Sometimes it happens that the husband in some families, the head and father of the family, the main breadwinner, suddenly sits on his wife’s neck and does not want to work.
In this case, the wife does not know how to make her lazy husband work?
What if the husband lost his job through no fault of his own?
It’s good if this is a temporary phenomenon, but what if this state of affairs drags on for months?
What to do in such a situation, how to force your husband to work?
Testing your spouse's strength
Today unemployment is serious life test, a mutual test of the strength of the relationship between spouses. They say that sometimes a woman can afford not to work; this corresponds to the image that has developed over centuries - the keeper of the home.
Since prehistoric times, men have been breadwinners who are obliged to take care of the material well-being of their family. And the situation when it suddenly turns out that the husband loses his job is now, alas, not uncommon. And losing a job for a husband is a disaster not only for the family but also for himself, and this does not mean that he is a lazy husband.
Problems immediately begin in the family, not only financial, but also moral. The woman begins to frantically think about how to make her husband think only about his wife and children, that he should go find a job. She is just looking for a reason to express dissatisfaction with her husband. The most common mistake a woman makes in such a situation is her undisguised expression of dissatisfaction; she begins to express complaints, start quarrels and scandals, and find fault with little things.
The situation is even worse if a woman subconsciously devalues her husband, and she begins to consider him a worthless loser, comparing him with successful men, persistently lowering his self-esteem.
The power of stereotypes
There are many reasons why finding a job is not easy. Psychological reasons are not the least important here. Often a person looking for a new job wants to find the same one he had before. And it doesn’t matter at all whether he himself left his previous job or was fired. This doesn't mean he's lazy. He subconsciously looks for a job where he already knows everything, where he knows the team and where no one needs to prove his worth, where everyone appreciates and respects him.
That is why, when going to an interview, a person unconsciously strives to quickly leave a new, unusual place. This is where excuses arise, such as an inconvenient schedule, low salary, or more responsibilities. Sometimes it’s difficult to break yourself and start all over again, but without this it won’t work. In addition, in men's logic there is often a stereotype - a husband is obliged to earn more than his wife, therefore a man categorically does not want to agree to a modest salary, even with a good prospect. He would rather refuse the position altogether than listen to his wife’s ironic remarks in the future.
The situation is aggravated by the fact that all relatives and friends are aware that the husband sat on his wife’s neck. From the point of view of the public, the husband cannot help but work and the sidelong glances of those around him, coupled with sarcastic remarks and sympathetic sighs, only add fuel to the fire. Only spouses should remember that only their family has the right to assess their situation, and you should not get hung up on the opinions of others.
Be together in sorrow and in joy
Wise loving wife must understand that the husband is not lazy, he simply does not work temporarily, that at this moment it is not at all easier for him, and he is also worried about the future. In such a situation, it’s worth having a heart-to-heart talk with your husband and explaining that you believe in him, that everything will work out over time. In this case, you should not force your husband to realize himself, but try to sympathize with him during this period and encourage him, understand him, and become more sensitive to him.
Put the situation together and logically explain without reproach that his unemployment is harming his family and there is not enough money even for the most necessary things. That in this situation, even a small salary would not hurt, which would make life easier.
It’s not a sin to try to help, not only with words, but also with deeds. For example, together with him, look for suitable job options, provide assistance in writing a resume. Take care of appearance spouse before an expected interview. Finally, call out that your husband is looking for a job, tell everyone you know, and maybe someone will offer a good option. If such an offer is not found, first convince your husband to agree to any job, when something worthwhile comes along, you can always quit.
Even a man can keep a fireplace
There is another option. When the husband, for some reason, does not want to look for work at the moment, then let him temporarily take on the responsibility of a housewife. And the roles in this case will be distributed as follows: the wife earns money and builds a career, and the husband does all the household chores: cleans, cooks, raises children, does shopping, in other words, performs all women’s household duties.
If the husband treats this question with understanding, conflicts will not arise in the family. But if he is not in the mood to fulfill women’s duties, and it is impossible to force your husband to do household chores, talk to him gently and explain that there is nothing humiliating in this, and even more so it is temporary, that as soon as he starts working again, his responsibilities will be removed from him automatically.
Men's list of household chores is very different from women's. And not every man is accustomed to performing household duties; at first, it would be more correct to make him a list of tasks that need to be completed in a day, as if setting a certain algorithm of behavior. I note that many men, having worked at home, quickly understand the difference between service and household duties, and yet sitting at home is not a man’s business. Or it may happen that the exchange of roles will even suit the spouses. Since a woman can become a good breadwinner, and a husband can become a good keeper of the home.
There is only one minus - the situation can become uncomfortable at any moment. Due to the fact that the wife also has a risk that not everything will go smoothly at work, a health problem may arise, or she may finally become pregnant and give birth to a child.
If the husband is lazy
It also happens that the husband is lazy; he does not want to work or take care of the house; all day long he lies on the couch with a beer in front of the TV or surfs the Internet. Then the situation quite likely presents us with a person who is essentially a gigolo. How to get a man to work in this situation? Here, in order to force a husband to spend money on his wife, you need to try hard. This “breed” is usually visible at the beginning of a relationship. Here everything is determined by the choice of the woman herself.
Some independent business women are quite happy with this state of affairs. In this case, the husband, as a rule, is a beautiful decorative addition to her person. He accompanies his wife everywhere, as if complementing her image. That's why the woman supports him. Here, everyone decides for themselves how to live. It is useless to think about how to get a lazy husband to help around the house; he lives like in a hotel. The chance that this man will suddenly change and come to his senses and go to work is negligible. As long as there is even the slightest possibility, he will continue to lie on the sofa. It is absolutely useless to nag or persuade such a man. He himself must understand and realize the need for transformation.
There are some tips from a psychologist on how to get your husband to work.
First of all, in such a situation, you need to monopolize all the money you receive.
Spend them exclusively on food and things absolutely necessary for the home.
Don’t deny yourself or your child, but don’t give your spouse a penny for personal expenses.
Don't serve a parasite, let him do everything himself. Sometimes just say how hard it is for you and how expensive everything is!
If this is to positive result will not lead, threaten with an ultimatum: Either he goes to work or a divorce.
This is, of course, an extreme measure, but sometimes it becomes the most effective. The fear of losing a loved one has a sobering effect, and even inveterate lazy people begin to make certain body movements.
What if all attempts to guide your husband on the right path were in vain? Seriously think about whether this is the man with whom you intend to continue your life? Do you agree to continue to support him, perhaps until retirement? Look at the situation soberly from the outside, weigh the pros and cons, try to understand whether you can come to terms with this state of affairs.
Always remember - the position of a gigolo husband has a bad effect on the children in the family. Lazy husbands are a life sentence. If yes, then let go of the situation and be patient, but if not, move forward and become happy without this man.
Sometimes women have to deal with the fact that their husband does not work and does not bring any income. It’s good if these are temporary difficulties and he is looking for a job. But it often happens that a man is not going to look for a job, even if his wife is pregnant or on maternity leave. In such a situation, the wife has a question about how to get the man to work. You need to act based on his psychological type.
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- A person prefers to live at someone else's expense. This category is usually called gigolos. They fall in love with women who can support them. If such a candidate is encountered, then it is practically impossible to make him work. It is easier for him to find a new source of income in the person of a woman than to look for a job himself.
- The man is waiting for his “finest hour.” This applies to people in the creative profession (writers, musicians, scientists). The spouse does not want to work, as he is waiting for the moment when success will come to him. The husband dreams of doing something that will significantly change the world.
- Laziness. The spouse will put off looking for a job day after day because he likes to while away the time in front of the TV, enjoying a cold beer, or spending his leisure time in any other way.
- Bad experience. Refusal to look for a job may be associated with negativity at the previous place of activity, due to which the man lost faith in himself.
- There is no work in the specialty. It is difficult for a spouse to find a profession in the specialty he received at the university.
- constantly highlight the importance of your loved one, say how reliable he is, that only he can be counted on in a difficult situation;
- gently remind your spouse that if he had a job, the family would have more opportunities to pamper themselves and their children;
- It is strictly forbidden to insult your husband, as he will begin to protest and act out of spite.
- indicate the advantages of the proposed position;
- say that he is an excellent specialist, so the time has come to realize himself;
- make plans for the future, assuming that the spouse will work.
Show all
Why doesn't a man want to work?
The most common reasons why a man does not want to work include the following:
How to manipulate a woman
Psychology of men and job search
Depending on a man’s psychology, he will have a different attitude towards work.
How to get your husband to stop drinking
Husband is a "mama's boy"
Such men have been accustomed since childhood to being looked after and having all the work done for them. Great parental love cemented in the guy the conviction that he should not decide anything in life on his own. It will be difficult to correct such a man. The wife should follow the advice of psychologists:
If a “mama’s boy” loves his wife, these tips will help awaken the breadwinner in him, as a result of which the man will start looking for work.
Alphonse is
Husband is a narcissist
This type is characterized by inflated self-esteem, so he sees himself only in leadership positions. But his skills are manifested only in words, and in reality he is not able to do quality work. Therefore, such men sit at home waiting for some promising offer to come their way.
The spouse needs to limit her loved one in the pleasures that he receives thanks to money. Suffice it to say that problems have arisen at work, and the salary will be significantly lower than usual. Therefore, there is no opportunity to purchase new things, eat well, or afford active recreation. A narcissistic man will not be able to give up his usual life and will think about ways to earn his own money.
Spouse is slow-witted
In order to force such a man to act, it is necessary to be patient, since a slow spouse will take a long time to decide on the place of activity. Most often, this leads to the fact that a promising job is offered to another person.
The wife needs to push her husband to make a quick decision:
The man is a misanthrope
Such men are not afraid of the work itself, but of the need to interact with society, so they sit at home. This type of person has difficulty participating in discussions, making decisions, and maintaining everyday conversations.
A husband should look for alternative ways to earn money, such as remote work. Then the spouse will not need to be among people, he will be able to engage in any activity at home.
Spouse is melancholic
This is an impressionable type of man who cannot get a job for a long time, experiencing previous failures. The main task of the wife is to make her loved one believe in himself and raise his self-esteem. To do this, a man needs to be surrounded with affection, care, praised for any reason, admired, and not scolded for minor mistakes.
“I’m plowing like a wolf, and he’s lying on the sofa!” - familiar expression? How to make a man work? Why does a man not want to go to work and how to turn the situation in a different direction? What to do so that your husband wants to earn money and support their family - advice and opinion of a psychologist.
Yes, yes, you heard right. In order to send your loved one to work, you should under no circumstances insist on employment or bring the “case” to showdowns and scandals.
Any pressure related to work and money will cause an associative series of negativity. It is important not to put “terrifying anchors” in a man’s head. In other words, your partner should not flinch at the word “work”, expecting a complete scolding and a lot of complaints from you.
This does not mean at all that you need to “keep silent” and tolerate parasitism on the part of your spouse. You need to understand that this is only the foundation on which it is possible to build a strong desire to work and earn money on the part of your partner.
Remove the iron lady
As a rule, women's insistent advice to “get a job” is accompanied by self-empowerment. “Only I carry the whole family on myself!” “We live on my salary!” “If it weren’t for me, we would be hungry!”
Of course, such behavior is provoked by fatigue and the external inability to change anything. It seems that the only way out is to show pity for yourself and shout about your own achievements, belittling the personality of the other.
However, in order to “break the lump of problems” you need to take the opposite path. Whatever it takes. After all, you want to know how to make a man work?
The so-called bricks, on the same “foundation” from the first advice, can be built by removing flashy, affirmative expressions from your vocabulary. What kind of man would want to change something if he is told every day about his own independence and the opportunity to earn money? Why should he try if you somehow live without his salary? Why should he get a job, get out of depression, work on himself, if you already buy everything, and even shout about it out loud?
Motivate with your presence
A beautiful wife who strives to buy new things underwear or shoes. How much money does it take to get an amazing hairstyle and go to a cosmetologist? Why not earn more for this?
By nature, men are terrible braggarts. Any male is eager to show off his partner to his “compatriots.” Let him do it. Be a girl, “spend money” on yourself, provoking your loved one to spend more. Build his desire to work and bring you money on primitive things characteristic of every man.
Make joint plans
Another extremely important point that motivates not only a man to work, but also to try to grow up the career ladder. Joint dreams, material plans combined with the moral well-being of the family are the best “pill” against parasitism and unemployment.
Large-scale projects about building a “family nest,” buying a good German car, traveling and purchasing commercial real estate not only sober up and make you work with renewed vigor, but also generally inspire a happy life together.
Of course, we should not forget that such plans must be built on a strong foundation of understanding and calm. Work first of all on yourself, your behavior and be the very muse for the sake of which you want to achieve new victories.
Never criticize primitively
The final rule that allows you to consolidate b motivate a man to want to earn money. Any indignation directed towards the male sex must be well-reasoned. The rule “works” not only in the case of money issues, careers and joint budgets.
Any critical expression said “for the sake of words” will be perceived as “an empty phrase.” By repeating this over and over again, each phrase will depreciate more and more. Of course, requests for a job search would also go unheard and fall on deaf ears.
Results - how to make a man work and earn money
- Don’t belittle your partner, don’t nag, and don’t put psychological anchors like “job search = wife’s hysteria”;
- Motivate a man to earn money - build joint plans, look forward to a successful future;
- Let your spouse earn money. Do not boast that you can live only on the money you earn. Don't act like an "iron lady";
- Support your man in any endeavor. Give reasoned advice if you understand the topic better;
- Keep calm and give it to your partner. In a calm family there will always be understanding and a desire to move forward hand in hand.
Many women are interested in how to get their husband to work and earn money. There are more and more such men every year, so we urgently need to take measures to remain as beautiful and weak and not take on the function of the family breadwinner.
How to get your husband to work and earn money? Which method is better to use “carrot” or “stick”? Psychologists advise not to go to extremes and act according to the situation. If your husband just lost his job and became depressed, it is better to find Right words and motivate him to succeed. But if the husband does odd jobs and spends almost all his time at the computer, the “whip” method will be more effective. However, before you start a difficult conversation with your husband about work, it is worth deciding on the reasons why he prefers this lifestyle.
Why my husband doesn't work: the main reasons
1. Tendency towards misanthropy. A man doesn’t like to communicate with people he doesn’t like, doesn’t know how to get along with them mutual language. That's why he doesn't want to go to work. If you look deeper, the man is simply afraid of others, worries about their opinions, and therefore avoids contact with them. Such men leave work suddenly, without explaining anything to anyone. However, there is a way out of this situation. Such a man would be suitable for remote work, which is very popular now.
2. Excessive sensitivity, pessimism. A melancholic man may give up looking for a job if he has been denied a position at least once or, in his opinion, has been unfairly fired. The wife of such a husband will have to show tact and patience. Reproaches and hysterics on her part will not lead to anything good. the main task women in this case – to raise the man’s self-esteem. To do this, praise him on every occasion, avoid quarrels and conflicts, admire and support your husband in all his endeavors.
3. Inflated self-esteem. A narcissistic man considers himself so beautiful, smart and talented that he refuses to work just because he was not appreciated. Even if the family starves, he will never agree to the position of a loader or seller. It is extremely difficult to force such a husband to work, but there is a way out. Limit him to material goods that he cannot earn. Don’t buy him beer, cigarettes, clothes, explaining that you don’t have enough money for it. A narcissistic man will find it difficult to withstand these restrictions, and he will be forced to look for work.
How to force your husband to look for a job: advice from psychologists
1. Stop giving orders. Many women, trying to force their husbands to look for work, use the command-directive method. “Stop lying on the couch!”, “Look for a job, how long can you sit idle!?” In most cases, this method does not work. It seems to a woman that the man does not hear them, and to the man that the woman does not understand them. If you want your husband to start working and earning money, give up direct commands. Other than turning you into a saw, you won't achieve anything else.
2. Learn to ask. Very often women perceive these words with hostility: “Do I still have to beg him?” No, you don’t need to beg, you don’t need to beg either. A man also has the right to emotions. Perhaps he was unfairly fired from his job or not paid. He cannot be capricious and express his indignation like a woman. Therefore, he becomes silent and experiences these emotions within himself. It is necessary to recognize his right to this, and not reproach him for being “limp.” It is precisely because men do not show their emotions that they remain depressed much longer than women. Try to restore his faith in himself, motivate him to succeed. Ask for help more often, show that you are a weak woman and you cannot do without his help. And very soon he will cheer up and start looking for work.
3. Increase male self-esteem. Not all men fulfill requests the first time. And all because they really like it when they are begged. Yes, if you want your husband to start looking for work and making money, you will have to forget about your pride. A woman’s request increases a man’s self-esteem, so this “weapon” should be used as often as possible.
4. Help a man find a job. You need to help, and not look for a job instead of him. For example, you can unobtrusively inform that a new restaurant has opened around the corner and may be looking for employees.
It is believed that men are the stronger sex. And this is probably why we place so many obligations on them. At the same time, women often forget that a man is, first of all, a person who is capable of experiencing emotions and feelings. In search of an answer to the question “How to make your husband work and earn money,” women should understand that the most important thing is to respect their man and allow him temporary weakness. Believe me, your husband will appreciate it.
Just 100 years ago, the main function of a woman was to procreate and keep the home. But the man was responsible for providing for the family, for everything related to income. However, times are changing, and now ladies are often more successful than their other halves. Against this background, the question of how to get your husband to work sounds even more relevant. What techniques can come to a woman’s aid without ruining the relationship?
Why my husband doesn’t work: objective reasons
How to force your husband to work and earn money if he does not want to do this? First, let's try to find out the reason why a man refuses to take on financial obligations. They can be both objective and subjective. What reasons can be called a truly serious obstacle to ambition?
As you can see, there are no objective reasons for staying at home for a long time. In what cases should a woman sound the alarm? If a man cannot find a job for a long time and does not even try to earn money with the help of various hacks, this is sure sign urgent crisis.
If your significant other constantly goes to interviews and studies vacancies, you should not panic. Sometimes, to find your dream profession you have to wait a little. For some people, the search for a job drags on for a couple of months, and during such periods a woman will have to provide a man not only material, but also moral assistance.
It is important to see that a person is in search and wants to benefit the family. If there is no such feeling, then we are most likely talking about the subjective reasons for male laziness.
Why my husband doesn’t work: subjective reasons
Representatives of the fairer sex encounter this problem much more often. Still, if a man is really looking, sooner or later he will find a suitable vacancy. The same person who simply does not want to work will come up with a whole series of subjective reasons for his laziness. Here are just the main ones:
It’s worth saying right away that a hack is capable of coming up with a thousand excuses for his laziness. He may claim that he is offended by his boss's attitude, that he is not valued in any job, and that his talents are not fully developed. However, all these are just excuses, not reasons for hackwork.
A decent man who has been unemployed for a long time will go to work in a low-paid job just to bring home at least some money. At the same time, he will continue to look for more suitable vacancies.
It is laziness that for the most part makes men slack. Still, it’s much easier to lie on the couch and watch TV than to improve in a certain area.
Of course, dealing with such a character trait is not at all easy, but psychologists still give some advice on this matter. How can you overcome male laziness and send your lover to work?
The psychological moment is very important. A man must feel inferior because he does not have a job. However, you cannot go too far, otherwise you can destroy the relationship. A representative of the stronger sex should feel guilty for staying at home for a long time, but his self-esteem should not be completely destroyed.
You can also involve relatives and friends in the matter, who in a humorous format should hint to the man about the need to look for work.
Psychologists advise regularly communicating with a man, finding out what he wants from life. If your partner has a goal, a dream, then everything is not so bad. Sooner or later, such a person will find an area in which he can realize himself. But if a person is not interested in anything and does not know what he wants to do, he will always have problems with work.
How to get your husband to work and earn money: finding the right approach
If a man’s laziness knows no bounds, and a woman is tired of enduring this trash, she needs to take active action. However, you need to put pressure on your significant other wisely, taking into account the characteristics of your partner’s character. Here are just a few methods of influence:
You can force a man to work in a radical way: quit yourself. If a woman loses her job, the family will still need money to pay expenses. In such a situation, the man will be forced to go to work. However, this drastic technique is not for everyone.
It is much more rational to constantly put pressure on your partner’s ambitions, to emphasize that he needs to move forward, achieve something, and take action. A man must understand that while he stands still, there will be no talk of any achievements or public respect.
Once a partner gets a job, it is important to support him in the first days of service. It is worth sympathizing with a tired man, emphasizing that he is changing his life for the better. Feeling the support of your other half, it will be easier for your partner to work.
How to help your husband find a job
Psychologists emphasize that it is possible to persuade a man to go to work, but he will do it without desire, as if under pressure. That is why at the job search stage you cannot do everything for your partner. If a woman finds a job, calls herself and goes with her husband for an interview, it won’t do any good. A man himself must want to not just work, but work for a promotion.
What kind of help to your partner in finding a job will be correct in terms of long-term results?
Men need praise, and they always feel the sincerity of a woman's attitude. If a lady sends her lover all the vacancies in a row, without thinking about his wishes, this will not lead to anything good. Moreover, going to unnecessary interviews will only delay your job search.
It is also recommended to support your partner in everything. If he doesn’t get a call from the interview, he should not give up and start searching new job. During this period, not only the girl’s activity is important, but also her sincere support. If a lady worries about a man’s work as if it were her own, he will definitely find his dream job.
Feminine energy to inspire a man
Undoubtedly, a long absence from work is a great stress for a man. Representatives of the fairer sex are taught from childhood that they should be stronger and more successful than their women. However, in modern families, sometimes the situation is different.
It is important here that the woman charges the man with her psychological energy. She must show with all her appearance that work will be found if you look for it. A lady should be ambitious, active, and genuinely enjoy her work. A man will see that a woman comes home from work satisfied and will definitely want to immerse herself in the world of work.
If all the woman’s efforts are in vain, and the man is still sitting without work, you should think about his diligence. It is quite possible that the partner simply does not want to work, and this cannot be done without a serious conversation. A representative of the stronger sex must understand that a family is a machine powered by the energy of both partners, and if this balance is upset, the ship of love can easily fail.
Marina, Rostov-on-Don
