Why husband and wife stop kissing, how to bring kissing back into a relationship. Over the past few months, my husband has stopped kissing me during intimacy. What happened to your husband? Kiss your beloved wife

Hello! I have been living with my husband for 10 years. In the last few months, my husband has stopped kissing me during intimacy! I am very worried. I asked why? Refers to age (35 years), no longer interesting.
I explain to him that it’s exciting and stimulating. And he says that it’s exciting to jump with a parachute for the first time and that driving a car at very high speed. And everything else is nonsense. Please tell me how to behave in this situation. What happened to your husband?

Answer from theSolution psychologist:

Sensitivity to each other's needs is an element of healthy partnerships

In a healthy relationship, people agree that they will be very attentive to each other's requests and needs, especially in terms of intimacy. What is alarming is that in your situation, your spouse neglected your need for sensual pleasure during foreplay. You asked your spouse for kisses because it will help you feel aroused. Obviously, although kissing is not a turn-on for your spouse, this is generally no reason to discount the importance of full foreplay for you. A difficult situation arises. On the one hand, you cannot violate your spouse’s free will and force him through manipulation or blackmail to do what he does not want. On the other hand, your happiness in your intimate life is at stake, you are not getting what you need.

What is the reason for the fading of attraction, the decrease in the level of arousal in loving couples?

Sexual attraction is formed in the psyche, and not in the genitals, as some people think. The strength of arousal is inversely proportional to the degree of emotional closeness and directly proportional to emotional distance. Apparently, your couple has a problem with the formation psychological space for the emergence of an erotic impulse. Your spouse feels a decrease in arousal, but points to another reason using the neurotic defense mechanism of rationalization. So he justifies the disappearance of attraction by age, lack of novelty and interest, and not by a lack of psychological skills in him and you. Rationalization helps him cope with sadness and raise his level of self-esteem. The reason for your difficulties as a couple is that both spouses do not know the basics of building a passionate marriage.

Couples who have built passionate marriages do exist.

This phenomenon was studied by Esther Perel, author of the book Mating in Captivity: Unlocking Erotic Intelligence. What successful couples had in common was that during the building process they... alternated periods Please read the above book.

The difference between the behavioral strategies of successful and problematic couples in maintaining a passionate sexual relationship could be rephrased as follows. In couples who built a passionate marriage, the partners communicated in an adult-to-adult manner and demonstrated the strategies of a mature, responsible personality. In couples where sexual attraction disappeared, partners used strategies typical of: control, violation of boundaries, emotional clinging, lack of personal psychological space, and many others from the arsenal of methods. It can be said that men and women who were attracted to each other, and then died out, built interactions that were more reminiscent of child-parent communication than typical for.

Your couple needs a consultation with a psychotherapist and sexologist.

If your spouse loves you, then, in theory, he should be concerned about the quality of his intimate life. In a healthy partnership, the third stage of partnership building, before marriage, is when the man and woman agree to make every effort to resolve problems that arise in the marriage. Efforts involve not only a delicate discussion of problems, but also reading educational literature and seeking advice from specialists. Your couple obviously needs professional help from a psychotherapist and sexologist. Such specialists usually work at the department of psychotherapy and sexology. He can accurately identify the cause of problems in a particular couple and conduct a training course on how to improve the technical and emotional side of intimate life.

I have several reasons, or Why women don't want their husbands

It often happens that a woman suddenly cools down to sex and does not want an intimate relationship with her husband. And because of this, problems can begin between husband and wife, which in rare cases even end in divorce. A family can fall apart because of such seemingly nonsense. After all, it is believed that sex and intimate relationships between spouses are far from the most important thing in the life of a married couple.

But apparently this is not entirely true. Or rather, not at all like that. And it’s worthwhile to figure out why, in fact, a woman might not want sex with her husband?

Reason one.

This reason is quite banal. It is known that the vast majority of women not only work, but also manage the household. And to keep your home tidy and clean, you need to spend a lot of effort. Therefore, a woman may simply be tired of household chores and worries. And here, as they say, there is no time for sex and other pleasures.

Reason two.

Sometimes the reason for a woman’s refusal to have an intimate relationship with her husband may be some kind of illness. For example, my wife’s thrush has worsened, during which sex is extremely undesirable, at least until the acute phase of the disease passes. Naturally, under such circumstances, the wife is not able to have sex with her husband, but does not tell him about the problem.

Reason three.

It happens that a woman gets tired of a monotonous sex life with her husband. When everything is known in advance and there are no innovations or surprises. For some representatives of the fair sex, this has a simply depressing effect. And for husbands this situation only causes problems.

Reason four.

It happens that a woman simply is not in the mood to have sex. Not with my husband or anyone else. The most important thing here is not to start the problem and talk to your wife in time.

In such situations, husbands find themselves in a very difficult situation. Any healthy man needs regular intimate life, but jerking his wife every time is inconvenient. Especially if she agrees to sex only because the wife seems to be obliged to satisfy her husband.

As doctors say, there is no need to force your spouse to have sex if she doesn’t want it. You should not insist on something that gives the fair sex complete anxiety.

There are several ways out on how to save your marriage if your wife has suddenly lost interest in sex with her husband. The husband should definitely talk to his wife to find out the reason for the lady’s reluctance to intimate relationships. And there are several ways out on how to overcome the “sexual crisis” and establish intimate life with my wife and live again in this regard for my own pleasure.

Exit first. If your wife has health problems, then you should urgently go to the doctor. Because any neglected disease or infection can lead to dire consequences. In this case, there is no need to insist on intimate relationships. At least until you visit the doctor. It will be even better if the spouses go to the doctor together.

The second exit. If a woman does not have any health problems, but the problems are sex life started, and the husband feels uncomfortable about it, then the husband must show some ingenuity. And, for example, offer your wife something new and unusual. And there is a high probability that the problem will resolve itself after some time.

Exit three. If a woman is tired at work and has no desire to have a regular intimate life, then the husband is simply obliged to help his wife. And not in bed, but in housekeeping. Indeed, in addition to work, many women, as mentioned above, are also involved in all household chores.

Exit four. If a woman gets bored sexual relations with the legal husband, then the husband is simply obliged to diversify his relationship with his wife. For example, go on a short trip with your other half. It is trips to unfamiliar places that can have a very beneficial effect on the intimate relationships of spouses. And your personal life will improve, and maybe it will gain a “second wind,” and the husband and wife will experience a new honeymoon.

And now about the reasons that kill a woman’s desire:

Coarseness

If the husband is a despot, gets on the woman’s nerves, and even lets his hands go, then he needs himself to blame for the fact that her sexual desire has disappeared. Few people will feel the desire if another torture awaits them in bed. Or if the husband began to disgust his wife with his behavior.

Appearance

Not only a woman, but also a man should look neat. It’s rare that anyone would like an unshaven, sweat-smelling, sloppily dressed person. And not every lady is excited by a beer belly. Men ask: “Why doesn’t my wife want to kiss?” The answer is simple: if you don't shower and brush your teeth after work and before going to bed, the smell will be unpleasant. And if there is also a slight fume, then the wife will sooner have disgust than a desire to kiss.

Why the wife doesn’t want sex: diagnosis – henpecked

Often a woman’s desire disappears if during life together it turns out that the man cannot make independent decisions, and she becomes the dominant half in the family. As a result, sexual attraction disappears, as she begins to perceive him not as a partner, but as a child.

In general, if a wife refuses sex for some reason, the husband does not need to force her - he needs to find out what the problem actually is. And solve them immediately, without delay. Then family life it will definitely get better.

Kisses exist not simply because people invented them for their own pleasure: a kiss is a kind of sample, a test that determines the natural compatibility of potential partners.

If from the very beginning the two were not very pleased to kiss, it is possible that their choice was dictated not so much by mutual attraction as by conscious ideas about what kind of partner they want to see next to them. Unfortunately, humans, unlike nature, tend to make mistakes. And here only you can assess the situation. Based on the knowledge of system-vector psychology, you will be able to understand the intricacies of your and your partner’s desires and draw the most accurate conclusion.

In an already established couple, the loss of the desire to kiss may be a signal of weakening attraction to the partner, depletion of emotional or other connections that are necessary to maintain interest and craving for each other.

It is so arranged that the natural attraction between two people does not last indefinitely; it gradually decreases as the period necessary for the birth and feeding of children expires. If you notice that there has been a cooling between you, it means that you need to fill the gap, find opportunities to strengthen the emotional connection with your partner, try to have a heart-to-heart talk, listen to each other without claims or demands in order to understand and feel more deeply the state and needs of your partner, and get closer to him .

The first steps to overcome disconnection can be difficult, but if there is a mutual desire to improve the relationship, anything is possible. In order to understand exactly how best to act, it is important to understand your partner’s desires, to understand his characteristics, which may be completely opposite to yours, and therefore remain unnoticed and cause great discomfort. Systemic vector psychology will help you deeply understand the characteristics and desires of both your own and your loved one - this is an unprecedented tool for building relationships.

It is worth mentioning that the desire to kiss is determined not only by attraction, but also by a person’s vector set, the state of his vectors. Owners of the oral, visual and skin vectors especially love to kiss. During the training, you will not only learn about different character types, you will get to know yourself and your loved ones in a new way. Suddenly you will begin to notice that all their actions and impulses become understandable to you and therefore justified. After all, understanding the inner essence of a person means getting the opportunity to see everything through his eyes, and this, like nothing else, can create the strongest connection between two people. All you need is the desire to make efforts and, now with full awareness, work to strengthen your love.

Photo: DepositPhotos.com

There is a category of people who do not like to kiss, this is a fact that is hard to believe. Voluntarily abandon such a fairy tale?! And how can you imagine love without kisses? However, there are cases when girls complain that they met an amazing guy (he doesn’t drink/smoke, and is handsome like Apollo and also gives flowers), but he never kissed her during several meetings together. And among married ladies there are often spouses who have not known a pleasant “smack-smack” for years. How so?

Each person is an individual, he chooses his soul mate, expresses feelings individually, and reacts to the attention of representatives of the opposite sex. Let's try to find what causes such a “no-kiss” situation.

Fresh breath

Before you confront your partner about ignoring a kiss, pay attention to the state of your gastrointestinal tract and oral hygiene. The source of the aroma that discourages kissing may be tooth decay or stomach problems. In general, cleanliness of the whole body will not hurt. Yes, nowadays there are more girls who smoke than men who smoke. In principle, in any case, whether your partner smokes or not, you should not smell of tobacco; this rule also applies to the smell of alcohol. Therefore, after taking a drag from a cigarette or sipping a glass or two, do not forget to chew refreshing chewing gum or brush your teeth with toothpaste.

He's too serious

Some men put the girl they like on a pedestal, looking at her like a goddess who can be offended by any trifle, and then all that remains is to say goodbye to a wonderful future.

If after several dates the couple has not reached the point of kissing (when she is in favor with both hands), then, for sure, the guy is serious and does not want simple fun with another steal. In his understanding, a kiss on the lips is the first step of intimate frankness, the consequence of which is passion and the desire to retire for the night with his beloved. He takes his time with kisses because he doesn’t want to tarnish his reputation and not seem like the type who only wants that one thing. You shouldn’t be upset here, but you should be happy - what a guy you managed to grab! And kisses, hugs, Mendelssohn's waltz and a family with “seven on benches” will all happen a little later.

He is very timid

Men can also be timid, especially when it comes to showing feelings for their significant other. In fairy tales, they are all cool macho men on horseback, but in life, as soon as it touches them personally, they immediately back off. And he seems to groan at night from incredible love for you, but he still can’t muster up the courage to come up and kiss you first. It turned out that you got an indecisive and timid suitor. The way out of this situation is in your hands. However, a subtle approach is needed here, otherwise you will scare away your cowardly “bunny”. What are the places for kissing? Go ahead to the next movie show (in extreme cases, you can replace it with a bench in the park or just get down to business in the subway), sit shoulder to shoulder and tilt your head towards his in such a way as to shower him with your hot and thirsty breath, in theory his instinct for intimacy should work - the culmination: a kiss! If you can’t overcome his timidity, then maybe you should look for someone else who is more relaxed?

Just friends

Whether you cry or laugh, his coldness towards a kiss is explained by your status - you are just a friend. It is not difficult to determine, you just need to look a little closer at it. A hundred pounds, he constantly casts admiring glances at the trail of every skirt. He talks to you like he would a friend. By the way, there are kisses in your relationship, goodbye, on the cheek. He is at a crossroads, choosing a life partner for himself, but he wants female companionship, which you make up for him. Does love “shine” after friendship? In 70% of cases, such males find females on the side. The most reasonable thing is to treat him as a friend, and turn to someone else for passionate kisses; perhaps he has been pining for you for a long time, and you don’t notice - look around!

Iceberg in the ocean

What to do if the last kiss in marriage was accompanied by shouts of “Bitter!” at the wedding? Look for the reason for your spouse's coldness. Often a wife thinks that she provokes her husband’s coldness, but her behavior and complexes have nothing to do with it. According to sexologists, a kiss is an emotional revelation. Reluctance to kiss your spouse on the lips is evidence of a man’s selfishness, his demonstration that he does not know how to love, give compliments and give tenderness. As a rule, this type thinks only about himself and his interests, which is interesting, with other women they can be nice and then they can easily shower them with compliments. There is little chance that it will be possible to re-educate this type, the only hope is that it will dawn on him how valuable you are to him. As a rule, such relationships end again in the registry office, only for a sad reason - divorce.

Let's kiss! Even scientists advise this!

“We stopped kissing altogether, not like before...” - this phrase can be heard from every second woman who has been married for at least several years. It’s really unclear: why at the beginning of a relationship lovers feel an urgent need for hugs and touches, and then over time they seem to forget to show feelings for their other half. They seem to love each other as before or even more, but they no longer kiss. And, by the way, in vain: kissing is both pleasant and useful. They say that couples who kiss regularly live happier lives.

A woman can really suffer from a lack of kisses. If a husband stops kissing his wife, she perceives this as inattention to himself. And if you also take into account how much more emotional women are than men, then it’s easy to guess that against the backdrop of fading passion in the family, omissions are increasingly arising and scandals are flaring up. Let's try to figure out what is the reason for the coldness of the spouses and why in marriage the husband and wife stop kissing.

When people live under the same roof for a long time, mutual interest disappears over time. Feelings do not fade away, but, so to speak, they degrade, and this process is triggered by turmoil and quarrels (even over all sorts of nonsense). Very often, during periods of crisis in a relationship, a husband and wife don’t just want to kiss, they move away from each other. Over time, the negative effect accumulates and as a result we have what we have - the spouses stop kissing. It is quite difficult to regain your former affection and passion, but there are still some ways that will help you interest your soulmate again.

Before finding out the reasons why a man began to increasingly ignore kisses with his wife, she should pay attention to the freshness of her breath. After all, who wants to kiss if your significant other has bad breath? By the way, this is the most common reason for not wanting to kiss a woman. If there is a trusting relationship between the spouses, the husband must tell her about it. There is no need to be shy or afraid of offending - a “aroma” that discourages kissing can be a sign of serious diseases of the gastrointestinal tract or caries. In any case, if there is a problem, it needs to be solved.

In general, the freshness of not only your breath, but also your whole body is important. Tobacco and alcohol are real “killers” of tenderness and femininity, so take this into account, especially if your partner does not smoke and has a negative attitude towards the smell of alcohol. Before the intended intimacy, do not forget to chew gum, and even better, brush your teeth.

If a man was quite timid before marriage, then after marriage the situation is unlikely to change radically. It also happens that at work or with friends he is a tough macho, but when it comes to personal matters, he immediately turns on the reverse and waits for the initiative from his wife. It is impossible to overcome his indecision; nothing can be changed about it. You will have to act yourself. Do you want kisses and caresses? Then take control of the situation. True, here too you need a careful approach so as not to scare your cowardly “bunny”...

No matter how sad it may sound, sometimes the absence of kisses in a marriage can mean that the spark between the spouses has disappeared, and only a warm, trusting relationship remains, more reminiscent of friendship. This is evidenced by the manner of communication with each other: it is based on mutual taunts, jokes, it is not customary to talk about affection and love here, most often only everyday and general issues are discussed. In such a family, husband and wife live like brother and sister, and sex, which they have long regarded as exercise for health, becomes less and less over time. Often a marriage is based on financial calculation or the material dependence of one partner on the other.

But what if the last kiss was accompanied by the clinking of glasses and shouts of “Bitter!”? In most cases, a woman begins to engage in soul-searching and look for the reason within herself. However, sexual psychologists suggest taking a closer look at your husband. His reluctance to kiss his wife may be a demonstrative manifestation of selfishness, a confirmation of his inability to love and give warmth to an already conquered woman. Such guys usually don’t give compliments, don’t give flowers… to their wife, while with other people’s women they can be courteous and sweet, lavish in compliments and lightly shower them with flowers. There are only two options: either come to terms with his selfishness and move on, or get a divorce. It is unlikely that it will be possible to re-educate such a husband, nor will it be possible to accept such a relationship.

If you still love each other, but due to lack of time and worries about your family, you begin to move away from each other, and, as a result, kiss less often, you just need to change the situation. It is not at all necessary to buy expensive trips or go on vacation for this, although if you have such an opportunity, be sure to take advantage of it. Even a joint walk in the evening park, going to the cinema or to the nearest cafe will be beneficial. Touch your loved one more often, smile at him and look him straight in the eyes, don’t be shy to once again flirt with him or intrigue him with something.

To refresh a relationship, you can't do without kissing. They should become more frequent and longer lasting. To restore their former passion:

• Make your kisses delicious. Food, cocktails, aromatic drinks - anything - will help stimulate the receptors. The main thing is that you both like it - coffee or milkshake, strawberries or lemon, champagne or cake.
• Update your kisses. A simple “smack” on the lips is not exactly what will help rekindle the flame of love between you. Gentle French with the tongue, passionately or a kiss-pinch - it doesn’t matter how, as long as it’s not by inertia.
• Be relaxed and calm - this will help you loosen up and again feel the butterflies fluttering in your stomach, like you did at the beginning of your love story.

There remains one more way, if all these do not work - the woman needs to make the man a little jealous. But you can’t overdo it here, otherwise, instead of the expected result, you can get a huge scandal and aggravate an already difficult relationship. Perhaps your husband has stopped appreciating your beauty and femininity over the years. And if he sees that other men are paying attention to you, he will immediately want to prove that you are only his and no one else. And here it can turn into not only a hot kiss, but also passionate hot sex. Cherish your relationships, don’t let things take their course! Kiss as often as possible and don’t let anything interfere with your happiness!