Basic rules of the wedding ceremony in the Orthodox Church

Among the sacraments of the Orthodox Church, the wedding ceremony occupies a special place. When united in marriage, a man and a woman make an oath of fidelity to each other in Christ. At this moment, God binds the young family together as a single whole, blesses them for a common path, the birth and upbringing of children according to the laws of Orthodoxy.

- an important and responsible step for Orthodox believers. You cannot go through the sacrament simply for the sake of fashion or colorful memories of a spectacular ceremony. The ceremony is carried out for churchgoers, that is, people baptized according to the rules of Orthodoxy, who understand the importance of creating a family in Christ.

At the sacred level, husband and wife become one. Father reads, calls on God, asks him for mercy for the newly created family to become part of Him.

In Orthodoxy there is a concept: family - Small Church. The husband, the head of the family, is a prototype of the priest, of Christ himself. The wife is the Church, betrothed to the Savior.

Why is it necessary for a family: the opinion of the church

The church contrasts marriage according to the Orthodox tradition with the unspiritual life of a consumer society. Family in the life of a believer is a stronghold that grants:

mutual support in everyday difficulties;
joint spiritual development;
nurturing each other;
the joy of mutual love blessed by God.

A married spouse is a companion for life. The spiritual strength received in the family is then transferred by a person to social and government activities.

Scripture Meaning

For a happy family life, carnal mutual love for each other is not enough. A special connection between husband and wife, the union of two souls appears after the wedding ceremony:

the couple receives the spiritual protection of the church, the family union becomes a part of it;
the Orthodox family is a special hierarchy of the Little Church, where the wife submits to her husband, and the husband to God;
during the ceremony, the Holy Trinity is called upon to help the young couple, and they ask her for a blessing for the new Orthodox marriage;
children born in a married marriage receive a special blessing at birth;
It is believed that if a married couple lives in compliance with Christian laws, God himself takes her in his arms and carefully carries her through her entire life.

Just as in the Big Church they pray to God, so in the Small Church, which the married family becomes, the word of God must constantly sound. True Christian values in the family are obedience, meekness, patience with each other, and humility.

The power of the Lord’s grace is so great that, having received His blessing during the wedding ceremony, the couple then often devotes their aspirations to the Christian life with great zeal, even if previously the young people rarely visited the temple. This is the leadership of Jesus Christ, who became the master of the Orthodox home.

Important! One of the main vows of a married couple is the oath of fidelity to each other for the rest of their lives.

What does it give and mean for spouses?

Orthodox Christians should know that it is the wedding that seals the union of a man and a woman before God. The church does not conduct the ceremony if the couple has not legally registered the relationship. But official registration alone is not enough for a union to be considered legalized by the church: an unmarried couple appears before God as strangers to each other.

The wedding gives a special blessing from heaven to the couple:

to live according to the commandments of Jesus Christ;
for a prosperous family life in spiritual unity;
for the birth of children.

There are often cases when people realize the importance of cementing a union with the church and come, in order not just to observe a beautiful tradition, but to comprehend the deep sacred meaning of the ritual.

Spiritual preparation

Before performing the ritual, young people must undergo special training:

fast;
attend confession;
take communion;
read prayers, turning to God with a request to grant a vision of your sins, forgive them, teach them how to atone;
You must definitely forgive all your enemies, ill-wishers, and pray for them with Christian humility;
pray for all people who have been voluntarily or unwittingly offended in life, ask God for forgiveness and the opportunity to atone.

Before the wedding, if possible, it is recommended to pay off all debts and make donations to charitable causes. Wedding is a church Sacrament; young people should try to approach it with a clear conscience and a calm heart.

What should a couple know?

Additionally, you need to know some of the subtleties of the wedding ceremony and preparation for it:

Before the wedding itself, a young couple should fast for at least three days (more is possible). These days you need not only to limit yourself in food, but also to devote more time to prayer. You should also completely abstain from flat pleasures;
The groom is allowed to attend the wedding in a regular classic suit, but there are much more requirements for the bride’s dress. It should be modest; exposing the back, neckline, or shoulders is not allowed. Modern wedding fashion offers dresses in a variety of colors, but the wedding dress should be modest, preferably in shades of white;
According to Orthodox tradition, the bride does not wear a veil or cover her face. This symbolizes her openness to God and her future husband.

The wedding day must be previously agreed upon with the priest. There are a number of restrictions for carrying out the ceremony. For example, they do not marry on days of fasting, on many church holidays - Christmas, Easter, Epiphany, Ascension.

There are also especially successful days for holding the sacrament, for example, on Krasnaya Gorka or on the day of the Kazan Icon of the Mother of God. The priest will tell you the best day for a particular couple to perform the wedding ceremony.

Useful video

A wedding is called a church marriage, in which the newlyweds testify their love before God. About what a wedding gives to a family and what its meaning is in the video:

Conclusion

If young people love each other and consider themselves Orthodox Christians, a wedding is necessary. A marriage sealed by the church receives a special blessing, the protection of God. He gives strength for a righteous family life according to the laws of Orthodoxy. A wedding becomes not just a beautiful tradition, but a way for a young couple to reach a new level of relationship with God.

Marriage is a Sacrament in which, with the bride and groom freely promising mutual marital fidelity before the priest and the Church, their marital union is blessed, in the image of the spiritual union of Christ with the Church, and they ask for the grace of pure unanimity for the blessed birth and Christian upbringing of children. Marriage itself is a great sacred thing. It becomes a saving path for a person with the right attitude towards it. Marriage is the beginning of a family, and the family is the small church of Christ.

What is the purpose of Christian marriage? Is it just the birth of children?

Embodying the original will of the Lord for creation, the marital union blessed by Him became a means of continuing and multiplying the human race: “And God blessed them, and God said to them: be fruitful and multiply, and fill the earth and subdue it” (Gen. 1:28). But having children is not the only purpose of marriage. The difference between the sexes is a special gift of the Creator to the people He created. “And God created man in His own image, in the image of God He created him; male and female he created them” (Gen. 1:27). Being equally bearers of the image of God and human dignity, man and woman are created for integral unity with each other in love: “For this reason a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife; and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24).

Therefore, for Christians, marriage has become not just a means of procreation, but, in the words of St. John Chrysostom, “the sacrament of love,” the eternal unity of spouses with each other in Christ.

The Christian family is called a “small church,” because the unity of people in marriage is similar to the unity of people in the Church, the “big family,” - this is unity in love. In order to love, a person must reject his egoism and learn to live for the sake of another person. This goal is served by Christian marriage, in which spouses overcome their sinfulness and natural limitations.

There is another purpose for marriage - protection from debauchery and preservation of chastity. “To avoid fornication, each one have his own wife, and each one have his own husband” (1 Cor. 7:2). “If they cannot abstain, let them marry; for it is better to marry than to be inflamed” (1 Cor. 7:9).

Is it necessary to get married?

If both spouses are believers, baptized and Orthodox, then the wedding is necessary and obligatory, since during this Sacrament the husband and wife receive a special grace that sanctifies their marriage. Marriage in the Sacrament of Wedding is filled with the grace of God for the creation of the family as a domestic church. A lasting house can only be built on a foundation of which the Lord Jesus Christ is the cornerstone. In a Christian marriage, God's grace becomes the foundation on which the building of a happy family life is built.

Participation in the Sacrament of Marriage, as in all other Sacraments, must be conscious and voluntary. The most important motivation for a wedding should be the desire of the husband and wife to live in a Christian, evangelical manner; This is why God’s help is given in the Sacrament. If there is no such desire, but you decide to get married “according to tradition,” or because it is “beautiful,” or so that “the family will be stronger” and “no matter what happens,” so that the husband does not go on a spree, the wife does not fall out of love, or because For similar reasons, this is wrong. Before getting married, it is advisable to approach the priest for an explanation of the meaning of marriage, the necessity and importance of a wedding.

When does a wedding not take place?

Weddings are prohibited during all four multi-day fasts; during Cheese Week (Maslenitsa); on Bright (Easter) Week; from the Nativity of Christ (January 7) to Epiphany (January 19); on the eve of the twelve holidays; on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Saturdays throughout the year; September 10, 11, 26 and 27 (in connection with strict fasting for the Beheading of John the Baptist and the Exaltation of the Holy Cross); on the eve of patronal church days (each church has its own).

The days on which weddings are permitted are marked in the Orthodox calendar.

Sacrament of wedding rules and preparation

What is required to get married?

The marriage must be registered in the registry office. It is necessary to find out in advance at the church about the requirements that apply to those wishing to enter into a church marriage. In many churches, an interview is held before the wedding.

Those approaching such an important Sacrament, following the pious tradition, try to prepare themselves for participation in it, cleansing themselves through Confession, Communion and prayer.

Usually for a wedding you need to have wedding rings, icons, a white towel, candles and witnesses. Everything is clarified more specifically in a conversation with the priest who will perform the wedding.

How to sign up for a wedding?

It would be more correct not just to “sign up” for the Wedding, but first of all to learn about how to prepare for it. For this it is good to talk to a priest. If the priest sees that those who wish to enter into a church marriage are already ready for this, then they can “sign up”, that is, agree on a specific time for the celebration of the Sacrament.

How to properly confess and receive communion before the wedding?

Preparation for Confession and Communion before the wedding is the same as at any other time.

Is it necessary to have witnesses at a wedding?

Traditionally, a married couple has witnesses. Witnesses were especially needed during that historical period when church marriage had the status of an official state act. Currently, the absence of witnesses is not an obstacle to a wedding; you can get married without them.

Is it possible to get married after the birth of a child?

It is possible, but not earlier than 40 days after birth.

Is it possible for someone who has been married for a long time to get married?

It is possible and necessary. Those couples who get married in adulthood usually take their wedding more seriously than young people. The pomp and solemnity of the wedding is replaced by reverence and awe before the greatness of marriage.

Why should a wife submit to her husband?

- “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:22-23).

All people have the same human dignity. Both men and women alike are bearers of the image of God. Fundamental equality of dignity of the sexes does not abolish their natural differences and does not mean the identity of their vocations both in the family and in society. One should not misinterpret the words of the Apostle Paul about the special responsibility of the husband, who is called to be the “head of the wife,” loving her as Christ loves His Church, as well as about the call of the wife to submit to her husband, as the Church submits to Christ (Eph. 5:22-23; Col. 3:18). These words are, of course, not about the despotism of the husband or the enslavement of the wife, but about primacy in responsibility, care and love; We should also not forget that all Christians are called to mutual “submission to one another in the fear of God” (Eph. 5:21). Therefore, “neither is husband without wife, nor wife without husband, in the Lord. For as the wife is from the husband, so is the husband through the wife; yet it is from God” (1 Cor. 11:11-12).

By creating man as a man and a woman, the Lord creates a hierarchically structured family - the wife is created as a helper to her husband: “And the Lord God said: It is not good for man to be alone; Let us make him a helper suitable for him” (Gen. 2:18). “For man is not from woman, but woman is from man; and man was not created for the wife, but the woman for the man” (Cor. 11:8-9).

The family as a home church is a single organism, each of whose members has its own purpose and ministry. The Apostle Paul, speaking about the structure of the Church, explains: “The body is not made of one member, but of many. If the leg says: I do not belong to the body because I am not a hand, then does it really not belong to the body? And if the ear says: I do not belong to the body, because I am not an eye, then does it really not belong to the body? If the whole body is eyes, then where is the hearing? If everything is hearing, then where is the sense of smell? But God arranged the members, each one within the body, as He pleased. And if everyone had one member, where would the body be? But now there are many members, but one body. The eye cannot tell the hand: I don’t need you; or also head to feet: I don’t need you. On the contrary, the members of the body that seem weakest are much more necessary, and those that seem to us less noble in the body, we take more care of; and our unseemly ones are covered more plausibly, but our good-looking ones have no need for it. But God proportioned the body, instilling greater care for the less perfect, so that there would be no division in the body, but all members would equally care for each other” (1 Cor. 12:14-25). All of the above also applies to the “small church” - the family.

The headship of the husband is an advantage among equals, just as in the Holy Trinity among equal Persons, unity of command belongs to God the Father.

Therefore, the husband’s service as the head of the family is expressed, for example, in the fact that in the most important issues for the family, he makes decisions on behalf of the entire family, and also bears responsibility for the entire family. But it is not at all necessary that the husband, when making a decision, does it alone. It is impossible for one person to be an expert in all areas. And a wise ruler is not one who can decide everything himself, but one who has wise advisers in every area. Likewise, a wife may be better versed in some family issues (for example, in matters of relationships between children) than her husband, then the wife’s advice becomes simply necessary.

Does the Church allow second marriage?

However, after confirmation by the diocesan authority of the canonical grounds for divorce, such as adultery and others recognized by the Russian Orthodox Church as legal, a second marriage is permitted to the innocent spouse. Persons whose first marriage broke up and was dissolved through their fault are allowed to enter into a second marriage only on condition of repentance and fulfillment of penance imposed in accordance with the canonical rules. In those exceptional cases when a third marriage is allowed, the period of penance, according to the rules of St. Basil the Great, is increased.

In its attitude towards second marriage, the Orthodox Church is guided by the words of the Apostle Paul: “Are you united to your wife? don't look for a divorce. Are you left without a wife? don't look for a wife. However, even if you get married, you will not sin; and if a girl marries, she will not sin... A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:27-28, 39).

Can persons over 50 years of age enter into a church marriage?

Church marriage law sets the highest limit for marriage. St. Basil the Great specifies the limit for widows - 60 years, for men - 70 years (rules 24 and 88). The Holy Synod, on the basis of instructions given by Patriarch Adrian (+ 1700), prohibited persons over the age of 80 from entering into marriage. Persons aged 60 to 80 years old must seek permission from the bishop (Archpriest Vladislav Tsypin) to get married.

Questions about the Sacrament of Marriage and Wedding

HWhat is marriage in the church sense?

What is the purpose of Christian marriage? Is it just the birth of children?

Is it necessary to get married?

When does a wedding not take place?

The days on which weddings are permitted are marked in the Orthodox calendar.

What is required to get married?

Those approaching such an important Sacrament, following the pious tradition, try to prepare themselves for participation in it, cleansing themselves through Confession, Communion and prayer.

How to sign up for a wedding?

How to properly confess and receive communion before the wedding?

Preparation for Confession and Communion before the wedding is the same as at any other time.

Is it necessary to have witnesses at a wedding?

Is it possible to get married after the birth of a child?

It is possible, but not earlier than 40 days after birth.

Is it possible for someone who has been married for a long time to get married?

Why should a wife submit to her husband?

- “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, just as Christ is the head of the church” (Eph. 5:22-23).

The headship of the husband is an advantage among equals, just as in the Holy Trinity among equal Persons, unity of command belongs to God the Father.

Does the Church allow second marriage?

In its attitude towards second marriage, the Orthodox Church is guided by the words of the Apostle Paul: “Are you united to your wife? don't look for a divorce. Are you left without a wife? don't look for a wife. However, even if you get married, you will not sin; and if a virgin marries, she will not sin... A wife is bound by the law as long as her husband lives; if her husband dies, she is free to marry whomever she wants, only in the Lord” (1 Cor. 7:27-28, 39).

Can persons over 50 years of age enter into a church marriage?

Marriage and Family: An Untimely Experience of the Christian View of Things

Lecture by S. S. Averintsev, July 20, 1996, Moscow.

PHowever, the reader does not expect something like a small theological dissertation, built according to a correct, pre-prepared plan, with extracts from the Fathers of the Church and authoritative spiritual writers in the right places.

Rather, these will be confessions recorded almost without a system - and extremely personal. So personal that writing them down is not entirely easy.

The fact is that for me, as I am, the question of the experience I have lived and experienced in relation to my late parents, to my wife, to my children is too inextricably linked with another question - why, in fact, do I believe in God?

This experience for me is perhaps the most compelling proof of the existence of God.

Ask a real monk about his monasticism, a real hermit about his hermitage - and you will hear the most reliable stories about God that can ever be. God did not vouchsafe me to be either a monk or a hermit. But he vouchsafed me to be a son, a husband and a father - and from here I know what I know, which, once I know, I cannot help but know.

Therefore, for me, no worldview other than faith is convincing.

* * *

Consistently faithless consciousness, it seems, is incapable of giving any consistent answer to the question about the simplest realities of human life. For him, these realities inevitably crumble, split into their components (their flat projections), turning into some kind of dust and decisively ceasing to be realities.

Let us return, however, to the subject.

What is the reality of marriage to an unfaithful consciousness? Firstly, “sex”, “physiology”, in other words, that very “flesh” about which the French poet Mallarmé, it must be said, quite far from anything resembling Christian asceticism, noted with such truthfulness that it in itself, “alas,” is a sad thing (“La chair est triste, helas!..”) Oh, what’s good about real poets, even if they are unbelievers, is that they, being for the most part not righteous, do not participate in the advertising propaganda of hell. And whoever has not studied French, let him reread the early Akhmatova (“Oh, how my heart yearns! Am I waiting for the hour of death?”). Our contemporary, who is trying to have more fun by learning sexual techniques from books, doesn’t he reek of despondency a mile away? I don’t want to name a name in this connection, which is truly glorious, but the bachelor Immanuel Kant, poor fellow, defined marriage as a contract for the mutual transfer for use of the corresponding parts of the body; this is, without a doubt, the most unwitty and vacuous definition that ever came to the mind of this great thinker. But let's continue our list. The second point is “psychology”, that is, spontaneous emotions, which by definition are changeable and contradictory; A person “wants” the most mutually exclusive things at the same time. Emotions are just emotions: a talkative parliament in which speakers interrupt each other so much that God forbid! Not only is “psychology”, in this view, a part that has lost its whole; she herself continues to fragment into atoms of counterfeelings. The third point is “sociology”: the family as a “unit of society”. It's not tasty. The fourth point is “economics”: joint farming. So. The fifth point is “morality”. It doesn't get any easier hour by hour.

And all together - isn't it trash?

And not this - and not that - and not that.

The situation is similar with motherhood, fatherhood, and sonship. Again, “physiology” (in this case, “genetics” + “embryonics”). Again “psychology” - not least, of course, the well-known “Oedipus complex”. “Sociology” again: family education as a social institution. "Economy" again. "Moral" again.

All projections are just not the thing itself, glory to the Creator, known to me from experience. Unbelieving people are doomed to be, as an inevitable compensation, exceptionally gullible. They take drawings and diagrams, useful in business, for professional use, but meaningless outside this business, as a genuine image of reality.

But I know, I know! My experience was given to me, and it is impossible to forget it. There is nothing similar to its incomparable simplicity in the above lists. But then I hear completely different words - and I become wary, and begin to understand what I have experienced. Let's say these are the words of the Apostle Paul that all fatherhood in heaven and on earth is called from God the Father (Eph. 3:15). And about marriage: “There will be two in one flesh,” the discouraging, unexpected accuracy of these words became finally clear to me, it seems, only after my silver wedding. Not a government “unit of society”. Not a romantic “union of hearts”. One flesh.

* * *

The blessed difficulty of the family is that it is a place where each of us comes incredibly close to the most important character in our lives - the Other.

Especially for marriage, the property of the Other to be precisely the Other sharply emphasizes two prohibitions: the biblical prohibition on same-sex love and the prohibition on incest. A man must unite with a woman and accept her feminine view of things, her feminine soul - to the depths of his own masculine soul; and a woman has an equally difficult task in relation to a man. Chesterton, who praised marriage like no other, noted: by male standards, any woman is crazy, by female standards, any man is a monster, a man and a woman are psychologically incompatible - and thank God! The way it is. But this is not enough: a man and a woman creating a new family must certainly come from two different families, with inevitable differences in skills and habits, in what goes without saying - and again get used to the differences, to the slightly different meaning of the most elementary gestures , words, intonations. This is what is to become one flesh.

As for the relationship between parents and children, here, on the contrary, the unity of flesh and blood is at the beginning of the path; but the way is to cut the umbilical cord again and again. What comes out of the womb must become a person. This is a test for both parents and children: to re-accept as an Other - someone with whom they once formed one indistinguishable whole in the warm darkness of generic existence. And the psychological barrier between generations is so difficult that it competes with the abyss separating the male world from the female one, and with the moat dug between different family traditions.

Oh, this Other - he is, according to the Gospel, the Neighbor! The whole point is that we did not invent him - he inexorably, demandingly presents us with the harsh reality of his own existence, absolutely independent of our fantasies, in order to completely torment us and offer us our only chance for salvation. There is no salvation outside the Other; The Christian path to God is through one's neighbor. It is common for a pagan to seek God first of all in the wonders of the universe, in the power of the elements, in “cosmic rhythms,” as those most inclined to such a style of our contemporaries express themselves, or in the no less elemental abysses of their own subconscious, inhabited, in Jungian terms, “ archetypes." It’s not that Christians are completely forbidden to rejoice in the beauties of God’s creation; The Lord himself praised the wildflowers, surpassing the splendor of King Solomon in all his royal glory. There is no absolute prohibition on listening to the voices of your own silence; but here we are told to be careful not to fall into delusion, not to mistake the acoustic tricks of our inner emptiness for the voice of God - otherwise a terrible beast called “selfhood” will crawl out of this emptiness and devour our poor soul and lie down on her place. The twenty-fifth chapter of the Gospel of Matthew teaches us to seek God first of all - in the Neighbor: the absolute otherness of God, das ganz Andere, “completely other”, as the German religious philosopher Rudolf Otto formulated 80 years ago - in the relative otherness of the Other, the exactingness of God, - in the exactingness of the Middle. “Because you did not do it to one of the lesser powers, you did not do it to Me.” What is not done for Another in time is not done for God in eternity. Therefore, the commandment to love one’s neighbor is “similar” to the commandment to love God (Mt 22:39). But God, as noted in the 1st Epistle of John the Theologian, has never been seen by anyone; and therefore, alas, it is not difficult for us to deceive ourselves, replacing the reality of God with our own fantasy, inventing some convenient god ordered by the above-mentioned “self,” becoming attached to our dream and mistaking this attachment for holy love. With the Neighbor, with the Other, it is more difficult to do all this - precisely because he is the Other. God forbid that a young man gets into the mood to look for the “girl of his dreams”; there is a very high probability that the one who could well become joy and salvation for him is the least similar to this ghost, and the other, on the contrary, falsely orients him with a deceptive similarity. God forbid that novice parents plan future relationships with their children at a time when the latter are growing up; everything will be different. And thank God. God forbid that children, out of false piety and fantasy, endow their parents with non-existent virtues; firstly, they risk not noticing the good that exists behind such an activity, and secondly, the most unsightly person is a more adequate object for love than the most impressive idol. Our God is Existing and Living, and has no communion with imaginary things.

It is difficult for the “Self” to come to terms with the will of the Other, with the rights of the Other, with the very existence of the Other. This temptation is always ready. Who doesn’t know the textbook phrase from Sartre’s play “Locked Up”: “Hell is others”? But here is the time to remember the words of John the Theologian: “Whoever says: “I love God,” but hates his brother, is a liar; For he who does not love his brother whom he has seen, how can he love God whom he has not seen?” To seriously accept the will of God, the rights of God, the existence of God - really, it’s not easier. For our “self” it is like death. However, why “how”? Death is - without metaphors, without hyperbole.

And if the absolute otherness of God, that is, His transcendence, is for some reason easier for us to understand than the very relative, but unbearable otherness of our fellow human beings, does this not mean that the worst has happened to us: that we replaced the Living God with a fictitious God?

Protestant theologian Dietrich Bonhoeffer, who had the opportunity to practice theology mainly in the conditions of Hitler’s prison and who was hanged by the Nazis at the end of the war, said that the most impeccable way to experience the Transcendent is to accept the “I” of another. We will not discuss specifically the Bonhoefferian context of this thesis; Let us only note that the thesis is in good agreement with the above-mentioned twenty-fifth chapter of the Gospel of Matthew. There is something to think about: in the eyes of a witness to the truth of God, each other, precisely because of his otherness, gives us the experience of God; from the point of view of Sartre's character, he gives the experience of hell for the same reason. Reflecting both on this contrast and on the nature of hell, which, according to the cumulative testimony of the holy ascetic of the 7th century. Isaac the Syrian, Dostoevsky and Bernanos, consists in the tormenting and already final impossibility of responding with love to the given existence of God and the Neighbor, and over the significant fact that the same fire is both a symbol of love and a symbol of Gehenna, I once wrote then poetry. I decide to offer them to the patient reader (reminding, if necessary, that the words “hear, O Israel” - Deut. 6:4 - introduce the famous biblical confession of the unity of God, Whom we must love “with all our heart,” “with all our soul,” and “with all our strength”) . And they open with the above-mentioned quote from Sartre.

"Others are hell"; so the truth of hell

Hell confessed. Mind, understand: in another,

In everyone - another, in everyone - who

Not me, I am met inevitably

One and Only - hear,

Israel! - and leaves again and again

To His unity, and above all

Separations, divisions - that is,

What is given to another: bread and stone,

Love - and dislike. And let their darkness

Countless and crowds of these

Others; and let the earthly feeling be close

There is crampedness, and the torment of crampedness, -

He cannot deny himself: to a friend -

Both Friend and Fellowship; for dislike -

Truly Different. Love itself -

Irresistible, unbearable fire,

Tormenting the underworld. Gate

Blessed inseparability - Gehenna

There is crampedness, and the agony of crampedness.

Another - il Friend; any - or Favorite;

The enemy - or God. God cannot help but exist

And everything is in the fire of His love, and the fire

One for everyone; but hell God is hell.

* * *

Of course, everything that was said above about the blessed difficulties of family life also applies to that special kind of Christian family, which we call the monastic community. And in the circle of a monastery, the closeness and fundamental indissolubility of relationships between people can become a terrible test. And there the test is essentially saving. “He who endures to the end is saved.” Of course, there is a striking difference between the atmosphere of a monastery and the atmosphere of the most devout family; and yet the similarity between the central problem and the ways to resolve it is more significant. It is not clothes or pious gestures that make a monk; and even ascetic deeds, with all their importance, are still not as important as humility, patience, brotherly love and peace. Like the willingness to belittle oneself in front of others. Like love.

“If I give away all my possessions, and if I give up my body to be burned, but do not have love, it does me no good. Love is patient, love is merciful, love is not jealous, is not arrogant, is not arrogant, does not act disorderly, does not seek its own, is not irritated, does not count evil, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; covers everything, believes everything, hopes for everything, endures everything. Love never ends,” wrote the Apostle Paul (1 Cor 13:3-8).

And the family paradigm is also significant in relation to such a community of people, which is called the human race. This must be said without any trace of embellished sentimentality. People, of course, really are brothers; but, as Voloshin noted in his time, since the times of Cain and Abel we know very well what a brother can be for a brother. Oh, of course, we’ll say today. Brothers Serbs, brothers Bosniaks.

It is worth remembering that when Christ was asked who is a person’s neighbor, he answered with the parable of the Merciful Samaritan (Luke 10:29-37), that is, of the Merciful Foreigner. It was, we admit, quite strong: almost as if He began to speak to the Bosnians today - about the Merciful Serb or vice versa. (In Hitler's Germany, one honest priest in a sermon invited his listeners to substitute a Samaritan - a Jew) in the place of a Samaritan. Is this not seen as an extreme aggravation of the principle that was discussed above in connection with the ban on incestuous marriages and according to which we must recognize our own - precisely in the alien and alien? Let us think about the fact that in the genealogy of our Lord according to the Gospel of Matthew, only those women who came from somewhere outside are mentioned: there are no honest, respectable matrons - neither Sarah, nor Rebecca, nor Leah, nor Rachel, who are still remembered as prototypes of blessed motherhood in the rite of Orthodox marriage, however, there are at least three foreigners - the Canaanite Tamar, who disguised herself as a pagan temple harlot in order to conceive her twins from Judah, and Rahab, also a Canaanite and also a harlot from the city of Jericho, and the Moabite Ruth, who lay down in the field to to the feet of gray-haired Boaz, which was touching to the point of tears, but also quite daring. But we do not know the family and tribe of Bathsheba, wife of the Hittite Uriah; but we know its history. In general, it does not look very much like the triumph of purebredness - the Old Testament ideal of “seed of the holy” (Isaiah 6:13), “seed of the pure” (Jeremiah 2:21). And for the celebration of good behavior.

But these women represent all of humanity, with a diversity of languages, with a diversity of foundations, morals, and customs. With universal guilt, which can only be justified by the birth of Christ. Only the love of Christ can be redeemed.

* * *

Redemption, correction, justification are the key concepts of Christianity.

You see, reader: a Christian is a sensible bore, who, when he sees a clock that is not running correctly, has the trivial thought that it needs to be taken down for repairs. But ideas are possible that are much more interesting and incisive. For example: there is no right time anyway, the right time is a dogmatic and authoritarian invention. What the clock shows is one of the possible answers to the question: what time is it? Or this: a watch is an object so despicable, at least in its orientation not for eternity, but for time, that it is necessary not to repair, but to break as soon as possible.

There are two possible views on the carnal existence of man, most opposite to the Christian one. The first is neo-pagan: the sex not only does not need purification and sanctification - on the contrary, it, and only it, is capable of justifying and sanctifying everything else. Once upon a time, the romantics, including Nietzsche (who was strikingly unsuited to it), declaimed on this topic. That is why Vasily Rozanov and D.H. Lawrence devoted a lot of eloquence to her. Nowadays, the further it goes, the more it falls into the hands of efficient advertising of “girls without complexes.” The second view is neo-Manichaean: sex is so bad, essentially, ontologically bad, that it is obviously impossible to justify or sanctify it. Logically, both views seem to radically exclude each other; The point, however, is that logic is often finished off very quickly, and then both states of mind, becoming simply moods, replace each other in much the same way as euphoria and depression replace each other in a neurotic. Such an illogical pendulum of moods is extremely characteristic of the psychology of the same romanticism, which played with the contrasts of unbridled angelization and equally unbridled demonization of the erotic. This psychology smuggled its way into the Christian thought of Vladimir Solovyov, who treated marriage much more harshly than romantic and platonic love - provided it was platonistic. The Russian reader does not need to be reminded how this part of Solovyov’s legacy played out in Blok’s life and work. But Soloviev or Blok is, after all, a tragic level. In our time it is usually replaced by that simplicity that is worse than theft; but the illogical combination of incompatible things under such conditions is even more striking. I will never forget how one champion of the sexual revolution, who, in arguing with me, extremely energetically defended the sovereign and self-sufficient beauty of sex as such, at the next meeting suddenly began to scold the natural behavior of men and women, as they say, with the last words. These words, which I, reader, will not repeat, because they contradict the dignity of the subject that we are discussing, struck me not with their rudeness - nowadays we have become accustomed to many things - but only with their meaninglessness. For they could only get any meaning in the context of false asceticism, rabid hypocrisy, but certainly not in the context of praises for “free sex.” If it's so good, why on earth is it so bad (or vice versa)? But the prince of this world is experienced enough to know how little the children of this world are concerned with logic. Fashionable literature, as a rule, behaves the same way as this lady: it proceeds from the fact that everything is possible - and everything is vile. If it is vile - in relation to what point of reference, to what commandment, to what height and purity? After all, every assessment logically presupposes value; every condemnation logically presupposes law. No, they assure us: no reference points, no commandments and laws, no vertical coordinates - everything is vile, but vile “just like that”, without correlation with anything. Nothing follows from anything, nothing obliges anyone to do anything... And T. S. Eliot’s hope, looking back at Baudelaire’s example, that infernal diablerie would prove to someone by contradiction the existence of the Good seems naive. Once upon a time it happened like this: even Paul Claudel was converted to faith by reading Rimbaud, and Baudelaire, it seems, helped Eliot. But it can be proven only for those who have not yet renounced logic. Our contemporaries, alas, have more than once uncritically accepted various types of ideologies that combine the most incompatible things. They swallow this one too.

Contrary to both paganism and Manichaeism, the Christian teaching about the carnal nature of man is pure prose, disappointing the romantics. Christian intuition says that everything here is not so rosy at all - however, it is not so hopeless. Even in the best, most prosperous case, there remains an urgent need for cleansing and sanctification. Even in the most depressing case, the path of purification cannot be completely closed. Human nature is corrupted by sin much more thoroughly than the Rousseauists ever dreamed of; and yet she is precisely corrupted, and not inherently bad. Dirt, as we know, is a substance out of place; this is so literally applicable to the reality of sex that you don’t even dare to say it. The evil of godless and inhuman lust is a spiritual evil, not an essential one; it is rooted in the “self,” in egoism, in false choice, and not in ontological structures. As C.S. Lewis once pointed out, for a Christian there is no special sexual ethics - there is simply ethics, one and indivisible: let’s say, adultery is bad for the same reason that any treachery towards someone who has trusted is bad. You can’t lie, betray, you can’t assert yourself at the expense of your neighbor, you can’t get carried away with egocentric self-gratification, no matter whether it’s carnal or mental, in these relationships, as in any others. And if the Sinai Decalogue nevertheless singles out “do not commit adultery” as a separate commandment, then this is because in the case of adultery, the lie that has taken up residence in the soul corrupts the body, that is, with a special, unique completeness it infects the entire psychophysical being of a person from top to bottom. Fornication is a great sin of the soul against the body. “The body is not for fornication, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body,” said the Apostle Paul (1 Cor 6:13). It is the high dignity of the body that is for him the supreme argument against the permissibility of fornication. “Every sin that a person commits is outside the body; but the fornicator sins against his own body. Don’t you know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who lives in you, whom you received from God, and you are no longer your own?” (ibid., 18-19).

For some reason, opponents of Christianity often imagine that for Christians the source of sin is the material principle. This is, as they say, exactly the opposite. The pagan Platonists and Neoplatonists taught something more or less similar, then the same Manichaeans; but the Christians argued with them, so the Platonists reproached them - this is a paradox for modern man! - for excessive love of the body. When we carefully read the biblical texts, especially the New Testament ones, we are convinced that the word “flesh” in any odious sense is not a synonym for “bodily”, “material”. “Flesh and blood” is, so to speak, “human, too human,” only human as opposed to divine. “It was not flesh and blood that revealed this to you,” Christ says to Peter (Matthew 16:17), and this means: not your human thoughts. “Walk according to the flesh” - follow the lead of oneself, one’s “self.” “Those who live according to the flesh mind the things of the flesh” - these words of the Apostle Paul (Rom 8:5) do not contain blasphemy against the bodily dimension of human existence, but a verdict on the vicious circle of selfish self-isolation, rejecting the highest and one’s duty to it. When “flesh” in context means “body”, the negative overtones are completely absent. As the fifteenth chapter of First Corinthians explains, “not all flesh is the same flesh,” and in the resurrection of the dead man will receive spiritual flesh, a “spiritual body”; Philosophically educated pagans, accustomed, in agreement with Plato, to evaluate the body as a gloomy prison of the spirit, were amazed - why do these Christians need the resurrection of the flesh? And the supreme mystery of Christianity is called the Incarnation of God: “The great mystery: God appeared in the flesh” (1 Tim 3:16).

However, man is built vertically. Upright walking, so characteristic of human nature, with the significance of an icon or hieroglyph, elevates the forehead and eyes above the more sensual lips, the face as a whole above the chest, the heart above what Bakhtin called the “bottom of the body.” The lower is not rejected, not cursed; but it must be in obedience to the highest, it must know its place. This principle in itself characterizes not so much Christian ethics, but simply human ethics; a person is worthy of his name to the extent to which he has subordinated his body - to his spirit, his mind, his will and conscience. Any decent agnostic was always supposed to agree with this. Specific to Christianity is the tendency to directly or indirectly connect crises of the body’s obedience to the spirit with those moments when the human spirit itself consciously or unconsciously leaves obedience to the Spirit of God. From a Christian point of view, the seriousness of prodigal thoughts, unclean thoughts and conditions in which the flesh rebels against the spirit is mainly due to their significance as symptoms. When the human spirit takes, so to speak, the wrong angle in relation to its heavenly goal, when spiritual life is replaced by self-affirmation, self-indulgence and self-deception (in ascetic language - “prelest”), the likelihood is especially great that the will will suddenly give in to the most empty, the most absurd, the lowest “wants”; including a person whom everyone, including himself, was simply accustomed to considering as simply incapable of anything like that. In Leo Tolstoy's story, the same Father Sergius, who cut off his finger so as not to fall into fornication, succumbs to the most trivial temptation - but only after asceticism became false, overgrown with “human glory.” Whatever the situation with Tolstoy's heresy, the analysis of this incident is found in the most impeccable agreement with the tradition of Christian asceticism. "The fish rots from the head"; the initial corruption comes, as a rule, not from below, but from above, not from the flesh, but from the mind and spirit - when the latter becomes, in the most literal sense, an “unclean spirit.” Corruption of the flesh is, as it were, a materialization of the corruption of the spirit. Strictly speaking, gender as such - in the language of our contemporaries, sex - is an abstraction that makes sense in the context of anatomy and psychology, but is absent in the “existential” reality of man - precisely because man is a being whose bodily life can never have an innocent self-identity bodily functions of the animal. Everything in a person is spiritual, with a plus or a minus sign, without any middle; what in our time in bad Russian is usually called “lack of spirituality” is in no way a zero option, but precisely a negative value, not the absence of spirit, but its damage, rotting, decay, which infects the flesh in a secondary way. Therefore, it is not given to a person to actually become a “beautiful beast” - or at least an ugly beast; he can only become an increasingly bad person, and at the very end of this path - a demon. But this accident can only be described purely superficially, without proper theological and philosophical correctness, as a victory of matter over spirit. After all, a demon is a spiritual being, an “unclean spirit.” Gender itself, as a subject of relevant scientific disciplines, is spiritually, morally and aesthetically of no quality (this is what we wanted to say a little higher, noting that “existentially” it is something non-existent); he receives his malignancy or goodness, his curse and corruption, or, on the contrary, purification and sanctification from the outside, from other, by no means material levels of our existence.

But we are concerned with the question of purification and sanctification. As if Queen Victoria had said at a council of war in response to someone’s “in case of defeat...”: “Our Majesty is not interested in the event of defeat.” But he really is absolutely uninteresting. The sexual revolution nevertheless brought one good - according to the proverb “every cloud has a silver lining”: it finally took away from debauchery the charm of a dangerous and daring challenge, the entertainment of a hidden secret, unheard of revealing its triviality, and even creating a system of ideological clichés to protect its “rights.” , boringly predictable, like any cliché of this kind. In our time, sinners and harlots will over-hypocize any bigot, over-Pharisee any Pharisee. It would be unreasonable to rejoice at this: one of the main weapons of hell is the trivialization of temptation itself, metaphysical boredom. This is more dangerous than passion. Those overwhelmed by passions used to find the path to fiery repentance, but then the tone that made repentance possible was lost.

So, let's move on to more interesting matters.

The Apostle Paul says about a woman: “she will be saved through childbearing”; he ends the sentence by saying about both spouses: “...if they continue in faith and love and sanctification with chastity” (1 Tim 2:15). It is worth noting that in the Greek original (as well as in other ancient languages - Hebrew and Latin) the word translated as faith also means “loyalty”. Until now, in some contexts, the Church Slavonic designation for believers is “faithful” (“liturgy of the faithful”). It would hardly be prudent to say that the same word has two alternative translations: either “faith” or “loyalty.” What is called is a homonym, like “onion” - a plant and “onion” - a weapon. Well, no: the whole point is that for the Bible of the Old and New Testaments, faith is fidelity, the believer is the faithful. But this is a plot so important that it will be necessary to return to it. For now, let’s continue our review of the quoted words of the Apostle Paul.

“Saved through childbearing”: the apostle had reason to emphasize this point for the woman. Motherhood naturally occupies a much more significant place in her life than fatherhood - in the life of the most humane, kind and responsible man. Each of us, who in infancy was fed by the mother's breast and comforted by the mother's affection, received the initial initiation into the high sacraments; We forget this too easily and begin to not value it at all - but Vyach. Ivanov, who knew a lot about initiations, managed to glorify this initiation in the sonnets of his “Tender Secret”.

Dedication crowns to everyone

We were handed out - and a scroll

Read to everyone - and drink to everyone

The priests brought Lethean...

A mother who feeds and, according to a wonderful Russian popular expression, takes pity on her child, is an unworthy, but genuine image of - what? Of course, the immaculate Motherhood of the Blessed Virgin, but let us dare and take it even higher. The word, meaning in the Old Testament by the grace of God, is formed from a root meaning, in fact, the mother's womb; the memory of this is preserved in the outlandish Slavic word formation “compassion”. The prophet Isaiah, among all prophets the prophet of mercy, again and again resorts to describe God’s affection to the metamorphosis of motherhood:

"Rejoice, O heavens, and be glad, O earth,

And shout, O mountains, in rejoicing:

For the Lord has comforted his people

And He had mercy on His sufferers.

And Zion said: “The Lord has forsaken me,

And my God forgot me!

Will a woman forget her baby?

Will he not have mercy on the son of his womb?

But if she also forgot,

Then I will not forget you"

(49,13-15)

“They will carry you in their arms

And on your knees to caress;

How his mother consoles someone,

So I will console you,

And in Jerusalem you will be comforted."

(66, 12-13)

The mercy of God, according to Isaiah, is maternal, and even more maternal than maternal: “but even if she forgot, I will not forget.”

God forbid, when talking about such matters, I fall into tearful sentimentality, like the atmosphere of a painting by Jean-Baptiste Greuze. And yet it is permissible to say that some aspect of reality is adequately perceived by a dumb baby, experiencing maternal affection as the mercy of God, without yet distinguishing the image from the Prototype. At least the prophet Isaiah justifies him. Then a person learns to distinguish; he receives knowledge about his earthly mother and about his parents in general, which knowledge, even in the most gratifying case, when by earthly standards the parents have enough merit, and he has respect, is still somewhat sad in comparison with the initial experience. But God forbid he forget what he knew before any other knowledge. He knew, and cannot excuse himself by ignorance. Now the bitter experience of life may come. He has already experienced power and glory.

Traditional teachers of Christian moral theology were absolutely right when they qualified the good will to procreate as a necessary condition for the justification and sanctification of married life. This is indeed a necessary condition - but not yet sufficient. No wonder the Apostle Paul continued: “if they continue in faith and love...”

From time immemorial, people have felt: if God has sent earthly blessings, it is not a sin to sit down together at the banquet table - but under pain of shame and disgrace, it is necessary that the joint eating of food and drinks that “delights the heart of man” signifies and symbolizes something that goes far beyond the simple sensual pleasure. It should be a sign and symbol of unbreakable patriarchal peace between all who share the meal. Without this commandment, as ancient as the human race, and raised to unimaginable heights in the Christian sacrament of the Eucharist, the feast turns into an act of “gluttony”, unworthy of human dignity; the diners no longer “eat,” they “eat” and “get drunk.” The same law has even greater force when applied to the marriage bed. The most carnal caress, in order not to become an intolerable abomination, must signify and symbolize the most spiritual thing that can be: unconditional mutual forgiveness and unconditional mutual trust. Spouses who approach each other without forgiving something, hiding a stone in their bosom, practice fornication in marriage.

The most corporeal as a sign and at the same time the reality of the invisible spiritual: this is the definition of the Christian sacrament. Washing baptismal water is a sign and at the same time the reality of an invisible spiritual washing. The bodily consumption of the holy gifts is a sign and at the same time the reality of communion with the Otherworldly. The Apostle Paul also calls marriage a sacrament, even a “great” sacrament (Eph 5:32); and this is the highest that can be said about marriage. Dizzyingly high. And he adds: “I speak in relation to Christ and the Church.” The meaning of these words, which is not always understandable to modern man: at its highest point, marriage is a sign and at the same time the reality of the relationship between Christ and the church. “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her.”

The key word of the Bible is traditionally conveyed by the word “covenant”. “The Lord made a covenant with Abraham” (Genesis 15:18). “I will establish my covenant with him as an everlasting covenant” (Gen. 17:19). Actually, it means “union”, “contract”; sometimes - “marriage” (Mal. 2:14). Above all the “attributes” of God, as later reflection will express it, the Bible recognizes and praises the unshakable, diamond faithfulness of God: “The faithful God keeps His covenant.” Even the biblical word usually translated as “truth” has distinct semantic overtones of “faithfulness.” Man is called to respond to God’s faithfulness with faith and fidelity - that’s why these concepts in the Bible are identical! Otherwise, he provokes the righteous jealousy of God against himself: “The Lord is a jealous God.” The prophets never tire of describing the “covenant” between God and His people as an indissoluble marriage with an unworthy but beloved wife who will not be abandoned by Him. It is not for nothing that the Song of Songs could not but be included in the canon of the Old Testament.

“Put me like a seal on your heart,

Like a ring on your hand:

For love is strong as death,

Fierce, like hell, jealousy"

The coming of the Messiah was expected as the coming of the Bridegroom, the Beloved (Hebrew “dod”), who would conclude a New Marriage - a New Testament. It is not for nothing that Christ performed his first miracle at a wedding feast in Cana of Galilee; It is not without reason that the constant image of the fullness of times in the Gospel parables is the wedding meal.

This is what marks Christian marriage as a sacrament. It is clear that such a marriage cannot be a “practical” temporary contract. It is indissoluble in principle, and this is not because the priests wanted to torture people, but because the union of unconditional forgiveness and boundless trust is concluded only forever. Because faith and loyalty, worthy of such a name, know no end. Because the covenant of God is an everlasting covenant.

“The Lord was a witness between you and the wife of your youth,” as the prophet Malachi said in the place mentioned just above, the same one where the amazing, untranslatable expression was used, “eshet beritekha” literally “the wife of your covenant.”

Notes:

Of course, we do not mean simply a non-confessional consciousness; people turned away from confessional practice by the great temptation of confessional strife are often not only believers (to the point of being ready to seriously resist the onslaught of atheistic totalitarian ideology, as happened in the Soviet Union), but also demonstrate an example of genuine piety and reverence, and even heroic and ascetic devotion God (it’s enough to remember Simone Weil, who died unbaptized). We do not even mean a consciousness that, for one reason or another, is inclined towards purely theoretical atheism - as long as, due to blessed inconsistency in the depths of the personality, despite the superficial doctrinal theses of consciousness, some ability to comprehend the holistic experience of love is preserved; We have all, of course, seen people who for some reason consider themselves non-believers, from whom we can usefully learn love! However, we are not talking about personal phenomena, but about the internal, immanent logic of worldviews themselves, when these worldviews really determine the existence of a person from top to bottom. And we have also seen cases when doctrinal theses close the opportunity for thoughtful and consistent people to fully accept and give love. The voice of my peer, who died quite recently, still rings in my ears, a thinker very deeply wounded in his spirit by the implications of the hated, but apparently invincible for him thesis about the death of God, who said in a philosophical conversation with his naked doom: “No natural human relationships are no longer possible.” He had a wife with whom he lived all his life, he left two children...

There is one science that Plato, with his “AgewmetrhtoV oudeiV eisitw” (i.e., the prohibition to begin the study of philosophy without preliminary “geometric” studies), elevated it to the rank of an avatar of philosophy: what is now called higher mathematics. We are not sure that our considerations fully apply to her. However, when discussing the “scientific” approach to the realities of marital relationships, as well as the relationship between parents and children, mathematics is remembered only in the form of not entirely interesting humor.

Actually, in Greek di esoptrou, i.e. rather “in the mirror”, as translated by Vl. Kassian Bezobrazov.

N. Yu. Sakharova spoke well about this in one of her St. Petersburg courses.

R. Otto. Das Heilige. Cber das Irrationale in der Idee des Gottlichen und sein Verhaltnis zum Rationalen. Breslau, 1917.

“Fathers and teachers, I think: “What is hell?” I reason like this: “Suffering because one can no longer love” - and then the entire text “On Hell and Hellfire, Mystical Reasoning” (F. M. Dostoevsky. Complete Works, vol. 14, Leningrad, 1976, P. 292). Compare: Works of Abba Isaac the Syrian, ascetic and hermit. Ascetic words. Ed. 3rd, Sergiev Posad, 1911, p. 112.

See: Lexicon in Veteris Testamenti libros ed. L. Koehler, Leiden, 1985, pp. 150-152.

See: Lexicon in Veteris Testamenti libros ed. L. Koehler, pp. 66-67 (meanings are given in this order: (1) “reliability”; (2) “constancy”; (3) “fidelity”; (4) “truth”). Compare: P. A. Florensky. The pillar and ground of truth. M., 1990, pp. 21-22.

Russian Synodal translation: “your lawful wife” (Mal. 2:14) (editor’s note).

Sacrament of Marriage

From the book of Abbot Hilarion (Alfeev) - The Sacrament of Faith

LLove between a man and a woman is one of the important themes of biblical evangelism. As God Himself says in the Book of Genesis, “a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh” (Gen. 2:24). It is important to note that marriage was established by God in paradise, that is, it is not a consequence of the Fall. The Bible tells of married couples who had a special blessing from God, expressed in the multiplication of their offspring: Abraham and Sarah, Isaac and Rebecca, Jacob and Rachel. Love is glorified in the Song of Solomon - a book that, despite all the allegorical and mystical interpretations of the Holy Fathers, does not lose its literal meaning.

The first miracle of Christ was the transformation of water into wine at a marriage in Cana of Galilee, which is understood by patristic tradition as a blessing of the marriage union: “We affirm,” says St. Cyril of Alexandria, “that He (Christ) blessed marriage in accordance with the economy by which He became man and went... to the wedding feast in Cana of Galilee (John 2:1-11)."1

History knows of sects (Montanism, Manichaeism, etc.) that rejected marriage as supposedly contrary to the ascetic ideals of Christianity. Even in our time, we sometimes hear the opinion that Christianity abhors marriage and “allows” the marriage union of a man and a woman only out of “condescension for the infirmities of the flesh.” How wrong this is can be judged at least by the following statements of the holy martyr Methodius of Patara (IV century), who, in his treatise on virginity, gives a theological justification for childbirth as a consequence of marriage and, in general, sexual intercourse between a man and a woman: “...It is necessary, so that man... acts in the image of God... for it is said: “Be fruitful and multiply" (Gen. 1:28). And we should not disdain the determination of the Creator, as a result of which we ourselves began to exist. The beginning of the birth of people is the throwing of the seed into the bowels of a woman’s womb, so that bone from bone and flesh from flesh, having been taken by an invisible force, would again be formed into another person by the same Artist... This, perhaps, is indicated by the sleepy frenzy induced on the primordial (cf. Gen. 2 :21), prefiguring the pleasure of a husband during communication (with his wife), when, in the thirst for childbirth, he goes into a frenzy (ekstasis - “ecstasy”), relaxing with the soporific pleasures of childbirth, so that something that has been torn away from his bones and flesh is formed again... into another person...

Therefore, it is rightly said that a person leaves his father and mother, as if he suddenly forgets about everything at a time when he, united with his wife in the embrace of love, becomes a participant in fruitfulness, allowing the Divine Creator to take a rib from him in order to become a father himself from a son. So, if even now God forms man, is it not impudent to avert procreation, which the Almighty himself is not ashamed to perform with His pure hands?" As Saint Methodius further states, when men "throw semen into the natural female passages," it becomes "participant in the divine creative power."2 Thus, marital intercourse is seen as a divinely ordained creative act performed "in the image of God." Moreover, the sexual act is the way in which God the Artist creates.3

Although such thoughts are rare among the Fathers of the Church (who were almost all monks and therefore had little interest in such topics), they cannot be passed over in silence when presenting the Christian understanding of marriage. Condemning “carnal lust,” hedonism, leading to sexual immorality and unnatural vices (cf. Rom. 1:26-27; 1 Cor. 6:9, etc.), Christianity blesses sexual intercourse between a man and a woman within the framework of marriage.

In marriage, a person undergoes transformation, overcomes loneliness and isolation, expands, replenishes and completes his personality. Archpriest John Meyendorff defines the essence of Christian marriage this way: “A Christian is called - already in this world - to have the experience of a new life, to become a citizen of the Kingdom; and this is possible for him in marriage. Thus, marriage ceases to be just a satisfaction of temporary natural impulses... Marriage is the unique union of two beings in love, two beings who can transcend their own human nature and be united not only “to each other” but also “in Christ.”4

Another outstanding Russian pastor, priest Alexander Elchaninov, speaks of marriage as a “dedication”, a “mystery” in which there is a “complete change in a person, an expansion of his personality, new eyes, a new sense of life, birth through him into the world in a new fullness.” In the union of love between two people, there is both a revelation of the personality of each of them, and the emergence of the fruit of love - a child, turning a two into a trinity: "... In marriage, complete knowledge of a person is possible - the miracle of sensation, touch, vision of someone else's personality... Before marriage a person glides above life, observes it from the side, and only in marriage is immersed in life, entering it through another person. This enjoyment of real knowledge and real life gives that feeling of complete completeness and satisfaction that makes us richer and wiser. And this fullness deepens even more with the emergence from us, merged and reconciled, of the third, our child."5

Attaching such exceptionally high importance to marriage, the Church has a negative attitude towards divorce, as well as second or third marriage, unless the latter are caused by special circumstances, such as, for example, a violation of marital fidelity by one or the other party. This attitude is based on the teaching of Christ, who did not recognize the Old Testament regulations regarding divorce (cf. Matt. 19:7-9; Mark 10:11-12; Luke 16:18), with one exception - divorce for “the fault of fornication” (Matt. 5:32). In the latter case, as well as in the event of the death of one of the spouses or in other exceptional cases, the Church blesses the second and third marriage.

In the early Christian Church there was no special wedding rite: the husband and wife came to the bishop and received his blessing, after which the two of them received communion at the Liturgy of the Holy Mysteries of Christ. This connection with the Eucharist can also be traced in the modern rite of the Sacrament of Marriage, which begins with the liturgical exclamation “Blessed is the Kingdom” and includes many prayers from the rite of the Liturgy, the reading of the Apostle and the Gospel, and a symbolic common cup of wine.

The wedding is preceded by an engagement ceremony, during which the bride and groom must testify to the voluntary nature of their marriage and exchange rings. The wedding itself takes place in the church, usually after the Liturgy. During the sacrament, those getting married are given crowns, which are a symbol of the kingdom: each family is a small church. But the crown is also a symbol of martyrdom, because marriage is not only the joy of the first months after the wedding, but also the joint bearing of all subsequent sorrows and suffering - that daily cross, the weight of which in marriage falls on two. In an age when the disintegration of the family has become commonplace and at the first difficulties and trials spouses are ready to betray each other and break their union, this laying of martyr's crowns serves as a reminder that a marriage will only be lasting when it is not based on the immediate and fleeting passion, but on the willingness to give his life for another. And a family is a house built on a solid foundation, and not on sand, only if Christ Himself becomes its cornerstone. The troparion “Holy Martyr,” which is sung during the three-time circumambulation of the bride and groom around the lectern, also reminds us of suffering and the cross. During the wedding, the Gospel story about the marriage in Cana of Galilee is read. This reading emphasizes the invisible presence of Christ at every Christian marriage and God’s blessing of the marriage union.

In marriage, the miracle of the transfusion of “water” must take place, i.e. everyday life on earth, in “wine” is a constant and daily celebration, a feast of love from one person to another.

Notes:

1 Cyril of Alexandria. Epistle 3 to Nestorius.

2 Methodius, Bishop of Patara. Complete collection of creations. Ed. 2nd. St. Petersburg, 1905. pp. 36-37, 40.

3 N. Berdyaev. Collected works. Ed. 3rd. T. 2. Paris, 1991. P. 430

4 J. Meyendorff. Marriage: An Orthodox Perspective, ed. 2, New York, 1975, p. 17.

5 Priest Alexander Elchaninov. Records. Ed. 6th. Paris, 1990. pp. 34, 58-59.

So, the decision has been made, the application has been submitted to the registry office, and the future spouses are actively developing a plan for the upcoming wedding events. In addition to the invariable ceremonial registration, a walk with a photo shoot at local monuments and a subsequent feast, the wedding program is increasingly including the “wedding” item. One couple takes this event for granted, others cause heated arguments, and others see it as a romantic form of expressing their love. But which of the motives for consecrating a new family with a church sacrament should be considered correct?

Who can and should get married?

Wedding is one of the sacraments of the church, and, like all sacraments, can only be performed on believers, Christians. Therefore, it is unacceptable to give your future spouse an ultimatum: “if you love me, you should get married” or try to convince your loved one that “after all, this is a very beautiful ceremony, just stand next to me.” Contrary to popular belief, the Orthodox Church does not consider any unmarried marriage sinful. A marriage registered in the registry office is recognized by her as legal and worthy of respect. So, if one or both of the future spouses cannot say with certainty that the wedding is an act of faith for them, it is better to limit yourself to state registration.

At the same time, one should not think that only especially pious couples get married in church, who do not miss a single Sunday or holiday service and strictly observe all fasts. For some, the church consecration of marriage may be the first step on the path to faith. In many churches, those preparing for a wedding are now offered to take one or more conversations and read the literature about Christian marriage. All this can be used to better understand the essence of what is happening.

How much does a wedding cost?

If you come to a temple and see a “price list” next to the candle box indicating fixed amounts for performing sacraments or services, then it is better to leave this temple immediately and find another one, unless, of course, in your region one temple is not separated from another by a distance 500 km. “Price lists” are an ugly phenomenon that arose during the years of persecution of the Church due to the destruction of healthy parish and community life. Now the hierarchy of the Russian Orthodox Church is fighting against the “trade in spiritual services,” but, unfortunately, not always successfully. The amount of donation for performing the sacrament is a matter of everyone’s conscience; it cannot be the same for a couple of students who came to get married in their grandmother’s dress and on foot, and for those who spent several thousand dollars just on decorating their cars with flowers and the bride’s bouquet. But if you want not the usual parish choir of grandmothers to sing during your wedding, but, for example, a quartet from the conservatory, be prepared for the singers to name a specific amount, and this will be justified.

Wedding dress

The bride's dress can be any color. White dresses are a European tradition, symbolizing the purity and purity of the newlywed. Traditional Russian wedding attire is a red sundress. Of course, a neckline is inappropriate in a temple. The bride's arms, shoulders, back and chest should be covered. The headdress can be either a veil that covers the face or an ordinary scarf, light and elegant. When choosing a veil, you should pay attention to whether it will be convenient to put a crown on top of it, and whether any decorations will interfere. It is better to refuse a veil that is too long or fluffy - there is a high probability of burning it with burning candles. The bride should not wear bright makeup on her face; she should also avoid pretentious, unnatural manicure colors and strong-smelling perfumes. For both spouses, crosses are required, as, indeed, when performing any of the sacraments, and at every moment of a Christian’s life.

Wedding set

When you arrive at the temple for the wedding, you will need to have with you:

Marriage registration certificate
Two rings
Two icons (Savior and Mother of God)
Two candles (wedding, usually with decorations)
Towel (preferably light)
Wine (Cahors)
Immediately before the wedding, the marriage registration certificate will need to be handed over to the candle box, where they will write out a wedding certificate for you, and the rest will need to be handed over to the altar for consecration and preparation for the sacrament. It should be borne in mind that the wedding towel will remain in the temple and will be used for church needs. You will keep your wedding candles at home in the holy corner behind the icons.

Who to choose as best man

Two witnesses, also called best men, will be required - they will hold the crowns during the sacrament. As a rule, newlyweds assign this role to their best friends. But be merciful to them - be sure to take into account their height and physical endurance. Holding a heavy metal crown at arm's length for quite a long time is not an easy task. Once I had to observe the following picture: a miniature, fragile bridesmaid no taller than one and a half meters tall, standing on tiptoes, holding a crown in her outstretched arms over a very tall newlywed, who was also wearing high-heeled shoes.

Question from Elizabeth: Quite recently, my beloved and I got married and started a family, but his parents are very religious and insist on getting married in the Church. But no one can really explain to me what this will give, why we need to get married. Personally, esotericism is closer to me, when you can understand at least some meanings, and not just blindly follow traditions, even good ones. If you can, help me figure out whether it’s worth getting married, I beg you. Best regards, Elizaveta.

Let's try, Elizabeth. In fact, everything is not quite complicated. Of course, every ritual, religious or otherwise, has its own spiritual meaning. Which, by the way, is not always obvious and understandable from the definitions that are given to these rituals. Therefore, let's try to understand the very essence and understand what is really important and what is of secondary importance in a marriage.

Sacrament of Wedding. Generally accepted definitions

1. Wedding among the Slavs is one of the culminating rituals of the wedding ceremony that formalizes the marriage, along with betrothal, wedding night, etc. The ritual combines a whole series of ritual and magical actions aimed at ensuring a happy and lasting marriage, prosperity and economic well-being, health and long life, predicting future births, leadership in the family, and the marriage of the bride’s friends.

2. Wedding is a sacrament of the Church, in which God gives to future spouses, upon their promise to remain faithful to each other, the grace of pure unanimity for a joint Christian life, the birth and raising of children.

Those wishing to get married must be believing baptized Orthodox Christians. They must deeply understand that the unauthorized dissolution of a marriage approved by God, as well as the violation of the vow of fidelity, is an absolute sin.

Now let's understand the essence of the Wedding:

Let me remind you of the common, both religious and esoteric truth that marriages take place in Heaven! Two Souls - two halves, if they deserve each other - meet on Earth and a union, a family, is created. Such a union is initially blessed, if people are given a true feeling of Love. That’s why wise people say “God crowns.” And the church’s traditional wedding ritual can only serve as a strengthening, and then only if the newlyweds themselves, with all their hearts, truly strive to live and build a family according to the spiritual law.

By and large, a Wedding is a spiritual ritual for newlyweds to receive blessings from the Higher Powers to create and develop a family, to live together in harmony and honesty, to raise children as worthy individuals, etc. Ideally, the wedding ritual strengthens the feelings of the newlyweds, the qualities of fidelity and mutual understanding, and enhances the energy of the future family.

If this ritual is carried out in the Orthodox Church, this means that this blessing and patronage is given to the young family by Christian Patrons (Saints, etc.), Christian.

All this is of course wonderful, but let's see what actually happens!

In reality, and this has always been the case, whether the wedding took place or not, the family will be strong and happy only if both spouses are worthy in all respects, if they do not grossly violate moral laws. And if the spouses begin to quarrel godlessly and destroy their feelings with insults and hatred, do not want to negotiate, forgive, seek a compromise, go to the left and fall into lust - no Wedding will help them, even if it is performed by Jesus Christ himself. It is always in the power of the people themselves, it is everyone’s choice - to be a worthy or vile person.

And then, even if two people during the wedding itself received the high and bright protection of God and the Higher Powers, they, with the same success, through their disgusting behavior and sin, can just as quickly lose this support and protection as they found it. When a person consciously begins to do evil - destroy, commit violence, betray, substitute, etc. this inevitably leads to him being taken under their black wing. And as punishment for his sins, he is deprived of protection until he realizes and atones for his.

Like this. If people are not initially raised as worthy and spiritual, if they do not have a moral core and they do not strive to form it in themselves, no wedding will save their union from collapse.

So, is it necessary to get married in the Church?

This also depends on why you and your loved one are creating a family. If it is important for you to build a worthy family and raise your children as worthy, strong, honest and noble people, if you place spiritual laws and principles of honor at the basis of your family, a wedding can strengthen your union and contribute to the achievement of your common goal.

And if you flatter yourself that going through the wedding ritual will somehow make up for your spiritual inadequacy and automatically protect the marriage from your own vices and weaknesses, such as the desire to go to the left, etc. – you are deeply mistaken, this will not help. God helps only those who try, only those who fight for faith, spiritual law, for their soul and the well-being of loved ones, for purity of conscience and other noble values. And for those who are trying to shift all responsibility onto Him, not wanting to develop independently, work on themselves, cope with their weaknesses and negativity, it helps to create such living conditions in which a person can no longer be lazy and stupidly ignore accumulated problems, trying to escape from them. . These are often intolerable living conditions.

A wedding will only help those who strive with all their soul to know and observe the foundations that are laid in it. The only way!

But on the other hand, if you and your spouse were given to each other by Fate (for love), and you sincerely want to build a worthy family based on honesty and love, then you can easily turn to God and the Powers on your own from a pure heart Light so that they bless your marriage. And this can be done without any wedding. Although it may be useful for some people to go through and experience a traditional external ritual. But, in fact, if your spiritual impulse is pure, believe me, you will be heard by Heaven and will receive due protection and support for your wonderful goal, regardless of whether you got married or not.

So, as always, the choice is yours!

And if you want to find out more precisely whether your marriage is blessed by God, or what needs to be done to make it blessed, the best thing I can recommend to you is to work individually with a good one. The healer will almost instantly be able to tell what kind of protection your future family has, and what needs to be done so that the Light Forces take your union under their beautiful white wing.

I will be happy to answer any questions you may have or provide contact information for a good Healer.