Photo: photosavvy / Flickr / CC-BY-ND-2.0
It gets easier with each next one
As experienced parents say, the most difficult thing is the first child. Life changes overnight once and for all, and you have to get used to not only physical difficulties - lack of proper sleep, possible problems at breastfeeding, but also to psychological ones: a feeling of helplessness when your child is crying and you cannot calm him down, or for the first time he has heat, the fact that your life for some time does not belong to you. With subsequent children, as a rule, it may be more difficult physically, but mentally it is usually easier.
“One child, in my experience, requires more time, two of them play, and then three or even four,” says Natalya, mother of four children.
“When there were three of them, everything turned out to be as simple as shelling pears. They are already looking out for each other,” Elena echoes her.
Give birth on time
The mothers I interviewed agree that the ideal gap with three children is at least two, and preferably three years, between the births of each. Not only that female body will be able to recover, and grown-up children will demand at least a little, but less attention in everyday life.
“You certainly understand how to behave, how to teach a baby to sleep on playgrounds, feed, organize sleep, etc. But life constantly throws up surprises, and if the first two were more or less calm babies, it is not a fact that the third will be as lucky. And now you, already an experienced mother, do not understand at all what is happening and what to do. Therefore, it is important that the first two can independently entertain themselves and each other, go to the garden and school, wipe their own butts and, ideally, even find food in the refrigerator and warm it up,” advises Ekaterina, mother of three children.
“It seems like I have an ideal difference - 10 years, 7 and almost 3 years, and the eldest immediately, as soon as the youngest was born, clung to him and takes care of him to this day,” says Anastasia.
Proper organization
Systems, plans and lists are our everything! It’s worth finding out which of the principles of time management is right for you - the fifteen-minute system from flylady (every day 15 minutes of cleaning one of the rooms), planning a menu for the week and purchasing products according to the list, making to-do lists for the week and day in a separate notebook or application on the phone, lists of basic dishes... Also among popular tips: a sling or backpack for a younger child, a mat-bag for toys, freezing food and semi-finished products. And, of course, everyone unanimously recommends, if possible, making life easier with the help of household appliances - a multicooker, dishwasher, washing machine with dryer, robot vacuum cleaner. Also, try to achieve maximum agreement between the children’s schedules: if all three sleep during the day, then at least at the same time.
Allocate resources and attention
All children need attention, love and hugs. And the eldest, who probably still remembers what it was like to be the only child in the family, and the middle, and the youngest. Some mothers even specifically prescribe certain items when drawing up a plan for the day: read a fairy tale to the eldest, play trains together with the middle one. Well, the youngest gets attention in any case, by right of minority. And here, too, they advise not to overdo it.
“The elders grow up more conscious and responsible; in such a situation, it is the third who most often grows up to be an egoist - he is the youngest, he can do anything. The most difficult thing is to put him in his place, this unexpected gift of fate. Therefore, we must not forget to hug, kiss and squeeze the elders, and let this petty tyrant know that he is not the only favorite in the family,” advises Lydia.
“When the eldest grows up, there will be an assistant”?
Of course, children from a certain age should have certain household responsibilities. But it is categorically not recommended to make elders nannies: it is unlikely that this will have a good effect on the relationship between children in the future, and in general it may be unsafe. If children want to tinker with the youngest - please, no - that means no.
“The main thing is not to shift your responsibilities to your elders; any care for the baby should be a joy for them, and not a chore. For example, my four-year-old daughter decided that she could replace her two-year-old’s mother during my absence. And organized this role-playing game: leads him by the hand, looks after him, looks after him. He’s not happy, of course, sometimes he grabs her by the hair and hits her on the head, and I explain to her: you’re a mother, and a mother sometimes has to put up with her children, explain to them what’s possible and what’s not. The six-year-old son is very worried that he is the eldest, and he seems to have responsibility, so sometimes he is allowed to be a kid, for example, in a game of mother-daughter with his younger sister. They understand that this is a game, but they feel that they are kids too, that they love them no less,” says Ekaterina.
Ask for help
However, you still need help. Grandmothers, retired neighbors or students, nannies, cleaners who come once a week or two - depending on your comfort and financial capabilities.
“Nannies are vital. Grandmothers are not like that. Grandmothers will rinse your brains with their extensive knowledge, and you won’t get away with it, because “look what a son I raised!” The nanny will do as much as possible as you tell her, as a rule, she will be as polite as possible, which will certainly help the children grow up moderately normal and healthy, which is practically impossible if a grandmother takes on the child with all the enthusiasm of a pensioner,” – says Irina, mother of triplets.
Involve children in your interests and don't listen to anyone
Don’t give up meeting with friends - spend them in centers with game rooms or family cafes, go on weekends to those museums that are primarily interesting to you. Don’t forget about joint sports activities with children, drawing, acting, foreign language courses for children and adults; in some theaters you can leave your child in the play area during the performance.
And finally, advice from Irina, the mother of not just three children, but triplets:
“The advice is very simple: do not listen to neighbors, relatives and other well-wishers, but listen to your heart and try not to cry, even if you really want to. Everyone around will know how to do it, and the poor bullied mother will definitely do everything badly, in their opinion. You need a lot, a lot of patience and strong nerves. You have to think positively: someday they will grow up, get married and leave your home, and these are all temporary difficulties.”
Photo: photosavvy / Flickr / CC-BY-ND-2.0
It gets easier with each next one
As experienced parents say, the most difficult thing is the first child. Life suddenly changes once and for all, and you have to get used not only to physical difficulties - lack of proper sleep, possible problems with breastfeeding, but also to psychological ones: the feeling of helplessness when your child is crying and you cannot calm him down, or he has for the first time a high temperature, to the fact that your life does not belong to you for some time. With subsequent children, as a rule, it may be more difficult physically, but mentally it is usually easier.
“One child, in my experience, requires more time, two of them play, and then three or even four,” says Natalya, mother of four children.
“When there were three of them, everything turned out to be as simple as shelling pears. They are already looking out for each other,” Elena echoes her.
Give birth on time
The mothers I interviewed agree that the ideal gap with three children is at least two, and preferably three years, between the births of each. Not only will the female body be able to recover, but older children will require at least a little, but less attention in everyday life.
“You certainly understand how to behave, how to teach a baby to sleep on playgrounds, feed, organize sleep, etc. But life constantly throws up surprises, and if the first two were more or less calm babies, it is not a fact that the third will be as lucky. And now you, already an experienced mother, do not understand at all what is happening and what to do. Therefore, it is important that the first two can independently entertain themselves and each other, go to the garden and school, wipe their own butts and, ideally, even find food in the refrigerator and warm it up,” advises Ekaterina, mother of three children.
“It seems like I have an ideal difference - 10 years, 7 and almost 3 years, and the eldest immediately, as soon as the youngest was born, clung to him and takes care of him to this day,” says Anastasia.
Proper organization
Systems, plans and lists are our everything! It’s worth finding out which of the principles of time management is right for you - the fifteen-minute system from flylady (every day 15 minutes of cleaning one of the rooms), planning a menu for the week and purchasing products according to the list, making to-do lists for the week and day in a separate notebook or application on the phone, lists of basic dishes... Also among popular tips: a sling or backpack for a younger child, a mat-bag for toys, freezing food and semi-finished products. And, of course, everyone unanimously recommends, if possible, making life easier with the help of household appliances - a multicooker, dishwasher, washing machine with dryer, robot vacuum cleaner. Also, try to achieve maximum agreement between the children’s schedules: if all three sleep during the day, then at least at the same time.
Allocate resources and attention
All children need attention, love and hugs. And the eldest, who probably still remembers what it was like to be the only child in the family, and the middle, and the youngest. Some mothers even specifically prescribe certain items when drawing up a plan for the day: read a fairy tale to the eldest, play trains together with the middle one. Well, the youngest gets attention in any case, by right of minority. And here, too, they advise not to overdo it.
“The elders grow up more conscious and responsible; in such a situation, it is the third who most often grows up to be an egoist - he is the youngest, he can do anything. The most difficult thing is to put him in his place, this unexpected gift of fate. Therefore, we must not forget to hug, kiss and squeeze the elders, and let this petty tyrant know that he is not the only favorite in the family,” advises Lydia.
“When the eldest grows up, there will be an assistant”?
Of course, children from a certain age should have certain household responsibilities. But it is categorically not recommended to make elders nannies: it is unlikely that this will have a good effect on the relationship between children in the future, and in general it may be unsafe. If children want to tinker with the youngest - please, no - that means no.
“The main thing is not to shift your responsibilities to your elders; any care for the baby should be a joy for them, and not a chore. For example, my four-year-old daughter decided that she could replace her two-year-old’s mother during my absence. And she organized a kind of role-playing game: she leads him by the hand, looks after him, looks after him. He’s not happy, of course, sometimes he grabs her by the hair and hits her on the head, and I explain to her: you’re a mother, and a mother sometimes has to put up with her children, explain to them what’s possible and what’s not. The six-year-old son is very worried that he is the eldest, and he seems to have responsibility, so sometimes he is allowed to be a kid, for example, in a game of mother-daughter with his younger sister. They understand that this is a game, but they feel that they are kids too, that they love them no less,” says Ekaterina.
Ask for help
However, you still need help. Grandmothers, retired neighbors or students, nannies, cleaners who come once a week or two - depending on your comfort and financial capabilities.
“Nannies are vital. Grandmothers are not like that. Grandmothers will rinse your brains with their extensive knowledge, and you won’t get away with it, because “look what a son I raised!” The nanny will do as much as possible as you tell her, as a rule, she will be as polite as possible, which will certainly help the children grow up moderately normal and healthy, which is practically impossible if a grandmother takes on the child with all the enthusiasm of a pensioner,” – says Irina, mother of triplets.
Involve children in your interests and don't listen to anyone
Don’t give up meeting with friends - spend them in centers with game rooms or family cafes, go on weekends to those museums that are primarily interesting to you. Don’t forget about joint sports activities with children, drawing, acting, foreign language courses for children and adults; in some theaters you can leave your child in the play area during the performance.
And finally, advice from Irina, the mother of not just three children, but triplets:
“The advice is very simple: do not listen to neighbors, relatives and other well-wishers, but listen to your heart and try not to cry, even if you really want to. Everyone around will know how to do it, and the poor bullied mother will definitely do everything badly, in their opinion. You need a lot, a lot of patience and strong nerves. You have to think positively: someday they will grow up, get married and leave your home, and these are all temporary difficulties.”
The first shock passed. Thank you all for your support.
The main thing is that constructive thinking has returned.
1) I agreed at work with my boss (luckily for me, she also happened to be pregnant and easily accepted my position) that I would be paid maternity benefits based on my full salary - a total of 6.5 months in case of twins. This money will be enough for about 1.5 years, taking into account that my current nanny-assistant will be left to pick up the child after kindergarten and take him to courses and for one trip in the summer with the whole family somewhere, apparently not far away - I don’t want to take the kids to the sea. There is also a dacha of 24 acres, where children will have freedom. It’s a bit far, it’s true, but the air is clean;
2) In 1.5-2 years I still want to go to work. For now, my current salary is enough for both a housekeeping assistant and a nanny. Nobody, of course, knows what will happen in 2-3 years. But I hope that it will be enough even after these few years.
3) I came up with the idea of renting out my apartment in Moscow and renting in the Moscow region - the difference is significant. And this money will again go to the budget. All that remains is to look for a decent school and choose an area.
4) I am establishing friendly relations with my husband. I involve you in finding a school for your child, choosing a doctor, or a maternity hospital. I discussed his duties after my birth. He says he is ready to help. Today I sent him for an interview - I hope they will take him. If I can arrange it with my input, it will be easier to agree on a part of the salary that he will give to the children. But yesterday he confirmed his intention to earn money and help us with money. We continue to live separately. I plan to continue to maintain friendly relations with him - in this case, this is the most optimal for now.
5) I agree with the grandmothers about what kind of help someone can provide - sit, take a walk. I draw up schedules and listen to wishes. Of course, I won’t force anyone. I don’t want to throw my problems onto other people’s shoulders. But they seem to want to help. God grant that the desires do not dry up.
6) Friends are collecting dowries for their children. There seems to be a lot of things being collected. This expense item is slowly disappearing. What a blessing to have friends!
Thanks to all those who supported me here. It really helped me get my fighting spirit back and keep moving forward. Thank you for your positive feedback, kindness and honesty. You helped me get out of a state of depression that threatened to become chronic. Thanks again everyone!!!
Separately, I would like to say a few words to people who, apparently, find some kind of sadistic pleasure in blaspheming, condemning, rude, uncivilized and insulting someone without really understanding the situation. This only speaks of your limitations, stupidity and anger. Fortunately, there are not many of you here. Let me remind you that the topic of this topic does not include a discussion of the reasons that led to this situation. Believe me, if I wanted to ask you about this, I would have done it. But I am not interested in your opinion on this matter. I only briefly described the situation to make the picture more complete and eliminate some additional questions. Everything is not as obvious as it seems to your meager mind. If you want to take out your anger on this world, choose another place. And if you have nothing to say on the topic of the topic, get out of here. I am sure that for people who are so filled with anger and rudeness, things themselves are not so smooth in this life.
When you only have one child, you are often very tired. Because this jump - from not one child to one - is the most difficult. The second, third - that's another story, too much is clear there. And with the first one, it’s often just a jump. Into emptiness.
I once thought that with two children it was twice as difficult, with three – three times more difficult. I was wrong. It turned out that the most difficult thing is the first time.
When the first child is born, we sacrifice our whole lives to him, we try to do everything right, ideally. That is, our sacrifice is much more than necessary.
At the same time, I really want to leave room for my hobbies. And we are looking for opportunities to do what we like, but without him. We wait for him to fall asleep (frantically counting the minutes), asking one or two to sit with him. And his dream is worth its weight in gold to us. Every minute. That's why we try to put him to bed early and sleep longer. And if he doesn’t fall asleep, it becomes a tragedy.
Our desires are not so complex and strange. We want to calmly drink tea with buns, chat with friends, go somewhere with them, with our husband, and continue doing what we love. And the baby doesn't fit into this. As it seems to us. Then we organize life around it. Around his regime, his needs, his desires. In this, completely losing myself.
Of course, it’s hard - I remember this from myself. He should fall asleep an hour after waking up - but he doesn’t sleep! So what should I do? Rock! You rock for two hours and sleep for forty minutes. Tired, irritated... you sit at home with him, because wherever you go with him, he’s not even sitting yet. And my husband attends other people’s weddings! Therefore, for a long time it seemed to me that one child would be enough for me.
I didn’t have time to do anything - although I wanted so much! I had to work - that’s what I thought I had to do. I wanted so many things! I couldn’t even really leave the house - Danya hated walks, the stroller was heavy, the fourth floor had no elevator! Therefore, I sat at home, counted his dreams, food, followed the schedule, introduced complementary foods - well, it must have been interesting and varied at some point! In general, I did a lot of unnecessary things, in vain, and this made me even more tired.
Now I have three of them. I can do everything I want. Sometimes even more. Sometimes less. Sometimes - nothing. I just live with the children. The way it turns out today. Something has changed in my head that makes raising a third child easier. Millions of times. This attitude “What can I do without a child?” has changed. to “How can I do this to him?”
There are no things that I refused this time. I am not on a diet, although I am breastfeeding. For the first time I sat on only buckwheat - and the child’s stomach hurt constantly for the first six months. Now I eat everything - and there are no rashes or colic (only the first month suffered a little). We traveled throughout the pregnancy - until 36 weeks. And only three weeks before the birth they landed temporarily. After the birth, it took time to process documents and visas. But in his three months we flew off into summer again.
We just built it into our regular lives. And he's not bored. There are always brothers and parents around. And he's interested. He swims in the pool even when the water is cold. Previously, I would have sat on the shore and been sad that everyone but me was in the water. Now we have found a way out - a circle around the neck - and into the water with everyone. I'm nearby, but at this time I'm swimming. It's the same everywhere. The sling frees my hands - and we can walk like before, go to the shops. There is nothing that I would deprive myself of.
When he doesn't sleep, he's next to me. While I cook, clean, communicate with his brothers, with my husband. He is with us all the time, he is not the navel of the universe. He is another little person in our family. The smallest. Who can still be cuddled, who still sleeps a lot, laughs contagiously and has a deep, all-penetrating gaze.
Once a day I go for a walk - aka sports exercises - alone. Without anyone. Although she could do it in a sling. And probably, if necessary, I will do so. Half an hour is enough for me to study and get bored. And my husband copes with three quite calmly for half an hour.
There is nothing that I can look at and lick my lips. Worry that because of him I can’t do this. You can do anything with a child - I am convinced of this. And he is calmer, he only cries for reasons. Not in his arms all the time, he often lies on the mat and trains. And around him events and activities unfold, life is in full swing.
So yes, it’s easier with three. Because the elders, with their mere presence, fascinate the baby and occupy his attention - even if they do not address him directly. Because I already have experience and understanding of what not to do. And because it is no longer possible to build the whole world around a baby - who doesn’t need it.
And when the house suddenly becomes quiet - for example, the elders leave with dad to go to the store, Luka and I feel sad, and even uneasy. When you already have three children and are left with one child, you end up in a sanatorium. This is both pleasant and useful. But at the same time, it’s boring. I love our noise and din so much, when there is a lot of children's laughter, voices, and songs in the house. Yes, there are fights, and tears, and bruises, and insults. It doesn't bore me, it's a continuation of the joyful part of motherhood.
For me, a large family is happiness. When everyone is so different, but together. And they love each other. When the elder kisses the baby. When the middle brother hugs his older brother before going to bed. When the baby coos and laughs at his middle brother's songs. When we are all lying in bed together, dad and the elders are fighting, and the baby and I are watching and smiling. When we all swim together. Or we go to the bathhouse. Or we receive guests. Or we're going somewhere. Or we just eat ice cream, and the baby looks at us from his lounge chair.
For me, happiness looks like this. And with each subsequent child it becomes easier and more interesting.
Olga ValyaevaThere is a fashion for the number of children - no matter how strange it may sound. At the beginning of the 20th century, a family with one child was rare. Half a century later, a family with two children has become a familiar picture. In the heady 90s, few parents decided to have more than one child. And three offspring is heroism! The turbulent years smoothly turned into stable ones, although at times crisis ones. True, for some reason it confuses me: why? How did this happen? What guided the husband and wife when they had “so many” children?..
According to experienced parents, psychologists, and teachers, the biggest revolution in family relationships produces the birth of the first-born: the difference between zero and one in this matter is enormous, one might say, fundamental. Whole life changes: not only is there a shake-up in everyday life (lack of sleep, diapers, rompers, walks, children's clinics), but also a change in priorities - older family members have to take into account the interests of the “newcomer” and sometimes sacrifice their own.
With a second child, experience certainly helps, and yet the appearance of a younger child in the family raises a wave of new concerns and difficult questions. Redistribution of parents' attention, division of toys and children's property, jealousy, disorder in the apartment. For the firstborn, the birth of a brother or sister is also a test: he has ceased to be the center of the universe. And yet, a brother or sister is for life. He or she will be a support and support when parents are gone, best friend who knows what kind of person you really are.
Mothers with many children unanimously declare: the appearance of a third child in the family does not fundamentally change anything in it. Life has long been restructured to suit the needs of children; by the time the third is born, the “childfree” lifestyle with nightclubs and endless parties, as a rule, is long gone. There are enough things (clothes, shoes, toys); Parental experience is also enough not to frequent pediatricians because of banal colds and scratches.
Of course, the appearance of a third person brings certain specifics to the life of the family:
- the middle child becomes - the time has come for him to feel jealousy, and mom and dad are no longer as concerned about this problem as they were at the birth of the second;
- you will have to think about whether it will fit in your family car;
- the youngest baby, and the older ones already have to take the children to clubs and sections, we have to develop non-standard approaches to time management.
Of course, a lot depends on the age difference between the children - the greater it is, the easier it is for parents to cope purely physically. But even with a small difference (2-3 years), sooner or later parents of three discover that two (and then three) can solve many issues on their own. In general, life is getting better. True, this does not happen overnight...
Why do people give birth to a third child?
Mothers of three children often note that others are ready to suspect them of any kind of “crime” due to the appearance of a third child in the family. Speculations arise about an unplanned pregnancy, medical conditions, a desire to give birth to a third child for a new husband, an attempt to “shake out” benefits from the state (an apartment, a plot of land, etc.). For some reason, people are not ready to accept the simple idea that a child can be born not for any purpose, but simply to love him.
By the way, what benefits are we talking about?
According to Russian legislation, families with three or more children, including adopted children, those under guardianship (trusteeship) and those under the age of 18 (if they undergo training, the age increases) are classified as large families. The state really expresses its readiness to help large families - they are entitled to various rights and benefits: discounts for the use of utilities, free travel for children on city buses. public transport and a discount on intercity transport, free meals for children in educational institutions, priority admission to schools and provision of vouchers to sanatoriums, etc.
Parents who decide to have three or more children are provided with garden plots and are given the right to flexible forms of employment (for example, part-time work), priority training or retraining. According to Federal law“On state support large families", parents of three or more children can receive a one-time preferential loan or an interest-free loan for the construction or purchase of housing (Article 5, paragraph 1, paragraph 8); receive housing as a matter of priority, free of charge, in houses of state and municipal housing funds - if they prove that they need to improve their living conditions and fit the vague wording “meet additional conditions established by local governments” (Article 5, paragraph 1, paragraph 9 ).
The same law “On State Support...” invites parents of large families to engage in small business or farming and promises state support. Thus, they can receive a one-time plot of land to create a peasant (farm) enterprise, small and other enterprise - and at the same time tax benefits (Article 5, paragraph 1, paragraph 11), or receive a one-time preferential loan or an interest-free loan in priority for the purchase of machinery, equipment, road transport and for other purposes related to the creation and development of peasant (farm) enterprises (Article 5, paragraph 1, paragraph 12).
Parents with many children note that in Everyday life Benefits such as exemption from transport tax and the right to free parking in the center of Moscow, preferential entry to the zoo and some museums are useful.
But of course, people don’t give birth to children for dubious benefits! Many benefits in reality turn out to be a “pleasant trifle” and cannot seriously help a large family financially. All benefits need to be applied for, defending everyone’s “favorite” queues at government agencies and proving one’s “large family”, and some (like the right to free parking) then have to be confirmed and reissued annually... No benefits are worth going to the birth of a second child for. , third and subsequent children.
The President and people's representatives in the State Duma are increasingly expressing the opinion that families with three children have become the norm, and therefore should no longer be considered large families. Rumors are being spread from mouth to mouth and on the Internet that the “large family norm” will be raised to 4 children from the beginning of next year, 2016 (there are no such bills yet). Most likely, these are unfounded statements: families with three children are still far from the “norm”. They are still quite rare and, although they are no longer perceived with hostility by others, they have not at all become models to follow. And the people’s representatives themselves are in no hurry to “follow the norms” and have more than 1-2 children.
So why do parents “decide on a third”?
If you try to formulate the answers logically and sort them into pieces, you will get the following reasons:
Love for little children
When older children grow up and enter schools and kindergartens, mothers and fathers feel longing and the need to be vital to someone, the desire to “cuddle” a fragrant, plump baby.
Communication and clannishness
Parents strive to create a “clan” so that their children are friendly, and there are many of them. Children from large families do not experience a lack of communication.
Desire to have a child of a different gender
If the two older children are same-sex, then many families decide on a boy/girl.
"Last chance"
Some women, reaching the age of 40, realize that they will soon no longer be able to become mothers and give birth to a third, late child in order to again feel like women, keepers of the hearth, givers of life.
Whatever the rational reasons, often parents simply want to give birth and love another child - because they can, because they have the mental strength and desire to do so.
Three children is great and not at all as difficult as it might seem from the outside. All the difficulties and troubles are more than compensated by the happiness that children bring to the family. There are many myths around having many children, which life smashes to dust. Any mother (of two, three, or more children) will confirm that it is only difficult when the children have a small age difference (less than 2 years), and while all the children are small. As children grow older, it becomes easier. If the difference is 5-6 years, then the difficulties of raising children are not felt so acutely.
In many “multiple children” situations, you can find advantages: for example, when the eldest son goes to school, the second goes to kindergarten, and a baby appears in the family, then the mother, looking after the baby at home, can help the eldest more with his studies; There is no need for after-school care, just as there is no need for a nanny for a kindergartener while he is sick.
Children's jealousy is more frightening. If you prepare properly and behave correctly, jealousy can be minimized and even avoided altogether.
It turns out that the question of the birth of a third child for some of us (simply due to internal prerequisites and personal characteristics) is essentially no different from the question of the birth of the first. If for a woman the role of wife and mother comes first, then with the birth of children she ceases to be tormented by questions about the meaning of life and her purpose and knows exactly why and for whom she lives. The question “why give birth - first, second, third” simply does not arise.
- According to a VTsIOM poll conducted in May 2014, 53% of Russians believe that a family should have two children, but only 38% have that many children. 28% of respondents declared the desirability of three children in a family, but only 8% put their ideas into practice. 10% of Russians are confident that one child is enough (among residents of capital cities there are statistically more families with one child). In general, Russians adhere to patriarchal views - only 1% of respondents suggested that a family could exist harmoniously without children at all.
- Why do Russians think people have children? Among the answers are concern for procreation (36%), caring for children as the meaning of life (19%), children as the main goal of marriage (14%), hope for support in old age (9%), and simply happiness (6%).
- Why then don't people have children? 31% of Russians simply have no idea why. Another 18% suggested that there is not enough money for children, 14% - that there is too much selfishness. The answers also included poor health (10%), inability to have children (9%), personal choice, beliefs (7%), and fear of responsibility (6%).
- In 2015, 18,000 mothers in Moscow gave birth to their third or more children.
- In 2009, the Order of “Parental Glory” was established in Russia (for parents and adoptive parents who raised 7 or more children). Since its inception, 281 families have been awarded this distinction. In 2014, 20 families received the order. In 2015, 25 families have already been awarded, including two single parents.
- According to the Association of Large Families of Moscow, there are 104,088 families registered in the capital with the status of large families, of which 125 are raising 10 or more children.
