We all think that big troubles happen somewhere and to someone, but not to us. This is why we find ourselves unprepared when trouble comes. And trouble comes suddenly - he leaves, and leaves for a reason, but for another woman, and phrases like: “You are not the first, you are not the last” do not help, they make it even more painful.
But it will be very effective wise advice– try to understand your husband. Most often, such a misfortune does not come suddenly - there were reasons for this, and serious reasons, and this is not necessarily a sudden passion on the side. Perhaps yours has been acting strange for a while or has just been behaving strangely - these were all signs. In any case, no one is to blame for the breakdown of the family except you two, and the reason must be understood. And if you succeed, the first thing you need to do is analyze and realize your mistakes. In fact, this is the easiest thing - to close yourself off from the whole world, worry, cry and think all the time, how to cope with your husband leaving and don't go crazy. But out of all this, the only correct action is crying, which every person needs. Firstly, it is a very good release, and secondly, tears remove toxins from the body. Good for both mental and physical health. But you don’t need to cry all the time and in public. People will be sorry, but such pity makes you want to cry and complain even more, and then you can simply forget that life is not over.
And to remember that life is beautiful and amazing, you just need to behave correctly:
- Cry a little, calm down, think about your mistakes, analyze them, don’t think constantly, how to cope with the passing of a loved one, and continue to live. Believe me, if he had died or contracted a fatal disease, it would have been much worse.
- Think about it, is there anything to regret? Our memory is designed for our own protection - it buries everything bad in a box in the most remote corner of our consciousness. But you can get hold of the bad things - remember them and write them down on paper. In fact, it may turn out that the husband is far from a gift, so it’s better to let the other one suffer.
- Nowadays, there is a wonderful opportunity to pour out all your troubles on a stranger - an anonymous helpline. Often you just need to talk it out, and such a service is a guarantee that you will be listened to and even given good advice.
- Go to the store, buy a dress, then to the beauty salon. Throwing away the old image, the woman throws away old life. It's time to sign up for the pool or fitness room.
- Under no circumstances should you turn to your friends for pity - there is a risk of falling into depression.
- Put aside thoughts of revenge - if you think that your rival is a bad woman, then by spreading gossip about her or doing everything to ruin her life, you are not only doing wrong, but stooping to her level. Be taller and wiser. The same applies to your husband - you shouldn’t insult him, it won’t make you or him any better.
- When a man makes a decision, he makes it forever. You need to stop trying to stop and return it - this will only create new stress for yourself. Don't rack your brain with an obsession about...
- If the husband has not made a clear decision and continues to rush from one thing to another, you need to raise the question - or husband left the family, or not. Can’t answer clearly - cut it yourself, start new life without him, start looking for a new man. Our advice on how to help you with this can help you.
- Don't manipulate children. Children experience the separation of their parents very hard, and it is under no circumstances forbidden to communicate with the father or demand that he constantly be with the child, while inventing illnesses in himself and his relatives. This will not save your family, and will cause psychological trauma to the child.
- Getting a dog or joining an embroidery class - it’s better to think about a pet or a new composition than about a careless husband. In addition, such activities can bring peace of mind, which is so lacking after the stress experienced.
Ultimately, if a loss occurs while you are still young, then your situation is not at all hopeless. Of course, you can try to keep your loved one by doing something enchanting. But most likely you will only prolong the effects of your mistake for some time. It's better to grieve survive his departure for another woman and completely forget about him. Words are no longer a help here, and nothing will help, neither memories of a fairy-tale beginning of a relationship, nor words about the long journey made together, so let go and start living a new life.
You can’t withdraw into yourself, you can’t take revenge and hate the whole world - you just need to love yourself, talk to your reflection every day about its unearthly beauty. And there's nothing better how to cope with your husband leaving, going on a trip. Any - abroad, along the Golden Ring or to a neighboring city by bus. One way or another, these are new impressions, and, therefore, another reason to understand that life goes on.
"We had everything Fine, why did he leave? What was he missing?" - these are the most popular questions asked by “ex-wives” to psychologists. In fact, no one leaves just like that; before coming to the decision to part with his once beloved wife and children, a man weighs everything for a long time “ pros and cons. And only when a plan to “escape” from the family has already been drawn up, the man decides to inform his other half about it.
So it's not worth it afraid of husband leaving when, after an argument, he grabs his jacket and goes to his friend’s, slamming the door hard behind him. The likelihood that within a few days he will return back to his family in such cases is very high. From such scandals the family does not collapse, but only becomes stronger. The main thing is not to abuse your husband’s patience. The breakdown of relationships and separation from a loved one does not occur due to a short-term clarification of relations between spouses. Men make the final decision to leave the family only with a cool and sober head, and not rashly.
About what's coming soon time she will be left alone, as a rule, the wives don’t even suspect. Because they get used to attention and care from their husband, but they themselves do not even try to listen, understand and become a helper for their husband. Husbands leave mostly those wives who are used to only “taking” and do not know how to “give” anything in return. People tend to blame others for their mistakes.
Maybe, husband yours is not a traitor or a traitor, but simply a victim who is tired of walking around from morning until late at night and not hearing a single word from his wife kind words. Men leave the family - victims of a lack of affection, attention, care or sex. As you know, men are drawn to places where they are valued and loved. Maybe you always didn’t have enough money, no matter how much he earned, or you often had “headaches” and your husband had to look for another woman. Therefore, before you assure that everything was fine, but he left anyway, work on your mistakes. Parting with a loved one is a good chance to understand the mistakes made and prevent their repetition in the future.
When are you already found out If your husband has left and is not going to come back, it is very important to behave correctly. First, stop blaming yourself, even if you think it was your fault that he left. Now you wise woman, who realized her mistakes and is not going to repeat them again. The most common mistake of women whose loved ones have left them is an attempt with all their might, persuasion, promises and threats to return their husband back to the family.
Abandoned wives They are trying to fix everything before her husband has completely lost interest in her. But this tactic is correct only if the man has not carefully thought through his departure in advance. It is quite simple to return a husband who left in the heat of the moment, offended by blackmail or his wife’s refusal, but it is no longer possible to change the situation in the event of a planned departure from the family with any persuasion, tears or promises. Here's what we shouldn't do after our husband leaves the family:
1. Looking for a meeting with my husband, call him, write messages, start a showdown on the topic: “Who is to blame?” and "Why did he leave?" Such activity by a woman will never lead to the desired results. Haunted Husband ex-wife, begins to feel like a “hunted game” and tries to run away from it at all costs. Indeed, some ex-wives manages to bring her husband back to the family, but this is only if she does not forget about her self-esteem.
2. Feel sorry for yourself and cry, cherishing your loss. There is no need to make yourself a victim and consider your husband’s departure to be the end of the world. Try to calm down and not get depressed. The sages say: “When the first door closes, the second one will definitely open.” What you now consider a great misfortune may be the beginning of another relationship, much happier and more meaningful.
3. Give up and stop taking care of yourself. There is no need to give up, because after parting with your loved one, life goes on. Hairdresser, gym, beauty salon, solarium, swimming pool must be visited according to the previous schedule. Any activity that interests you will distract you from sad thoughts and help you forget your ex-husband.
4. Revenge ex-husband . We do not recommend threatening or trying to take revenge on your husband and his new passion. Such actions will not give anything good, but they will become a reason for your ex-husband to affirm the correctness of his decision to leave you. Do not try to reason with the rival to whom your husband left. She is different and she will not understand you.
5. Explain to everyone the reason for my husband’s departure and tell all sorts of nasty things about him. After all, before he left, he satisfied you, and you did not complain to anyone about your life, so why now do you so want to be pitied and condemned. Be strong and don't pay attention to the rumors. Your personal life may be of interest to many, but there is no need to discuss it with work colleagues, friends and neighbors.
6. Immediately look for ways to meet other men. Before starting a new romance with another man, you must understand that if you did not please one, then there is a high probability that the second will not appreciate you either. You should not step on the same rake twice. Now you must build your relationships with men more competently; you don’t need to associate yourself with a dishonest person just to make your ex-husband jealous.
He left. This is a tragedy and I will not say otherwise. But the tragedy is at first. And it must be experienced. How? - you ask - when the earth disappears from under your feet, when the world turns into hell, everything becomes meaningless, empty and worthless? Yes, exactly, in such a period, because a person is able to survive not only this. Every day it will become easier and easier if you follow the right path, and not drive yourself into a dead end, corner and hopelessness. There is a way out and it is in the same place as the entrance. Once you managed to get into a relationship, it means you can get out of it. There is one correct way out, but two wrong ones. Let's start with the last ones.
Two wrong exits
1. All men are assholes.
Perhaps everyone knows this phrase, and many have used it in life. We were taught this, persuading us that you are not the first and you are not the last. We were told that men are not only goats, but also males, drones and nonentities, that they have one thing in mind, etc. We have been told this so often that the desire to immediately believe it is uncontrollable. Stop! This is the wrong way. If you say that all men are males, then all women are bitches, including you. There's a pair of each creature. If your companion is a “wolf”, then you are a “wolf”, if a “lion” - a “lioness”, if a “male” - a “bitch”. And there is no other option here. If you want to be a princess, look for a prince. First, believe in his existence. With the phrase “all men are jerks,” you cross out the option of meeting a truly worthy man. And he is! Yes, yes, the same one, yours, who does not want to fall under the definition of “male” or prove to you that he is not one.
2. I'm bad.
This is the second wrong way. Do not belittle your merits, remember, there are no ideals. And if you broke up with a man, it’s not because you’re a loser, ugly, fat, sick, blonde, brown-eyed, slim, smart... I specifically listed the advantages, because they leave people like that too. They throw anyone! But not always and not all. There is no panacea for the scourge of being abandoned. If you study the life of an average young lady aged 80, you can easily see past relationships, from which she was “thrown out”. The word “thrown away” is in quotation marks for a reason. Read it like this: they protected him, freed him, removed the shackles, set him free, returned his wings. But our heroine understood this some time later. In the beginning, of course, all the bells were ringing with loss, tragedy and grief. All women experience the same range of sensations, emotions and feelings. It's hard for everyone. Time does not heal, in this case it allows you to look at the relationship from the other side, to see the “chosen one” with a sober look, without the veil of invented love.
Correct conclusion
He's not the same.
“Why exactly did they abandon me?” Don't lament! He’s just not the same - everything is so simple and obvious. The halves were not invented by us. And if this is really your person, then he will feel the same towards you, i.e. boundless love. And if you became dependent, gave your soul in exchange for his closeness, laid the whole world and yourself in addition at his feet, then it’s better to let him leave earlier and make room for your person. It’s not the one who leaves first – it’s He who comes first. You should always remember that while you are frantically holding on to someone other than your own, somewhere your soul mate is suffering, and perhaps someone else is also holding on to them. What is the result? And as a result, four unhappy people are two couples who live with each other not according to their hearts, but according to circumstances, habits, status and other nonsense.
Which way should you not go?
1. Masochism.
This path is very typical for women. They like to suffer, whine, howl at the moon and want themselves to pieces. They enjoy the loss and don't want to let go. Letting go is no longer the man himself, but rather the feeling of loss. They scroll through their photos together hundreds of times, walk in their places and listen to their music. They drag a man into their dreams, into their martini glass, take him with them to bachelorette parties and lay him in their hearts with loss. You can’t sit alone all evenings and go through the puzzles of your meetings in your memory. Do not cultivate or grow anything that needs to be mowed down and burned in your garden.
2. Black magic.
Such easy way to live and such a hard way to survive. Blackness will never turn a white stripe towards you. Black, she will be in thoughts and actions and in love. You can go to your grandmother, perform a ritual and return the man's body, but his soul will never be with you. It will break out of his flesh, causing the latter to hurt. Do you want an impotent, a loser and an alcoholic next to you? Then go to the black magician. He will snatch your lover from your life and return him to you as a vegetable. Take it and do whatever you want. If you want, preserve it in a three-liter jar, if you want, plant it in the ground, or just fry it and eat it. You cannot return love, you can force the body to remain in a vicious circle. But that is not all. Black magic sooner or later returns pain to the one who gave birth to it. IN in this case- to you. There is a completely different magic - the magic of a look, a gesture, sunlight from within, charisma and attractiveness. Master this science. It will definitely benefit you.
3. Dissolute lifestyle.
When a man leaves, a woman begins to feel not just empty, but worthless. Her self-esteem falls through the roof, her “girlfriends” giggle, saying she’s not that kind of princess. The desire to quickly regain the name of a seductress, a vamp woman, the one for whose sake, even an asterisk from the sky, pushes a woman to all the troubles. She can easily go on dating sites, pick up all her admirers from her memory and look for adventures in every bar. She needs crowds of fans, proof of her attractiveness and a sense of life. Stop - this path is not yours. With such a reputation, you will definitely slide into the first point of the wrong exit, or rather to its pair, i.e. You will become a woman of free behavior in the eyes of real men.
4. Intrigue, revenge, enmity.
A woman and emotions are one whole. But emotions need to be calmed, and first of all for yourself. Don’t look for meetings with your ex’s new lover, don’t open his eyes to her, don’t throw tantrums and don’t cry. Don't ruin their lives. After all, you only add a little salt to their life, but pour a ton of salt into yours. And then you will have to scoop it all out with a big spoon. Has he decided to leave? Silently, pack your suitcase, open the door and tell him goodbye. And in your hearts, feel sorry for that second one, she still has to live with him.
Which way should you go?
There is only one way - love yourself. Truly love, appreciate, respect and know for sure that you will definitely meet your person. Allow not only yourself, but also four people to be happy. Let go of what is not yours with gratitude and let it into life true love. Remember, your own people don’t leave, and you don’t need strangers.
Be happy!
Victoria Shtelmakh
What if you were wrong, what if the reason he left was your mistake? How to become loved again by a man, desired and the best in the world? How to get your lover back? I offer several options for the most common ones women's mistakes that repel men. If you know them, then you will never allow them to happen, and your man will always be with you.
Firstly, if a misfortune nevertheless happened and your chosen one left, then you should not become depressed and feel sorry for yourself. A couple of days are enough to worry, then you should get angry at this “goat” and “freak” who did not appreciate all your actions and so heartlessly left you. So, calm down, life goes on! You shouldn't beg a man to come back to you. You are a woman, a person! You have self-esteem and respect! In addition, the well-known phrase “come back, I will forgive everything” means that he is guilty of something, and you are making a gesture of goodwill. Upon returning, your lover will feel guilty, which is not there. You yourself have not changed, and you invite him to return to the relationship from which he ran away. You should not beg a man to come back if you are driven by self-pity and resentment, and not by a meaningful desire to be with a man and do something to be the girl of his dreams.
Never use pity and blackmail. Don’t write him SMS, letters, don’t call, and don’t tell him how lonely you are, how bad it is that you can’t see your life without him. For these purposes would be better suited your friend who will listen, support and advise. Men are repulsed by pity. They like confident, brave and independent girls. Never blame a man for the fact that you broke up, this is also a sign of self-pity and weak character. When meeting with friends and relatives, try not to bring up the topic of your breakup. Don't say it's all his fault. Hysteria, aggression, revenge, insults on your part will only once again confirm to the man what he has done right choice, leaving you. Just say that you don’t regret anything, the relationship was and is over.
Never blackmail your ex with words, things, or children, if you have them. Putting pressure on paternal feelings in the desire to return a man is the last thing. Yes, perhaps you will return him to the family for a short period of time, but this will not restore your relationship, love and warm emotions. Never ask him about the one he left for. Don’t look for meetings with her, don’t call or write. Understand that the comparison may not be in your favor, then it will hurt you even more. In addition, she will definitely tell your man about this, and he will take her side. All you have to do for now is let him go and wait for a while. To understand whether this is the hero of your novel, or just a habit? Give it some time and you will understand if he is worth all your worries and efforts to get him back. And during this time, you can work on yourself, both externally and internally, change for the better, and become a real woman. It is important to understand that you can return your man, but your relationship will never be the same as before. You will have to become new, different, build your relationship in a completely different way. Or find someone else. But, if you don’t change anything about yourself and don’t draw the appropriate conclusions, then you risk falling into “the same rake” again. So, it's time to draw conclusions and learn from your mistakes.
Stop thinking about him! Do something else, find yourself an exciting activity during which you won’t think about the past and your ex. It's not easy, but if you succeed, it will immediately become easier. A wonderful way to forget about what happened would be a vacation, a trip out of town, a change of scenery. If sad thoughts come to you, then switch to the positive. Think that everything is fine with you, you are beautiful, successful, healthy. If you happen to meet or call your ex, pretend that everything is fine with you, be cheerful, smile, tell him about your new hobbies. You can lie a little to make it more believable. But you shouldn’t immediately talk about your successes in the love field, talk about how many dates and with whom you were and what they gave you. A man will immediately understand that you are saying this out of anger. It is much better if he learns about significant changes in your life from third parties.
He left. This is a tragedy and I will not say otherwise. But the tragedy is at first. And it must be experienced. How? - you ask - when the earth disappears from under your feet, when the world turns into hell, everything becomes meaningless, empty and worthless? Yes, exactly, in such a period, because a person is able to survive not only this. Every day it will become easier and easier if you follow the right path, and not drive yourself into a dead end, corner and hopelessness. There is a way out and it is in the same place as the entrance. Once you managed to get into a relationship, it means you can get out of it. There is one correct way out, but two wrong ones. Let's start with the last ones.
Two wrong exits
1. All men are assholes.
Perhaps everyone knows this phrase, and many have used it in life. We were taught this, persuading us that you are not the first and you are not the last. We were told that men are not only goats, but also males, drones and nonentities, that they have one thing in mind, etc. We have been told this so often that the desire to immediately believe it is uncontrollable. Stop! This is the wrong way. If you say that all men are males, then all women are bitches, including you. There's a pair of each creature. If your companion is a “wolf”, then you are a “wolf”, if a “lion” - a “lioness”, if a “male” - a “bitch”. And there is no other option here. If you want to be a princess, look for a prince. First, believe in his existence. With the phrase “all men are jerks,” you cross out the option of meeting a truly worthy man. And he is! Yes, yes, the same one, yours, who does not want to fall under the definition of “male” or prove to you that he is not one.
2. I'm bad.
This is the second wrong way. Do not belittle your merits, remember, there are no ideals. And if you broke up with a man, it’s not because you’re a loser, ugly, fat, sick, blonde, brown-eyed, slim, smart... I specifically listed the advantages, because they leave people like that too. They throw anyone! But not always and not all. There is no panacea for the scourge of being abandoned. If you study the life of an average young lady at the age of 80, you can easily see the past relationships from which she was “thrown out.” The word “thrown away” is in quotation marks for a reason. Read it like this: they protected him, freed him, removed the shackles, set him free, returned his wings. But our heroine understood this some time later. In the beginning, of course, all the bells were ringing with loss, tragedy and grief. All women experience the same range of sensations, emotions and feelings. It's hard for everyone. Time does not heal, in this case it allows you to look at the relationship from the other side, to see the “chosen one” with a sober look, without the veil of invented love.
Correct conclusion
He's not the same.
“Why exactly did they abandon me?” Don't lament! He’s just not the same - everything is so simple and obvious. The halves were not invented by us. And if this is really your person, then he will feel the same towards you, i.e. boundless love. And if you became dependent, gave your soul in exchange for his closeness, laid the whole world and yourself in addition at his feet, then it’s better to let him leave earlier and make room for your person. It’s not the one who leaves first – it’s He who comes first. You should always remember that while you are frantically holding on to someone other than your own, somewhere your soul mate is suffering, and perhaps someone else is also holding on to them. What is the result? And as a result, four unhappy people are two couples who live with each other not according to their hearts, but according to circumstances, habits, status and other nonsense.
Which way should you not go?
1. Masochism.
This path is very typical for women. They like to suffer, whine, howl at the moon and want themselves to pieces. They enjoy the loss and don't want to let go. Letting go is no longer the man himself, but rather the feeling of loss. They scroll through their photos together hundreds of times, walk in their places and listen to their music. They drag a man into their dreams, into their martini glass, take him with them to bachelorette parties and lay him in their hearts with loss. You can’t sit alone all evenings and go through the puzzles of your meetings in your memory. Do not cultivate or grow anything that needs to be mowed down and burned in your garden.
2. Black magic.
Such an easy way to live and such a hard way to survive. Blackness will never turn a white stripe towards you. Black, she will be in thoughts and actions and in love. You can go to your grandmother, perform a ritual and return the man's body, but his soul will never be with you. It will break out of his flesh, causing the latter to hurt. Do you want an impotent, a loser and an alcoholic next to you? Then go to the black magician. He will snatch your lover from your life and return him to you as a vegetable. Take it and do whatever you want. If you want, preserve it in a three-liter jar, if you want, plant it in the ground, or just fry it and eat it. You cannot return love, you can force the body to remain in a vicious circle. But that is not all. Black magic sooner or later returns pain to the one who gave birth to it. In this case - to you. There is a completely different magic - the magic of a look, a gesture, sunlight from within, charisma and attractiveness. Master this science. It will definitely benefit you.
3. Dissolute lifestyle.
When a man leaves, a woman begins to feel not just empty, but worthless. Her self-esteem falls through the roof, her “girlfriends” giggle, saying she’s not that kind of princess. The desire to quickly regain the name of a seductress, a vamp woman, the one for whose sake, even an asterisk from the sky, pushes a woman to all the troubles. She can easily go on dating sites, pick up all her admirers from her memory and look for adventures in every bar. She needs crowds of fans, proof of her attractiveness and a sense of life. Stop - this path is not yours. With such a reputation, you will definitely slide into the first point of the wrong exit, or rather to its pair, i.e. You will become a woman of free behavior in the eyes of real men.
4. Intrigue, revenge, enmity.
A woman and emotions are one whole. But emotions need to be calmed, and first of all for yourself. Don’t look for meetings with your ex’s new lover, don’t open his eyes to her, don’t throw tantrums and don’t cry. Don't ruin their lives. After all, you only add a little salt to their life, but pour a ton of salt into yours. And then you will have to scoop it all out with a big spoon. Has he decided to leave? Silently, pack your suitcase, open the door and tell him goodbye. And in your hearts, feel sorry for that second one, she still has to live with him.
Which way should you go?
There is only one way - love yourself. Truly love, appreciate, respect and know for sure that you will definitely meet your person. Allow not only yourself, but also four people to be happy. Let go of what is not yours with gratitude and let true love into your life. Remember, your own people don’t leave, and you don’t need strangers.
Be happy!
Victoria Shtelmakh
