Remember the fairy tale about the ugly duckling, when he lived in a chicken coop and considered himself the same as the surrounding poultry. With what admiration he looked at the beautiful white swans, not even suspecting that he himself was the same.
We all become ducklings at some point in our lives. And the people we interact with every day play a huge role in our insecurity.
“We become like the people we interact with. Choose your environment - no matter how unique we are, it still affects us." - Robert De Niro
What scientists say about the influence of your environment on your success
According to Thomas Leonard -founder of the Coach University and the International Coach Federation (ICF), -our environment is 50% of success in life. The remaining 40% is the way we think and only 10% is our knowledge.
Often behind the following symptoms there is a toxic environment that is moving you away from your dreams:
- Self-esteem is falling
- The system of priorities is disrupted (you begin to take actions that do NOT bring you closer to your desired life)
- Other people’s values are imposed, but there is simply no time to think about your own
- The internal flow of creative energy is disrupted
- Working capacity decreases
- Lost interest in life and self-development
This is not a complete list of the dangers that a bad social circle hides.
You can make efforts and move forward, no matter the difficulties. You may even achieve some success and the level of internal development will gradually increase. But if the environment does not grow at your pace, thenit will pull you down. And this greatly destroys faith in your dream and gives rise to doubts.
The internal flow of energy will be wasted on overcoming unnecessary obstacles - other people's doubts. Free yourself from this burden and start moving towards your dreams today.
« Once upon a time there lived creatures in a village at the bottom of a large transparent river. The river flowed silently over them all - young and old, rich and poor, good and evil. The current went its own way, knowing only its own crystalline Self. All creatures, each in its own way, clung tightly to the stems and stones at the bottom of the river, for clinging was their way of life, and resistance to the flow was something that each had learned from birth.
But one creature finally said: “I’m tired of clinging. Although I cannot see it, I believe that the stream knows where it is going. I unhook and let him take me wherever he wants. Clinging, I’ll die of boredom.”The other creatures laughed and said: “Fool, let go and the stream that you worship will throw you against the rocks and smash you to pieces, and you will die sooner than from boredom!”
But he did not pay attention to their words and, taking a deep breath, stopped holding on - and immediately the current spun him and threw him against the stones.
However, he refused to cling again, and the stream lifted him high, free, from the bottom, and he was no longer bruised or hurt.And the creatures at the bottom, to whom he was already a stranger, shouted: “Look, he flies! A miracle has happened! Look, the Messiah has come to save us all!”
And he, rushing in the stream, said: “I am no more the Messiah than you. The river welcomes us with delight, free if only we dare to unhook ourselves. Our true work is in this journey, in this adventure!”But they shouted even louder: “Savior!”, and still clung to stones and twigs, and when they looked up again, he was no longer there, and they were left alone and began to create legends about the Savior.”
Fear of the opinions of others can forever deprive you of the opportunity to become free and make your desires come true.
Exercise for quick environmental analysis
Take this test seriously, spend 20 minutes learning deeply about the people you spend time with. This is the best investment in your future you can make right now. So.
- Think of 5 people with whom you communicate most often.
- Describe their lifestyle appearance, hobbies.
- What is their income and goals?
- How does your communication work: do you receive more or give more?
- How do you feel after talking to each of them: inspired or depressed?
Peoplethat surround you,form a field of possibilities. This is a space in which you can create your dreams, or, on the contrary, make other people's dreams come true. If you want to succeed in life, it is important to pay attention to your surroundings.
When your environment motivates you to develop and becomes a source of inspiration, only then do you feel the strength to change your habits. You no longer rely on willpower.
“When you are understood, you move forward quickly” T. Leonard
I share with you tips that helped me change my life forever for the better:
- Carefully assess your surroundings: family, friends and relatives can clearly or covertly interfere with your achievements
- Connect with those who have already achieved success: make acquaintances with leaders, champions, winners. Chat in person or online.
- Surround yourself with people who motivateyou to achieve your goal
- Attend meetings of like-minded people– people who have similar goals and dreams. It shapes your identity and gives you confidence.
- Don't be afraid of criticism and condemnation– there will always be someone who will condemn. It's normal to go after your dreams. In today's world there is much more people who are afraid to live the life their soul strives for. But you can create a special warm atmosphere around yourself by letting into your life those who share your aspirations.
If you have been dreaming of a new life for several years now, but something is constantly bothering you, pay attention to your surroundings. It is quite possible that it is your close people who are slowing down your growth and development. But this does not mean that you should break off relations with them. Sometimes it’s enough to make new positive friends who share your views and energize you.
In the transformation game for 3 weeks we will work every day to make your dream come true.
- you will learn to achieve goals easily and like a woman, managing the magical flows of abundance and good luck
- you will find your favorite job or change the conditions of your current one thanks to reality changing technology
- you will learn to hear yourself, understand your true desires and follow them
- you will receive strength, energy and a powerful impetus to fulfill all the desires that you previously put off “for later”
- you will launch powerful internal transformations that will begin to change external events and the behavior of other people towards you
But most importantly, already during the training you will plunge into a new positive environment. You will meet people who, like you, strive for new achievements. We will create a private chat especially for training participants, where you can communicate, share insights and, of course, gain energy and inspiration. Even if those closest to you do not share your interests and aspirations.
We are social creatures, we live surrounded by other people. And we know that we cannot live without this society. And if you live it, it will be a completely different life, which we won’t talk about now.
Now let’s make a few postulates for ourselves.
First: our life depends very much on our environment; it is practically determined by it.
Second: we also influence the environment, change it.
Which of these postulates is more important, the first or the second? The answer to this question is very important and determines our life. If we recognize the prevailing importance of society, and not only recognize it, but also strongly believe in it, then we will immediately put ourselves in a dependent position, in the position of a cog or even a victim.
If we are confident that we create our own lives, then we gain the strength of a creative, independent personality. And if so, then our attitude towards life and all its manifestations becomes conscious. We look around us differently. We begin to analyze how our thoughts, words, and actions change our environment. And then our research interest is rewarded with valuable conclusions.
Take a close look at the people passing by. What is the general background of your environment? I mean the background of mood, mental structure, spiritual motives. Having assessed this background, try to understand yourself how it relates to your personal background. You have also created some kind of background within yourself. This background can be characterized by several parameters: the prevailing mood, the nature of the main thoughts and feelings, keywords and a general internal mood, which I would like to call spiritual.
So, when we begin to slowly, without unnecessary emotions, calmly compare the external and internal backgrounds, we, as a rule, clearly see that these are two boots - a pair. If we go further and begin to consciously change our internal background, we will soon notice that the external one has become different.
For example, we started working on our mood. Knowing that we are often too hot-tempered, we calm ourselves down different ways and, in the end, we arrive at a result that satisfies us. And now, already calmed down, we walk along the old routes, carefully looking at our surroundings. Those people who annoyed us so much no longer seem so to us, we either find some kind of positive sides, or we calmly look at what previously caused negative feelings in us. And some of the people who were negative objects for us may disappear from our lives altogether, for various reasons, often unknown to us. But the main conclusion is this: by changing inside, we have changed our surroundings. Our surroundings is a mirror that simply reflects our inner world.
It seems so simple, but how difficult it is for us to understand! Just unbelieveble! Why? Why do we reproach others again and again, without giving ourselves the right to take full responsibility for our lives?
Try it! It's not difficult at all, and the result will delight and enchant you. And then it will be our turn to be grateful to our environment for giving us these invaluable lessons. We will begin to perceive any person and any creature as our teachers. And what they give us, no matter whether good or bad, we will learn to perceive with a feeling of gratitude, and then deep gratitude. Because we will realize the benefit that we receive from these lessons gradually, through overcoming our ego, which will fight to the end for its right to dictate how we should live.
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Have you ever wondered how your environment greatly influences your success, personal life, luck? Look around you, who surrounds you? What is your job? Or what's going on in your family? Even seemingly harmless neighbors can seriously affect your success.
What determines our life?
What do you think determines our capabilities?
What determines successes and failures, achieving goals, quality of life in general, self-realization, amount of money and whether we are able to enjoy it?
Some believe that everything is predetermined in advance - by genetics and the character developed in childhood, others believe that everything depends on chance, and still others place responsibility on the knowledge that they possess.
According to research, at least half of our success or failure is determined by our environment. Thus, the role of interpersonal communication can be called key. And the same knowledge, for example, changes our lives by only ten percent.
Your immediate environment
Therefore, if you want to know your capabilities and prospects, just remember who you communicate with most: your family, friends and colleagues, maybe those with whom you go to fitness or dance.
Who says what to you, what mood does it radiate? Are these the people you would like to be like?
Good practice– make a list of several people who make up your main social circle – from five to ten names. And see what quality of interaction each of them provides.
It’s common for them to be sad, happy or complain, maybe they are workaholics or, on the contrary, wasters of life?
These people and their qualities define you and your thinking. It is impossible to be joyful in the company of depressed whiners. And it’s very difficult to whine yourself if there are only successful and purposeful people around.
In addition, you may find that you are very comfortable with some people, uncomfortable with others, and neither.
Types of Interpersonal Communication
Communication can be roughly divided into three types: enriching, borderline and toxic.
Toxic- with complainers, people who are always dissatisfied with everything, who do not value themselves or others, with people addicted to unpleasant habits, such as alcohol.
We almost always have a great sense of what is toxic for us, feeling tired, negative, and empty afterwards.
Why do we often communicate with such people for years?
As a rule, we want to feel good by helping a perpetually unhappy girlfriend or supporting a friend who still can’t get a job. Or we are afraid to look bad, “abandoning a friend in trouble.”
In fact Good friends are known not in trouble, but in joy. If you know how to be happy for a person and see that he is ready to be happy for you, this can be called a friendly relationship. But when we are nearby, only if something has happened, there may be hidden reasons for this.
A common motivation for friendship with the “unfortunate,” which people don’t really like to talk about, is the desire to assert oneself at their expense. If you catch yourself doing something like this, this is a reason to think about yourself and your self-esteem.
If you help, then you should also consciously answer the question - is your help really needed? Or is the person simply seeking attention and trying to avoid responsibility for his actions?
Border communication– neutral, usually with colleagues, neighbors, business partners. It is important that it is to the point. If you are not connected by spiritual affinity or common interests, then there must be a business approach. Otherwise, such interaction is just a hole into which energy and time go.
And finally enriching communication.
These are the people who move you forward., their example inspires you, you like their space, they are happy for you. It is very simple to understand whether a person enriches or devastates.
Listen to your feelings. If you feel that after meeting him you always feel bad or are in a bad mood, you don’t need to deceive yourself that bad weather or unfamiliar food is to blame: your interlocutor makes you feel bad.
Or vice versa: you talked with someone, and you felt full, felt good and happy, although you just discussed some situation or didn’t even talk about anything specific. This means that the field of a particular person influences you in a favorable way. Easy to recognize. And you must make sure that there is much more such enriching communication in your life than any other.
How to change the environment?
A natural question arises: if I understand that there are a lot of toxic people around me or people who don’t give me anything, how can I change this?
The Universe has a property that greatly helps us in our development: it does not tolerate a vacuum. Therefore, for something new to appear, you need to make room for it by getting rid of the old.
Don't be afraid to be alone.
Firstly, other people, events and opportunities will definitely come to fill the vacated place.
And secondly, It is not necessary to abruptly cut off all ties at once. This can also be done, but such a radical option is not suitable for everyone.
You can gradually end old connections and build new ones that inspire and delight you. Your desire for change, your intention will attract new people and repel those with whom you are no longer on the same path.
Other ways to change your environment
Sometimes the transition period turns out to be too long, and it is difficult for us to overcome previous trends that still repel positive people.
You also somehow attracted the environment that you have now with a certain state. Because you and I are always in attraction, we are always attracting - and here main question- whom.
In this case, you can use mediated communication (although it's worth using anyway).
Surround yourself with images of successful, interesting, inspiring people. Now, with the development social networks, this is especially easy. Read books and interviews, watch shows, subscribe to Instagram or a video channel.
Even if for some reason you don’t communicate with anyone in person, this virtual contact will have the right effect on you. For some, collages with photographs of those who have achieved success or developed the necessary qualities help, for others it is better to listen to programs - see what works best for you.
And here you need to choose those whom you would like to be like. To do this, you need to understand what qualities you would like to develop in yourself, what exactly you want to receive. Or what skills are important to you - then you need to contact professionals in a particular field.
And just don’t think that you will rob them like that, which is what suspicious people sometimes fear. This is an energy exchange that benefits both you and them. They receive the energy of your attention when you tune in to them, and you receive the necessary vibrations, everything is fair.
Ten inspiring people
After you write down five to ten people who influence you now, try writing a new list of ten people you would like to be like.
These could be your friends or famous personalities, it doesn’t matter. The main thing is to have specific images that will become a guide. And you can imagine yourself in their place, imagine how they behave, how they feel, how they experience the qualities that you would like to have.
They will move you in the right direction, their vibrations will influence you, you will synchronize with them.
If you, say, lack self-confidence, imagine someone who is very confident, how he feels from the inside, how he reacts to situations.
This does not mean that you will become the same as him, do not be afraid of losing your individuality. You will still be yourself, but this experience will show your subconscious that a situation of self-confidence is possible. Experience is very important, you simply can’t do without it.
How it works?
Why is it important to surround yourself with images of success and joy?
Why isn't it enough to just strive for them?
In order for the subconscious to “allow” us to achieve something other than what we have now, it must see that it is not dangerous, perhaps normal, and so on. It constantly protects us, cares about our well-being and will not take risks. And until you come to an agreement with him, nothing will work, unfortunately.
Those who surround us daily show our subconscious examples of how things can be. Through pictures of success, joy, luck or professionalism, you will show yourself every day that everything is achievable. And the path will become easier.
Hybrid communication and assistance
There are times when communication is difficult to classify as enriching or toxic, because it is one way today and another tomorrow.
There really are people who seem to be unable to make up their minds, and either act inspiring or infect you with negativity. It is important to rely on your feelings.
It is you who should know better whether a pleasant conversation with a person today is worth the negativity that he gives the next day. Often we are simply afraid of not finding new contacts, feeling the need for interpersonal communication, and therefore we downplay unpleasant moments. But, as you can see, there will be no emptiness, and by breaking old ties, you will definitely find new ones.
It is possible and even necessary to communicate with people who are worse off than us, whom we can help, but only if they ask, that is, there should be no unsolicited interference. Otherwise, you will simply throw away energy into nowhere, destroy your life, and you won’t help them either.
What not to do
I would like to say a few more words about breaking ties. Try to do it as environmentally friendly as possible.
It is advisable to leave the interaction with gratitude, or at least acceptance of what was given to you. If you feel negativity towards people from whom you “grew”, it only means that you have not fully grown.
Negative relationships are built by two people. You were just as much a part of a toxic interaction, and most likely you weren't either. in the best possible way influenced the second participant.
So let go and walk away with as much gratitude as you can.
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Continuing the theme of the difficulties that lie in wait along the way personal growth, I’ll write this note.
Several years ago, during a trip to Kyiv, I was riding on the subway, looking at the people and thinking about this interesting phenomenon.
Kyiv (Moscow, or any other metropolitan or simply large city) attracts a large number of people. They all come from smaller towns with different thoughts, hopes and expectations. And as statistics show, of those people who have achieved success in big cities, a very large percentage are non-locals, visitors.
When I listen to the success stories of stars, businessmen or simply successful people, many say that they arrived without money, without connections, without knowledge, began to spin around, do something, gradually cases or work began to come to them, so, gradually, step by step by step they grew and achieved what they have now.
These reflections gave me the following thoughts.
When we come to a new place, there is nothing holding us back. On the one hand, we do not always have favorable conditions, and on the other hand, there are no those old connections that kept us in the web and did not allow us to move forward.
When we live in a familiar environment, in the one where we were born, went to kindergarten, then to school, then to university, then even if we grow, it is not so noticeable. We are surrounded by the same people, the same walls, the same things. And, despite the great work done on ourselves, we can wake up in an old bed, take things out of an old closet, from the one that still remembers us as before, sit down at an old table or work at an old computer. And everyone around you will silently speak and show you that you are the same, that you have not changed.
This is the difficulty that all people without exception face. Environment.
There are two types of influencing environment.
- The first is people. People who have known us for a long time. Our family, friends, comrades, loved ones, relatives, colleagues, classmates. And they know and remember us in a certain way. Any change that occurs in us will either cause a negative reaction in them, because they are used to interacting with us in a certain way, and new behavior, habits, are not included in it. Or they will ignore these changes, continuing to carry in their heads the bright image of an unintelligent child, which we could have been in childhood. And even if this child is now the director of a company and manages a team of 300 people, his relatives can still call him Petenka and make sure he doesn’t break anything in the kitchen. It’s not for nothing that there is a proverb: “There is no prophet in his own country.”
- The second is objects, things, furnishings, image, in general, everything that we have and surrounds us. I felt this very well for myself when, returning from some regular training event, I walk into the room and see everything the same as it was before I left. And all this reminds me of the old me, and the changes that have just happened in me seem insignificant. And then the question arises - what is all this for? What's the point of all this growth if nothing lasts?
When I realized this situation, I realized that it is much easier for those people who leave to grow and develop. Nothing interferes with them and does not pull them back with ballast. They are free to make new choices and movements. And when they then return home, it is no longer the former Tanya and Petya, but Tatyana Sergeevna and Petra Anatolyevich, important bosses living in the capital. Of course, in this case, friends and relatives will try to convert you back to the old way of behavior, but this will not be done so confidently and not so impudently. Because you also have a tougher position, and you understand that you know and can do more than each of them can imagine.
Well, what should you do if you don’t have the opportunity to go to another city to grow beautifully there and develop your skills? best qualities? I found such a way out for myself. Every time I feel that I am working on myself: either I realized something about myself in psychotherapy, or did some serious action that was previously unusual for me, or reacted in a new way and gained new experience, I try to find positive reinforcement for this state. Maybe I wanted to change the situation or image every time so that the reinforcement was as radical as possible, but I can do without such serious measures.
I hang pictures, slogans, reminders in the room, record them in my diary, celebrate in a cafe, that is, I show myself that I am changing. I consolidate this both at the level of emotions and at the level of sensations. And then it’s easier for me to understand that the work is still going on. Another option is to make entries in a New Behavior Diary. I also have such a section in my personal diary. Here I write down all my victories over myself, new experiences, new behavior, successes, and here I can also see the dynamics of growth. And then, when I experience a period of decadence and disappointment in the process, I open this diary and see documented traces of my new life. This brings me back to reality and gives me strength for new achievements.
We are all individuals and individuals. Everyone wants to stand out and it is this desire that makes us the same. Few people think that each of us is a collective image of the events that happened to us and of the people who surrounded us.
Successful businessmen say that you need to communicate with those people who are richer and smarter than us. Psychologists say that you need to reach out to those who are better, otherwise you will mark time or even degrade. Is this really true?
Tell me who is your friend
I admit, I have always been interested in people who are smarter than me. Despite the fact that I consider myself far from a stupid person. Not because you need to communicate only with those who have achieved something or know something more than you. It’s just a completely normal state when you are interested in listening to an intelligent interlocutor and want to continue communicating with him.
I am deeply convinced that it is necessary to always move forward, to the best of our ability and to develop in all directions. Another question is in what ways. Whether by studying, reading, or perhaps personal observations. Everyone chooses for themselves.
The influence of the environment on a person
And, perhaps, I agree with the statement that our environment has a strong influence on our lives. For example, decent andA deeply religious person simply cannot endure communicating with uncultured and primitive people for long, you must agree. Or a strong-willed person who has overcome many troubles will never understand those who are always dissatisfied with life and whine about every little thing (while not wanting to change anything).
After all, if you have risen one step higher, you no longer want to go back. Otherwise it will be a complete defeat. If you have defeated yourself in something at least once, this is already a small success. You will look up with hope and dream of climbing higher and higher.
Therefore, it is extremely important to be among those who have similar goals and desires. After all, it is much easier to move forward if you have at least a few like-minded people.
It's very easy to check. Find a person who gets on your nerves (or you find him not particularly interesting to communicate with) and specifically communicate with him for some time. At first you will be annoyed, after some time you will come to terms with him, then you will easily talk to him about trivial topics. He will pull you down and you won't even notice it.
It's different when you just can't surround yourself the right people. If you find yourself in such conditions, it is very important not to give in to the wave and have your head on your shoulders, have your own point of view - even if you are alone against everyone.
It is very easy for a person to break down, so it is extremely important to have an environment that encourages you to never stop. And even if you fall, get up and move on. If someone could do it, can't you?
No, I no longer think, I affirm - our environment makes Us.
