When you are driven by your emotions, it can seriously impact your ability to act and think clearly in critical situations. Ways to help you keep your emotions in check when you need to be cool.
Emotions play an important role in our lives. They are the senses of our psyche, and are just as powerful as our physical senses. Your emotions tell you what you like and don't like, what you want and what you don't want, and because they deliver such important messages, you need to be aware of and accept your feelings. However, when you are driven by your emotions, it can seriously impact your ability to act and think clearly in important situations. Here are some ways to help you keep your emotions in check when you need to be at your best.
1. Train your brain
1.1 Accept life as it is. This does not mean that life is not fair, terrible, magnificent or rosy, it is what it is. There is no need to try to change it. You exist, and so does she. There's nothing scary or romantic about it. This is something you need to learn. When there is nothing scary and nothing makes sense, then emotions gradually recede.
Really, what good is showing emotion? Love? This feeling. It is ubiquitous and not at all unique. And often behind love lies selfishness or sexual motivations. Children? They can do just as well without us. Convince yourself that there is no point in all this, that life is simple - and then it will become much easier for you.
1.2 Think about society, not yourself. It's much harder to be caught up in your emotions when you're focused on others. In a highly individualistic society, one's self can easily become paramount at the expense of a lack of sense of connection with others. In turn, this can make us too focused on our own emotions because we have nothing else to focus on.
Connecting with other people is great and uplifting. By helping others, by doing community service, by giving time to mentoring, by sharing your knowledge and joy with others in your community, you will find that your emotions are not such a driving force.
By focusing on others, you leave less space and time for any internal emotions to turn into overwhelming inaction or suffering. When others rely on you, you find the courage to move on and stop getting caught up in your emotions.
1.3 Create new mental maps. According to neurologist expert David Rock, it is very difficult to rewire neural pathways. It's much easier to create new ones. And the good news is that new mental maps, or new ways of thinking, tend to be stronger because they are fresh and focused.
Instead of spending an inordinate amount of time trying to overcome ingrained perceptions of yourself as gloomy, hopeless, and unsuccessful, create a new mental map of yourself as an inspired, focused, and interesting person.
Focus all your energy on creating this new mental map through actions that objectively confirm that this is who you are. With practice, you will form a new nervous system, and you will be able to simply ignore the old patterns that overloaded you emotionally.
1.4 Also control your positive emotions. We are talking about the absence of emotions, which, unfortunately, also cover positive moments in life. So, if your mom bought a ticket to the concert you were looking forward to or your friend came to see you, express your gratitude, but nothing more. Smile and say thank you. It should be all your emotions.
If you really want to appear unemotional, then you cannot admire or be enthusiastic about anything. In this case, the good thing is that nothing can make you happy or unhappy. You simply remain indifferent in any situation.
1.5 Let go of what you cannot change. You may feel angry because you are unable to change the situation, but you must recognize your anger and let it go. Instead, focus on what you can change to keep your thoughts moving in a positive direction instead of wallowing in misery.
Think positively. Although, of course, this is also an option, try not to think at all. The human brain is capable of disconnecting from reality. If you really want to be indifferent, then refrain from both positive and negative thoughts. Try to switch off completely.
2. Be calm in critical moments
2.1 Move away from the situation. Rise above what is happening and imagine that you are watching not yourself, but someone else. This action will allow you to interpret the situation objectively, without involving emotions.
Imagine looking at a situation from the outside, without prior knowledge of the subject and without emotional involvement. When you separate, you do not allow yourself to be subjective, you remain objective, like a doctor treating a patient. In neurolinguistic programming, this technique is called “reframing.”
Be careful with dissociation as there are certain risks. Too much dissociation can lead to unhealthy results in your psyche and your personality if you are not careful. Dissociate only in certain situations, do not resort to dissociation in any difficult situation. Sometimes you need to face certain things rather than separate yourself from them.
2.2 Don't try to predict the future. You will definitely be wrong! When we start thinking, “Oh God, this will happen if I do this,” then immediately you start worrying. If you don’t worry about the consequences, then there will be no fear. You can't predict the future, so why try?
If you really “need” to imagine the future, then think about yourself exactly five minutes from this moment - you will see a person who has completely lost control of himself. Is this how you want to be? Probably no! Use negative pictures to define what you don't want to be.
2.3 Think logically. Instead of perceiving situations based on fear, anger, or similar emotional reactions, deal only with facts. Logic often defeats uncontrollable emotions and allows you to see the reality of any situation. At the end of the day, reality is what it is outside of your brain, not your interpretation.
If you're afraid you'll fail a job interview, remind yourself of the facts. First, you wouldn't be invited for an interview if you weren't qualified enough. Secondly, if you don't get the job, then you may not be a good fit for the company, but that doesn't mean you're not a good candidate.
When we are in an emotional crisis, we accept established mental clichés instead of thinking things through more fundamentally. If you are used to reacting emotionally in difficult situations, you may want to retrain your mind to think logically.
2.4 Banish self-destructive thoughts. Don't drive yourself into crazy self-pity and internal disgust. Media images of the perfect body, the perfect lifestyle, the perfect job, and everything in between are designed to make us feel “less than.” You can choose whether to entertain these thoughts or not.
Stop comparing yourself to others. The moment you compare yourself to others, you reduce your own unique value. You have your own unique talents, abilities and weaknesses. Acknowledge them and help them, as needed, to either shine or fade. The comparison is for prices, not for people.
Stop thinking that you can't handle a situation, or thinking that things always go wrong anyway. This kind of thinking actively undermines your effectiveness. It is better to replace such thoughts with logic and try to find a solution that applies to your situation.
2.5 Know that emotions also need to be shown in due time. From time to time they are needed. They appear for a reason - if we didn’t need them, then we wouldn’t have emotions. In fact, research has found that sometimes when we make rash decisions, they turn out to be the best ones. So, if you feel something, determine whether there really is a good reason for it.
If it's not important, then toss it aside. Throw it out the window. If it's paranoia, neurasthenia, anxiety or fear, then let it go. It's just your inner voice that's driving you crazy.
If it is a significant emotion (grief, for example, is a negative emotion, but a significant one), acknowledge it. The emotion will not go away as long as you hold it. Acknowledge your thoughts and let them go. They will soon be replaced by other thoughts.
3. Keep yourself in check
3.1 Take a deep breath. Deep breathing will calm you down in difficult situations and can lead to significant improvements in your overall health. Try some of these techniques to use your breath to stabilize your emotions:
Inhale through your nose for two seconds. Hold your breath for 4 seconds. Exhale through your mouth for 4 seconds. Repeat until you feel the emotions recede.
Sit in a comfortable chair and become aware of your breathing, whether it is deep or not. Don't try to change it. Instead, clench both hands into fists and interlock your thumb and forefinger. Press them together, then release them, and press them again. You will notice that your breathing becomes deeper and slower with each contraction; you will relax and let go of your emotions.
3.2 Distract yourself. Instead of getting stuck in anxious thoughts, get up and do something different. Thoughts come and go. You can let go of bad thoughts by distracting yourself with good thoughts. Soon you will begin to think, ‘Am I upset about this?’’
Choose something active that will make you feel better. If you're feeling sad or anxious and can't stop thinking about it, take your pet for a walk, go to the gym for a workout, or grab your camera and go photograph nature. Do anything that will actively occupy your mind and distract it from emotional thoughts.
Choose an activity that requires intense concentration. Try knitting, sewing, or other repetitive activity that requires concentration.
3.3 Don't use alcohol or drugs as a way to drown out your emotions.
Also, don't overeat or undereat in response to overwhelming emotions. You will put stress on your body if you don't eat properly.
3.4 Keep a diary. Dedicate it to your emotions. This will help you become more self-aware and find your way out of situations. So the next time you feel an emotion (preferably a strong emotion), immediately write it down in your journal.
What was the trigger for the emotion to arise? Did you foresee her appearance? What does this emotion look like and how does it manifest itself? How did you manage to calm down?
3.5 Stop being friends with bad people. If you constantly feel empty or demoralized, it is not necessarily because of you. Perhaps you were simply influenced by a bad environment. We all face the problem that sometimes we are too lazy or too kind to break up with someone. We need to stop this! These people may be the cause of unwanted emotions for you. Start today and break up with people who are bad influences on you. You don't need that kind of friendship.
Unfortunately, people usually play a huge role in the creation of emotions. Sometimes we ourselves give them such power over us. Life is too short to surround ourselves with people who make us feel bad. Let them go. They will find other people to attach themselves to like leeches!
4. Develop the habit of controlling emotions
4.1 Meditate. Meditation is one of the best ways to master your emotions. Through meditation and mindfulness practice, you will learn to become aware of your emotions, accept them, and let them go. Although some are able to let go of emotional attachments on command, this is usually achieved only after practicing meditation for a long time and maintaining a daily practice.
Find a quiet place where you will not be disturbed, and find a comfortable position that allows you to breathe deeply. You can practice simple meditation by focusing on your breathing. Inhale through your nose and breathe into your stomach, exhale from your stomach through your nose. Focus on your breath and its movement through your body.
Scan your body, becoming aware of it from the top of your head to your feet. Just be aware of your sensations. Are you cold or hot? Can you feel the seat/floor underneath you? Just pay attention.
4.2 Use visualization during meditation. Imagine something that you associate with a peaceful feeling and focus on that image. Every time your mind starts to wander, become aware, accept the thoughts and let them go. Focus again on your visualization.
If any thoughts or emotions come up, simply acknowledge them. Don't try to change or fix them, just accept them. Then release them and continue to breathe deeply.
A good meditation can take anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes, or longer if desired. Once you reach your “place,” you will notice a change in your mood, thoughts, and behavior. Once you master this practice, you can use it on the fly in situations that challenge your emotional stability, and you will be able to regain your composure immediately.
4.3 Admit when you are wrong. There is simply no direct, unambiguous answer to many questions in life, and one cannot think in such black and white terms. When you are wrong, make amends or ask for forgiveness to avoid being overwhelmed by guilt or regret. Such thoughts do not bode well!
Just like in meditation, admit your mistake. She's already in the past. This is a mistake you will never make again, so don't worry about it. You need to be a strong person to be able to admit your mistakes. This behavior is more admirable than if you constantly insist that you are right.
4.4 Avoid self-destructive behavior. No matter how angry, frustrated, or worried you are, don't act on those emotions until you've carefully examined the situation. Try to think clearly and see the consequences of your actions.
Think before you speak. Often emotions cause us to blurt out an answer that reflects poorly on us. Take your time and be wise. If you really want to say something without thinking about it, then remember the proverb that it is better to remain silent and seem not very smart than to open your mouth and confirm it.
If a coworker criticizes your work, refrain from sending angry messages or harsh remarks towards them when you are angry. Instead, try to understand whether this criticism is fair, whether you can improve your work thanks to his comments, or perhaps you should ask him to change the tone in which he criticizes you to a more professional one.
4.5 Know yourself. If you determine that this particular situation may be annoying you, then take control of it as soon as possible. Adapt to the situation or turn it around. Only you know what to do. However, first you need to know yourself. Know yourself, you are at your disposal 24 hours a day.
It will be easy for you to do this if only you are determined to help yourself. Do your job instead of facing a situation and being surprised that you can't handle it. Breathe. Distract yourself. Re-read this article. Practice acting less emotionally and sooner or later you will become non-emotional. You may not even notice it until someone points out how unemotional you are!
Adviсe
Don't humor those who criticize you. Just give them a deadpan look so they know you're not interested.
Many people feel much better after crying because it is a physical mechanism for sorting out emotions. However, when you're dealing with an emotional situation at work, you can't afford to start crying in front of everyone. Try pinching very firmly at the point between your index finger and thumb. You will be surprised at how effective this is at preventing tears.
For more information on how to use logic to reframe your thinking and how to respond to emotions, look into cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). Doctors, scientists and therapists use CBT as an effective tool for changing the way we think.
Warnings
Self-harm (such as cutting wrist veins or piercing) is not an option for releasing internal pain. Not only will it hurt you and possibly leave you with scars, but it will also make you feel worse and more miserable.
If you find yourself in the grip of emotions and unable to stop them, you may suffer from anxiety, depression, or another condition. Do not hesitate to seek help from a professional psychotherapist. The sooner you get help, the sooner you will learn ways to manage your emotions that will help you throughout your life.
With all the stress of today's life, it is difficult to remain calm. How to overcome all difficulties, cope with all problems, find answers to all questions, and at the same time remain calm and think for yourself?
21:06 1.10.2012
On this path it is difficult to break loose, to give free rein to feelings and emotions in matters that require cold reason and practicality. So how can you become less emotional? How not to be led by premonitions, how not to lash out at loved ones over trifles, but to be able to restrain yourself and show self-control?
This requires enormous self-discipline and control. This is not an easy matter, but as soon as you make it a habit to control yourself, everything will go much easier. If you feel any strong negative emotions - irritability, anger, or maybe even a desire to cry - try to do a simple exercise. Imagine putting everything happening around you on pause. After this, take ten deep breaths. If you still feel the emotional element raging inside, count to ten, then breathe again several times in a row. In this simple way, you can tame the desire to succumb to emotions and destroy everything around you.
In general, irritability is very difficult to deal with, especially if you tend to have a short temper. But man differs from our smaller brothers in that he knows how to control himself. Many will say that you can’t keep anything to yourself, but be that as it may, self-control and the ability to behave appropriately are a sign of civilization and good upbringing.
But this does not mean that you need to suppress everything in yourself to such an extent that you feel nothing at all. You can easily keep your face while in society, and when you come home or are alone, give yourself the will to release tension. If you feel like crying, give in to the impulse! If you want support and understanding - your friends are ready to help!
You shouldn’t feel sorry for yourself and worry in vain - negative emotions like sadness, bad mood and susceptibility to melancholy only do harm. In such a state, there is nothing worse than sitting on the bed of your hand and being sad: occupy yourself with anything, as long as it attracts at least some kind of activity, both physical and mental. Yes, things may not go smoothly at first - as they say, things will get out of hand - but don’t let that fool you!
Of course, the best way to cope with negative emotions, both sadness and aggression, is sports. Firstly, this will bring enormous benefits to your health, and secondly, you will be greatly distracted and it is quite possible that you will even forget about what brought you so much discomfort.
If you are more prone to anger and irritability, then the most active sports that require a lot of energy will help - running, swimming, cardio training, exercises with elements of boxing or martial arts. Along with your physical energy, you will release bad moods, anger, and misunderstandings. As soon as your body gets tired, know that you have released all the bad things, and now it’s time to fill your consciousness with something positive, something that will bring long-awaited peace.
If you are more prone to sadness and even depression, you will benefit from flexibility training, various stretching routines, Pilates and, of course, yoga. Yoga in general is an indispensable tool in achieving harmony between body and mind, self-awareness and the world around us. After all, emotions rage due to misunderstanding with other people, and yoga not only benefits the body, but also helps to achieve wisdom and enlightenment.
You can become less emotional not only by engaging your body, but also by engaging your spirit. Devote more time to quiet activities - go for walks in nature, visit museums and galleries. Also, read good literature. Also, do not underestimate the benefits of classical music, as well as symphonic, instrumental and spiritual music. For many, sublime sounds have a calming effect.
Remember: no matter how bad you feel, no matter how much you want to give free rein to your emotions, no matter how unhappy you feel, there is always a person who is worse off than you. Replace destructive emotions with compassion for people who are less fortunate in life than you, as well as gratitude for all the gifts that fate has brought you.
And if, despite all your efforts (if you really make them), you still lose your temper once at others, don’t blame yourself. Everyone makes mistakes. The main thing is to draw the right conclusion and allow this to happen as rarely as possible in the future.
A closed woman does not have a clear and real image of herself; there is a substitution and an invented image. And if she sees something that does not correspond to this image, then she immediately attacks herself with harsh criticism, condemnation, dissatisfaction and even contempt.
This leads to a violation of self-awareness in relationships with other people. After all, everything must be “right”. When she encounters the “wrong”, she finds it difficult to cope with it.
A naturally closed woman keeps her emotions under control. Everything must be “correct” - clothes, actions. And feelings are uncontrollable and imperfect.
Therefore, it is difficult for her to come into close contact with people, for example, to hug when meeting, it is difficult to talk about her feelings and it is difficult to express them. A huge number of women today do not know how to express tenderness, affection, love, they cannot express either intimacy or affection. They are shy and afraid.
We hide feelings not only from ourselves, but also from men. We become emotionally closed and lose our naturalness and attractiveness. A man is not interested in such a woman.
A closed woman cannot build sincere relationships, because fear lives in her heart, not love. She is afraid of resentment, deception, betrayal, pain. And he doesn’t know that love is a force that can melt away any painful experiences.
A closed woman desperately needs human warmth, close contact, and understanding. But by defending oneself and building walls, one alienates others and, naturally, suffers.
Ignoring your feelings, it is difficult to experience pleasure and satisfaction with yourself and life.
After all, by closing ourselves off from feelings, we close ourselves not only from negative experiences, but also don’t let a lot of good things into our lives: love, communication, new friends, abundance, and finally, men. Once we become the Iron Lady, we lose the ability to love and experience love.
Try to express your feelings using not only words, but also movements, facial expressions and gestures, emotionally color your speech.
Open up. What concrete steps can still be taken in this direction:
Pay attention to how you are presented on social networks. Is there a photograph and what kind?
Is there a signature in the mailbox? Some are encrypted in such a way that instead of the first and last name there are only asterisks.
Psychologists believe that an avatar directly reflects how a person sees himself and what a person identifies with. A close-up photograph where the eyes are visible can indicate the openness of a person.
All other options speak of closedness, distance and reluctance to show the real you.
For example:
- photo with black glasses,
- group photo – where you are not alone,
- not your photos, for example, celebrities, animals, flowers, landscapes.
- or there is no photograph at all.
Take a step towards openness. Do not be afraid!
To be happy, you need to open up and remove the locks, allow fresh wind and renewal to penetrate your space.
Let go of internal control. Don't be afraid of judgment and negative evaluations. Don't try to please everyone or meet anyone's expectations. And first of all, to your invented expectations about the ideal.
Take off all your masks, because masks repel, but naturalness attracts and attracts. And to become happy, you need to remove the mask of even perfection.
Without openness, it is impossible to build sincere and close relationships, because everything is closed: the internal space is compressed, the body is cramped and tense, the mind is clogged with outdated attitudes. And if we want to change this world, make it cleaner, kinder, then we need to start with ourselves.
Give the love of your heart to this world! And for this you need to open up, trust and say “YES!”
Tatiana Dzutseva.
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1. Forget about “how it should be.”
All our lives we have been told about some rules of dating and relationships - by parents, friends, colleagues, society, the media. But very often it is these rules of how things should be that limit us and cause us to miss many opportunities to meet truly extraordinary people with whom we can create equally extraordinary relationships - simply because they do not follow our learned rules.No one is saying that you shouldn't have your own principles and standards for relationships, but make sure that your list of such requirements is not too strict and does not limit you in experimentation. Someone who is supposedly not right for you in theory may turn out to be exactly what you need in practice.
2. Stop analyzing everything.
True love is simple, although not always easy. There is no need to complicate everything, look for hidden meaning - this prevents you from being yourself and more attractive to those who need you.
3. Accept yourself as you are and love yourself.
Then you will stop needing someone else so much. This is not so that you stop looking and are left alone, but so that you don’t rush at the first person you come across, just so as not to be alone.
Don’t do what you need to do to please others, don’t be guided by other people’s opinions, don’t seek the approval of others. Be yourself, understand your uniqueness.
4. Accept others as they are, not as you want them to be.
It’s unlikely that you yourself like it when people judge you, criticize you, or try to change you. So don't do the same to them! Remember the "golden rule"? Be emotionally mature enough to interact with those you may not like as much. Be more empathetic. Don't take everything so personally.
5. Experiment.
Never stop learning about yourself, others and the world around you. Make mistakes. These are the greatest teachers, no matter what parents, bosses and society say. We learn from our mistakes, we gain experience, perspective, humility and maturity.
Be relaxed, realize your imperfections and enjoy life.
6. Develop – body, mind and feelings.
This way you will live life to the fullest and attract the best people who will know that being around you will always be interesting.
7. Remember that you may not always be right.
Stubbornness is not attractive. Instead of defending your point of view, engage in dialogue, ask the person why he is confident in his opinion, and be above the debate about who is right.
8. Create your own world.
Usually we learn from our parents and society what our life should be, what we should believe in, what we should strive for. There is nothing wrong with this, but at some point you have to realize what you want, what you think, what you believe in - and thereby attract those people who will support you in this.
Depending on various factors, impulsivity can either help a person in life or create completely unnecessary problems. The issue of excessive emotionality can be completely resolved, although it requires the development of certain habits.
Emotional thinking and emotional reactions are quite in demand in everyday life. As a rule, they are not very accurate and are not always adequate to what is happening, but they are almost instantaneous. Yes, they are often hyperbolic; even a minor trouble can be very upsetting. But they operate on the principle “it’s better to be safe than sorry.” This is their nature.
Of course, everything is good in moderation. And if emotionality becomes a problem, then it is worth making a number of efforts to reduce the frequency and intensity of emotional reactions.
Step 1. Don't fall into a whirlpool of emotions
In other words, let's not beat ourselves up. An emotional reaction occurs much faster than a rational one. This is determined by the anatomy of the brain and is a consequence of its evolutionary development. Therefore, it is almost impossible to prevent an emotional reaction.
This means, firstly, there is no need to reproach yourself if, for example, you swore inappropriately or did not behave quite wisely in a given situation. You just have to accept the associated reputational costs. And the outburst of emotions that happened must be accepted as a fait accompli.
Secondly, you need to try to extinguish the surging emotions, not allowing them to cause themselves. This is not so difficult to do if you make it a habit to try to quickly resolve any incident.
For example, you are driving a car and some boor cuts you off in a very unsafe manner. You are outraged and, perhaps, vilify him with the last words. You are, of course, right, but that’s not the point, the point is that this incident must be resolved sooner or later. In the vast majority of cases, it’s easier to put what happened out of your head as quickly as possible and continue going about your business as if nothing had happened.
Some situations are difficult to tolerate. But in the end, you will have to digest them all and continue to live as if nothing had happened. And the sooner this happens, the better.
Step 2. The habit of rationalizing
If you manage not to fall into a whirlpool of emotional reactions from the very first second, then you have a chance to wait for a more accurate and balanced rational reaction from the neocortex of your brain. Such a rational reaction also does not require any volitional efforts. You just have to wait for it. Rational response is slow but precise.
I think many people are familiar with the feeling when they hit the ground running, did something quickly, and then realized that they didn’t do what they needed to do.
Many people reproach themselves, they say, measure seven times - cut once, think first, and then do, etc. In fact, reproaches are useless here: emotions will still outstrip reason. Figuratively speaking, emotions always make their move first. But they don't have to walk all the time, move must switch to rational thinking.
Thus, our task is simply to accustom ourselves in any situation to wait for our second, more balanced rational reaction. Just believe me, the mind does not sit idle, give it a little time and it will have its say.
Having learned to strive for the quickest resolution of situations and gotten used to waiting for the voice of reason, any person can easily reduce the overall level of his emotionality. And may we continue to react to trifles for a while. It's OK. Everything passes and this will pass. In fact, peace of mind is not the most difficult goal to achieve if you know how to go towards it.
