Modern funny proverbs and sayings
Modern folklore - funny proverbs and sayings, such as jokes - jokes.
Modern adaptations of old proverbs or new sayings that may eventually become popular.
A
If you're afraid of asphalt, don't walk at all.
Alcohol is harmful in small quantities.
You can't drink alcohol!
B
A woman with a cart - the wolves are full.
A woman with a cart - an hour of fun.
A woman with a cart - a smaller mare.
Take care of him like your apple!
They are envious of other people's belongings.
Do not give a knife to a rabid child.
Without difficulty, you won’t spoil the porridge with oil.
Without difficulty, you won’t be able to pull it out.
Only the second mouse gets free cheese...
Take care of your honor from a young age, if your face is crooked.
Take care of your honor from a young age - you will love a goat too!
For a large ship - a large torpedo.
Big ship - Eleven Oscars...
Fight and search - find and hide.
The rich man is rich in money, And Petrosyan is funny.
There is no such thing as too many bottles of champagne.
IN
At 45, the woman allegedly again.
Have you picked up the tug? He screwed up and ran away.
It's hard to make history, but it's easy to get into trouble.
Suddenly the champagne runs out.
After all, we can when it’s not necessary!
There is a genius sleeping within each of us. And every day it gets stronger.
Pick up the tug, don’t forget to take a shower.
Grab your chest and say something.
I grabbed my ass - don't say you're not happy.
Seeing us is a pleasure, but not seeing us is another.
IN healthy body- healthy FRIEND.
Whatever you fall in love with, kiss it.
He who steals apples doesn't fall far from the tree.
Vodka, vodka, cucumber - so the little man got drunk.
Time heals, but money heals faster.
Everything is good that swings well.
Everything happened by accident, although it was planned that way.
Everything ingenious is a sheet.
Everything is going well, just passing by...
They greet you by their clothes and see you off in the morning.
They greet you by their clothes and hit you on the muzzle.
Survived yourself - survive the other.
G
Where there is a woman, there is a market; where there are two, there is a market.
The main thing, guys, is not to grow old with pepper.
The eyes are afraid, and the hands are dirty.
Your eyes are afraid - don't look at the price tag.
Stupid people get married, smart people get married.
The mud was not grease, it dried up and fell.
Naked in invention is cunning.
A goose is no problem for a pig.
D
Yes, there is still gunpowder in the flasks and berries in the buttocks.
In a donated apartment they don’t look into the bathroom.
Children's rakes hit harder.
Money is not a luxury, but a means of drinking.
We'll bend it during the day and light it up at night.
The debt is paid naked.
Friends are known through food.
The day was not wasted.
It's time - sweat now.
For a good cat, March is also in February.
We'll live until the wedding.
Let's catch up and overtake, get it and stop!
Fedot thought it was getting dark, but the hood was opening
E
He won't be cuter when he's gone.
There are also balls in bloomers.
If you're arguing with an idiot, he's probably doing the same thing.
If you have nothing better to do, then don't do it here!
If a woman calls you a bastard, then you did everything right.
If there are warm starry nights at the end of May, give birth in February.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
If you didn’t get married before the age of 20, then it’s too early.
There is only a moment between the past and the future. This is what is called life.
If you don’t come to your senses in time, you’ll soon have to grab your head.
If you give it to everyone, the bed will break
If you are happy for more than one day, it means they are hiding something from you.
If you don't succeed the first time, skydiving is not for you...
The hedgehog is a proud bird - if you don't kick it, it won't fly.
AND
Greed is the sister of talent.
Live in the wilderness, and write letters to us.
A woman is the same as a man, only better...
Women can do everything, only some are shy.
Wives give birth to children for us, mistresses - from us.
Life is a fatal sexually transmitted disease...
Life is what it is and nothing more. What's it like?
Life is a hard thing, no one has ever endured it.
Life goes away so quickly, as if it is not interested in us...
Life, of course, has not gone well, but otherwise everything is fine.
Z
Be content with just legal money.
Ending the harassment with an apology can offend any woman
If you chase one hare, you won’t catch two.
If you chase two birds with one stone, the trolleybus will leave without a conductor.
Don't look down the barrel of a loaded tank
By fooling your brains, you can save on noodles.
Land - to the peasants, crosses - to the earthlings.
A girl's golden rule: if you don't know what to say, smile and adjust your bra.
AND
The turkey also thought he was swimming until the water boiled.
TO
Each vegetable has its own fruit.
Everyone earns according to their depravity.
To each creature - a chara!
Each person is right in his own way, but in my opinion, he is wrong.
Everyone is mistaken to the best of his ability.
Every man has right to left.
What Russian doesn’t like it fast, a lot and for free.
What Russian doesn't like wet...driving?!!
No matter how you spin it, well... in the back.
There are so many good girls, but somehow they are attracted to the bad ones.
You can't stop living beautifully. But you can interfere...
The guts are thin and our tanks are fast
The one who got up first gets the slippers.
Those who are rich are welcome.
The last one enters.
The last one is the dad!
Anyone who doesn't work is broken.
Whoever comes to us with a sword will receive it in a plowshare.
Whoever remembers the old will become a Cyclops.
Anyone stuck in traffic jams doesn’t laugh at a moped.
Those who get up early get others.
Whoever comes to us with what, comes from this and that.
When you decide to shake the old one, make sure it doesn’t fall off!!!
Besides other people's troubles, there are other joys in life.
Lyokha was cool, but they threw him away like a sucker.
Those who get up early live far from work.
He who does not take risks does not lie in a cast.
When you say what you mean, mean what you say!
When the mermaid does the splits...
When there is little time, there is no time for friendship, only love.
A crutch is not a luxury, but a means of transportation.
The amount of unwashed dishes is a constant quantity, limited by the height of the tap.
L
The stench comes out of the skin.
Laziness is subconscious wisdom.
Better late than no one.
Only mountaineers can be better than mountains.
It’s better not a hundred times at all than a hundred times at once.
Lie down, big and small girl.
Better with a sweetheart in a hut than with a shovel in a dugout.
Better a bird in your hands than in some other place.
It’s better to work in Honduras than to work in Honduras in Kolyma.
Better a bird in your hands than a duck under the bed.
Better a tit in the hands than a woodpecker in the ass
It's better to be covered in sweat seven times than frost once!
Better a pie in the sky than a woodpecker in the ass.
It's better to be the first Maya than the eighth Martha!..
Better with Petrov in Mallorca than with a major in Petrovka
It's better to oversleep than to undereat.
It's better to give birth once than to shave every day...
It's better to touch it once than to see it a hundred times.
It is better to make love with love than to make love with difficulty
All cavities are submissive to love.
If you love to ride, love and ride.
If you love to ride, you also love to carry females!
All planes are submissive to love.
Any skirt looks best on the back of a chair.
And it happened - and the goat ate the wolf.
Without mischief for an hour.
The armless man robbed the cage, put it in the bare-bellied man's bosom, the blind man spied, the deaf man eavesdropped, the dumb guard shouted, the legless man ran in pursuit.
Be at home, but don’t forget that you are a guest.
There was a mare - there was no collar; They took out the collar - the mare was gone.
He lived among people - he saw the world, he put an ax on his foot, he belted himself with an ax.
There is an elderberry in the garden, and there is a man in Kyiv. I love you because Wednesday is a holiday.
You're laughing, but we're not even half laughing.
You can't buy a cheerful disposition.
Fun is salvation from troubles.
Fun is not a hindrance to business.
The winds blew - the hat blew off, the caftan was taken off, the mittens fell off on their own.
I saw jelly in a dream, but there was no spoon; I went to bed with a spoon - I didn’t see the jelly.
The crow was flying, the dog was sitting on its tail.
That's why it didn't fire: it wasn't loaded.
Here's a fig for you: whatever you want, you can buy it.
It’s all the same: it’s eighteen, it’s twenty minutes to two.
They say that chickens are milked and cows lay eggs.
Gol is wise, Gol is cunning, Gol has gone into inventions: the stockings are new, the heels are bare, she herself walks barefoot.
Thunder rumbles, but not from a cloud, but from a dung heap.
Chest wide open, tongue not shoulder.
The lip is not a fool, the tongue is not a spatula: it knows what is bitter and what is sweet.
Let's go visit each other: first you call me, and then I will come to you.
Let's be friends: then I come to you, then you take me to you.
Even subtle mockery bites.
It's clear that this is a dark matter.
Day to night - gasps in short.
A good joke does not ruin a friendship.
Okay, let’s put the bucket together: the hoops are under the bench, and the rivets are in the oven - it won’t leak.
Don't joke more than a ruble.
I went for nothing, brought it back - nothing.
If it weren’t for that, I would have been a general a long time ago.
There is a fur coat, and it is sewn, and it is sewn on the wolf.
The ride is not going and “well” there is no luck.
Wait for the cancer on the mountain to whistle.
A roll with kvass and yogurt with milk went on a spree.
Hello, godfather! - I was at the market. -Are you deaf? - Yes, I bought a rooster. - Goodbye, godfather! - I gave five altyn.
We know you, not for the first time, you were with us, the boots disappeared that time, we didn’t think about you, only after you we didn’t have anyone.
And the wolf grins, not laughs.
And we don’t slurp cabbage soup with bast shoes.
And it happens that a sheep eats a wolf.
Ivan, bridle my filly! - What about you? - Yes, you see, the chunk is in your hands. - Well, put it in your hat! - It won’t interfere.
Ivan, tell my horse “Whoa!” - And what about yourself? - Lips are frozen.
The boot is made from a flea, and the ax is made from a match.
Thirty-three lackeys came out of the wasp's pole.
Some laughter echoes with crying.
If only there were mushrooms growing in my mouth.
No matter how the dog turns, the tail is behind.
No matter how you turn it, one is shorter than the other.
What is your name? - They call it a name, but they call it a duck.
The goat disappeared: it was eight - it became nine.
Finished the job - go for a walk safely.
The cow roars, the bear roars, but the devil himself can’t tell who’s kicking who.
They cut the cow in two: the backside was milked, and the front was boiled in cabbage soup.
Kochet laid the egg, and the crow cackled.
Anyone who sits on a nail has no time for jokes.
Who ate the pie? - Not me! – Who else should I give it to? - To me.
He who knows how to have fun is afraid of grief.
Laziness, open the door - you'll burn! - I’ll burn, but I won’t open it!
People praise - they won’t praise, people blaspheme - they won’t; the winds blow but will not dispel; the sun dries - it will not dry; The rains get wet, but they won’t get wet.
The bear is not a dog pleaser; a pig in the garden is not a gardener, and a wolf is not a shepherd for the sheep; a bad judge is someone who is stupid or deaf.
I caught the bear! - Lead here! - It doesn’t work! - So go yourself! - He won’t let me in!
Mix business with idleness, spend your time with fun.
We wet it, we wet it, then we started drying it. We dried it, we dried it, we threw it into the water to soak it.
Like a fly with an ax, like a mosquito with a butt.
It's freezing outside, but the money in your pocket is melting.
They don't get angry at a joke.
I don't care about the bed, you can sleep on the floor.
Don't be afraid of the dog - the owner is on a leash.
Not for anything, for anything other than other things.
Not everyone laughs who bares their teeth.
Dad didn’t buy a hat - let his ears freeze.
Don't laugh, peas are no better than beans.
Don't laugh, kvass, you're no better than us!
Don't bother, Friday, before Thursday, wait your turn.
Not so much, and not very much.
It’s not funny that he came into the yard, it’s funny that he doesn’t leave the yard.
Don't joke with fire - you'll get burned.
Attack is afraid of a smile.
Neither this nor that was boiling, and even that was burnt.
One foot is shod, the other is unshod, and if there had been a third, I don’t know how I would have walked.
In one fell swoop, a hundred beatings, and not counting the rest.
He doesn’t just speak: he spreads his word like a pitchfork, and remains silent.
A bad joke is one that ends in a quarrel.
Let's live - we'll make a fur coat, but if we don't make money, at least we'll say that it was made.
I hit my finger in the sky - in the very middle.
Come visit me when I'm not at home.
It is easier to continue laughing than to stop laughing.
Rogozha, what not clothes, and there is also a festive bag.
Sit down wherever you are.
Knocked down, knocked together - that's the wheel! I sat down and drove off - oh, good! I looked back: only the knitting needles were lying there.
There are no weddings without jokes and jokes.
The heart is happy and the face blooms.
Clifftooths are not all kinds.
Laughter is not a sin.
Laughter for no reason is a sign of a fool.
Laughter through tears.
Laughter is laughter, but action is action.
You won't get enough of laughter.
Dog, why are you barking? - I scare the wolves. -Does the dog have its tail between its legs? - I'm afraid of wolves.
In front is the sea, behind is grief, on the right is moss, on the left is “oh.”
Stand - stagger, walk - don’t stumble, speak - don’t stutter, lie - don’t lie.
So don't groan, groan again.
It's funny to you, but it got to my heart.
However, don’t joke about what there is no way.
Titus, go threshing! - My belly hurts. - Titus, go and slurp some cabbage soup! -Where is my big spoon?
He who trusts in God does not lose heart.
You keep quiet, and I will assent.
A fool has stupid jokes.
Some people have nothing, but we have the same amount.
For the gloomy, fun is boring, for the cheerful, boredom is fun.
He has the devil in his lining, Satan in his patch.
Whatever you like, whatever you like, or whatever you like, whatever you like.
A smile helps a joke and lifts your mood.
The mind says: it’s time to leave the yard, but the hop says: let’s wait for the beating, and go home together.
Know how to do things, know how to have fun.
Know how to joke - know how to stop.
Know how to joke - know how to laugh it off.
Smart as priest Semyon: he sold books, bought cards, climbed into the barn, and played alone.
If you know how to joke, you can make people laugh.
Smart girl, smart girl! The whole street knows about this, the rooster and the hen, the cat Ermoshka and me a little.
Fedul, why are you pouting your lips? - Yes, the caftan burned. - Can you fix it? - Yes, there is no needle. - Is the hole big? - Yes, there is only one gate left.
I wanted to sit on two chairs, but ended up on the floor.
What are you bringing? - Hay. – What hay, it’s firewood! - And if you see, then why do you ask?
What should we build a house: if we draw it, we will live.
What are you doing? - Nothing. - What about you? - Yes, I’m helping him.
Make jokes and be careful, otherwise you might get into trouble.
Just joke, don't joke.
Make jokes, don't bother people.
The joke takes a minute, but it charges for an hour.
A joke warms a person.
A joke is a joke, but business is business.
If you love jokes on Foma, then love jokes on yourself.
A good neighbor is not defamed by a joke, but the tongue of a joke is sharpened like a razor.
Making a joke makes everyone laugh.
I am not me, and the horse is not mine, and I am not the cab driver.
A joke is like salt: you have to joke carefully.
Know how to make a joke - know how to stop.
A joke warms a person.
They don't get angry at a joke.
To make jokes is to annoy people.
Know how to joke - know how to laugh it off.
Every joke has a bit of truth.
If you love a joke on Thomas, then love it on yourself.
Make fun of yourself: you'll laugh healthier.
It was said as a joke, but it was meant seriously.
Just joke, don't joke.
Don’t joke with someone like you who is sensitive to every word.
Make jokes, but be careful, otherwise you can get into trouble.
Don't joke, Makar, since you didn't reach your hat.
A good neighbor is not discredited by a joke, but the tongue of a joke is sharpened like a razor.
Don't joke more than a ruble.
When you make fun of others, make fun of yourself.
The joke doesn't go anywhere.
However, don’t joke about what there is no way.
A joke takes a minute, but business takes an hour.
A joke is a joke, but business is business.
A good joke does not ruin a friendship.
Anyone who loves jokes is loved by everyone.
The joke takes a minute, but it charges for an hour.
If you don't like jokes, don't joke about them.
They don't like boredom.
Don't joke with fire - you'll get burned.
Whoever makes jokes twists the whip on himself.
Cham the fool is not joking.
The joke is not made for the sake of harm and not for the sake of shame.
To make a joke is to have fun.
People drink honey jokingly.
With bread and salt, any joke is good.
There is no time for jokes for a fish if you grab it under the gills with a hook.
Every joke is dissolved in two: it’s funny for the cat, but it’s bad for the mouse.
There is no truth in jokes.
He was joking, and he was joking.
Even with a joke, even with laughter, it would have been a success.
Who gets up early, his alarm clock is in a hurry.
No matter how much you feed the wolf - two weeks and he will die.
No matter how much you feed a wolf, no matter how much you call it a beast, it’s still a bastard, new Year costume He doesn’t take it off after the matinee.
It's like looking for a needle in a stack of needles.
Anyone who doesn’t smoke or drink has probably already smoked and drank.
Don’t have 100 rubles, but have a hundred friends.
A well-fed person who is hungry is not a companion, but a potential breakfast.
What a sober man has in his head, a drunk man has in his hand.
The blonde's loaf is her head.
Either pan or propane.
For business - “Time”, and for fun - “Vesti” on the Russia TV channel.
Hunger is not my aunt, hunger is Glodno.
The subject stone and water are the predicate.
If you've done the job, fabricate a new one.
An apple differs from an apple tree only by the suffix -onk.
Don't be born beautiful, but be born 3800.
You can't stretch your tongue to Kyiv.
A woman with a cart - an article for discrimination.
What fell from the cart was a woman.
Not a horse count.
Measure it seven times, shoot it once and post it on YOUTUBE.
Without P ore you can't pull a fish out of a pond.
There is no point in blaming the mirror if there is no mirror.
The spool is small, but no.
Don't drink bitches...they don't deserve it.
A thread from the world - a naked tangle.
Work is not a wolf, it won’t bite you in the ass.
Love is evil, you will love Zverev too.
If you love honey, love diathesis.
Funny News
If a person doesn't understand a joke, it's a lost cause! And you know: this is no longer a real mind, even if a person has seven spans in his forehead.
A. Chekhov.
An exchange of jokes is a duel, albeit a bloodless one; however, like a real duel, it forces us to be more restrained and polite.
N. Chamfort.
A bad joke is one that hurts your bones.
M. de Cervantes
An excellent rule that should be followed in the art of ridicule and jokes: one must ridicule and joke in such a way that the person being ridiculed cannot become angry; otherwise, consider the joke a failure.
F. La Rochefoucauld.
To smile at a joke that plunges a thorn into someone else's chest means to be an accomplice to a crime.
R. Sheridan
The mind is the bread that satisfies; a joke is a spice that induces appetite.
K. Berne.
A joke is the most powerful force in the world and the most formidable, it is irresistible - there is no court that could call it to account either for the reason or for the feeling that caused it - what is ridiculed is dead - the one who laughs is stronger than the one who is saddened.
G. Flaubert
Joke is the most quick way to position a person, only one - towards you, and the other - against you.
V. Aydinyan
The joke among philosophers is so moderate that it cannot be distinguished from serious reasoning.
L. Vauvenargues.
The ability to easily move from a joke to a serious one and from a serious to a joke requires more talent than is usually thought.
Francis Bacon
Often a joke serves as a vehicle for truth that would not have reached its goal without its help.
Francis Bacon
If a joke is true, it means it's not funny.
Geoffrey Chaucer
A good joke also leaves broth.
Anatoly Breiter
An understood joke is a wrested confession.
Alexander Kruglov
Irony should be brief. Sincerity can afford verbosity.
Jules Renard
Flat jokes are entirely on the surface.
Tamara Kleiman
Who is chasing after wit? for the most part can only catch stupidity.
Charles Montesquieu
Witticisms and quirks should be used with the same caution as all things that can rust.
Georg Lichtenberg
Dullness is especially noticeable in witticisms.
Sergey Belousov
People say stupid things all the time, but it seems to them that they are always joking.
Gennady Matyushov
If stupidity makes you happy, that's humor.
Walter Polubotko
A joke is a railing on the edge of an abyss.
Valery Kvitko
A joke is a pain outsmarted.
Martin Kessel
Irony is the gallbladder's safety valve.
Boris Lesnyak
A good joke is not an invention, but a discovery.
Ernst Gombrich
Sometimes you need to make people laugh to distract them from their intention to hang you.
George Bernard Shaw
If Adam returned to earth, the only thing he would be able to recognize were the old jokes.
Thomas Dewar
An old joke isn't old until you hear it.
Steve Allen
Old jokes never die - they just have that smell.
Every joke has some humor in it.
Other people's jokes and other people's children are never as good as ours.
Kozma Prutkov
If you strip an indecent joke, it will most likely turn out flat.
Tatiana Skobeleva
Flat jokes are also necessary - for small minds.
Wieslaw Trzaskalski
Refute your opponent’s serious arguments with a joke, and jokes with seriousness.
Gorgias
It's easy to come up with a new joke, but it's hard to come up with a funny one.
From the American film, Let's Make Love (1960)
If it is true that there are no new jokes, then the greatest of all comedians was Adam.
It's not as hard to write TV jokes as it is to listen to them.
A man never laughs at his own jokes if his wife tells them.
No, seriously: it was a joke.
Joke, like salt, should be consumed in moderation.
Pythagoras of Samos
You need to joke in order to do serious things.
Aristotle
A joke is a release of tension because it is relaxation.
Aristotle
If something is said in jest, do not take it as serious.
Plautus Titus Maccius
Handle jokes with care. You may be misunderstood.
Bion
Beware in your jokes:
intrude on other people's intimate affairs;
conceal the dagger of mockery;
over someone who doesn’t understand something;
concern family matters;
mock the sages of antiquity;
support one of the parties to the dispute;
put a person in a stupid position;
force yourself to laugh when it’s not funny;
laugh at a joke before others;
express your dislike;
be verbose.
Chen Gao Mo
There is no place for jokes in the insensitive mind.
A joke that is permitted is pleasant, but which one can tolerate depends on one’s ability. Anyone who loses their temper from barbs gives a reason to barb again.
Baltasar Gracian y Morales
A good wit is a bad man.
Blaise Pascal
Beware of making jokes at the expense of common sense.
Nicola Boileau
You should not allow yourself even the most innocent joke except with polite and intelligent people.
Jean de La Bruyère
Each of us has small shortcomings that we willingly allow to be blamed and even ridiculed; It is precisely such shortcomings that we should choose in others as a target for jokes.
Jean de La Bruyère
A strong blow is dealt to vices when they are exposed to public ridicule. Reproach is easy to bear, but ridicule is far from so. Nobody wants to be funny.
Moliere
If you direct a witticism at someone else, you must be ready to accept it at your address.
Jonathan Swift
No one takes real satire personally.
Jonathan Swift
An explained joke ceases to be a joke.
Voltaire
There is no need to ridicule generally respected opinions; you only insult people, but do not convince them.
Luc de Clapier Vauvenargues
A drunk sometimes makes funnier jokes than written witticisms.
Luc de Clapier Vauvenargues
Here is an excellent rule that should be followed in the art of ridicule and jokes: you need to ridicule and joke in such a way that the person being ridiculed cannot get angry; otherwise, consider the joke a failure.
Nicola Sebastian Chamfort
The joke is intended to punish any vices of man and society; it protects us from shameful acts, helps us put everyone in their place and not sacrifice our own.
Nicola Sebastian Chamfort
The most brilliant puns are the ones that are least susceptible to deep meaning.
Charles Lamb
When a joker laughs at his own joke, it loses its value.
Johann Friedrich Schiller
Don't joke with women: these jokes are stupid and indecent.
Kozma Prutkov
There are people so dry that you could soak them in jokes for a month and not one of them would get under their skin.
Henry Ward Beecher
If you can’t joke about a dying person, you can’t joke about anyone: after all, every person dies, some more slowly, some more quickly. In short, if we don't have the right to joke about serious topics, we shouldn't joke at all.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton
My jokes are that I tell people the truth. This is the funniest joke in the world.
George Bernard Shaw
Those who are afraid of a joke do not trust their own strength. These are Hercules who are afraid of tickling.
Paul Valéry
A significant number of phenomena appear to us as some kind of bad joke.
Alfred Adler
Doctrines go away, but jokes remain.
Emil Michel Cioran
Humor is inseparable from the ability to choose.
Gilles Deleuze
Humor is the art of the surface, opposed to the old irony - depth and height.
Gilles Deleuze
