving force behind such a scandal is the belief that a quality life can be found where there is a lot of money, and a woman’s dreams about how this money can be spent. Often such beliefs and dreams are associated with the impression that these imaginary purchases are one step away, and the main thing is that all these purchases are more important than anything else in the world and without them life practically loses its meaning. Here you can try to look at the problem differently and convince yourself that many people feel great without any purchases, that they can be made gradually and not in the near future, but a little later. One can imagine that there might not have been any highly paid work at all, and in that case there would have been no reason for scandals. This manipulation of the brain's beliefs can help get rid of the obsession with getting everything as much as possible and as soon as possible.
If you can’t master your consciousness and just restrain yourself and you can’t convince yourself, you can try to take your brain out of its habitual reactions by replacing some habits with others. For example, if your wife is used to achieving her goals through scandals, you need to stop this practice forever and together develop the habit of achieving goals in other ways. For example, tell her that if she starts a scandal, she will definitely not achieve anything. After several failed attempts to achieve something through a scandal, she will most likely understand that this method no longer works, at least with you. You can agree together, instead of achieving goals through swearing, try, for example, to achieve them through sex or something that the second partner most desires. Such a compromise can help each partner get what he wants.
You can try to get rid of the habit of scandals in the family by showing your partner that his scandals lead to nothing, but are simply part of the general way of life. Start marking on your calendar all the days when you fight and why. Talk about whether scandals help you solve the problems you are trying to solve with them. Agree to punish the partner who decides to cause a scandal next time. For example, you can punish him by depriving him of money to buy something he is interested in. You can agree to make love whenever it comes to conflict. One of the most effective means of dealing with constant squabbles is a method in which partners agree to fulfill each other’s demands without waiting for pressure and emotions. For example, if your spouse demands that you not drink alcohol, your spouse should stop doing so. Indeed, it is difficult to fight scandals by constantly fueling them with your behavior, so experts recommend reducing conflicts by reducing those actions that cause resentment of your partner.
With scandals related to finding out “who is in charge in the family” and whose decisions are decisive, you need to work a little differently. If you argue in such a way that no one gives in to anyone, then you can establish a priority in this matter, and then both partners will give in to each other in conflicts in turn. It will gradually become clear that in most cases, it doesn’t matter who makes the decision, but scandals occur because both spouses are simply accustomed to fighting for dominance and simply do not know how to control themselves and control their thinking and emotions.
It should be said that scandals due to jealousy in cases where partners are not really cheating on each other and are not looking for adventures on the side are normal, and it is not at all necessary to get rid of them. It doesn’t matter for what reason your other half is jealous of everyone, it is important that the very fact that the brain is worried about this indicates that her brain is focused on your person, who is of the highest interest to him. Such strong attachment and dependence is a great success, and it is stupid to fight the feelings of a partner who loves you as much as perhaps no one will ever love you.
If your conflicts arise from mutual insults, revenge or irritation, then there is only one way to stop them - simply stop insulting each other, taking revenge and getting irritated. Such behavior is directly related to the natural savagery of the brain, which, being at a certain stage of evolution and possessing a certain set of individual properties, sometimes gives out uncivilized desires. Children at school are constantly in conflict, fighting, calling each other names, because they do not have clear beliefs about their behavior, have no experience in resolving ethical situations, and do not have the skills to manage their emotions. When children become adults, they compete and sort things out without insulting and humiliating others. This is called growing up. That is, if you do not compliment each other, but insult and humiliate each other, then you just need to grow up.
3. Conclusion
Scandals in the family sometimes reduce relationships to constant squabbles on every issue, discontent and reproaches. In such conditions, it becomes increasingly difficult for each of the partners to understand each other, it is more difficult to communicate, and as a result, the spouses avoid communicating with each other. Scandals in the family are often the main hidden cause of drunkenness, problems in sex life, health problems, as well as the cause of infidelity and divorce. The brain tends to aggravate the situation so intensely during scandals that stopping them requires the help not of a specialist psychologist, but of the police. It is not advisable to leave the issue of scandals unattended.15.12.2014
R. Efremov
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Hello! I am 23 years old, I have a child. My husband and I argue almost every day. Everything starts small. My big problem with my husband is his laziness. As soon as he comes home from work, he immediately sits down at the computer, although he is at work all day, working on it. He practically doesn’t play with the child, doesn’t go for walks, and has completely forgotten about household chores. And he doesn’t devote time to me either. Although "marital duty" is present. When I start presenting all this to him, I explain that he is also a member of the family, and not a separate existing person, huge aggression is flying in my direction, there is no censorship, etc. In scandals there are also fights, after which I generally want getting a divorce... My husband boils it down to the fact that he works and is tired, although I know that he sits all day and doesn’t even unload the bags! In short, I do everything myself! Doctor, tell me what can be done in such a situation? Can you tell me the right choice?
Hello! How long has this been going on for you? How many years have you been married? How has he changed in his marriage? Write in detail what you want him to do, and what you are ready to forgive him and do yourself, i.e. an ideal picture in your opinion? Does he raise his hands at Aas or do you also give him physical rebuff? I'm waiting for a more detailed description.
anonymously
At first there were quarrels, then when I became pregnant, scandals and reproaches began. But they made up quickly. But when the child was born, my life turned into stress and a nightmare! At first, my husband helped, but then the housework and child care fell on me. Nobody helps me with the child, because... We live alone, our parents are in another city. It’s a little difficult to deal with all this! Because of this, there were scandals, name-calling, even assault, and more than once! As soon as everything calms down, the husband begins to make peace, says that he loves! And so, every time, everything goes in circles! We will soon have 2 years of marriage, and if we look back at the year behind us, it is sad for me, because... there was nothing good about him, just scandals and stress. I don’t need much from my husband, just to help me around the house and with the child, so that I can have some kind of rest!
Hello! From the very beginning you had problems in the relationship and you closed your eyes, put up and did not draw conclusions, what did you hope for. I don’t want to upset you, but what you have now is also your mistake, you certainly didn’t deserve such a fate, but you yourself provoked such an attitude towards yourself, allowing the same problems to be repeated and solved in the same way. Having a child for such men is not a solution to a problem or a push to change and be better. On your part, you need to learn to respect yourself and radically change the situation. I didn’t see that you want your husband to stop raising his hand against you or anything like that. You just want to rest sometimes... Yes, you are tired both mentally and physically, the baby takes a lot of time and effort. Get together, think about everything, and of course you need to talk to your husband and learn to defend yourself and not allow physical influence, this is not acceptable. Soon the baby will begin to understand everything and accept the model of the parents’ relationship. Learn to respect yourself and teach your husband! I don’t quite understand what it means when everything is settled, the husband begins to make peace??? He swears, raises his hand, and after all he is in a good mood and puts up with you??? How can anyone put up with him and this, and it’s only been 2 years since the wedding, and what can he afford next?? Think about the future the day before.... Good luck to you.
